Chapter 33
I enter the bar to find Josie perched on a stool. Colorful nails tap a quick staccato on the bar top while she watches the entrance as if she’s waiting for someone.
“You’re finally here!” she announces, clapping as I approach. “And I thought I was always the late one.”
Okay, I guess it’s me she’s waiting on.
“You know I don’t come here every day. How’d you know I’d show up?”
“Please.” She waves a hand. “I called Sheila to find out when to expect you.”
That tracks. Sheila knew I’d be in today. A large delivery arrived yesterday evening and there’s no way I’d let her haul all those heavy boxes alone.
The stool beside Josie scrapes against the floor as I pull it out and take a seat, angling my body to give her my full attention. “Well, here I am. What have I done to earn the pleasure of a visit from my fake older sister at”—I check the time on my phone—“seven a.m.?”
“I have a bone to pick with you.”
“Should I be scared?”
“Maybe.” Josie pulls a notebook from her purse and flips it open with a dramatic flair.
One by one, she ticks off the roles our friends will play in her wedding.
When she reaches the end, she pins me with a look only Josie Thomas can achieve.
The kind she probably uses on her students and apparently her friends when she wants something.
“My wedding is quickly approaching and your name is missing from this list, Liam.”
Shit. That’s right. Josie is finally getting her fairy tale ending after putting Tyler through the ringer.
“May I?” I ask, taking the list from her hand to skim each name: Penny, Austin, Abby, Jay, Tyler’s mom. Even Jackson is on the list. I look over at her, keeping my expression perfectly blank just to mess with her. “I’m not following.”
Josie’s eyes narrow and her nostrils flare. That little furrow appears between her brows that means she’s about to slip into full older sister mode. God, she’s fun to rile up. It’s like poking at a tiny bear. A tiny terrifying bear who happens to be the best pseudo-sister a guy could ask for.
I lay the notebook on the bar top and hold up both hands. “Relax. I’m kidding.” I pull out my phone, scroll through old emails, and turn my phone so the screen faces her. “I think I know exactly what you need from me.”
Josie leans in and reads aloud, “Welcome to the Universal Life Ministries. Below are your official credentials of ministry…” Her eyes go round. “Does this mean you can officiate?”
I lock my screen and lay it next to her notebook on the bar top. “Bingo.”
She blinks rapidly, giving me an incredulous look. “But wait, how did this happen? And why? And how did I not know this about you?”
Smiling at the memory, I tell her, “Let’s just say a drunken night of Madden with Ryan happened. One conversation led to another, and suddenly I was on this website getting ordained.”
“Of course that’s how it happened.” She reaches for a pen and scribbles my name onto the page next to the word Officiant.
“Do you have any idea how stressed I’ve been about this?
You know me. I’m not churchy. I was starting to think I’d have to get Henry ordained.
” She pauses, her expression shifting. I can see the gears turning in her mind with only God knows what.
“Wait. Is there like a rent-a-preacher service? Like rent-a-cop but for weddings? Because if so”—she thumps my arm—“there’s your third line of work. ”
A laugh rolls out of me. “Between the music and the bar, I think I’m doing plenty.”
“I’m serious! You could make a killing.” She does a little flourish with her hand, eyeing me up and down. “Look at you. You’re hot, you clean up well when you try—”
“Ouch.”
“—you have a nice voice. I’d hire you.”
“Good. Cause you just did.” I lift a brow in her direction. “Tell that rich fiancé of yours I charge a grand.”
Josie tilts her head and purses her lips. “A grand for ten minutes of talking?
“Very ordained talking,” I correct.
“And don’t get me started on how much you swindled out of Tyler last time you guys played poker.”
I shrug one shoulder, unrepentant. “It’s not my fault I’m better at Texas Hold ’Em than him. When you get home, tell Tyler I said sometimes you gotta know when to fold ’em.”
Josie rolls her eyes, and I nudge her shoulder with mine.
“I’m kidding, Jos. You’re getting ten minutes of my very ordained talking from the goodness of my heart. I love you and I’m happy for you.”
The sass drops from her face all at once, replaced by something softer and unguarded. Her eyes drop to where her thumbs twirl slow circles around each other.
“This is all so surreal, ya know? Her voice is quieter now, nothing like that person who was thumping me seconds earlier. “Can you believe I’m actually getting married?” A soft laugh escapes her. “Do you know what a miracle that is, that I’m letting someone back in my life?”
Right now I know she’s talking about herself, but the words land as a lump rises in my throat. I remember what it did to her last time and there’s no doubt she remembers what my own heartbreak did to me.
Josie knows the full weight of this choice as well as I do. But we make it anyway, eyes wide open, knowing damn well what it once cost, what it could cost again. But we’re choosing to do it anyway.
In last week’s session, Ben said something I’ve turned over and over in my mind. Name one positive trait of Julie’s you could integrate into your own life.
Julie had a great sense of humor with a razor-sharp mind. But more than that, I admired her tenacity. Not once did she meet a challenge she was willing to walk away from. And that’s exactly what I need to continue putting one foot in front of the other and move forward with my life.
Because fuck, do I want to move forward.
Just existing in my life isn’t doing it for me anymore. Caving into the darkness when it comes creeping in can’t be my norm. I want a life worth living, and I want Cassie right beside me along for the ride. It’s like that first kiss breathed life back into me and I need more.
The fear of losing her might never fully go away. There’s a chance I’ll always have an ache at the center of my heart. But that ache can no longer be my reason for denying myself a second chance.
Josie has no idea how much she just said for both of us.
“Speaking of letting someone in your life…” Josie’s eyes cut to me with a knowing look. So maybe she did know she was speaking for both of us. “How are things with Cassie?”
I uncross my arms and lean, bracing my forearms on the bar top. “Things are getting better.”
Her brows rise. “Yeah?”
A nod is all Josie gets as my mind drifts to Cassie.
I’ve been putting in the work, busting my ass to do everything Ben’s asked of me.
Sure, I’ve had my setbacks. And I’m a far cry from what most would consider fixed, whatever the hell that means.
Is anybody ever really fixed? For me it’s more like the clouds have parted just enough for me to see a sliver of sunlight.
Which is why I’ve kept things simple with Cassie the last several weeks.
I had to. Admitting to her that I have feelings was a start, though.
We’ve seen each other some, mostly at the diner, and I’ve ended it with a kiss.
But I don’t know how much longer either of us can last. Each time I’m with her, I feel my restraint slip further and further.
“Shit, that good?” Josie mutters, studying me. “You’ve got this big dumb smile on your face.”
I didn’t even realize I was smiling, but that’s the effect Cassie has on me. It’s like she’s the sunlight, and all I can do is open my eyes and watch her shine.
“There’s so much I want with her, Josie. I’d forgotten what it’s like to see a future with someone.”
I know by the look Josie is giving me that she knows exactly what I mean. She gives me a shrewd assessment for a good fifteen seconds, lips twisted to the side.
“Has Cassie told you about our tiny argument back in January?”
My head rears back. This is the first I’m hearing of this. But in January I was just beginning to find my bearings, so Cassie probably didn’t want to burden me with it.
“No?”
“We’re fine now. No worries. We were fine that same day. But she was pretty pissed at how I’d been treating Tyler. You know how I am. Sometimes I’m too stubborn for my own good.”
I huff a quick laugh. “Nooo, you?”
Josie shoots me the middle finger and goes on. “She told me something that really stuck with me. ‘You don’t have to be fully healed from all you’ve been through to accept what Tyler’s offering.’”
“Sounds like something she’d say.”
“Well, it made me think about this romance book I read one time.” I start to roll my eyes, but she gives me that look again and my eyes stay firmly on her. “There is wisdom to be learned from a good romance, Liam. Do you want to hear it or not?”
“I’m all ears.”
“Okay, well, I don’t remember it exactly but this is the gist.” She sits up straighter and clears her throat like she’s about to deliver a speech.
“I once thought you could only accept love once you’re fully ready, when everything is aligned.
But I’ve learned that’s not entirely true.
Now I know that when you find your person, there can be magic amidst the rubble. ”
We both fall silent; the only sound is some old country song on the speaker.
“A romance book told you all that?” My voice comes out a little rough around the edges.
“Yep.”
I give a quick shake of my head. “How ’bout that.”
“Don’t.” She points a finger. “Don’t you dare roll your eyes again.”
“I’m not!” Dammit, why does Josie have the bossy big sister voice down pat?
“You were about to be dismissive and I won’t have it.
” Her voice carries the authority of someone who’s had this conversation before.
“Never discredit the power of a good love story, Liam. People have been trying to make sense of this stuff for centuries. The poets you love so much have tried. My authors are also trying.”
There’s nothing to say to that. Mostly because she’s right, and she knows I know it. Men sailed to Troy and burned it to the ground over a woman.
Josie reaches across the bar and takes both my hands in hers, eyes burning bright.
“Liam, love is always a risk. You know that better than anyone. But would you trade a single second of what you had to spare yourself the hurt?” She holds my gaze, eyes boring into mine.
“So now that you’ve found something again, grab it with both hands and don’t let go, okay? ”
My nose burns as Josie eyes hold mine for a beat, then she gives my hands one last squeeze and drops them while I catch my breath.
“Now, what are your plans today?” she asks, admiring her nails. The change in subject feels like whiplash so it takes me a few seconds to respond.
“To unload the delivery boxes?” There’s an uptick to my response, posing it like a question. What else would I be doing today?
Josie makes a buzzer sound with her mouth, loud and obnoxious.
“Wrong answer, my friend. Here is what you’re doing.
Today is Valentine’s Day. You will do whatever it is you need to do this morning.
Then you’ll spend the afternoon with Cassie.
And if you’re smart, you’ll turn it into the evening, too. ”
Shit. How did I miss that? Have I been so in my head I missed the roses and balloons in every store? It’s been a while since I celebrated Valentine’s Day with anyone, so I guess it somehow slipped right past me.
“And what am I to do with Cassie on Valentine’s Day?” I ask.
“Oh, I trust you’ll figure that out. I know you, Mr. Romantic.” She makes a heart with her fingers right as her face splits into a devilish grin. “May I make a suggestion?”
“I’m all ears,” I say dryly.
Josie flings her palms out into jazz hands. “Orgasms.”
I’m mid-swallow when I choke on my own saliva. “Jesus, Josie. Warn a guy before you bring that shit up.”
But she barrels on. “At least one—she holds up a finger before adding another—“Perhaps two. I’m serious,” she insists at my amused expression.
Leave it to Josie to jump right in there like this. “I thought the two of you were at least somewhat physical for a while, but when she opened the birthday gift from me, I realized how dead wrong I was.”
“I’m almost afraid to ask but I’m gonna anyway. What was the gift?”
Josie’s voice drops and she waggles her eyebrows. “The rose.”
All I can do is stare at her.
“You do know what that is, right? Gets you there in thirty seconds flat. Cassie’s thanked me at least five times for it.”
Is it hot in here? Because all of sudden, I’m picturing Cassie getting herself off with a toy, and I swear on everything someone cranked up the heat. And as if that’s not enough, Josie has to keep on talking.
“Now, using our context clues, what can we assume?”
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I shake my head. “I’m not answering that.”
“But you’re clearly thinking it.” Josie lets out a squeal and hops off her stool.
“I see my work here is done.” She wraps her arms around me and squeezes as hard as she can.
For someone so tiny she hugs with everything she’s got.
But I hardly register it with thoughts of Cassie and her new toy running through my mind.
“I see you’re rendered speechless, which means it’s my time to go. Take that mental image and use it however you see fit.” She gives me a salute, and she’s heading out the door leaving me with the image of Cassie using a toy for pleasure branded onto my brain.