Chapter 44
My head hurts. My throat is as dry as the desert. Everything feels heavy. My body. My eyelids. Even my thoughts feel like thick sludge. I take a breath. It smells all wrong. Too clean. Is that a thing? And whose voice is that?
I strain to hear. Something about it takes time to wake up. Who needs to wake up? Then another voice.
“They told me that, but is this normal? It’s been too long.” I’d know that voice anywhere. Green eyes. A smile that feels like home.
“Liam,” I croak, but to my ears it sounds like two garbled syllables.
A familiar hand covers mine. He’s here. Liam. I wish I could manage to open my eyes and see him. I try to pry them open but my lids refuse to budge.
“It’s me. I’m here.”
Maybe I can manage a smile for him. He likes when I smile. With everything I’ve got, I try pushing my lips up. I think I did it. Now…sleep.
My lids flutter open, then shut, then back open. I squint against the light and look at my surroundings.
An unfamiliar bed.
A television mounted on the wall, the screen black.
Several vases of flowers sit on a table under the TV.
There’s a beeping sound behind my head and I try to focus on what it could be. Vitals? My lids lower to my arm. An IV. Yes. I think a hospital.
Images flash through my mind of rain. A tree. Lights. But they’re just out of my grasp.
And sleep still sounds so nice.
“Why don’t you let me take a shift, Liam. You need to rest somewhere that isn’t in that hard ass chair.” Is that Austin’s voice? He should be with Penny. What’s he thinking?
“I’m not leaving her. I have to be here when she wakes up.”
Silence. Then… “You really love her, don’t you?”
“More than anything, Austin. More than life itself.” I think my face lifts to a smile. I hope it does.
“You know, I didn’t get it at first. It took me a while. I thought you were toying with her and…” A long pause. “I apologize for that.”
“Not even close, man. She’s my everything.”
He’s mine too. Everything.
Silence again. Only the sound of the machines beeping and people breathing, shifting, a foot tapping.
“Mom told me she overheard something in the waiting room. Not sure you meant for her to hear, but, well, you know how voices carry. Something about you blaming yourself.”
A throat clears. Liam’s? I think so. “How could I not?”
“Dude, we’ve all driven in the rain before. What happened to y’all was a freak accident. You two were just trying to get to Penny and me. Nobody blames you, I hope you know that.”
Heavy breathing and a sniff. “It’s hard not to blame myself.” Liam sounds so broken. I wish I could go to him.
“Doing that is a waste of energy. She needs you. You said she’s your everything. When she wakes up be hers. Guilt will eat you up, and for what? She’s alive.” A pause and a sigh. “What I’m trying to say is nobody blames you. We’re just happy it wasn’t worse.”
“And about the G-wagon—”
“Liam, stop. Cassie hated that thing. Now she can get one of those little electric cars she told me about.”
A scraping sound. Maybe a chair.
“But I do have to ask. What were y’all doing in Nashville? She told me she was spending the day doing laundry.”
Will he answer? Everyone should know what a good man he is. “Ever heard of the Next Note Foundation? I volunteer there. Cassie wanted to visit.”
A low whistle that sounds like Austin. “No fucking shit.” Why does he sound so surprised? “How is Rhonda?’
He knows Rhonda?
“You know Rhonda?”
“I know of her. She doesn’t know me.”
“Wait. Are you—are you the donor?”
Austin chuckles, and I hear someone shift in their seat. “No idea what you’re talking about.”
“Water.” It’s a harsh whisper that burns my throat. Peeling my eyes open, I try to climb from bed. I’m so thirsty and Mutt probably needs out anyway.
“Whoa, easy. Easy. Here.” Liam appears at my side, easing me back onto the pillow. He adjusts the bed until I’m on an incline and appears again with an insulated cup. “Here’s the straw. Take it slow.”
He props it at my lips and I take it in my mouth, sucking in the delicious ice-cold water.
While the water coats my parched throat, I look around the room.
I’m not at home. Where am I again? I try to remember but it’s not coming to me.
Think, Cassie, think. There’s beeping, and a bed rail. Yes. The hospital.
My eyes find Liam, and he gives me the most tender smile. He’s still as handsome as ever, but something’s different. His clothes are wrinkled, and his eyes are bloodshot. Is he not sleeping?
Unlatching my lips from the straw, I work to form my question. “Why…why am I here?”
Liam moves to sit on the edge of the bed and takes my hand in his. “What’s the last thing you remember?”
My brain is sludge and my head is throbbing but I know there’s something. Something I need to remember. Like a slow fog, each memory comes crawling in. Going to Next Note. The rain. Fear. My eyes slam shut as the wreck comes crashing in. I was so scared. It happened so fast and I was so scared.
“How bad?” I’m terrified of his answer, but I have to know.
“Shh, shh.”
“Liam, how bad?”
He takes a deep inhale and his grip on my hand increases. “You had a brain bleed. They did surgery. You’ve been in a medically induced coma to help the healing process.”
It takes great effort to focus on his words. Slowly I process each one. “How long?”
“A week.”
I’ve been in this bed an entire week. There’s something else I need to remember. What is it? I go back to the night of our wreck. Something, something, something. We were trying to get back here. Then a quick memory flashes. Googling childbirth statistics. “Penny. The baby. How are they?”
Liam smiles and grabs his phone from the table, swiping and turning it for me to see the most beautiful little human. Face red, mouth open. So tiny. He swipes to another of my mom holding her. And another of Penny and Austin both looking at her, beaming.
My chin starts to wobble. “They’re…okay?”
Liam reaches up to brush his thumb across my cheek. I’m crying. I didn’t realize I was.
“They had to stay a few extra days. But yes. Everyone is healthy and fine.”
“Promise?” I ask.
Liam holds up his pinky, eyes now glistening. “Pinky swear,” he says when I hook mine with his. “I love you. I missed getting to talk to you. Laugh with you.”
I don’t know what to say to that. Worry creases his forehead, but fatigue is jumbling my thoughts. My lids start to feel heavy and all I can manage is a quiet “I love you, too.”
“Liam,” I mumble. He’s snoring in the chair next to the bed. “Liam,” I say, a bit louder.
He jerks, sitting straight up, eyes wild. “What. What is it? Are you in pain?”
“I need to pee.”
At some point a nurse came in and removed my catheter. She showed me the call button and warned me not to try going alone. I’m still a fall risk. I’ve sat here at least five minutes, deliberating on whether I wanted help peeing from a stranger or from Liam.
He unfolds his body from the chair and lowers the bed rail. “Easy,” he says as I swing my legs over the edge.
Standing, my legs are wobbly like a newborn fawn, and Liam wraps an arm around my waist to steady me. “You can do this. One foot in front of the other. I’ve got you.” Liam unplugs my IV Pole and wheels it with us.
I swear it takes us ten minutes and a million baby steps to get there, all the while my bladder is screaming, but I finally reach the toilet. Raising my oversized gown, I’m horrified when I see a mesh monstrosity. “What the fuck is this?” I say, looking down at it.
“The sexiest panties I’ve ever seen. Now, tell me what I can do.”
Do I want him to watch me pee? A week ago the answer would have been absolutely not. But I’ve been in a coma, I’m wearing what appears to be a fishnet, and my bladder is about to make the decision for me. “Just…shit, can you help me pull these down?”
Liam doesn’t hesitate. He just grabs the elastic and pulls them down around my ankles.
“They were afraid you might leak,” he explains, nodding at the diaper-sized pad sitting in the crotch of the fishnet.
I don’t have it in me to be mortified. This bathroom trip alone is exhausting and all I want is to relieve my bladder and get back in bed.
Liam eases me onto the toilet seat and steps back just enough to give me space but not enough to be out of reach. The relief I feel is almost painful.
“I think I just had a peegasm.”
Liam’s shoulders shake with laughter. “You just came up with that on your own?”
It hurts to laugh but I do it anyway.
“I think I’m done,” I say. “But—” I look at the mesh underwear around my ankles and the toilet paper holder that seems so far away for a hospital bathroom. If I lean too far, will I fall?
Liam unrolls the toilet paper without being asked, hands it to me. When I’m done wiping, he helps me stand and pulls my unsightly underwear back up without a lick of awkwardness.
At the sink, I take a look at my reflection. This is the first time I’m seeing myself, and I don’t even recognize the face staring back at me. One hand goes to the bandage and my eyes zero in on the hair, or lack thereof, peeking out beneath it.
“My head is shaved?”
“They had to for the surgery. Personally, I like it.” When my face starts to crumple, Liam steps around and ducks so we’re eye to eye.
“Hey. Hey, hey, hey. This is nothing. Remember the bangs? They grew.” I cut my eyes to my bangs that are currently a greasy curtain hanging down one side of my face. “This will grow, too.”
I lean in closer. There’s a gash at my temple with a perfect row of stitches and one side of my face has a dark purple bruise. “I look like hell, Liam.”
Liam steps into the reflection beside me and pulls me close. “You look alive.” His voice cracks on the word alive. “That’s all I care about—do you hear me? You’re standing in front of me, breathing the same air as me. There is nothing more beautiful than you.”
I fight back the tears that threaten, because I know he’s right. Scars and bruises be damned, I’m alive.