Chapter 14
Present Day
I am crammed into the backseat of Meghan’s shitty, beat-up Corolla as she slowly drives us across town toward Austin’s house.
It’s getting dark now and Rachael is controlling the music from up front, while I’m stuck in the back with Tiffani and Eden on either side of me.
I have a box of beer in my lap, and it’s tempting to crack another one open just to help me survive this journey.
I lock my eyes on the parking brake and fold my arms across my chest, keeping to myself.
Tiffani and Rachael are doing what they do best: gossiping and wondering who will be at the party. They refer to a couple people as losers, but I’m not listening. I never, ever do. I don’t have the energy for it.
Instead, I am thinking about Eden. She’s on my right and I can sense her looking at me, so I glance over, and our eyes meet for a fraction of a second before we both look away again.
Yeah, she was definitely staring . It’s weird, I guess.
I figure she’s not used to this either. This whole stepsibling thing.
I’m trying to figure her out the same way she seems to be trying to figure me out, but I’m not really getting anywhere.
I peek at her again, and because she is staring out of the window now instead, I take the opportunity to fully study her.
Her dark hair is straight and lays flat against her back, though thick strands keep falling over her shoulders and framing her face.
She’s wearing a lot of makeup. Eyelids painted dark, like smoke.
Thick lashes that seem to grow longer every time she blinks.
Red lips. I have only seen her a handful of times so far, but I’ve seen enough to know that this isn’t her.
She senses me watching her, because she turns her eyes back to me, but I’ve already glanced away again.
She catches me more than once during the rest of the drive, mostly because I can’t help it.
It gets pretty awkward after a while, so I eventually stop looking.
I focus on staring straight ahead at nothing in particular again for the rest of the trip, never saying a word, even when Tiffani presses her body against mine and starts touching my thigh.
It’s a relief when we finally pull up outside Austin’s place.
I don’t even know the guy that well, but of course, he knows us.
It’s still super, super early, barely eight thirty, but already the place is bouncing.
There are several cars parked out on the street, and there are people standing on the lawn talking to one another.
As soon as Meghan cuts her engine, I grab my beer and follow Tiffani out of the car, stretching my legs.
I can hear the music already, and I fight the urge to groan.
I don’t want to go through all of this again. The excessive drinking, the loud music…
“Hey, Tyler!” someone calls out, and when I glance up, I spot Austin rushing across the lawn to greet us.
He’s a short guy, but his grin is big enough to make up for it.
He waves his beer at me and, knowing I have to put on a show for the next however many hours, I give him a fist bump. “Glad you could make it,” he tells me.
“Yeah.” I bet he is. I bet he’s glad Tiffani’s here too. We are a permanent fixture at parties, and if we turn up, then it pretty much verifies that the host isn’t a loser. I nod to my beer, desperate to open another. “Kitchen?”
He points to the house and smiles wider. “Yeah. Dump it and come join us.”
I begin to walk, heading across the lawn toward the front door, but I do throw a final glance back over my shoulder at the girls.
Tiffani is saying something to Austin, and Meghan is trying to ram her car keys into her purse, and Rachael is staring at the bottle of vodka in her hand.
Eden, however, is wearing her usual unreadable expression, but her eyes are wary as she takes everything in.
She’s going to regret coming. I just know she will.
Shaking my head, I continue into the house, murmuring heys to everyone who nods at me. A few hours ago, I was in my room, thinking. And now I’m here, at another party, buzzed off beer, acting. I hate this. I hate that this is what I have to do to forget.
I navigate my way through the house, keeping my head down as I enter the kitchen. There is alcohol covering every countertop, and the floor is already sticky with spilled drinks, and I accidentally step on a shot glass, crushing it. I kick the broken pieces out of the way in aggravation.
“I’ve been wondering when you were gonna show up,” someone says, and Kaleb steps in front of me.
His eyes are bloodshot, his smile is lazy.
He’s high, but that’s not surprising. I can’t remember the last time I saw him sober.
“Austin’s letting us do our thing as long as we stay out of the way, so we’re in the fucking backyard shed.
” He begins howling with uncontrollable laughter as he reaches up to open the first cupboard he finds, and he steals a packet of cookies.
I watch in silence as he stuffs one into his mouth, closes his eyes, and sinks into euphoria.
“Oh my God. Amazing ,” he mumbles. He opens his eyes again and tries to focus on me.
“So, are you joining? It’s good shit tonight, I swear.
Look at me! I’m baked .” Right now, I really could do with some relaxation.
Just a couple hits to put my mind at ease, to numb it.
I grab a bottle of beer, pop the cap on the edge of the countertop, and then nod.
“Count me in.”
Kaleb smirks with delight, only because he knows he’s about to make some money off me, and then he turns around, cookies in hand, and heads back through the house.
I step behind him, swigging my beer, when someone grabs my shoulder just as I’m about to follow Kaleb outside into the backyard. I pause; it’s Jake.
“You finally made it,” he says. “Where are the girls?”
“Just coming,” I answer bluntly. I don’t want to talk to Jake. I don’t even like the guy, and I just want to smoke a joint. I begin to walk away, but he grabs my shoulder again and pulls me back.
“Where are you going?” he questions, raising an eyebrow. He glances at Kaleb as he continues across the backyard, and then back at me. I think he already knows the answer.
“Where the fuck do you think I’m going, Jake?” I snap, shrugging his hand off my shoulder. God, I wish my friends would leave me alone sometimes. I’ve already been lectured by Rachael tonight, and I don’t need Jake questioning me too. It’s not like they don’t know I smoke.
“Alright, asshole,” he mutters, then finally walks away.
I head outside and stride across the yard after Kaleb toward the shed in the corner.
Talk about a drug den. I can smell the weed in the air and hear the laughter before Kaleb has even opened the door.
And when he does, I’m not surprised to spot Clayton and Mason inside.
I’ve smoked with them before. I share some classes at school with them too.
“It’s about time you made an appearance,” Mason says. He’s stretched out on a lawn chair in the corner, his feet resting on the lawnmower, and he has an almost burnt-out joint in his hand. He looks scruffy, but whatever. He’s high as shit. They all are.
“I know.” I grab my wallet from my pocket, pull out fifteen dollars, and offer it to Kaleb. Usually, I prefer to buy from Declan directly, but he’s been laying low lately, so I will have to steal a gram off Kaleb instead. “Hook me up?”
“Maaan,” Clayton murmurs. He’s leaning against the wall, his eyes closed, exhaling a plume of smoke into the air around us. There’s not a lot of room in here, so it’s extremely cramped. “Blissful.”
Kaleb takes my money, fumbles around in his pockets for a minute, then presents me with two prepared joints. “Already rolled two for you,” he says proudly. “I knew you’d be game tonight.”
I take them both from him and study them in my hand. Then I think, Fuck it . “Light me up,” I order, and Kaleb pulls out a lighter and sets one of the joints alight for me. He watches closely as I press it to my lips, eagerly waiting for my approval, and I inhale, taking that first hit.
The smoke fills my lungs, the burning familiarity satisfying my desire.
I haven’t smoked in a week, so it feels real nice.
I hold the smoke in my lungs for several long seconds, and then I exhale, feeling the difference already.
It’ll take me a lot more hits and another five minutes or so before the buzz truly hits me, but I can feel it, that weight on my shoulders losing its pressure.
“Hey, where the fuck did you get those cookies?” Mason asks, shooting upright in his lawn chair. He points his joint at Kaleb, and Clayton opens his eyes.
“Stole ’em from the kitchen. Munchies are kicking in,” Kaleb explains, and all three of them burst into laughter. I’m not high yet, so I don’t laugh, though I do crack a smile.
I lean back against the wall and close my eyes, taking another drag of the joint, focusing on my breathing. Just relax .
“Declan came through for us tonight, by the way,” Kaleb murmurs, nudging me with his elbow. When I open my eyes, he nods down to the small table next to Clayton. In perfect, neat lines, there is coke. I stare at it for a minute. “I told you it’s good shit.”
“Man…” I shake my head slowly. Tempting, but no.
I’m not that desperate. I have done it before.
I do it often, I guess. But only on the nights where I can’t take things any longer, and ever since I took a bad trip once, I’ve been more cautious.
I hold up a hand in surrender. “Count me out for tonight.”
“Booo,” Mason drawls, rolling his eyes. “We were waiting for you!”