Chapter 34 #2
“Yeah, yeah, we will,” I say, shrugging them off.
With the go-ahead to leave, I don’t waste anymore time.
I don’t even know if any of my friends are here—Tiffani definitely isn’t, thankfully—but it doesn’t matter.
I refuse to be seen hanging out with my brothers on July Fourth, so I push my way into the crowd, trying my hardest to disappear out of sight.
I don’t mind being on my own. Sometimes, I prefer it.
When I get back outside into the cool, fresh air, I am reminded of why I hate the Fourth of July so much.
The music, the marching band, the voices.
There are thousands of people here, crammed in across the football field and piled up in the stands, illuminated by the floodlights as the sky darkens.
All I can smell is the grease from the food trucks.
Gross . People are brushing against my shoulders as they push past me, but I don’t even know where to go, so I just remain in place.
Until, out of the corner of my eye, I spot Eden.
She is frozen in place exactly like I am, only a few feet ahead of me, lost among the crowd.
Her gaze is wide as she analyzes the scene in front of her, and she has the same look of frustration as I do.
It’s too busy here, and she looks almost worried.
I should talk to her. I’m alone. She’s alone.
Now is the perfect time to just get it over with.
If I don’t talk to her about that kiss right now, then I most likely never will.
It’s nerve-wracking, but I take a deep breath and filter my way through the crowd toward her.
“I didn’t think you were the type to go off on your own,” I say gently as I reach her.
I have to raise my voice slightly over the noise around us.
Eden glances over at me, and she looks so out of place and so uncomfortable that it’s almost cute. “We can talk now.”
“Now?” Eden says, surprised. Her eyes flicker around the crowd again, at the commotion out on the field.
“I didn’t mean right here,” I say. The conversation we are about to have is definitely not one that can be done in public.
We need to be alone; we need privacy. “Come on.” I’m about to reach for her elbow to pull her along with me to someplace quieter, but I refrain from touching her and keep my head down instead.
I’m not sure how she feels about that kiss yet, so until I find out, it’s best not to make any moves on her. But it’s tough not to.
I turn back toward the school building and push against the flow of people, edging my way through the crowd.
All the while, I am praying that Eden is following me.
The worst case scenario would be if she couldn’t care less, but I think I can sense her behind me, so I’m reassured that she cares enough about that kiss to want to talk to me about it.
Inside the school, I have no choice but to ignore all of the “NO ENTRY” signs taped to the walls of the hallways that are shut off to the public.
I need to talk to Eden, and it definitely can’t wait.
I need a classroom or something. Somewhere that’s quiet and still, somewhere away from these Fourth of July celebrations.
So, despite the signs, I head on down the first hallway I come across.
I can hear Eden’s footsteps behind me, but she doesn’t say anything.
Maybe she didn’t notice. It’s a long hallway, and I walk all the way to the end of it, and suddenly we are in tense silence.
Very faintly, I can hear the music from outside, but it feels so distant.
It’s dark up here, and I stare at the wall for a minute, trying to gather my thoughts.
Slowly, I turn around to face Eden. She is looking at me with those wide, anxious hazel eyes of hers, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone look so terrified.
God, how do I even begin? A lump forms in my throat, and I decide that there is no good in tiptoeing around the subject.
I have to just say it: “What the hell happened on Saturday?”
“I don’t know,” Eden splutters quickly. Maybe she’s been as desperate to talk about this as I have, because all at once, she begins to babble a string of words even faster than she did on Saturday night.
“I’m sorry. You were just—you were annoying me and I didn’t want you to buy more drugs and I just—I just did it.
I didn’t mean to.” She pauses to take a breath, and she needs it.
Her voice is husky and ragged, and none of her words sound right.
“I’m sorry, okay? It’s really weird and it’s making me feel sick, and we just need to pretend it didn’t happen. ”
Pretend it didn’t happen ? Ouch. I should have known it was only a mistake.
I should have known a girl like Eden wouldn’t be even remotely interested in a guy like me, and not just because we’re step-siblings.
Her apology stings. “I wish I could say the same about me,” I say, stuffing my hands into my pockets.
“What?”
“I kissed you back,” I remind her. I kissed her back because I never knew how much I had wanted to.
I kissed her back because I couldn’t get enough of it, of her.
I kissed her back because I like her. She may have kissed me by mistake, but on my end, I kissed her entirely on purpose. “I’m not going to apologize for that.”
Eden is staring at me with her lips parted. “Why?”
I take a moment to take in her expression as confusion captures her nervous gaze.
In this light, with the final hue of the sunset shining in through the windows and hitting her face at just the right angle, she looks so pure.
Do I tell her why? I don’t have anything to lose.
She should know, because if I don’t tell her, then perhaps I will regret it later.
I may not get the chance to tell her again.
“Because I knew exactly what I was doing,” I finally say.
“Why did you do it?” she asks quietly through bated breath, but her voice is almost a squeak. She is on edge. I can tell by the way she isn’t breathing, or blinking.
“Because I’ve wanted to do it so fucking badly.
” I spit the words out almost as fast as I can so that I don’t have the chance to overthink them.
I turn away from her and press my hand to the wall for support, exhaling.
It’s true. I did want to kiss her; I just didn’t realize it until her lips were pressed to mine.
That’s why I felt so weird whenever I caught myself studying her features for too long. It’s why I’ve been curious about her.
“You’ve wanted to?” Eden repeats, her voice echoing down the still hallway. It feels like we are so far away from everything else that is going on around us. “What the hell are you saying?”
“You want the honest truth? I’m saying I’m fucking attracted to you, alright, Eden?
” I spin around to face her again, to read her expression as her eyes widen, and I am getting so heated over the situation that I can’t help but feel angry at her.
“And I know I shouldn’t be, because you’re my damn stepsister, but I just can’t help it.
It’s stupid as hell, and I know you don’t feel the same way, because you’re fucking apologizing for Saturday.
” Why did it have to be a mistake? It’s still stinging, and I really wish it wouldn’t hurt as much.
Hell, Tyler Bruce doesn’t know the meaning of rejection.
But I guess that right now, I am just me.
And I care. “I really wish you hadn’t said sorry for it,” I say quietly, not quite meeting her eyes, “because apologizing means regretting.”
Eden is quiet. I don’t know what she’s thinking, but I’m not sure if I even want to know.
If she didn’t like me before, then she probably thinks even less of me now.
Now I’m the creepy older stepbrother who is attracted to her, and she’ll probably never talk to me again.
“I thought you hated me,” she says after a while. It’s not exactly what I was expecting.
“I hate a lot of people, but you’re not one of them,” I reassure her. Tyler Bruce did a good job of being an asshole, then. “I hate the fact that you turn me on. Like, a lot.”
“Stop,” Eden says. She shakes her head, closing her eyes for a second, and she even moves away from me. She is several feet away, but I wish she was closer. “You’re my stepbrother. You can’t say that.”
“Who makes up these bullshit rules, huh?” I glance out of the window, at the crowds across from the football field below, and everyone there is as much a stranger to me as Eden is.
I look back at her as the frustration of the situation sets in, and she is still staring at me in fear.
“Three weeks ago I didn’t even know who you were.
I don’t see you as a sister, okay? You’re just some girl I’ve met.
How the hell is it fair to label us as siblings? ”
“You have a girlfriend,” she whispers. She takes even more steps away from me, her face paling. She looks as though she really is going to be sick. “Tiffani’s your girlfriend.”
“But I don’t want her to be!” I don’t mean to yell at her, but she just doesn’t get it.
I have no choice but to be with Tiffani, especially at this current moment in time.
I’m not mad at Eden. I’m mad at Tiffani, at myself, at this situation.
“I don’t want to be with Tiffani, okay? Don’t you get that? She’s just another distraction.”
“What the hell is up with you and distractions?” Eden asks, throwing up her hands. She suddenly seems exasperated too, and now we are both yelling across the hallway at each other.
“Nothing.” I take a moment to inhale, to catch my breath, and then I try to stay calm, lowering my voice.
This is stupid. I am wasting my time standing here and discussing this with her.
Honestly, I’m embarrassed , and I just want to get away from Eden now.
I can’t believe I thought there was even an ounce of hope that she would feel the same way as I do about that kiss.
I’m trying to be honest for once, but it’s backfired completely and now I regret it.
Keeping secrets is so much easier than this.
“I’ve said what I’ve needed to say, you know what I think of you, you’ve made it clear you think differently, I’m done.
” I stride past her, pulling at my hair, and I mutter, “Enjoy the fucking fireworks.”
I’ve humiliated myself, and now I just feel like a damn idiot. I can’t even look at her anymore. It’s going to be impossible to live in the same house with her over the summer, because we are inevitably going to be around each other. It’ll be unbearable from now on. She knows I’m attracted to her.
“Wait,” Eden says, and I immediately come to a halt as a new sense of hope fills me.
Please, please tell me you didn’t regret it .
I can’t turn around to look at her, but I am listening closely, begging for her to say something that is worth staying for.
And seconds later, her husky voice fills the silence as she says, “You didn’t give me the chance to tell you that I find you interesting. ”