Chapter 57
Five Years Earlier
The wave of terror and panic that fills me is paralyzing, but then a sense of calm quickly follows. Everything within me suddenly goes still. Dad won’t be able to hurt me anymore. It will all be over. No more lying. No more excuses. No more pain. And that…that is all I so desperately want.
Suddenly, I long for it. For all of this to be over, for Dad to just hit me harder, to wrap his hands around my throat that little bit tighter, to finally end it once and for all. And I think he will.
It’s almost peaceful, the thought of not being here anymore.
The thought of safety.
I hope Mom will be okay. I love her so much. I’ll miss her. I really don’t want her to cry too much, because I don’t like it when she’s sad.
And I hope Jamie and Chase won’t miss me too much. They can keep the PlayStation 2 in their room forever now. They’ll be okay.
And Dad… I hope he’s sorry. I hope he suffers for the rest of his life from the guilt and the pain, and I hope he realizes just how much I have suffered for the past four years.
It’s tragic. My dad, the person who always tells me how much he loves me, the person I was supposed to look up to, the person who was supposed to keep me safe, is now the person who will kill me.
I am drifting, following the darkness and all of the peace that comes with it.
I am letting go now.