Chapter 16 #2
He smirks at me and shrugs. I don't know what to do with him or how to reply, so I drop my eyes back to the assignment in front of me and get back to marking it. It’s all correct, of course it is, because he’s just fucking with me by being here.
“Joey has decided he's going to fuck you. That's why he started the bet in the first place. He likes to prove how powerful he is. Every year he picks some big, elaborate goal, and then we all get to sit back and watch while he crushes, breaks, and mutilates everyone around him to achieve it. This year it’s you.”
I think I've stopped breathing. This should be over. He can't possibly be saying I'm still going to be a target for Joey to rape.
He stares at me for a second longer and then continues, “If you fuck any other guy, Joey will probably kill you both.”
It's become so commonplace to use the word ‘kill’ flippantly.
They'd kill for those shoes, they’ll kill you if you tell on them, they'd love nothing more than to kill that person.
Ash isn't saying the word kill like that.
He's saying it like he's seen his brother choke the life out of another human being.
I give him a curt nod. It's not like I had any plans to date in this place.
I've always planned on waiting until college to lose my cherry, so what difference does it make if Joey has a say in it too?
A fucking big difference.
Now I wanted to fuck half the school just to spite him. Well, not really. I wanted him to think I did because I didn't want my celibacy to look like I was bowing to him and his whims.
“What do your parents think of Joey and his actions?”
It's the wrong thing to say. I watch as Ash’s face sets and a thunderous look rolls in.
I shouldn't have asked. The gossip mill here at Hannaford is active enough that I could have just asked around instead.
I was bolstered by his kindness in warning me, so I forgot for a second that, to this man, I will always be trash.
“How about I'll answer that question when you answer something for me. Did it hurt? When you found your mom, did it cripple you even though you always knew it was going to end that way?”
My chest collapses in on itself. It’s like a vise is squeezing the life out of me.
I should know by now that Ash always goes for the low blow in a fight.
It did cripple me, but I’m not that girl anymore.
I think about my life as the me before, the one who had to fight for food but had a mom, and there’s the me now.
I don’t have to fight for food anymore, and I have a safe place to sleep every night.
I’m at the best school in the country. I already have the attention of several of the top colleges in the state, and I have plans to start reaching out to others further away from home.
I did a lot of bad things to get to where I am today, my hands are filthy with it.
I don’t feel any better now than I did before.
I am truly alone.
“One of these days, I am going to show this school what it takes to survive Mounts Bay High and foster care.” My voice shakes, and he smirks at me.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
He turns his attention back to his homework, and I grit my teeth.
Why, oh why, did I have to do this for extra credits?
I finish my page of sums in seconds, my affinity for numbers making this all child’s play, and then I crack open the required reading for my literature class while I wait for him to catch up.
“Hey, man! Just in time, as per usual,” Ash calls out, and I cringe. I know what that sarcastic tone of voice means. My other student has arrived.
Blaise looks like he would rather be anywhere but here. I’ve lost the fire within me that had enabled me to speak to him callously, so I stare at his earlobe again and wait for him to sit down.
“I need help with my Lit assignment, and no one else has been able to teach me like you did with the math shit. Can you please tutor me?” he grinds out from between his clenched teeth, like the words are hurting him. Ash watches us both with raised eyebrows and a half smile.
“Sure. Sit down and show me what you need.” The cool tone replaces the snarky one I was using, and Ash gets even more curious.
“What the fuck went down with you two?”
Blaise ignores him, slumping in his chair, and I consider doing the same.
Ash throws a pen at me, and I sigh. “I informed Blaise that I burned my Vanth shirt because I don’t listen to music written and performed by assholes, and he ran off to tattle to the spawn-of-Satan you shared a womb with, and she destroyed my room to avenge his hurt feelings. ”
“I didn’t fucking tattle! She asked me why I was pissy and I answered,” Blaise hisses back at me. Ash’s mouth drops open as he watches us.
I snort. “So, you’re put out that I don’t fucking worship you like you think you deserve, and in return, I lose every single thing I own at the hands of Avery’s minions? Fair trade. Fair fucking trade.”
Ash leans back in the chair, his glee at our spat rising quickly. “Everything you own is here at Hannaford?”
“I’m emancipated. Of course it is. Correction, was.
I have nothing now, until the winter break when I can go back to Mounts Bay.
Happy now, Morrison? Got your revenge? Great.
Show me your assignment and let me fix it so you can tell your billionaire daddy how fucking great you’re doing at this hellhole. ”
Blaise is gaping at me like I’ve just kicked him in the balls and then had the audacity to blame him for it. Fuck him. I raise my eyebrows until he hands over the assignment, then I start in on it.
The evidence of Rory’s unfaithful ways is burning a hole in my conscience.
I want to get that shit off my phone and out of my mind as quickly as possible.
Plus, I caught Avery making out with him on the couch in the girls’ dorms again.
If he's cheating on her, if they're not in some weird polygamist relationship like the guys are, then I hate the idea of him getting away with it.
I can't email her the video. There are too many risks of the school administration finding out about it. I know for a fact that all our study and interactions online are monitored. Texting it to her is another option, but the only way I can get Avery’s phone number is by either breaking into the administration office or asking around for it. Neither are good ideas.
I end up in the library printing off copies of the photos.
I feel gross even looking at them, and I’m twitchy about being caught.
I do not want to explain anything to the Jackal if Mr. Trevelen catches wind of this.
He'd probably insist on using the photos as blackmail against Rory and Harlow.
While I do enjoy the thought of them sweating it out at the hands of the Jackal, it would complicate my life.
I don’t want to think about Matteo anymore.
I’m so confused with how I feel about him.
His gentle tones on the phone when I called him for help made my chest ache.
I used to love him. Back when I first went into foster care, he was the cool kid, someone in my corner who loved me back.
I truly thought he loved me, too. Now I know that he sees me as a valuable pawn on the chess board.
Nothing more. But I still feel guilty for having certain feelings about Ash.
And Blaise and, fuck, Harley. I can’t forget the feelings I have for Harley.
I get back to my room and deliberate over my note to Avery.
Fuck, I should be so happy to be able to crush her with this, but it feels so underhanded.
I don't want to break her with a guy. I want to outsmart her.
Outplay her. I want to survive everything she throws at me and then dish it back twice as bad.
I'm not Joey. I don't enjoy hitting people where it hurts the most. I'm not cruel. I'm no angel, but every rotten thing I've done has been to survive. Someday I'll be able to shed all of this and just be… normal. Whatever the hell that means.
I slip the photos and the note under Avery's door before I head down for dinner. All the other students will be leaving for Thanksgiving break in the morning, and I need her to know before she goes.
Taken three days ago. Dump him.