Chapter 20
TWENTY
Kyle
I lost my virginity when I was fourteen years old to a girl widely known as Virgin Mary who was three years my senior.
Her nickname was deceiving as it implied purity.
She was anything but. In fact, her hobby was to collect virgin boys, and she sure had a radar for it.
She clocked me as soon as I stepped foot into that school, and she gave me a very strong knowledge base when it came to sex.
I built a lot on that over the years since.
But I’ve never been with a virgin. Until Zara.
Holy fucking shit. That was something I never expected in a million years. Who is still a virgin in their mid-twenties?
That first thrust into her didn’t really register in my head. I was obsessing over how tight she was. She was gripping me like a vice, and I didn’t want us to ever stop.
That was until I looked at her face. What I saw in it was nothing good. She was grimacing, eyes filled with tears. And then, she hit me with her words.
“It hurts.”
I stared at her, unable to process the information. By the time she asked me to stop, I was completely out of it. My hips had a life of their own, with my cock leading the mission. Without thinking, I pushed again, realizing way too late that I had penetrated some sort of internal barrier.
The sobs coming out of her freaked me out. Despite the fact that I wanted nothing more than to come, hearing her cry like that killed it all. I pulled out, maybe a little too aggressively, and stared at my cock that was covered in blood.
“What the fuck,” I kept on repeating.
I got off the bed and rushed to the bathroom.
With shaky hands, I pulled the condom off, wondering how in the fuck I was still hard.
I threw it in the trashcan before staring at myself in the mirror.
When I leaned against the sink, I noticed that I was leaving bloody fingerprints behind, so I rushed to wash my hands and rinse everything off.
I grabbed a washcloth to clean myself up, then, as I was about to walk out, I grabbed another one for Zara.
By the time I made it back to the bedroom, she was already out of bed, looking frantically for her underwear. She never looked at me as she got dressed, but every time she turned around, I’d catch a glimpse of her tear streaked face.
“Zara…” My voice cracked when I tried to speak. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know…”
She waved me off. “It’s no big deal, seriously.”
I sighed and looked down, feeling awful about the entire thing. “It is a big deal, Zara. It’s a huge deal. Why didn’t you say anything?”
She just shrugged, already dressed by now. Turning her back at me, she wiped furiously at her face before facing me again.
“Can you please put some clothes on?”
My eyes widened in surprise when I realized that I was standing naked in my bedroom, in front of a girl who’d been a virgin until two minutes ago.
I grabbed the jeans I’d taken off earlier and put them on, foregoing the underwear.
Wincing a little, I managed to zip them up just enough to stay covered. I didn’t bother with a shirt.
“I ordered a car to take me home,” she said. “I can’t talk about this tonight.”
If she didn’t sound so innocent and absolutely heartbroken, I would’ve insisted on her staying to hash it all out. But I couldn’t. I didn’t want to make things worse for her.
“But you’re not going to ghost me now, right?” I made sure to ask.
She shook her head, the beginning of a smile forming in the corner of her lips.
The pitiful picture she was presenting made her even more irresistible to me.
I took a few steps forward until our toes touched.
Without thinking, I cupped her face and pulled her in for a kiss.
It wasn’t anything like before, just a gentle peck on the lips, but it felt more powerful than anything to date.
When we parted, she stared at me with wide and innocent eyes, and I felt like I was two inches tall. I somehow fucked everything up even though I had no idea of her physical state, so to speak.
I walked her to the door where I gave her another soft kiss. The Uber she’d ordered was already there, and I waited until she got in. After closing the door, I rushed to find my cell phone.
Please let me know when you got home safely , I texted her.
I will , she responded.
That was four days ago, and my life hasn’t been the same since. I tried calling her a couple of times, but she always spoke in frantic tones, like she was so incredibly busy she couldn’t talk, not just to me but anyone in general.
I want to give her some space, but at the same time, I can’t stand this.
I’ve spent the last four days and nights drawing like a maniac, and every single female character looks just like Zara.
I’ve also come up with a storyline for a new game, and I’ll be damned if it’s not shaping up to be a love story between the two main characters.
She’s completely taken over my head, and I can’t shake it off. What am I going to do?
A loud knock at the front door distracts me, albeit temporarily from this insanity. I put the pad and e-pen down before making my way to see who’s here.
“What’s up, dude?” I greet my buddy, Alex, when I find him standing in my doorway. I haven’t seen him since he lost his temper with me the last time he was here. But I know he’s weird like that, so I don’t take it to heart. Besides, since he last saw me, I managed to have enough problems of my own.
“I came by to make sure you’re still alive,” he deadpanned. “I checked the logs and noticed you’ve been putting in a lot of hours.”
His eyebrows raise in question as he waits for me to say something.
“I just felt inspired,” I shrug and walk away. Once I’m in the kitchen, I grab an energy drink and proceed to down it down, all in an effort to buy myself more time.
Alex follows me there. “I half expected to find you drunk.”
I don’t blame him for thinking that. After all, I created my best work from before while drunk.
“I’m in some sort of detox program,” I joke.
As I say the words, I realize that I don’t actually remember the last time I got blackout drunk. That is very unlike me. I’ve been too obsessed with Zara Bray to think of anything else.
“Have you ever been with a virgin?” I ask, seemingly out of nowhere.
Alex must think the same because he just stares at me like I’ve completely lost it.
“Not in a while,” he finally replies. “Why? Are you looking for one?”
“Already found one.” I take another long sip of my water. “How much is it supposed to hurt for their first time?”
The look on Alex’s face is one of confusion mixed with a decent amount of horror.
“I don’t fucking know. Why didn’t you ask her how bad it hurt when you did it, since you’re so interested?”
I scratch at my head, realizing how long my hair has gotten. No wonder it’s always in my eyes.
“I didn’t get a chance to ask,” I explain to my friend. “But she cried. And that was not exactly an aphrodisiac in itself, if you know what I mean.”
“Maybe you can google it,” he suggests.
I slap a hand against my forehead at that. “Why didn’t I think of that?”
“Maybe being with a virgin killed all your braincells,” he jokes, but then he gets serious. “Just make sure this virgin is not after your money. I sure hope you’re smarter than that.”
There is not one person I know who is more obsessed with protective their assets as Alex is.
“Not everyone is after money, dude.”
He rolls his eyes at me. “Yeah, that’s what they all say. And then, it somehow becomes the focal point in a relationship.”
I want to ask if that’s what happened with him and Mona, but I don’t want him to storm out of here again like he did the last time.
“How are things with the Holidates chick?” he asks.
For a second, I’m confused. I just told him about Zara, so why is he asking? But then I realize that I never mentioned Zara being the virgin and the Holidates chick, as he put it.
“She’s good.” I drink more water while I avoid his eyes again. “All good.”
Alex stares at me as he waits for me to expand on that.
“That’s it?” he finally says. “Last time we talked, you were all about that chick. Now your focus is solely on the virgin bimbo?”
I about choke on my drink. “How can she be a bimbo if she’s a virgin?”
He gives me a condescending smirk. “She’s a bimbo in the making. Assuming she’s no longer a virgin. Did you seal the deal?”
I don’t know how to respond to that. Did I really seal any deal if I didn’t get to come? That’s a very good question, which I need to ponder more.
“The deal is done.” That’s all I am willing to share with him. Given what an asshole he’s been in general, all I need is for him to end up telling Zara anything that I wouldn’t want share. That’s why I need to use my words carefully.
“That a boy.” Alex puts a fist up in victory.
If I thought I could take him, I’d love to put my own fist in his face. He’s so annoying lately, and this whole thing with Zara has me extra sensitive about things.
“How about you show me what you’ve been working so hard on?” he requests.
Since I do contract for his company, he has every right to ask even though he has access to everything that I uploaded in the shared drive. I put the water bottle down and lead the way to my office, slash spare bedroom.
“It smells like ass in here,” Alex declares the second we’re in. “What the fuck have you been doing?”
I take whiff and have to admit that he’s right.
“I basically locked myself in here for the last four days. Only came out to use the bathroom and grab some sustenance.”
“I’d say,” he mumbles under his breath while taking in the food containers strewn around. Some are empty, but some still have leftovers in them.
Pushing everything to the side, I wake up my computer, deciding the large screen would work better than my tablet.
“Sketches are good,” he says when I open the first set. “Maybe a little less color.”
I stare at the screen unsure of what he’s talking about. “There’s too much color?”
“Yeah, definitely not on brand with our current work out there,” Alex informs me.
I try to look at things from his perspective, but I don’t see it. All I see is Zara’s face, with her hair flowing down her back and bright eyes twinkling at me.
“What’s up with this new character? She reminds me of someone,” Alex says. “I think that’s what’s messing this up.” Sweat breaks down my back. “And a love story? Since when?”
Anger rises inside of me the more he critiques my work. As a rule, he always does it, giving me a new perspective as I work on things and helping me develop the stories when I get stuck.
This time, though, it hits way too close to home. I don’t like anything he has to say about Zara. He doesn’t like her face. It’s too plain, he says. Her hair is too brown, and her eyes are too wide. Her body is too thin, hardly any shape to it. Customers won’t like it.
I finally snap. “This is just a draft. And if you don’t like it, don’t commit it for production.”
His eyebrows go up in surprise. “Why so touchy? She the virgin?”
My jaw might actually break from all the pressure I apply to it. “No,” I manage to say.
“Hmm…”
He stares at the screen for a while longer, then turns around and leaves the room. That gives me no choice but to follow him out.
“What’s the status of the game coming out in December?” He is in boss mode now.
“It’s in the final stages now, just fixing some minor things based on the feedback from the focus groups.”
“That’s good.” The tone of his voice implies the opposite, but I don’t comment on it. He looks around my living room like he’s lost and doesn’t remember where he is.
“You okay, man?” I finally ask him. Maybe something bad happened.
He snaps at me. “Why wouldn't it be?”
I roll my eyes because I don’t have time for this. “You came here just to give me a hard time?”
He seems startled by my question. “I came here because I didn’t know where else to go.”
Now it is my turn to act surprised. I don’t even know what to say to that. He’s a mess, more so than I am.
“You wanna go out for drinks later?” That’s always my backup plan. When nothing else works, we’ll go and get a good buzz going.
“Yeah,” he nods in appreciation.
He continues standing in the middle of my living room, staring at the floor.
“You okay?” I repeat.
His head snaps back, and his eyes are blank. “She said she is done with me for good.”
I frown, but then it clicks. “Mona?”
His face turns into a grimace as he presses a hand to his chest. “Yeah.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
As far as I’m concerned, this has been a long time coming. The only surprising thing about it is the shock on Alex’s face.
This makes me thing of Zara. I want to see her, and I don’t know why I have to stay back until she makes contact. One of us has to be the first one to do it, and why not it be me?
The last time we were together, it didn’t end in the way either one of us was hoping. Actually, I have no idea what she had in mind as far as that goes, but I am determined to make up for it. I will.