CHAPTER 12 BOWER
BOWER
I thread my arm through Bennett’s as together we walk along the streets of San Francisco toward our apartment building.
“A book club. That’s so much fun. We have to be thoughtful about what books we pick and should probably focus on sports romance since that ties in well with what you do.
Maybe we can pick the books you’ve already read so there isn’t pressure to have to finish the books you choose that month and you can be ahead of the game. ”
“Yeah, probably,” he says, seeming distant. It gives me pause.
“Is everything okay?”
“How was the date?”
“Oh. Um, it was fine.” I shrug, thinking about Cougar and how it was just…eh. There wasn’t much we could talk about or much we had in common.
“Just fine?” he asks as I feel his eyes on me.
I cling tightly onto his arm as I say, “Yeah, just fine. We didn’t have a lot in common, but we did talk a lot about football, and I don’t really know sports, so that was kind of weird.”
“Sorry. I should have set you up with someone you have more in common with.”
“It’s fine. We’re going to go out again.”
He pauses and turns to me. “You are?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?” His brows pinch together.
“Why not? We’re not committed to each other, just having some fun.”
“But if you have nothing in common, why still see him?”
“Because I think we’re just at the tip of the iceberg. I could sense that he was guarded and maybe I was a little guarded myself. He already texted asking if I could go out next week, so we’re looking to see where that takes us, but he was open about seeing other people, and I’m chill with that.”
“Wait.” Bennett shakes his head. “I thought you were looking for a relationship, not a fling.”
“I am,” I say. “But sometimes relationships start off as just getting to know each other. Listen, who am I to stop him from seeing other people? I have no hold on him.”
“Does that mean you’re going to see other people?”
“Perhaps.” I shrug. “I mean, I can’t put all my eggs in one basket, right? Just trying to be breezy about all of this. I think once I start putting pressure on myself, that’s when nothing happens. So just letting the universe take hold of my love life, you know?”
He guides us toward the apartment again. “I guess so.”
Noticing how firm his jaw is and the stiffness in his body, I ask, “Are you okay? You seem tense. Is this about the book club thing? I don’t have to do it—”
“I want you to do it,” he says quickly. “With me. I want it to be something we do together.”
“Really?” I ask, excited that he said that, because I felt like I was clinging to something that maybe I wasn’t necessarily invited to, but more so invited myself.
“I’m not doing it alone, and I feel like you bring the best out of me, which will help.”
I pause our walk again and turn toward him. “That’s a really nice thing to say, Bennett.”
“It’s true,” he says, his eyes meeting mine.
For some odd reason, my cheeks blush from the compliment. “Well, thank you. That’s really sweet.”
He smirks and then pulls me into a hug, which I graciously take. His arms wrap around me like a protective shield as I place my cheek against his chest and just sigh into his hold. He’s so much bigger than me that it truly feels like a hug from Bennett garners me all the protection that I need.
When I pull away a few inches, I look up at him and he smiles down at me. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For being there for me. You’ve always checked in on me throughout the years and now that I’ve moved here, you’re watching over me even though you don’t have to. I appreciate you, Bennett.”
He softly smiles. “I appreciate you, too, Bower.”
I return his smile and then pull away, looping my arm through his again.
As we walk toward our apartment building, he says, “There is something I want to ask you about.”
“Oh? Is it did I kiss Cougar?”
“No.”
I glance up at him. “Because I didn’t. I want to take things really slow with him because he seems like a bit of a player, at least from what Gabby informed me, and I don’t want to be that girl. If he’s interested, then he’s interested and we will be slow about it.”
He lets out a deep breath and nods. “Yeah, that sounds like a really clever idea. Smart, actually. I’d take it as slow as you can with him.”
I chuckle. “The way you say that almost seems like you don’t want me to be intimate with him at all.”
“Just trying to protect you,” he says as we reach our apartment building and the doorman opens the door for us.
“I appreciate it, but that clearly wasn’t what you were going to ask me.”
He pushes the button for the elevator and it opens right away. I press the button for his level and his level only, figuring there is more for us to talk about, and he doesn’t seem to mind.
“No, that wasn’t what I was going to ask you.”
“Okay, so what is it?”
He tugs on the back of his neck and says, “Well, you mentioned something that one night that you slept in my bed about wanting to do things you can’t do. I can’t really remember the specifics, and then today, with Gretchen, you said something about a book truck but it never happening.”
“Oh.” I nod and look away, feeling slightly embarrassed that I got so excited I let that slip.
“Yeah, ‘oh.’ What were you talking about?”
The doors part when we reach his floor and I follow him to his apartment, where he lets us both in and I head for his couch.
He follows right behind, sitting next to me.
I scooch in close and face him while he turns slightly on the couch to look at me. “So…what were you talking about?”
“You’re going to think it’s stupid.”
He slips a finger under my chin and says, “I’d never think anything you dream or wish about is stupid, unless it’s becoming one of Cougar’s groupies.”
I chuckle. “You’re the one who set me up with him.”
“Yeah, and I might be regretting that now.”
“Oh?” I snuggle into the side of his couch, feeling so much comfort in his place. I haven’t made my apartment feel like home just yet. It’s just a place to sleep, not a place to live. “Why are you regretting setting me up?”
“You could do better.”
“Is that so? With whom?”
He shakes his head. “Stop changing the subject. Tell me what you were talking about.”
Sighing, I say, “It’s just something I’ve been thinking about for a while. Gabby knows all about it and has encouraged me to do it and to move to Almond Bay to see through my plans.”
Bennett rolls his eyes. “Of course she told you to do it in Almond Bay. But how come you told her and not me?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like I bother you. You’re so busy and everything, and even right now, you should probably be going to bed, but here I am, inviting myself into your apartment—”
“I brought you in here, and I’m never too busy for you, Bower.”
I smile softly and press my hand to his. “You’re such a good friend, Bennett.”
His lips slightly purse before he says, “So what is this idea?”
“Since books have taken over my life, I thought it would be fun to own my own little book truck where I can show up to different places and people can buy books from my truck, like a mini storefront that travels to different trade shows and has a social media following.”
“Like a food truck, but for books.”
“Yes, exactly,” I say. “And it would just be romance books, and I could sell all the bookish things as well and have an online storefront too. I don’t know, just seems like fun and I’ve saved up quite a lot working with Adalade.
She pays me well and pays for a lot of my expenses.
So I’ve stashed away money and, well…I don’t know… that’s the dream.”
“So why don’t you do it?”
“It’s not that easy. It will take a lot of work, and who knows if that’s something San Francisco wants, you know? I don’t want to put in all this time and fail.”
“Who’s to say you’ll fail?”
“There is a high likelihood that it would fail. Twenty percent of all small businesses fail after the first year.”
“Yeah, but that’s also an eighty percent success rate. Why aren’t you paying attention to that number?”
“Because my dad was part of the twenty percent,” I say softly.
“I saw what he went through, all the time and energy he put into his idea, only for it to crumble at his fingertips. He had to work his ass off just to support his family.” I shake my head.
“It’s terrifying. I don’t want to follow in his footsteps. ”
“Just because your dad failed doesn’t mean you will. You can’t let his past dictate your future.”
I nod as I feel a bout of emotion hit me, so I turn away from him, avoiding those understanding and sincere eyes of his so I can calm my racing emotions.
“Hey, did I say something wrong?” He tugs on my hand, entwining our fingers.
“No,” I say as my eyes well up with tears and I beg myself to keep it together.
“It’s just… I remember those days.” A tear drips down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away as I feel him move in even closer to me.
“I remember the arguments between my parents, the yelling and uncertainty. They were stressed from my father’s failure.
There wasn’t much joy, and well, I don’t want that for me. ”
“There’s a difference, though, Bower.” He turns my head so I have to look at him. “You don’t have a family—you don’t have dependents relying on you—so if it’s something that doesn’t work out, it’s not going to have the same impact that it had with your family, right?”
I nod, because he’s right about that.
“And also, you don’t have to quit your job while you figure this out.
You can still work for Adalade, start putting everything together, and on the weekends, you can work on your book stuff.
That way you have the safety net in case something doesn’t work out.
” He cups my cheek and speaks with such sincerity.
“But I believe in you, I believe you can make this great, and we can use the book club as a platform to help raise awareness of your book truck.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t ask you to do that.”
“You’re not asking. I’m offering.”
I shake my head. “You’ve already helped me out with so much.”