CHAPTER 26 BOWER #2
“Bennett, I sucked you so hard I made you squeal. It will always be awkward.”
His laugh is a belly laugh now, which makes me smile. “I did not fucking squeal, despite wanting to badly.”
Feeling slightly more comfortable, I cross my legs and place a throw pillow on my lap, getting more comfortable.
“I could sense the squeal when I started playing with your balls.”
“That’s what happens when a man has never been touched there before.”
I gasp. “Seriously?”
“Seriously. You were my first.”
“I oddly take pride in that. I can’t believe no one has ever played with your balls before. God, it’s one of my favorite things to do. I love edging.”
“I could tell.” He clears his throat, making me laugh. “Fucking made me black out, beautiful.”
“Yeah, well, just repaying the favor,” I say, feeling shy, wondering why our conversation went in this direction. Maybe it’s for the best, because what we’ve been doing has been very unspoken, and now, well, getting it out in the open only makes it feel slightly better.
“Why didn’t you let me repay the favor last night?” he asks.
“Afraid I’d want more.”
“What the fuck is wrong with that?”
I press my lips together and lean my head on the back of the couch.
“I think more would lead to kissing and we haven’t kissed yet because, well…
that seems intimate, like crossing the line.
Which seems ridiculous in the grand scheme of things.
I mean your dick was in my throat last night, but, kissing, that’s… that’s growing a relationship.”
“And that scares you?”
“It does.”
“And you were afraid if I returned the favor, that’s where it would have led?”
“I know it would have, especially since my control around you is wafer thin.”
“Maybe that would be a good reason to let loose and kiss me.”
I shake my head even though he can’t see me. “No, I can’t.”
“Not yet?” he asks.
“I don’t know. I can’t think about it. I’m taking this one day at a time.”
God, today, it felt like one minute at a time.
“That’s fair,” he says. “Were you nervous that we would have gone all the way?”
“Yes,” I answer. “I’ve thought about it all day and I’m just not…I don’t think—”
“You don’t need to explain,” he says. “Seriously, Bower. I get it. And I don’t want you feeling like I’m pressuring you.”
“I don’t feel that at all. Not even a little.”
“Good, tell me if you ever do.”
“I will.” I let out a deep sigh. “God, I don’t want to talk about this. I’ve thought about it all day and I’m just fried at this point. Can you…can you tell me something stupid?”
“Something stupid?” he asks, and I can hear in his voice he’s really thinking it over. “Let me think…Oh, you know how you asked me if I could set you up with Nolan when you first came out here?”
“Yes,” I say.
“Well, good thing I didn’t because he has been wearing a thong every day during his hitting streak, and my guess is, if you two were dating, he’d be dipping into your drawers.”
I let out a laugh, the weight on my chest slightly lifting, just what I need. “He would have gotten his hand slapped. No one touches my underwear but me.”
“Yeah? What about me?”
I smile to myself. “Only when you’re pulling it off.”
“There’s my girl,” he says with all the joy in his voice.
I jot down the make and model of the two trucks I like in my notebook along with the dimensions. Okay, I’ve been able to narrow it down to two, which is impressive given how many options there were, but I like this, I think.
I stare at the options, overthinking maybe a little. Either one would do the job. Both have complimentary reviews; now I just have to pick one and be done with it.
“Interesting. I didn’t think you’d show up.
” I lift my gaze to find Cougar standing in front of me with his coffee and what looks to be a tub of protein powder.
He clenches it and says, “The store next door was having a mega sale. I might make millions, but I like saving a buck.” He plops down in the chair across from me and sets his garbage can–sized protein on the table.
“Why didn’t you think I was going to show up? You were the one who interrupted me yesterday. This is my spot. You’re just taking over.”
He leans back in his chair, studying me while sipping his coffee. “You’re quite sassy, you know that? Any other woman would be fawning over me right now.”
“And what did I say from day one, Cougar? I’m not like every other woman.”
“You’re right about that.” He nods toward my notebook. “So what do you have going on in there?”
“Picked out two book trucks to choose from.”
His eyes light up. “Really? Which ones?”
Once again, I turn my screen toward him and say, “I’m either going with the 210 Express or the 1180 Deluxe.”
“Oooo, solid choices, solid choices.” He clicks away on my computer, taking time to examine them. “You know, I can’t see where you could go wrong with either of them. Although, the deluxe has those old-timey wheels with the white interiors. That’s sick. But they might cost more to replace.”
“You think so?” I ask.
“Oh, for sure. Any sort of specialty tire will cost you more. Which means, your deciding factor is going to be if you want the fancy, expensive tires for the look, or if you want to go with the express and save money on tires in the long run.”
“Huh, I never looked at it that way.”
“And that’s why I’m here,” he says with a very cocky but cute attitude.
“I do like the whole aesthetic of the fancy tires. I think it could bring a vintage retro vibe that I’m going for, but then again, could I still achieve the same vibe if I went with the regular tires?”
“Depends on what the rest of the setup is going to be. What’s the look you’re going for?”
“Well, I was thinking about getting the truck wrapped in a vintage teal, even though I thought it would be pink. I think the teal would be more eye-catching with the rest of the look. And then I would have touches of mustard yellow and pink.”
“Nice. I like that. What’s it going to be called?”
“Umm, I was sort of thinking about calling it The Whimsy Wagon.”
“The Whimsy Wagon,” he says, testing it out. “Shit, sweetheart, that’s cute.”
“You think so?”
“Hell yeah.”
“I have a logo. Do you want to see it?”
“You do?” His eyes light up. “Fuck yeah, let’s see it.” I grab my computer and pull up the logo I had made a couple of months ago. It’s the first time I’m showing anyone, and frankly, I couldn’t care less if Cougar likes it, because I like it.
I turn the computer toward him and watch his smile grow as he reads the tagline out loud. “Whimsy, spice, naughty, and nice.” He nods. “That’s solid.”
“You like it?”
“Yeah, that shit is good.”
Would prefer for him not to call it shit, but I get it.
“Thank you.”
“And sure, the retro tires would look good with the logo, but you can get away without that shit. Maybe add something to the logo so it’s not just words.”
“I thought about that, but I couldn’t come up with a good mascot, if you will.”
“Sweetheart, it’s right under your nose.”
“What? A book?”
He shakes his head. “The wagon. Once you pick out the one you want, use The Whimsy Wagon as the mascot. That shit will sell.”
Dear God in heaven, he’s right.
Something I’d never expect to say about Cougar.
But there he is, a marketing genius.
“And the merch could be so cute.”
“The cutest.” He winks and then sips his coffee.
Huh, he has been surprisingly helpful.
Bower: Did you really send me cupcakes?
Bennett: Yeah, I don’t want you forgetting about me.
Bower: You really think that’s going to happen? You’re on my mind all the time.
Bennett: Good or bad?
Bower: Maybe a little bit of both.
Bennett: I guess I’ll take it. You’re on my mind all the time too.
Bower: Good or bad?
Bennett: Always good.
Bower: I guess that makes me a bad person, huh?
Bennett: No, I know what I’ve wanted for a very long fucking time, and you’re still trying to figure it out.
Bower: What do you mean a very long fucking time?
I stare down at the text, my heart racing as I try to decipher what he’s saying when, of course, my phone rings.
“Is this how it’s always going to be?” I answer. “You’re going to call instead of text?”
“When I’m desperate to hear your voice, yeah, and that’s pretty much all the time.”
“Good to know.” I head to my bedroom after locking up for the night and flop back on my bed that Bennett bought for me. “So, what do you mean a long fucking time?”
“Remember when I told you that I had a crush?”
“Yeah, the main reason why you haven’t had a girlfriend all these years.”
“Exactly. That crush, Bower, that was you.”
What?
No, that can’t be right.
“Bennett, seriously—”
“I’m being dead serious, Bower. Ever since I met you, I felt…
attached, and I know that might freak you out, but I’m willing to risk it at this point to show you how fucking serious I am.
This isn’t some conquer-my-sister’s-best-friend moment.
No, this has been an ongoing crush that has only grown stronger and stronger over the years, especially as we started to get closer.
And then when you moved here, well, I’ve just felt itchy and anxious but so fucking excited because I’ve been able to steal little moments with you.
Little moments that have turned into big moments.
The kind of moments I never thought would happen. ”
“Bennett,” I say, feeling completely speechless and slightly bamboozled.
I’m his long-term crush? Can that truly be possible?
So all this time he’s been…what, waiting for me?
Am I really the reason he hasn’t dated? And if I’m that important to him, why Cougar?
This is crazy. “I…umm, I don’t know what to say. ”
“You don’t need to say anything. I just want you to know where I’m at, in case that changes any of the bad things you’re thinking about.”
Maybe…just a little. Because there was the fear about this just being some sort of fling for him and then what do I do if I grow attached and then he ditches me for some younger model? What would I say to Gabby?
“I guess it’s, umm, it’s nice to know where you stand.”
“Ask me anytime. My position isn’t going to change.”