16. Ella
16
ella
My heart stuttered at his words, and I hated that it did. I hated that some foolish, lonely part of me wanted to believe him. To believe that fate—or whatever Dom and his nonno put their faith in—had finally put me where I belonged.
Life experience had taught me that fate, soul mates, instant connections, and kindred spirits existed only in romance novels. In real life, romance was transactional, whether it was an arranged marriage or an exchange of sexual favors.
I could recall so clearly the day that I had been summoned to my father’s office and informed that I would be marrying Giorgio. The contracts had already been drawn up and signed. Not by me, of course, because I had no say in the matter. That night, my mother and aunts had begun picking out my wedding dress, my flowers, my veil, with all the excitement of ordering new towels for the guest bathrooms. No warmth. No joy. Just business.
That was when I’d realized that those dreams I had about falling in love and living happily ever after were just that—dreams.
Dom’s family was much different from mine, however. Their love for one another was so open, so obvious, so genuine. I couldn’t imagine them being okay with one of them being married off, traded like a commodity for personal gain.
Was it wrong to want that for myself too?
Those old dreams I’d had about finding a man who truly loved me for me were starting to feel possible again, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. I’d finally accepted that it wasn’t going to happen, and now, Dom was challenging that acceptance.
I was challenging that acceptance. But could I trust it? Trust him?
The ride back to the shelter was quiet. Dom was deep in thought, and I was busy trying to rein myself in and sort fact from fantasy. I didn’t want to be that girl, the one whose heart would inevitably be broken because she’d foolishly believed in impossibilities. Dom wasn’t making things any easier by holding my hand and making small, soothing strokes with his thumb.
“I’ll be back later,” he said as he pulled up to the back door. “Promise me you’ll be here.”
I couldn’t say no to him when he looked at me so earnestly. Besides, even if I hadn’t agreed to give him a few days to do whatever it was he was going to do, I couldn’t abandon Ben and the animals without warning. I needed to set up contingency plans for when Dom finally concluded that the best solution for everyone was for me to leave.
“I’ll be here,” I assured him.
He raised our joined hands and pressed a kiss on my knuckles. “We’ll figure this out, Ella.”
Oh, how I wished I shared his optimism.
Once inside, I went back to my office and removed the phone vibrating in my pocket with a sense of unease. One look at the screen confirmed Pia was calling me, likely with bad news. I’d given her my number in a moment of weakness.
“What’s wrong?” I asked by way of greeting.
She laughed softly, but it was a nervous laugh. I could tell by the background noise that she was in a moving vehicle, and I was on speaker.
“Paranoid much?” she asked.
She had no idea.
“Cautious,” I corrected. “Shouldn’t you be back in Chicago by now?”
Her hesitation was brief. “Change of plans. I’m not going back, Lessa.”
I closed my eyes, a potent mix of relief and dread washing over me. Relief, because I didn’t want her stuck with the same fate I’d risked my life to escape. Dread, because I knew from experience that she’d be looking over her shoulder for the rest of her life. I didn’t want that for her either.
“What are you going to do?”
“We’re not sure yet.”
We, not I.
“Tullio is with you?”
“Yes.” I could hear the adoration in her voice in that single word. For what it was worth, they made a great couple. Not that our family would ever accept Tullio as a suitable husband for her.
“I’m happy for you, Pia.”
“Thanks. You’re quite the inspiration, you know?”
“Hardly,” I said.
I’d given up everything and left behind everyone I loved for the freedom to live my own life and a slim chance of finding love and happiness, but it hadn’t been easy. At least she had Tullio. That man would die before he let anything happen to her—which, given our family history, was a distinct possibility. I could only imagine my father’s reaction when it became known that not one, but two daughters of his ‘ndrina had disappeared without a trace.
I didn’t point that out. They were both aware of the risks. Along those lines, I didn’t ask what their plans were or where they were headed. Even if she was of a mind to tell me, it was better I didn’t know.
“Good luck. I wish the two of you the best.”
“Thanks. And, Lessa?”
“Yes?”
“Everything is going to work out. Ti voglio bene, cugi .” I love you, cousin.
“ Anch’io, cugi. Sempre. ” Me too, cousin. Always.
She disconnected the call, and I sighed, wishing I could ensure her happiness through sheer force of will. Maybe I could do my own while I was at it. I had a brief, vivid image of the four of us—Pia, Tullio, Dom, and me—laughing over cocktails on a tropical beach, carefree and happy. It was a nice picture.
“I didn’t know you spoke Italian.”
I jumped and turned around, finding Ben standing just inside the doorway with Daisy by his side. I’d been so lost in my own thoughts that I didn’t notice them approach. Clearly, I was letting my guard down.
“Ben! You startled me.”
“Sorry about that. Daisy’s been a little out of sorts today, and I thought a visit to her favorite human might cheer her up.”
“Oh no. Did she have a setback?” I crouched down on my knees, and Daisy came right over to me with her tail wagging. Enveloping her in a hug, I buried my face in her soft, silky fur. It was better than therapy.
“No, but the recent flurry of activity around here is stressing her out, I think. She misses you.”
I hadn’t been spending as much time with the animals lately, keeping my visits to early mornings and late nights, with all the foot traffic and volunteering going on.
“I miss her too.”
“So …” Ben leaned against the doorframe and watched the two of us. “Italian, huh?”
“I grew up with it,” I said with a shrug, which was true. “My grandmother lived with us and didn’t speak a word of English.” Also true.
“Ah. You don’t talk much about your family.”
“No, I don’t.”
When I said nothing more, Ben put up his hands. “Message received. I’ll mind my own business.”
It was impossible to be irritated with Ben. He was just that kind.
“Let’s just say, it’s not a pleasant topic, and leave it at that, okay?”
“Fair enough. And, hey, I wanted to thank you.”
“For what?”
“For everything, I guess. Things have been steadily improving since you showed up. Our budget is back under control. Money and volunteers are pouring in. Oh, and the animals have their very own angel looking out for them.” He smiled and winked, making me laugh. “I don’t know what we’d do without you.”
I kept the smile on my face, though an ache took up residence behind my rib cage. Did he sense that my days here were numbered and dwindling fast?
I would miss the shelter terribly. Of all the places I’d visited over the last seven years, this was the only place that had ever felt like home. Which was exactly why leaving was the best thing I could do. I cared about this place. I didn’t want anyone to wind up in the cross fire should it come to that. The risk had been minimal before those pictures hit the internet, but now …
“Come on, Daisy. Let’s leave Ella in peace.”
Daisy licked my face, then promptly went over and curled her big body under my desk.
Ben shook his head, trying not to smile. “I guess she wants to stay with you for a while. Do you mind?”
“Not at all. She’s good company.”
“All right. Text me if she becomes a bother.”
With Daisy curled around my feet and snoring softly, I buried myself in the books. I was a meticulous bookkeeper, so everything was in order, but what was now second nature to me was not necessarily second nature to whoever would be taking over my tasks. I made lists and notes about accounts and schedules, and I detailed the precarious balance of income and expenses—something that was more optimistic with the recent fundraising efforts and volunteer labor. The more I documented, the more depressed I became. I loved this job, and I was good at it. I loved the animals. Ben was an awesome boss.
I didn’t want to leave. I was happy here.
I paused as that sank in. I am happy here . When was the last time I could say that?
And if I was crazy enough to take a chance with Dom, everything I’d ever dreamed of might be within reach.
Was I willing to walk away from that?
My head said I should leave quietly. My heart said this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and I should fight for it with everything I had.
Eventually, Daisy began to nudge me with her cold, wet nose, letting me know that she needed attention. I looked at the clock and couldn’t believe how late it was.
“No wonder you’re nudging me,” I said to the Lab mix. “You must be hungry, and I bet you have to pee too.” I knew I did.
I pushed my chair back and got to my feet, taking a moment to arch backward in a nice stretch. Daisy did the same, extending her front paws and yawning before taking her place at my side.
The hallway was noticeably quieter than it had been earlier, and the scents of fresh paint and new lumber hit me as we drew closer to the front. It appeared that most of the volunteers had left for the day, as had most of the staff. I knew Ben was around somewhere. He never left without telling me he was heading out. He was probably in his office, catching up on paperwork, like he usually did at the end of the day.
I took Daisy to the kennel and made sure she got some food and some fresh air. The playground, as we called it, had gotten some upgrades over the past week too. I laughed when I saw the colorful plastic kiddie pools strategically placed around the yard. They were filled halfway with water, and plastic balls were bobbing and floating in them. Judging by dogs’ reactions, it was a new favorite.
I shouldn’t have been surprised to see Gina there, snapping pictures. She’d become a regular at the shelter. I had to admit, the website she’d put together was top-notch.
“Hey, Ella,” she said, straightening from her crouch and coming to stand with me. “Ben told me about the wading pools, and I couldn’t resist. Plus, I was hoping I’d run into you today.”
I braced myself, prepared to say that, no, I still wasn’t interested in doing an interview or providing a bio. But that wasn’t what was on her mind.
She grinned at me cheekily. “So, you and my brother, huh?”
I blinked at her. “We’re just friends.”
“He brought you to Mama C’s, didn’t he?”
I nodded.
“And Nonno’s?”
Again, I nodded.
“Well, there you go,” she said, as if that explained everything. “Listen, you’ve probably heard rumors about Dom, but take them with a grain of salt, okay?”
“Okay.”
I guessed I didn’t look convinced because she tucked her hair behind her ear and tilted her head.
“Have you ever heard that saying, the one that says, You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince ?”
I blinked at her abrupt change of topic. “Sure.”
“Well, let’s just say that Dom has kissed a lot of frogs while looking for his princess.”
I laughed at the image that brought to mind, right up until the time Gina looked me in the eye and said softly, “I think he’s finally found her.”
I should have protested. I should have told her that I was no more Dom’s princess than he was my prince.
I couldn’t.
Not when I wanted to believe it myself with every fiber of my being.