10. Mackenzie #4
That’s when I realize what’s different about being with Jake.
He’s not making a conquest. It’s not a seduction.
It’s a mutual quest for satisfaction. We’re each considering what the other likes – I’m excited by his pleasure and he’s the same about mine.
It feels like a team effort or a mutual endeavor, which is rare and wonderful and completely irresistible.
No wonder I want more.
No wonder I want to do the exact same thing to him. I reach up and graze his earlobe with my teeth, feeling him shiver at the caress of my breath on his ear. He probably can feel me smile. “I want to be on top,” I whisper and he groans.
“You’ll kill me.”
“You’ll die happy.”
“There is that,” he rumbles. “Knees up.” I pull up my knees, gripping his waist and he kisses me again, slowly and sweetly. He drives a bit deeper into me and rocks so that I gasp and he chuckles.
Then his hand is under my butt and his arm around my waist, and in a quick move, I’m sitting astride him again.
I stretch my arms over my head, the awe in his expression making me feel powerful and beautiful.
Then mischief glints in his eyes and his thumb slides between my thighs, his caress making me moan.
I have a moment’s doubt, certain that there’s nowhere to go but down, that any future casual encounters can only be lacking. Maybe I should have taken a pass on a second night. Maybe I shouldn’t have indulged – don’t they say ignorance is bliss?
But then Jake touches me and I forget every reasonable thought I’ve ever had.
There’s just Jake and his hands, his heat beneath me and inside me, his admiration making me feel invincible.
I shake out my hair and let him look at me, knowing by the heat in his eyes that he’s loving the view. I’ll never forget this night.
It takes forever. It doesn’t take nearly long enough.
We luxuriate in coaxing each other’s desire, drawing out the arousal to a monumental tease, stopping and then building it again.
There are moments when I don’t think I’ll survive until morning.
There are moments when I’m sure this would be worth any price.
We both come and it’s awesome, a tidal wave of epic proportions that leaves us shaking. Time stops, the world is a million miles away and there’s only the thunder of his heart beneath my cheek.
“Not fair,” Jake murmurs, pushing a hand through my hair. He kisses my temple and I know his pulse is slowing.
I also know what he means.
“Because you promised not to fall sleep?” I brace myself over him, smiling at the sight of him fighting his body’s reaction.
“Because you knew that and you nuked me anyway,” he complains drowsily.
“You nuked me, so maybe I could compromise.”
“You? Compromise? In my dreams.”
I kiss him quickly as he yawns. “Take a little nap.”
“Hmm.” His eyes drift closed. “And you’ll leave.”
“I won’t. I promise. I’ll be in the shower.”
I see a glimmer of blue as his eyes open just a little. “There’s temptation.”
“I’ll wait for you.”
“Promises, promises,” Jake murmurs, but his words slow and he drifts off to sleep.
I know I should get up, but I don’t move.
I watch him, noting how much gentler he looks in sleep.
Less formidable, but just as handsome. Not vulnerable, exactly, but maybe less of a fortress.
His arms are still around me, and his body is warm.
I forget the shower, slowly moving so that we’re lying side by side, my head on his shoulder, my hand on his chest.
I’m always on the go. I’m always moving to the next thing, but in this moment, I’m just savouring the moment with Jake. I know this night will end, it has to, but I want to capture this instant forever.
And there in the darkness, I start to wonder if this could be more because Jake is different.
My friends are always looking for love, romance and happily-ever-after, and I’ve been happy with physical satisfaction in my personal life.
I wonder if it really was just a question of finding the right guy, the one who understands me, the one who shares my convictions – the one who would defend my ambitions as vigorously as he defends his own.
We’ve been blunt with each other. I know I’m pondering the impossible. But entangled with Jake, I can’t fight the sense that I’m finally home. That’s a powerful conviction and I’m not at all sure I want to fight it.
I could fall in love with this man.
Maybe I’m already falling.
Maybe that’s the dumbest choice I’ve ever made.
I’m not sure it is a choice.
I shake my head and slide out of the bed, leaving him sleeping. I know Jake Cavendish is never going to fall in love with anyone – and if he does, he’ll keep that a secret to his grave. I understand that, and yet… and yet, I can’t help thinking how awesome we could be together.
Enough. I head to the bathroom for a shower, pushing all my whimsy aside, I’m smart enough to know it’s best forgotten, that yearning for the impossible just gets your heart broken.
I can regret that reality, just a little, though, and no one ever needs to know.