31. Jake
Jake
I sense that if I decline, that might set us back a bit on that new beginning.
On the other hand, it is a wedding, in Empire, that Mackenzie will almost certainly attend.
I wonder if Abbie is coming, and send her a text.
She is.
The thing is that my presentation to the Cavendish clan is scheduled for Labour Day, the holiday Monday.
This year, it’s September 1, so it’s the same weekend as the wedding.
I was going to drive down and back the same day, but I can’t stop thinking about that corporate rental owned by Rhodes Vineyards.
It’s actually not the accommodation I’m thinking of.
Mackenzie could say no.
I wouldn’t blame her.
I’m hoping she’ll say yes. I’m thinking we could have one last fling, then walk away from each other forever. I know this is wishful thinking on many levels, but I want to see her. I refuse to examine that more deeply.
I could pick up Abbie on Friday, drive down to Empire, stay the night, attend the wedding, stay two more nights, have the meeting and drive home late Monday.
It’s a highly enticing option and not because the townhouse has a good hot water heater.
I check the online reservation system and the townhouse is available for the entire weekend.
That’s practically kismet.
I book it for the weekend. I know that Mackenzie will get an alert when a booking is made.
I sit waiting for my phone to ring.
It does not.
It is charged. It has a signal. (I check. Twice.) The booking is confirmed, and yet, my phone does not ring.
I shouldn’t be surprised that Mackenzie’s decided to be smart. Her brilliance is a big part of what I like about her.
She has accepted my refusal to get more involved. I shouldn’t be surprised that she’s listened to me.
Against all reason and rationality, I’m disappointed.
I hear nothing all week from Mackenzie. Crickets. I halfway expect her to be at the townhouse when I arrive – after dropping Abbie off at Daphne’s place – but no. The place is as silent as a tomb.
It feels extra empty. I go through it all, out of some compulsion to prove that I’m right. But I’m wrong. She’s not there. No one is there.
I order a pizza and consider the merit of calling her.
Then what? Grovel?
It says something for my mood that I’m considering the plan.
The doorbell rings but instead of the pizza delivery guy, it’s Mackenzie. I know because she lets herself in before I can answer the door. I stop cold in the foyer and she flicks the door shut with her fingertips. She looks decisive. Purposeful. Extremely sexy.
“I need to tell you something that you don’t want to hear,” she says. “I need to be the asshole here, by your own definition, just in case that’s what makes everything work out.”
“Am I supposed to understand what that means?”
“No. Not yet. You’re supposed to listen until you do.” She takes a breath and I realize she’s more nervous than I’ve ever seen her before. Then her gaze collides with mine and I almost take a step back from the power of her will. “I’m here to make this crystal clear.”
“Okay.”
“I want more, and I want more from you. I don’t want a fling. I don’t want just sex. I don’t even want a bear on demand. I want to find out if we can have a thing. I want to date. I want to have a relationship that has one eye on the future, and I want it with you.”
Her words make my heart go crazy, but I know my limits. “You want the impossible.”
“No. What I want is absolutely possible, if you want it half as much as I do.”
“What if I don’t?”
“Then I think you’re lying out of some misguided plan to protect me from you.
” I would argue that but her voice softens.
“I’m falling in love with you, Jake Cavendish.
I’m falling hard and fast, like I’ve never fallen before, and if I follow my instinct, the way you advise me to do, then I’ll end up marrying you. ”
“No. Bad idea.”
“Brilliant idea.”
“You can’t know…”
“You’re right. I don’t know. I can’t know.
You can’t know. The difference here is that I want to find out.
I want to take a chance on you and I want you to take a chance on me.
And maybe six months or a year from now, we’ll have to cede that it can’t work.
But I don’t think we can know for sure until we try – and here’s the thing. It might work brilliantly.”
More than half of me is on her side, but I still argue. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“And I don’t want to be hurt. You said you would do anything for a woman if you loved her, and I believe you. You’re moving mountains for people you don’t even like, ensuring that Candace has an assured future and giving Madison a chance at her dream.”
“Just fulfilling my duty as executor.”
“No, you’re going above and beyond, because that’s what you do.
You give a hundred and ten percent when you believe something is the right thing to do, and you don’t care what it costs you personally to do that.
You don’t want to get involved with someone because you hate compromise as much as I do, and you don’t want to potentially sell someone short, especially not someone you love.
You don’t want to ever fail anyone you care about.
I respect that. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t ever love anyone, or that you can’t ever take a chance on love. ”
She’s making too much sense, but I’m still determined to step away. “It won’t work, Mackenzie.”
“Why won’t it work? Why can’t it work? I like you. I like how you listen and I like how you change your course with more information and I like how I can count on you to always have my back. I really like making love with you.”
I open my mouth and close it again, because I can’t argue with that.
Mackenzie continues. “It’s never been better, and that’s because it’s not just sex.
” She puts her hand on my chest when I’d argue that and I surrender.
“You don’t have to admit it out loud. I know and you know and this has never been a fling.
I know you’re afraid to disappoint me, but I think we can figure it out together. ”
“It’s impossible,” I repeat. “You’re here and I’m there…”
“I would give up Rhodes Vineyards to be with you.”
I catch my breath, thinking I must have heard wrong. Her gaze is steady and sure, though, so I know I didn’t. “And that would destroy you, which would be my fault. You’d hate my guts within three years.”
“I don’t think so. I think it might be worth it.” She smiles, just a little, twisting my guts into knots. “I think you might be worth it.” That declaration makes me dizzy. “I certainly would rather know than spend my life wondering.”
“I couldn’t ask you to do that.”
“You’re not asking. I’m offering.” She eases closer, but I keep my hands at my sides. If I touch her, I’ll be gone and the battle will be lost.
I will not be the asshole who breaks Mackenzie Rhodes’ heart.
“I want to be the woman you’ll do anything for,” she whispers, her gaze searching mine, her hands sliding to my shoulders. “Because I know you’re the man I’ll do anything for. It doesn’t make sense that we would fail to make each other happy.”
“I think it’s inevitable.”
“Because you’re afraid.” She gives me a poke. “You’re afraid to take a risk and find out the truth. Or maybe you’re afraid to find out that you’re wrong.”
“I won’t risk you,” I say with heat and step away from her. I have to look away. I don’t want her to know how much I’m tempted.
Fortunately, the bell rings again because the pizza has arrived. I feel Mackenzie behind me as I give the kid a tip. When I close the door with the box in hand, Mackenzie is still watching me.
“I love you,” she says again and it’s no less incredible the second time. “I’m not going to fall in love with anyone else, but it would be nice if you didn’t consider your options forever.”
And she walks past me to the door.
“That’s it?”
“What else is there to say?” she says, then opens the door and leaves. I stand there and watch her start her car, watch her back out of the driveway and drive away. She doesn’t look back.
She didn’t overwhelm me with her touch.
She just made her case and left me with a lot to think about.
A thing with Mackenzie. A part of me is screaming ‘yes yes yes’, but the smarter part of me is sure it can only end in disaster.
I’m not sure anything could be worth that.
Funny. I was starving but now this pizza is the last thing I want.