Chapter Nine
The first few days alone with Ben were eye-opening.
Ben had a lot more sensory issues than German had realized.
It turned out Ruth’s powering-through-life method had done more damage than good.
The more time they spent together, and the more adjustments German made, the easier things got for both of him.
German had honestly thought having to explain why Dara was gone would be the hardest part.
Luckily, Dara had talked to him about coming to stay with Blaze and German for a while.
She had done a great job of smoothing the way.
Plus, Ben was just damn smart and had seen way too much for his young years.
While he was still very much a kid, it seemed he was used to a lot of bullshit.
German just wanted to let him be little.
For only two weeks, it had been the busiest and longest fourteen days of his life.
They colored, built models, shopped for new clothes Ben would wear without texture issues, and foods he would eat for the same reasons.
German also hadn’t realized exactly how bothered Ben was by loud noises, especially unexpected ones.
Ben had done such a good job with the loud music when they built their model in Maine, that one had come as a big surprise in the form of a major meltdown.
As hard as it was to watch and handle, each uncontrollable outburst taught German new lessons.
The more he learned, the fewer mistakes he made, and the easier their days went.
He missed the fuck out of Blaze. It was hard enough being apart without adding in him having a hard time finding alone time for FaceTime dates.
Despite understanding Dara would be missing from his life for a while, the separation anxiety was real.
Ben did not like it when German was out of sight.
Oh, and for whatever reason, no one had noticed Ben needed glasses.
That was a fun fact he learned when the doctor German had found informed him that was why Ben didn’t show interest in things he couldn’t hold close to his face.
So, now Ben was decked out in his new glasses and—thankfully—the doctor he found specialized in helping kids like Ben.
She was a pediatrician with an additional degree in child psychology.
While Ben had only seen her once, things had gone really well.
Ben actually fell asleep in his own bed after the doctor suggested he let Ben decorate his room and make it his space.
Ben knew more about what made him comfortable than anyone else, so that made sense to German.
Apparently, it worked. German wasted no time booking it to his bedroom and FaceTiming Blaze the moment Ben was out.
When he answered, it sounded like a huge party raged around him. “Hey, baby. You called!”
German’s eyebrows snapped together. He was instantly pissed off in a way he couldn’t even describe.
While German had spent the last two weeks dealing with this for Blaze and his family, Blaze had been partying and getting wasted, apparently.
“Yeah. Ben fell asleep about ten minutes ago. Sorry to interrupt your fun.”
German watched Blaze walk, switching his gaze between his path and the screen. He closed a door behind him, and the noises surrounding him disappeared. “Don’t be mad, baby. We’re finally getting to talk. We never get to talk.”
For some reason, Blaze’s words had the opposite effect of whatever Blaze hoped to accomplish. German fumed on the inside. He couldn’t even respond, he was so enraged.
Blaze sat. “Okay. Your jaw is flexing at double the rate it normally does when you’re upset with me. Talk to me. I can’t fix things if you don’t tell me we have a problem.”
German pinched the spot between his eyes.
He had thousands of words, but every way he looked at things, he looked like an asshole.
How could he bitch and not sound terrible?
The situation was bigger than them. He just felt sick and didn’t know where to start.
German had given up his job and maybe… “I guess you have me where you want me now so you can go back to partying and doing whatever you want, huh?” Okay, it seemed German did not intend to save face and avoid an argument.
Blaze’s expression took the wind from his sails, making him feel like shit. “Is that what you really think? We had a show tonight, and it’s getting close to the end of this thing. Everyone is tired and just needs to blow off some steam.”
German leaned back against their headboard and banged the back of his head on the wood. There was no way he could win in this scenario. He chose not to try. “Forget I said anything.”
“No.” Now Blaze sounded angry, and he was just fucking exhausted.
But he had opened this can of worms, and it seemed Blaze intended to keep it open.
“It seems like you’re practically accusing me of something here, and I’m not okay with that.
I fucking love you. If you tell me you want me to stay locked in my hotel room every night until I come home, that’s what I’ll do.
I know how much you’re sacrificing right now.
Believe me, I’m not taking that shit lightly.
I’m just trying to make it through one more goddamn week so I can be with you again.
It’s only been two weeks and I’m climbing the fucking walls.
Every time I have to make an appearance or stick around after a show when I don’t want to, I’m miserable as hell without you.
Trust that I pictured this tour differently too.
For sure, I’m disappointed every damn day you’re not here.
So tell me what I can do to make this easier because I don’t fucking know.
I’m here, feeling like the worst brother, uncle, and fiancé in the world.
Meanwhile, I’m aggravated you’re not with me and then mad at myself for being selfish. So, seriously, tell me what to do.”
German saw the genuine frustration in Blaze’s eyes. His chest hurt. “I miss you.”
Blaze immediately deflated before his eyes.
“Goddamn it, baby. I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve—” He ran his hand through his hair, looking ready to tear it out.
Blaze blew out a sigh. “Okay. This is ridiculous. I have no right to be upset. For fuck’s sake, it’s only been two weeks and I’m acting like you abandoned me.
Let’s start again. Hey, sexy. I miss you like crazy.
I love you so, so fucking much and I can’t wait to come home. ”
A smile tried tugging at the corners of his mouth.
They were both being ridiculous, really.
Blaze was right. It had been two weeks. German also acted as if Blaze had run out on him, leaving him a single father for a year while he partied with no care.
Honestly, he felt a little dumb now. “I love you too. Seven more sleeps and you’ll be here. ”
“Fuck. That just reminded me that next Saturday is when I have to attend the Glam Gala. There’s no way you can go with me now.
That fucking sucks, dude. I hate charity events.
Like I don’t mind just handing over some money, but no.
Appearances draw interest or what the fuck ever.
You were supposed to be at my side, looking way sexier than me and giving me a rest from all the eyes constantly watching. ”
German shook his head at Blaze’s overreaction.
“It’s one night. Plus, the gala is only a two-hour drive from here.
When it’s over, you can drive straight home.
God, I can’t fucking wait for that moment.
I didn’t know I could miss someone so much.
Why is this so much harder than it should be?
It really has only been two weeks. Goddamn. What’s wrong with us?”
Blaze laughed. “I don’t know. That might be a long list. I guess it’s just all the stress of reality at a time that should be for us, you know?
We picked the roughest time to fall in love.
” He pulled a face. “You’re right. What is wrong with us?
Apparently, between the two of us, we don’t have much good sense. ”
German chuckled. Love swelled inside him. “It’s this. When we’re together, you’re so much my person, if that makes sense? You make me laugh and melt. Every time you smile or get all jokey, you just own me. When I go a day without you, everything is all maschugana.”
“Hmm. Jokey and maschugana. I see you’ve chosen gibberish to describe the situation.”
German laughed again. “God, I really can’t wait to marry you.”
Blaze’s smile turned sweet. “For real, you just made my night. Have I told you how much I love you?”
“Probably.”
“Cool. I’ll tell you again later.”
He really was the light of German’s life. Everything felt too serious and harder without Blaze filling his life with smiles and laughter. Joy. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I hope you know that.”
“Probably, but I know you’ll tell me again later.”
German couldn’t stop smiling. All the weight lifted from his shoulders.
They would be okay. He could make it without Blaze for seven more days.
The more he thought about it, the more ridiculous he felt for being upset in the first place.
He had been stressed and scared. God, he was so scared he might fail Ben.
Everyone had so easily turned to him in their time of need, and it was so much pressure.
He realized now how much Blaze not being there had forced him to second-guess everything.
Ben was Blaze’s nephew. German was practically a stranger to him.
Every decision would be easier if Blaze was there to back him up, giving some sort of family approval, he supposed. But he could do this. He would.
Blaze made a sexy sound that snapped German straight out of thought. “Damn, beautiful. You’re really going to be an amazing dad. How could any kid not love you?”
German’s throat swelled. Like always, Blaze knew exactly what to say to save him. It was no wonder German was so lost without him. How in the hell had that happened?
With his phone between his hands and resting on his lap, Blaze stared at a painting hanging over a bed.
Hunting dogs chased each other in the image.
He didn’t even know who lived here. A weight landed on his shoulders.
German was right to be angry with him, and not for the reasons German stated. Well, those too, but more.
Diesel poked his head in the door. “There you are.” He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him.
“You can’t be hiding from me like this, dude.
I’ve been searching everywhere for you. You’re my responsibility, and I didn’t know if—” Diesel stopped cold.
He moved to the end of the bed and sat. His knees brushed Blaze’s.
He leaned forward and set his hands on Blaze’s knees. “Tell me what happened.”
Blaze had spent Diesel’s entire lecture staring at his lap. At the obvious concern in Diesel’s voice, Blaze squared his shoulders as he met Diesel’s stare. “Nothing. I’m good.” He managed the fakest smile he had ever achieved.
Diesel shook head. “Don’t do that. I’ve been with you too long for you to try that shit. What’s going on?”
Blaze didn’t know why he answered. He simply swallowed past the growing lump in his throat and then opened his mouth. “I had a fight with German.”
“Okay. Do you want to talk about it?” Diesel was always so fucking calm. Maybe that was why Blaze didn’t shut down the conversation.
Blaze motioned wildly around him. “This. I’m here, doing this. Meanwhile, he gave up everything for my nephew. Apparently, this is how I repay him.”
Diesel nodded. “To be fair, doing things like this is one of the things that keeps you popular.”
He kind of loved that Diesel was always on his side, even when he was wrong.
This was one of those times he shouldn’t.
“No. Not in this case. I’ve been so fucking angry at my sister for so many years and I’m glad she’s getting help.
But she took all of German away from me, and I’m having a very adult version of a temper tantrum.
I didn’t even realize that’s what I was doing until I heard the hurt in his voice.
For real, Diesel, I don’t deserve him. He didn’t hesitate to step up, even knowing I wouldn’t be there to help.
My mom is furious with him and on a rampage because he won’t go against Dara’s wishes and bring Ben to her.
Now I’m sitting here high like Dara always is, and what the fuck is wrong with me? ”
Diesel shrugged. “You’re learning as you go.”
Blaze wanted to scream at the top of his lungs.
“That’s the thing. I shouldn’t be. Before him, I can’t even describe how miserable I had become, even with all this.
” He motioned wildly again. “Then I met him, and I realized why I couldn’t stand my life.
He is a peace and comfort I’ve never had.
So why would I put everything at risk for a stupid party? Who even lives here?”
“Yeah, I have no clue.”
Blaze barked out a laugh at Diesel’s tone.
Diesel immediately returned to being serious. “German is a steady person. He won’t end things over this one mistake. Just do better next time.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. He had already accepted a job in Washington before this shit happened with Dara. I asked him to marry me instead, and then five minutes later, Dara was there, giving us custody. Now look at me showing him exactly why he shouldn’t tie himself to me.”
“Wait.” Diesel straightened from his hunched state. “You asked him to marry you? Did he say yes?”
“Yeah.”
A smile exploded across Diesel’s face. “You do realize him saying yes meant he already chose you over freedom before you ended up with Ben, right? Like German has been a personal bodyguard forever. He’s never owned a home or even rented an apartment, as far as I know.
I’m not sure he owns anything beyond whatever he keeps in two suitcases.
That guy’s the biggest nomad I’ve ever met in my life.
He hates sitting still, and he chose you.
There’s no way he leaves after one fuck-up.
I know there’s no way he made the decision to be with you forever lightly. ”
Diesel sounded so sure that Blaze believed. “I still need to do something to make up for this. I don’t even know where to start with that.”
Diesel nodded as if he took the matter seriously. “You should probably start by getting your ass out of the cuck chair and getting back to the hotel.”
A laugh burst out of Blaze. He looked around. Sure enough, it looked like that was exactly where he sat. Diesel was right. He should get his ass up and start making German just as happy as German made him. Even happier than he was. Blaze had this.