Chapter 21
twenty-one
Sprawled out in the bed, hair covering her face, the slight ache between her thighs all felt like the remnants of a goodnight.
The cherry on top – Cairo’s flutter of kisses to the exposed parts of her skin as he settled against her on the bed.
Tiredly, Kamilla let her hands find the root of his hair and massage his scalp.
“Tell me we don’t have anywhere to go,” she muttered.
The rasp of his voice matched hers and he accompanied his comment with a kiss. “We don’t have anywhere to go. Fahaad wants me at the studio by seven.”
“Do you need me?” Kamilla quizzed, eyes still closed.
“I always need you, K. That ain’t a question.”
A small smile pierced her lips. “What time is it?”
“Noon. I’ve been out already so I’m laying here with you until we hit up Pepe’s. In the meantime, I slid by Gary’s and got your morning special,” he spoke with a groan, wrapping his arms around her waist and rolling her on top of him.
“And your morning special?” Kamilla asked, readjusting.
“You know that’s you. Morning special, midday, evening, night. All day. Every fuckin’ day,” he muttered, rubbing her skin and allowing her to melt back into her state of rest.
“Be careful, you might be forming an addiction. Don’t want you selling beats to mediocre artists to afford you next hit,” she joked.
“I’m finna be them niggas dressed in leather singing in the desert,” Cairo added, before his raspy voice let off an off key melody. “Kamilla, I will cry for you toniigghttt.”
A snort of laughter fell from her lips as she attempted to roll off him. “Cairo, please!”
“An hour is just too damn long,” he continued, holding her close. Her body in a fit a giggles felt like home to him.
“Mind you, they were on cocaine,” Kamilla laughed. “There’s no excuse to be in the desert in full leather.”
“Niggas be in love and begging with no shame,” Cairo spoke, settling his laughter. “I get it. You better know if you try and leave, I’m begging, snatch and grabbing, and something might blow up.”
“Might?” Kamilla asked with a brow raised, opening her tired eyes. “There’s already one building gone.”
“Mhmm. It’ll be a whole block fuck around,” he shared, pulling her thigh over him. “You special to me, K. And I can’t fully describe it. Not in words. The shit comes in like fuckin’ music. Melodies all the time.”
“I’ll take all the parts,” Kamilla stated, nuzzling into his side more, ears tuned to hear whatever he had to say.
Cairo pulled in a deep breath and hummed as he pushed it out. His hands in the curls he freed at some point while they were sleeping. “Is it too soon to say this shit was meant to happen?”
She rocked her head against his side. “The constant waves of death taught me that it’s never too soon. I wish there were things I told my parents but I thought I had time. I didn’t.”
“What would you have said?”
Kamilla fought the urge to cry. It’d been almost a week since she did and quite frankly she was tired of it.
But she couldn’t win the battle against her body needing a release.
“I would’ve told my mom that it was okay to be sad.
To miss him. To miss who she was. It was okay for her to not be okay.
I would’ve told her that I needed her, too.
Instead, I became the mother – the strong one because the last part I had of my creators was weak. ”
“What about your pops?” Cairo mused.
She sniffled pulled in a shaky breath. “I would’ve told him I understood why he wouldn’t let me be with him all the time.
I fought that so bad. I wanted to be everywhere he was.
He was such a fierce protector. He was the best dad.
And I gave him the teenager attitude because I couldn’t be in his mix all the time. ”
Kamilla stopped to laugh dryly. “I just hope I can make him proud. Do something with this ear he left me. Protect his legacy.”
Cairo shifted his body so he could peer down at her and wipe her tears.
“Sorry, I’m crying,” she mumbled and sniffled.
“Don’t be sorry,” he mumbled back. “He talked about you a lot.”
Kamilla’s brows met, eyes squinted as she asked, “You knew him? Like more than the rest of the hood did?”
Cairo nodded. “Been going back and forth with how to tell you. Didn’t want you to think I was a nigga looking for clout off your pain.”
“I wouldn’t have thought that. No one with bad intent puts themselves in front of someone else. Clout typically comes with selfishness,” Kamilla replied. “How’d you meet him?”
Cairo chuckled. “The summer I got some skin in the gang for real. I came in with a body on my hands but ten was still too fuckin’ young to trust me for real.
I was maybe fourteen or fifteen, getting bored with sitting in the trap house all night.
I was definitely over watching hoes turn tricks for drugs.
I was complaining too, ‘Y’all gotta put me in the field, I’m sick of smelling this shit.
’” So to shut me up, they sent me KP’s way.
Your pops was that nigga. He didn’t play with nobody and his didn’t take no shit from nobody.
The night I met him was like meeting a celebrity for real.
His energy was huge and he just sat in it so calmly. Like you do.”
“Did he ever talk about us?” Kamilla asked.
“Never in mixed company. It was one of those things he kept close to his chest. It was one night sumn was off and he was mad as hell because he was late leaving. I asked him what his problem was and he looked at me and said, ‘When you find something to love more than this gang shit, you’ll get it.’ It wasn’t until we were alone he showed me a picture of you and your mom.
He was so proud of that – proud that he had something so beautiful outside of the game he wasn’t ready to exit. ”
“I guess that’s why he hid us.” Kamilla huffed. “How proud of us was he really if he hid us?”
Cairo pulled her back on top of him. This time, Kamilla straddled him, placing her hands on his chest while she listened. She never had the opportunity to experience KP from someone else’s lens.
“Nahh, that wasn’t it. That was never it. I knew without question – without names or location that you two made that nigga’s heart beat. Proud was an understatement. Everything he did, he did it with you in mind. I saw it. And now that I’m older, I get it.”
“Well, that helps some,” Kamilla said. “Did he ever talk about getting out? He promised me he was.”
“That’s probably why he started pouring everything in his music. Listen, KP was a man of his word. He taught me that shit.”
Kamilla gave him a small smile as she wiped her face. “I have so many questions but I don’t think I can process all the information today without feeling like I want to waste the day away being sad. And I am so sick of being sad.”
“You sure?” Cairo posed, and she bobbed her head.
“Yeah. I’d rather go back to feeling warm and fuzzy. Distract me.”
“You know at some point, you’ll have to ask those questions and be ready for the answers,” Cairo stated.
“Were you the one that put the bullet in his chest?” Kamilla asked.
“Hell no.”
“Then for right now, I’m okay,” she breathed. “You were going to tell me something before I started crying. What was it?”
“That I love you.” Cairo’s declaration was rooted in confidence.
“And outside of my momma and my granny, I’ve never loved nobody.
Not like this. Not like I gotta include you in every decision I make.
Not like I think about what you need before what I need.
Not like if it came down to it gun at my head, they’d have to take me before they think about laying a hand on you.
I don’t want to scare you, I just want you to know where a nigga is at with this. ”
Kamilla smile and palmed tears from her cheek. “You’re determined to be all of my firsts?”
“And only. I’m possessive like that. You can’t tell?”
“I can. You like being on, in me, around me. Riddle me this, though ‘cause I’m an overthinker. Are you going to love me just for a summer and when you get done, drop me like a hot topic?”
“We can’t steal the moon and then I leave my accomplice out in the wind. That’s how niggas get caught up. Plus, you KP’s daughter, you might be a crazy as I am,” he taunted. “You liable to kill my ass.”
Kamilla rolled her eyes. “I am not crazy. Both of us can’t be nutty.”
“Mm,” Cairo groaned. “I haven’t folded you up yet. Something about your toes touching the headboard might unlock “I’ll kill this nigga” and being that I just started living, I’ll hold off on that.”
“Oh you get on my nerves,” she laughed, lifting her body off of him, only to be pulled right back down.
“You got something else to ask me. I see it in those eyes. Tell Cai Baby what it is,” he teased.
“You get called that three times and now I can’t call you anything else?” Kamilla huffed, rolling her eyes.
“Mariposa,” he rumbled. “Say it.”
Kamilla pulled in a deep breath and huffed. “So like at any point you don’t want me or this anymore, don’t string me along. My biggest fear in life is ending up like my mother— literally dying of a broken heart.”
“Can’t imagine a world where I don’t love you. But I hear you. I’ll let you go, now if another nigga gets to have you is the part I ain’t settled with yet,” he taunted but seriousness rested all over his face.
“Oh my God, man. Let me up so I can eat my donuts. And if you’re not going to let me up, at least carry me.”
“You get real bossy when you’re hungry,” Cairo spoke, maneuvering off the bed with her still attached to him. “Got me listenin’ though.”
“Good,” she hummed, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Hear this, I love you too, crazy.”
Cairo smiled, kissed her, and completed the trek to the small living room. She ate, drank her latte, and tried to ignore her buzzing phone. It was no one but Aunt J. Kamilla hit the button ignoring the call and laid back on Cairo.
“At some point you got to talk to her,” he shared.
“The point isn’t today,” Kamilla muttered. “I want to be lazy until we have to go.”
“Aight then.”