~~~Chapter 18~~~ #2
Hearing that, I dropped my head, accepting that I was on some fuck-shit. I once prided myself on being blunt and clear about shit. So, tap dancing around shit wasn’t usually my style. She deserved more than that from me.
“Look, I…I apologize,” I let her know.
She nodded, while tucking her lips into her mouth. “So…where have you been staying?”
I rubbed the side of my face. “Mostly with my baby.”
“With your baby, huh?” She scoffed, while her nostrils flared. “Her mama too, right?”
I scratched my jaw. “Yeah. That too.”
Shaking her head, she exhaled. “I still can’t believe this shit.
One minute, I’m crying because I wanna have your baby.
Then the next, I find out that you already have a baby.
I get in my feelings. Say some shit that I really don’t mean.
Then you run off to be with this girl. Like we wasn’t just in love.
Or was it just me? Was I in love by myself, Khamere? ”
Licking my lips, I thought about it. “I love you, for sho. I mean…I’ma always love you.
But sometimes…when you been with somebody for a while…
you stick to it, because that’s what you was programmed to do.
Not because you just gotta be with that person.
Or you can’t be without them. You still with it, because it’s familiar. It feels safe.”
She scowled. “And that’s how you feel about me? I’m just safe?”
I inhaled, wanting to choose my words carefully. “Ion wanna reduce you down to just that. You know that a nigga used to be crazy about you—”
“Used to?” Tears filled her eyes. “So…you don’t love me, anymore?”
“I feel…I feel like…if I was still in love…then I wouldn’t feel the way that I feel about…her.”
Her lashes fluttered. “But this doesn’t make sense. You…You said that you never cheated. So, how does a fucking one-night stand have you immediately questioning where you belong?”
I cleared my throat. “I never said that she was a one-night stand.”
“So, what was she?” Her lips angrily curled.
I sighed. “Somebody that I was feeling…but her situation looked too messy, and then you called. I took that as a sign.”
“Then what changed?” She bucked her eyes.
I licked my lips. “We made a baby. So, I ended up back around somebody…that I liked already. And I realized…that I aint been happy like this…in years.”
With that, tears streamed down her face. “Maybe it’s because she gave you the baby you wanted.”
I shook my head. “I can’t call it.”
“So, now what?”
“I’ma…hire some movers to pack up and move everything. For now, I’ma keep paying my portion of the bills. But in a couple of months, we’ll decide what to do about the house.”
“What?” The tears continued to fall. “So, you aint even gon attempt to make this work?”
I huffed. “Are we gonna ignore what I just told you? I been over there with my BM. So, even if I decided to come home, now that’s a whole new issue. You know damn well that you wouldn’t be able to trust me with her—”
“But what if I said that I can accept the baby?”
“Listen.” I stroked my goatee. “If it was just about you accepting my baby, which I highly doubt you even meant that, this conversation would be completely different. But like you said. I left here, and went right over to her. That’s what I wanted to do.
I realized that almost immediately, but it was fucked up, because I realized that I had been wasting time. Mine and yours.”
“Or is this infatuation, because she gave you the child that I couldn’t?”
“Mannnn,” I drawled. “You stuck on that shit, and that aint got nothing to do with me. Overall, us having a baby was a new concept, and I said that I wanted one in the heat of the moment. Then you ran with it. Gave that shit way too much energy, honestly. This aint about that.” I stood up.
“I just wanna do something different,” I admitted.
“My bad for not coming to terms with that sooner, and leading you on.”
“No.” She vehemently shook her head. “Hell, no!” She sprung to her feet. “You don’t get to walk away like that! Not after all these fucking years!”
“Okay.” I nodded. “So, what do you want me to do? Stay when my heart aint in it? Huh?”
“Your heart aint in it? Or is it that a new piece of pussy got you confused? What I want from you is to remember who I am and what I’ve been to you!
I’m sure that any money-hungry bitch would play nice to get to you.
But I was here first. I believed in you so much that I got my daddy to take a chance on you. ”
“So, you want me to be with you, purely based off your old man fronting me some work? Is that really what you want for yourself?”
“Who is she?” She suddenly questioned.
“What?”
“Nigga, you heard me! Who the fuck is she?!”
I shook my head, as I turned to leave.
“Oh, so, you can’t at least tell me that?” She badgered, as she stepped behind me.
“Nah, man.”
“It better not be anybody that I know. Because if it is, then you might as well cut ties with that hoe. Cause y’all won’t have one minute of peace. I put that on everything I love!”
Nodding my head, I acknowledged what she was saying, before ambling right out of the door, refusing to go back and forth. She could say whatever, and do whatever, but this shit was a wrap, and hopefully she’d come to terms with that.