~~~Chapter 21~~~
Jaylah
I kept gazing out of the window, while in deep thought, as we were in Malice’s car, driving away from his mama’s.
I couldn’t stop replaying he and Paisley’s loud argument in my head, and there were some things that I’d heard that really bothered me.
Things that I hadn’t considered. And now, I was wondering if we’d been going about things all wrong.
I guess Malice could pick up on my distance, as he lowered the radio, and cleared his throat. “Why you so quiet?”
I sighed, while gradually turning to face him. “I’m thinking about some of the stuff that Paisley said.”
He loudly exhaled, seemingly becoming irritated. “Stuff like what, man?”
“What, man?” I cut my eyes at him. “Nigga, really?”
Briefly pausing, he took a deep breath. “I’m just asking. What exactly was it that bothered you?”
I twisted my lips, as I thought about it. “I’m wondering…if I’m kinda like an unhealthy distraction. Like maybe I’m stopping you from thinking clearly. Because I didn’t realize how much unfinished business you left on the table, while trying to get right with me.”
“Unfinished business?” He repeated with what sounded like confusion. “Wait. Are you talking about when she mentioned that I didn’t bother taking her name off certain shit?”
“Yes.”
“Okay.” He licked his lips. “Something that you gone have to learn about me is that no matter what’s going on…
my head is always on a swivel. So, I’d have to be the slowest nigga alive to entrust my livelihood to a scorned ex.
I wouldn’t put myself in that type of vulnerable position.
That means that Paisley has access to nothing that could potentially cripple me.
Whatever accounts she’s on…if she somehow took every penny, then I wouldn’t break a sweat.
Of course, she don’t know that…and if she’d just chill out, then I’d tell her that the money is hers. ”
My eyes widened. “So, she could have every penny?”
He nodded, before glimpsing at me. “That wouldn’t be an issue, would it?”
“Umm, no. Not at all. Listen, I don’t know the ins of outs and what went on between you and Paisley.
I don’t know if she’s played roles in helping you make money or what.
It’s not my job to come along, and try to dictate what she does and doesn’t deserve.
That much is between you and her. And knowing that you don’t want to leave her in a fucked-up position tells me a lot about the type of man you are.
It’s something to see…when a man decides that he doesn’t want a woman, but still handles her with careful consideration. ”
“Yeah…right.” He nodded.
“But that wasn’t my only concern,” I admitted.
“This is still fresh. I mean, I’m obviously enjoying this time with you…
but for all we know, this could just be infatuation.
On both ends. I could be enticed by the idea of giving my baby a family.
Then maybe…you enjoy fucking me, and this newness excites you.
Or this could be the real thing. I don’t know.
But just to ensure that we weren’t moving too fast, and you’re thinking clearly, maybe you should’ve taken some real time to look at everything.
Like give yourself a period where you’re not sliding between my legs to see if this is really something deeper.
Because…I don’t wanna wake up feeling blindsided one day, after you’ve realized that you still have feelings for her, and wanna make it work. ”
“Mannn,” he drawled. “Now, you tripping. I can tell you that much.”
“What do you mean?”
“Cause you listening to a muthafucka that’s going through it, and is struggling to accept reality.
Clearly, she’s so convincing that it’s making you question what it is between us.
Now, all I can do is show you through my actions, and you’ll let your guards down when you get comfortable.
I understand that it gotta happen naturally.
So, I’m not tripping. I got patience. But as far as this concept of me taking a step back from you…
what the fuck was you gonna be doing, while I did that, Jaylah? Was you gonna wait for me?”
I frowned. “Ewe. Hell, no.”
He nodded. “My point exactly. Plus, I’m a realist. You just got up and slept somewhere else for one night, and I was about to lose my fucking mind.
You gave me too much space, if you asked me, and I didn’t like how that shit felt.
So, fuck doing what seems the most mature to the outside world.
I don’t care if it seems like I didn’t take a break in between relationships.
Cause the truth of the matter is that it really wasn’t a big gap.
But I don’t care. This is what I want. This is what I’m focused on.
Shit, I think you know that, but you’re letting that guilty conscience talk for you.
And that’s not something I can help you with.
You and only you gotta make peace with the fact that you with me, despite the fact that it hurts somebody you was cool with.
So, even if it hurts her to her core, we’re choosing us.
Yeah, it probably makes us villains in her story, and you gotta learn to be okay with that.
Otherwise, we’ll go in circles, because that would be something that you’re letting hold us back.
I need you completely in this, Jaylah, or Ion want it. ”
Gradually, I nodded. “I’m completely in this.”
“Okay, cool. So, know that I’m not Paisley’s ex. I’m your nigga. That’s it. That’s all. And move accordingly.”
Three months later…
Malice
“What you say?” I spoke into my cell, while sitting behind the wheel of my Rover. I was parked outside of a gambling shack in the hood, preparing to make another move.
“I got your money,” Chaz, the nigga who ran one of my traps, reported.
“Okay. Somebody will be there to pick it up in a few,” I let him know.
“Alright. I’ll be at the spot, waiting,” Chaz responded.
“Yeah,” I agreed, before ending the call.
“Trap phone stay jumping, huh?” PJ chuckled, as he was reclined in my passenger’s seat.
“Nigga,” I sighed heavily, dragging a palm across my face. “That’s a fucking understatement.”
“That’s what happens when you pretend to be a house nigga to bag the broad you want. Been in the house too much, now the business is calling.”
Leaning my head sideways, I smirked. “And there you go.”
“Shit, you know it’s true. You been missing in action like a muthafucka.”
“I know, I know.” I yawned. “I guess I just never realized how demanding this street shit is. With Paisley…we didn’t have kids or nothing.
So, I could spend a day with her, here and there, and she was good.
But with Jaylah and Khari…it feels like there’s never enough hours in the day.
And when I come in real late…I be feeling guilty as fuck.
Especially cause with each day, my baby girl is getting more attached to me.
She knows my voice and shit. I can calm her down, even when her mama can’t, sometimes. ”
“That’s what’s up.” PJ nodded. “My kids be geeked up whenever I can spend time too, but I always tell them that daddy gotta get it. So, I can’t be in the house like that.”
I shook my head. “Nigga, you tripping.”
“I’m tripping?” He frowned. “How you figure that?”
“Because. Hustling is supposed to be a means to a end. Not the point of it all. Sounds like you got shit twisted. Because you live the lifestyle you live, you should wanna spend as much time as possible. And you gotta know that money can’t stand in the place of you actually showing up.”
PJ shook his head in disagreement. “You know that it aint no such thing as halfway in these streets, right?”
“Nah. Aint no rules to this shit. It’s whatever you make it.
Shit, one of the main reasons that niggas love being in the streets is that you don’t answer to nobody.
And you choosing to go to the club most nights, and hanging on the block to shoot dice is a choice, nigga.
So, you sound crazy saying that your kids basically gotta understand that the streets comes first.”
“So, I aint supposed to have a life no more, just because I got kids?”
“Mannn,” I drawled. “After finally experiencing what being a father feels like…I feel that if your life don’t drastically shift, after having a baby, then you aint committed to being a parent.
You aint supposed to live the way you lived, before having kids.
And if that’s how you wanna do it, then wrap it up, nigga. ”
“Yeah, okay, nigga. I guess we just gotta agree to disagree. If you ask me, you just pussy whipped for the time being. Shit, and if I was in your shoes, fucking a Braxton girl, then I might be singing a different tune too. Cause lil’ mama is badder than a muthafucka.
On a lot of niggas’ wish list too. So, I salute you for that. ”
“Yeah.” I absently stroked my goatee, as my mind drifted to Jaylah. I had been gone most of the day, and I’d sent a couple of texts that she hadn’t responded to.
If I had to guess, she had a little attitude.
The night before, I came in at like five in the morning.
I thought that she would’ve been sleeping, but she was wide awake, and had mentioned that she didn’t like the hours I was keeping.
We went back and forth about it, but I remained firm on the point that my hours were unpredictable, and I couldn’t always commit to coming in by a certain time.
After that, she really didn’t have a rebuttal, and maybe I had prematurely assumed that we’d gotten past that.
To go all day without hearing from her wasn’t the norm. We’d always check in throughout the day, however, today had been different. And now, I was thinking about the statement she’d made, right before we both fell asleep.