Chapter 19 #3
He strides forward, eyes on the car to make sure it’s gone before he turns back to me.
Exhaustion bleeds from his pores, and I want to wrap him in my arms. I close the distance between us, my hand drifting up to his stubbled cheek.
Another silent conversation passes between us, like it did a minute ago when our hands were clasped behind his back.
This time, staring into his eyes instead of his broad shoulders sends a different feeling coursing through me.
“What are you going to do?”
He shrugs and gives a quick shake of his head. The hopelessness on his face is unnerving. “Same thing I always do. Find a way to pay off my dad’s debt before he gets himself killed.”
“What? He won’t—”
“Pay it himself?” He laughs bitterly, pulling away from me to pace in a tight circle.
“He can’t hold down a job to save his life.
He’s been out of work for months, which is why he risked borrowing money from someone like Ray to gamble with.
He doesn’t know how to take care of himself.
I’m the one who’s been keeping a roof over his head, food in the fridge.
But I don’t have enough for …” he trails off, pacing in a small circle as he clasps both hands behind his head.
“Two grand? Jesus Christ, Dad …” he mutters.
I think of the money I saw in his glove compartment. He must have saved money to give to his dad to take care of him. I feel like a prize jackass for ever thinking badly of him for it.
“Can you call the police?”
“I’d only be ratting on my dad for illegal gambling.
He barely speaks to me as it is. When I go over there once a week to drop off groceries and make sure he hasn’t drunk himself to death, I’m lucky if I get a grunt of acknowledgement.
But if I got the cops involved?” He shakes his head.
“As much as I’d like him not to be my problem, he’s still family, you know? ”
“So, what are you going to do?” I ask weakly.
“I’ll just have to come up with the money.”
“How?”
“I don’t know!” he snaps, then takes a breath.
When he speaks again, he’s calmer, but I don’t blame him for being worked up about this. I wish I knew how to help.
“I don’t know,” he repeats. “But I’ll figure something out.”
I’m worried for him. I hate that he’s carrying this alone, this selfless man who would do anything to take care of the people around him. He might have been the one protecting me a few minutes ago, but I feel a surge of that same instinct to shield him coursing through me now.
That’s when it hits me. I’m about to earn a decent amount of money tonight.
I’d had it earmarked to pay for Lyla’s half of the shop before someone else snatches it up, but I know there’s a much better use for it.
It’s not two grand, but it’ll help. And the rest, well …
we’ll figure it out. We have a week to do that.
But a weight lifts marginally off my chest, knowing it’s at least a start.
It’s not uncommon for people who attend these types of workshops to tip, either, so giving them the best possible experience now is about so much more than a good review.
Parker’s jaw hardens when I voice the idea, looking anything but relieved. He cuts a stern look at me through the dusty air. “Sloan, no. Not a chance.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not your fucking charity case, that’s why.”
I flinch at the bite in his words, but it only takes a second before I step forward, spurred on by the determination roaring inside me.
“Explain to me how this is charity when you’ve helped me with just about every aspect of tonight.
” My heart is pounding. “Exactly,” I say when he fails to answer, stepping into his line of sight when he tries to turn away.
“I’m still not taking your money.”
“You said you’d figure something out. Here it is. I’m not giving you an answer to all your problems, Parker, I’m just offering something to help.”
“Why? Because you feel sorry for me? So you can hold it over my head?”
He wants me to balk, but I refuse, standing my ground.
I could placate him, trying to convince him that my intentions are genuine.
If he were anyone else, that’s exactly what I’d be doing.
However, his refusal to accept my help only fuels my anger.
Not two hours ago, when we were about to get hot and heavy in the feed room, he told me he couldn’t help the way he felt about me, and he knew I felt it too.
Now suddenly he’s denying that it means something?
“I’m not answering that. If you would let yourself see past your pride for a goddamn minute, you wouldn’t even have asked me that in the first place.”
Something like remorse flickers behind his eyes. “Sloan, I—”
“No.” I hold up a hand to stop him from getting closer. “If you don’t want my help, fine. That’s your prerogative. But if you still don’t think I’m being genuine with you about my intentions, that tells me everything I need to know.”
I cross my arms, ignoring what the disappointment in his expression does to my insides.
He already questioned me once; the first time we almost crossed this line.
I thought I’d managed to convince him that he didn’t need to, but what happened between us earlier was clearly nothing more than a moment of weakness.
I’m not looking to fall into anything again without my eyes wide open.
I learned the hard way with Caleb about what happens when I ignore the red flags right in front of my face.
I’m not about to make the same mistakes again.
Not when I’ve already wasted so much time.
Another vehicle pulls into the driveway, drawing our attention. We both stiffen, my heart instantly hammering in my chest, and rush to the door to see who it is. Instead of Ray coming back with more threats, it’s a limo, which can only mean one thing. My guests have arrived.
Twenty minutes ago, I was about to break out in hives at the thought of doing this on my own. Now it doesn’t even seem important.
“I’m gonna get out of your way,” Parker says, his voice softer now, but his eyes still not meeting mine. “I won’t be far. In case …”
He doesn’t say it, but I know what he’s thinking. In case Ray comes back.
“Good luck tonight.”
I nod, saying nothing. There’s nothing more to say.
He disappears out the back door, and I turn to the limo as it comes to a stop in front of the barn. Eight young women in plaid pour out of it, giggling and wide-eyed.
This is it. I do my best to clear my head and focus on the event, shaking free all thoughts of Ray, Parker, and, most importantly, of Parker and me.
Whatever I thought was building between us has already burned up faster than a barn full of hay, but I still have the thing I’ve been building on my own.
Though I haven’t been preparing for this party alone—Parker’s been there every step of the way.
As I step forward to greet my guests, I’m acutely aware that this is the first time I feel like I’m doing this with no one behind me. No one to catch me if I fail.
I quickly push all thoughts of Parker as far out of my head as possible.
This is precisely why it was a bad idea to use him as a distraction in the first place.
Sure, it might be fun in my downtime, but if I let it get in the way of what mattered, I’d never forgive myself for it.
Tonight isn’t about him, and so much is riding on this one event that I have to focus.
I swallow back the tiniest bit of vomit.
Alright, Sloan. Game face.