Chapter 24
“Aren’t you glad you decided to like me?” I tease as Parker presses kisses against my shoulder.
I don’t know how long we lie tangled in the sheets together.
I’m on my side, Parker curled around me.
His arm folds over me, wrapping me in a protective cocoon, his fingers intertwined with mine.
I have no issues holing up in this tiny cabin for as long as we can.
Away from the world, away from our problems. The world shrinks until it’s just me and him, and I feel safe. Whole.
“There was no decision, Sloan. It was inevitable.” I pull our hands towards me and kiss each one of his fingertips.
“I am sorry, though,” he says, and I love the way I can feel his voice through my entire back.
“For being such a jerk. Even if you were a total pain in my ass, sometimes, I’ve been told I have issues trusting people. ”
“Is that why you’re so afraid to take my money?” I ask, the dim cabin feeling like a confessional.
He takes a deep breath before he answers. “It’s not that I don’t trust you. I’m afraid of becoming like my family. If I don’t owe you anything, then there’s no chance of me ever hurting you.”
I roll over to face him, my fingers tracing the curve of his cheek. “But …”
He stops me, a finger brushing over my lips. “Haven’t you ever been scared of something that doesn’t make sense?”
I swallow, sudden tears pricking the back of my eyes. “I’m afraid I’ll never feel like I belong somewhere.”
He blinks. “What?”
I squeeze my eyes shut and let out a long breath.
And then I tell him everything.
The whole complicated mess comes spilling out, along with the emotions I’ve been suppressing around it all.
I don’t know how much time passes, but when I finally finish, Parker’s expression is mixed.
“That’s … I can’t even imagine how that must have felt to find something like that out.
My family is far from perfect, but at least I’ve always known where I come from.
You must be so angry with them for keeping that from you. ”
I shake my head. “I keep waiting to feel angry, but that’s not it.
Did I wish I wasn’t the last one to find out?
Yes, but I understand why they chose not to tell me.
Honestly, what makes it so hard is that nothing is changing.
Regardless of how I got here, he’s my dad.
He always will be. I love him, I just … don’t know how to act around him right now.
It feels strange to go back to talking about everyday things after finding out something that should be monumental, you know?
I think maybe with a little time, I won’t feel so awkward about it all. ”
“Is that why you haven’t returned his calls?” he asks gently, drawing light circles on my shoulder.
How much did Parker notice about me before I even realized he was paying attention?
“I haven’t even talked to him since I got here. I wouldn’t know what to say.”
He turns his unfocused gaze forward, deep in thought. “He might,” he says eventually. “Maybe all you have to do is give him a chance to say it.”
“I’m scared,” I admit. “We’ve already talked about it, but now it’s like there’s this concrete before and after, and I’m not sure I’m ready to be on this side of it.
And it’s about more than my relationship with my dad; it affects Tabitha, too.
We’ve always had this special connection, and … I’m not ready for that to change.”
“Hey.” He sits up, pulling me with him, swiping a thumb across my wet cheek.
“You don’t have to worry about that, okay?
Never. Tabitha loves you. Nothing is going to change that.
Trust me, being related by blood doesn’t mean shit.
Look at my family. My mom and brother took off to get away from my deadbeat dad, who spent so much time in the casino that he barely noticed, unless it was for long enough to blame me for everything.
” He sighs. “Dad gambles a lot. Growing up, he’d sometimes be at the casino for days.
Lost more than a few jobs because of it.
” Other than shame, there’s barely a hint of emotion in his voice.
“You’ve never mentioned your brother before,” I say softly. “Do you want to tell me about him?”
I’m not sure if he does, and I don’t mind if he’d rather not talk about this. I only want to offer him the same support he’s showing me; in whatever way he’ll accept it.
“Luke was a year younger than me. When my mom left, I ended up trying to take care of my dad and him. He always talked about getting out, like we’d be able to walk away from him one day.
He had a plan for us to join the military and see the world.
But when he finished high school, I couldn’t go through with it. ”
“Why not?”
He stares at nothing, his jaw tight. “If we left, my dad would have no one looking out for him. I couldn’t wash my hands of him, knowing that.
” He scoffs. “Hell, even now, I can’t even leave him for a week without wondering what shape he’ll be in when I check on him.
He wouldn’t survive on his own. But Luke’s biggest fear was turning into him.
He didn’t want to get stuck. Turned out that mattered more to him than Cass, even after she told him she was pregnant. ”
I smooth my hand over his bicep, frowning as I realize something.
“You keep talking about him in the past tense. Did he …”
“He’s alive. He’s just … not around anymore.
He got out of this town and decided he wanted to stay that way.
Didn’t think he could be a good father, so he never bothered trying.
I guess he thought it was best to leave that to me, and suddenly I was taking care of Cass and Mason too.
He’s never coming back, so there’s no point pretending there’s still a chance of that. ”
An apology catches in my throat because I know it won’t change anything. Instead, I try for something that I hope means more.
“They’re lucky to have you.”
He gives me a tight smile, like he doesn’t fully believe me.
“Why are you telling me all this now?” I ask, my fingers brushing the hair at the base of his neck.
“Because you asked. And because, despite everything, I … trust you.” As he watches me, I get the distinct feeling that he might have been about to say something else. His chocolate eyes drop to my mouth. “Don’t break my heart, okay?”
I fold into his arms and breathe him in, trying to leech some of what I feel for him back into his skin. “You don’t have to handle this alone,” I whisper instead, letting my free hand drift up to the center of his chest, resting there.
His muscles contract beneath my fingers, like his body is physically trying to keep me out of his heart. But I can tell from the look on his face that it’s not working.
“Let me help you, Parker.”
Let me in.
I can’t explain why the need to bypass all his walls is suddenly so consuming, but it’s the only thing that matters to me right now.
The line between his eyes deepens, but there’s no anger there.
His shell is cracking, finally, and instead of patching up the weak spots, he’s choosing to let them come down.
Even though he’s unnerved, he nods, and my chest constricts with a tight squeeze of relief, happiness, and gratitude rolled up into one.
I wake, eyes sandy with sleep. The sheets beside me are rumpled but empty and I look up to see Parker emerge from the bathroom.
“You’re dressed,” I complain.
“Sadly, yes.”
I burrow deeper into the mattress, pulling the covers up to my chin. “What are you doing out of bed?”
“It’s late. I have to go turn in and feed the horses.”
I sit up, holding the blanket against my bare chest as I look out the window; pale, late-afternoon sunlight illuminates the open-concept cabin.
I reach for the nearest piece of clothing, which happens to be one of Parker’s hoodies, and stretch as I get out of bed before following him to the kitchen.
“I’m guessing you can’t play hooky? I’m keeping this, by the way,” I add, the sweatshirt coming down enough to cover all the parts that need covering, washing me in Parker’s scent and fleecy softness.
“If I don’t show up, I will be missed. And yes, please. It looks much better on you anyway.”
He plants a kiss on my head and turns back to the fridge.
“You want some eggs?” he asks, slipping bread into the toaster with capable hands. “I never did feed you earlier.”
“No thanks.” I toy with the long sleeves that dangle past my fingertips as something strikes me. “Hey, why do you have so much food here? I thought you always ate at the house with Tabitha?”
He scratches the back of his neck with the handle of the spatula. “Oh, right. That’s kind of … kind of a new thing?”
I fight the smile tugging at the edges of my lips. “How new?”
I let him squirm for a few seconds longer than I have to before I put him out of his misery, grinning. “You’re adorable when you’re embarrassed.”
His ears turn red as he dishes the eggs onto a plate.
“Whatever. Point is, Tibby might not miss me for dinner, but I can’t say the same for you. You gonna talk to her today?”
The toast springs up with a loud pop, and I spread peanut butter on it with a knife and take a generous bite. “Yes. I think she’ll be on board with my idea for the Halloween event, even though it’s short notice.”
He puts a hand on my shoulder, drawing my attention to him.
“That’s not what I meant. You need to tell her the truth, Sloan.”
I let out a breath. I know he’s right. So why does the thought of telling her make my stomach turn queasy?
“She cares about you, no matter what.”
“I know. I care about her too.”
“Then you need to trust her. Caring about someone means being honest with them, even when it’s not the easy thing to do.”