Chapter 29 #2
“A few minutes ago, the bride said to me that you can’t choose family.
I’m not sure I agree with her.” I think of Tabitha, and my parents, and how they chose me.
Chose to bring me into their lives, to love me, and to give me a family I could be proud of, no matter what.
“Lucy and Keith chose each other, and—as of today—they’re family. ”
“Here, here!” rises from the crowd.
I now turn to Keith and Lucy, who are watching me curiously.
My voice wavers, but I push through the emotion that’s threatening to break it as I speak directly to them.
“Anyone lucky enough to find the family they belong with has everything they’ll ever need.
Blood is one thing. But the family you choose?
The family that chooses you? That’s something special.
So, Lucy, Keith, now that you’ve jumped in with both feet, hold on as tight as you can.
And never stop showing each other that no matter what happens, no matter how much time passes …
” I break away and my eyes find Parker’s one final time, speaking only to him now.
“You still choose him. You’ll always choose him. ”
I enter the barn through the people door at the side entrance, in search of Parker, and find him sitting with his elbows resting on his knees, behind a rope draped across the wide doorway, a no-entry sign swaying in the gentle evening breeze.
It’s bright in the barn, and it takes my eyes a minute to adjust to the light.
He doesn’t turn, but I can tell by the set of his shoulders that he heard me coming.
My heels aren’t exactly conducive to sneaking up on anyone.
“You left,” I say, at a loss for words. After pouring so much into the microphone, I think maybe I’ve run out.
“I’m supposed to make sure no one comes in here, remember?”
I nod, and awkward silence hovers over us. He eyes me closely, his expression unreadable.
“What you said back there…”
“I meant it,” I rush, stepping forward.
Nodding slowly, he keeps his eyes trained on me. “Will you still mean it tomorrow?”
He looks deep into my eyes, his dark ones masking a hurt I know I don’t fully understand yet. When I don’t answer, he stands and disappears into the office. I stand, my arms dangling limp at my sides.
Is that it? I wonder. Is it over, just like that?
My heart lifts when he reappears, setting an overturned bucket on the ground to sit on and leaving me the chair. I perch on the seat, placing my hands in my lap. The air is cold, and though I can’t do anything about my bare legs, I pull my blazer tighter around me.
“I get why you’re scared, Parker. I’ve given you every reason to be. But people can surprise you. You’re the one who made me realize that. I don’t want to throw away what we have because it took me too long to figure it out.”
He’s frowning at his boots, his expression frustratingly impossible to decipher.
“If you believe anything I’ve said tonight, please believe me when I say the last thing I ever want is to hurt you.”
He rubs the back of his neck as he struggles to find the right words. “I don’t like owing people a debt—especially ones I can’t repay. When you got in that truck with Ray…” he drags a hand over his face. “Sloan, if you’d gotten hurt, I never would have forgiven myself.”
“I wish I could apologize,” I say, my voice soft. “But I’m not sorry for what I did.”
His eyes lift, catching mine in the dim glow from the string lights over the door.
“You aren’t?”
I shake my head. “I know this might be hard to believe, but I kind of like you, Parker. You were in trouble. And every time I’ve been in trouble, you’ve been there to help.
I just … wanted to do the same.” I pause.
“No. That’s wrong.” I look back up, catching his eyes in a frown. “I don’t like you. I love you.”
I marvel at how easy it is to say, even when I’m pretty certain he won’t say it back. Because at this moment, I don’t need anything from him. I only want him to have this one thing from me. This one, simple, real thing, that means nothing and everything.
“None of this happened by accident,” I say, gesturing between us. “It wasn’t luck or fate or destiny. I chose you then, and I’m choosing you now.”
I stand, knowing that I’ve said everything I have to say. Choosing someone doesn’t always mean they’ll choose you back. But if you only love what you know will never go away, then you’ll spend your whole life never loving anything at all.
And he can’t tell me not to wait for him.
I walk past, hoping that he’ll reach for my hand to stop me as I duck under the rope to head back to the tent. But he doesn’t. I take a few more steps, then pause, turning back to him one last time.
“If you’re asking me to promise that I’ll never hurt you again, Parker, I can’t.
Nobody can.” If I’ve learned anything lately, it’s that the only way to avoid getting hurt is to be alone.
“But when I’m with you, it feels like I’ve found a piece of myself I didn’t know was missing.
And I wish you would give me the chance to be the same for you. ”
I fight the lump forming in my throat as I walk away, tears stinging behind my eyes, but I will them not to fall. Not yet. I’ll wait until the darkness swallows me, somewhere between the barn and the tent.
I’m almost there, my throat tightens painfully when gravel crunches behind me. Parker calls out, and I turn as he reaches me, far more out of breath than he should be for the distance he ran to get here. Before I can say anything, his hands tangle through my hair, pressing his forehead to mine.
“What was it you said about both feet?”
My face threatens to split in two, but I don’t care, because right now I have everything I’ll ever want or need. I reach for his chest and gather his shirt in both hands, not caring if I wrinkle the fabric.
“Hold on tight,” I whisper.
Standing in the driveway, framed perfectly by the lit doorway of the barn, beneath the stars, with crickets chirping in symphony all around us and the music playing in the distance, he kisses me like he’s never wanted anything more, and I can’t help feeling like I’m the luckiest woman in the world.