Chapter Seven – Alex
If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea
I'll sail the world to find you
If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see
I'll be the light to guide you
Count On Me - Bruno Mars
My phone wakes me up, it’s Wednesday morning, and I remember, even before opening my eyes, that Thalia and I have a call to discuss the mini-tour I’m going to do in Brazil as soon as I leave Vicious Bonds – in two months.
And as if that wasn’t enough, I have a song sitting at number thirty on the global Spotify charts, and I’m about to perform shows in Europe.
The good thing about the alarm ringing is that I’m sure none of this is a dream.
I get up, slip my feet into my white Havaianas, and grab my phone. It’s 9:40 AM, twenty minutes until the meeting. But I already see messages from Thalia, saying she has some news that can’t wait, and others from... A.J.
The display just shows “Wake up, woman!” like he doesn’t know that jet lag is killing me. I open the conversation to curse him out, but the messages make me sit on the bed, heart racing and mouth dry.
A.J: We’re in the global top 15.
A.J.’s message was sent three hours ago. I swallow hard, blinking twice, but the next message, sent just twelve minutes ago, makes me stand up again.
A.J: Where are you, Alexandra ? Top 10, we’re top 10.
A.J: And we’re the most played song in Brazil!
My heart races, and my eyes fill up again.
Me: I’m here. I’m here.
I type with shaky hands and a racing heart.
The song is a hit. We knew that. We sang it for the first time on a Friday, by Saturday the crowd was already singing along, and by Sunday, you could barely hear our voices.
From the first weekend, we knew that, even though Guilherme was crazy to throw a new song into the setlist last minute, he was also a genius.
But it wasn’t until after our last extra show in Brazil that the song went live on streaming platforms. In other words, it’s been less than seventy-two hours since it was available, and to be honest, I’m not sure if the song achieving this feat less than a week after being released is too fast or if three days is considered slow, but I don’t care. I’m completely blown away.
A.J: It’s gone viral on TikTok, they’re using it to talk about people they still love, even though they’re not together anymore.
A.J: It’s gonna be on the Billboard next week, I’m sure.
I read the messages, taking longer than I should, and decide to make a video call with him. There’s no way I can type like this. The phone rings, and I walk towards the balcony because I need to breathe.
The camera opens after the third ring, with all the guys!
“Congrats!” Rick, Thomas, and Gui shout, messing up A.J.’s hair, and as soon as I realize it’s no longer just me and A.J., I swallow the sob that rises in my throat.
“You were born for that song, Alexandra. So proud of you.” Thomas is the first to speak, which surprises me.
“That’s true. Putting you and A.J. on vocals really gave it a huge boost.” Guilherme endorses, a subtle smile on his face. “You deserve this success, Alex. I’m really happy for the band, of course. Tomorrow we’ll be in the top 5 if we keep this up, but I’m even more happy for you.”
Of course he is. From the moment Guilherme invited me, I knew he was trying to find a way to boost my career. After the GenZ days, he became a global star, Beatriz went back to the screens as the ‘nation’s sweetheart’, but me? Not so much.
I was part of the GenZ secondary couple, my romantic partner didn’t even like me that much in real life and made the courtesy of disappearing once the show ended, while I was left behind trying to find my place.
Even though I got some TV opportunities, the love from the fans was always much more for them than for me – if we were HSM, I’d be Taylor McKessie, the one with a very loyal fanbase but a small one.
“Thank you, guys. Truly.” I say to everyone, but my smile is for Guilherme.
“You’re changing my life and you don’t even know it.
” I try to remember all the verb conjugations, but I’m sure I didn’t put an “ing” where I should’ve and that I used “has” where it should’ve been “have,” but they’ll understand.
“We need to go out to celebrate.” Richard says, shaking his hair back. “How about a dinner?”
“Dinner’s off, Alex and I are going out.” A.J. snaps, as if Richard had insulted his mother. Richard throws up his hands in surrender.
“How about lunch?” Guilherme suggests, and the acceptance is unanimous.
“I’ll ask them to close a Brazilian steakhouse for us.” Thomas walks away with his phone in hand.
“Dani said we need to organize posts and videos to thank everyone, shall we record something?” A.J. suggests, drawing my attention to him, and I nod.
“Of course, I want to. I’ll just take a shower, do my makeup, and head to your room, what do you think?”
“I’ll take the shower of the week too, then, get nice and fresh to welcome you.”
“That’s it, take a premium bath, please.” I ask, and A.J., Guilherme, and Thomas laugh, but Richard holds back his laughter and stares at A.J.
“Oh, but... Just you two?”
“Dani’s orders.” A.J. responds.
The other three exchange glances, but I can hear the lewd thoughts about me, A.J., and a room from here.
“Alright. Let’s go, the three of us, to celebrate then...” Guilherme winks at me.
“But we were going to...” Thomas starts to speak, but Richard pulls him by the shirt.
“Come on, Thomas, no backing out now.” Rick says with wide eyes, and this tension of them thinking there’s something going on between us makes me laugh so hard.
In seconds, they’re out of the room.
“Top 10, huh...” A.J. breaks the silence, and I take a deep breath.
“Top 1 in Brazil, A.J., can’t even believe it, I shrug, knowing he has no idea what that means.
Vicious Bonds made my two hundred thousand followers turn into six hundred thousand.
It took me from performing in shows for one thousand or two thousand people, in rented spaces or at my castmate’s parties, and brought me to perform in stadiums. And, without a doubt, it gave me much more financial support than I ever imagined to start my own career.
And I would already be eternally grateful for that, and I said they were changing my life. The truth, however, is that they’re also fulfilling my dreams.
Having a song at the top of the charts.
I never thought that, with my mix of samba, MPB, and pop, I’d get anywhere near this.
But here I am, at number one. And not with a dancey, catchy song that doesn’t resonate with me.
But I made it, with their help, to the top of the country just with voice and piano.
And that makes the dreamer butterflies in my stomach fly everywhere.
“This is so crazy, A.J., it scares me sometimes... I know we reached this number because of the band, but...”
“But it’s still you, your face and your voice, right?”
“It was an impossible dream to feel all this, to live all this...” My eyes well up again and this time, I just let the emotion flow.
“I had no idea what GenZ was when we were at our peak, I didn’t really understand what losing my mom meant, because I was trying to take care of my dad, and then I tried to pretend I didn’t care about the distance between us.
All that, so some time later, these avalanches would bury me.
..” I take a deep breath, wiping away a tear, and laugh when I see A.J.
blushing, as if he’s about to cry with me, but he holds it in.
“All of that made me afraid of always being numb, of never noticing how amazing or horrible the moment is while I’m living it, and today.
.. I just felt it, and it’s so good.” I confess, grateful for having checked my phone before getting up and preparing for the day.
I think I would have over-rationalized, taken away my own merit, and pretended everything was normal if it hadn’t been like this.
“You’re amazing, but I don’t need to keep telling you this, just thank you for letting me share this dream with you.” A.J. winks at me, standing up. “And, you know, this doesn’t need to be a concern for you anymore.” My furrowed brow makes him explain: “I’ll always be here to remind you to feel .”
His tender and honest tone brings out a genuine smile from me because, unlike what the tabloids, magazines, and gossip profiles think, this is A.J.
The guy who doesn’t need grand speeches to praise me because he knows I would never define myself by what others say, the one who prefers to share a dream with me rather than turning it into a competition of merits; and a friend who’s not only willing to applaud my achievements but is also here to remind me to truly live them.