Chapter Twenty-one - A.J.
If you got a girlfriend, I’m jealous of her
But if you’re single that's honestly worse
‘Cause you're so gorgeous it actually hurts
Gorgeous - Taylor Swift
“A.J., are you listening?” Rick calls my attention.
“I am, damn it.”
“I would never tell... You won’t stop chewing your nail,” Thomas points out.
“And you keep looking behind you. What happened, you and Alex watched a horror movie and now you’re all paranoid?” Guilherme adds, smirking.
I let the three idiots laugh and clear my throat, getting back to talking about the Thanksgiving dinner that, since none of us are American, we’re calling a family dinner.
“I bought the flight to get there in the afternoon...”
“Great. Because my dad’s super excited to get everyone together. Especially now that Bia’s here, and my mom arrives tomorrow morning.”
“Your mom’s really coming? Cool, man.” Richard smiles with restrained happiness.
I know he’s happy for his girlfriend. Daniele’s always missed her mom, so my best friend must be on cloud nine.
But this info leaves everyone shocked. Since Guilherme moved to the U.S.
with his dad, his parents' marriage isn’t really a marriage anymore, because his dad doesn’t think of coming back, and his mom wouldn’t leave her own mother, who’s already elderly, back in Brazil.
“Is your grandma coming too?” I ask, voicing everyone’s doubt.
“No. My mom decided to come because Madá decided to spend some time with some relatives in the north of the country...” Guilherme smiles with tenderness. “You know, old people stuff.”
“Dani must be in heaven,” Thomas comments thoughtfully.
“She doesn’t know!” Guilherme and Richard say at the same time.
“Well, great timing — I was literally about to text her and ask why she hadn’t told me,” I say, pulling my hand away from my phone.
“How did you know, Rick? I don’t remember telling you, was it Bia?”
It’s funny that, even after all this time, Guilherme’s still jealous of his girlfriend’s friendship with our drummer. Little does he know, he’s jealous of the wrong woman.
“No, your dad.”
“Why did my dad tell you this?” The question makes Richard tense up, and I can’t help but raise my eyebrows.
But three knocks on my door make me tell them to give me a minute.
Still facing my computer, I tell Alexandra to come in and she opens the door. The look on the three of them says everything anyone who walks by her tonight is thinking:
Alexandra looks stunning .
I turn around and come face to face with a beauty far more intense than my computer camera could ever capture.
“I’m heading out, okay? No need to wait up — I’ve got the key,” Alexandra says, flipping her hair, exposing her collarbone as she smooths down the long, tight black dress hugging her body.
“You look stunning. Do you... know where you’re going, or just planning to explore the city that never sleeps?” I force a smile, trying not to show how much this late-night outing of hers is messing with me.
I mean, she’s here under my responsibility, I should be going with her.
“Wow, you think so? Isn’t it too much? Or, I don’t know, too simple? I mean, the coat will cover most of me anyway, but...”
“Hey. Don’t worry about it,” I say, getting up and walking toward her. “You’re beautiful, and this outfit is beautiful.”
I take her hand to spin her around, and wow, she looks perfect.
Her hair half-pinned at the sides falls in layers over her bare back thanks to the dress opening to her waist. The fabric doesn’t cling to her body, but it hugs it, fitting just right in all the perfect places.
I swallow hard, forcing myself not to look at the neckline – which is modest enough, but if seen from above by a guy as tall as me, it would definitely reveal the way to happiness.
“I know it’s silly, but we haven’t gone out at night yet, I have no idea how people dress around here...” she says, laughing to lighten the mood.
“Like anywhere else in the world. You look great.” I take a step back, not sure if I want to admire her beauty as a whole or if it’s the knot in my throat just thinking about her being out there alone.
But I shake those thoughts off and smile.
“And I don’t sleep early, you know. If you need anything, just text me. I’ll be here.”
“I’m just going for dinner. And maybe a walk around Times Square. I think Google’s going to be enough.” She shrugs with a wink. “Hey, boys.” She tilts her neck to the right, giving them a little wave.
“Hey, Alex,” they reply in unison, waving their hands while holding in their laughter.
And I may kill them.
“Well, I’ll leave you with the boys now.
See you tomorrow.” Alexandra rises on her toes – even in heels – and kisses me on the cheek.
I feel the soft brush of her lips, and without thinking, my hands land on her waist. I breathe in the sweet, familiar scent on her neck — and just like that, she pulls away.
I step back, unsure of what to do with the space she just created between us.
“You smell nice,” I say, trying to pull myself together.
“I always smell nice, Antony. I’ll see you tomorrow” she mocks, turning her back, and I walk to the door to close it as Alexandra exits.
I rest my head against the wood, wanting to forget about her dress, body, and scent. But the shouting from the computer jolts me awake.
“Shut up!” I yell, rushing to the device and plugging in headphones so the nonsense they’re about to say doesn’t escape this room.
“Were you leaning against the door because your flat mate left without you?”
Richard asks, holding back laughter with every word.
“Shut up, Rick, it’s just...”
“Just...?” Guilherme waits for me to finish.
“I’m just worried because it’s the first time she’s going out alone at night.”
“You look amazing,” Thomas mimics me.
“You look beautiful,” Guilherme adds.
“You look great,” Rick mocks in the end, and the three of them burst out laughing.
But I’m not laughing.
“Let’s talk about the family dinner at your place, Guilherme? Let’s discuss the shows before Christmas? Should I bring my guitar so we can play some music?”
I take a sip from my water bottle.
“Everything’s set with the dinner, we have two shows every weekend until December 21 st , then after the holiday break, we’re back for another month of three shows per weekend until mid-February. Any questions?” Guilherme asks, raising an eyebrow, and I exhale, shaking my head.
“That New Year’s show, we’re not doing it, right?” I ask just to be sure. None of us wanted to work on New Year’s, and for the first time in history, our boss actually listened to us.
“Victor confirmed we’re not doing it,” Richard adds in a tone as if he’ll crack our boss’s head open if he brings up that idea again.
“Oh, A.J., there are a bunch of guitars here, so just bring yours if you want,” Guilherme adds.
“Dinner’s settled, shows are settled... Let’s go back to talking about Alexandra and why you’re so crazy about her.
What happened… Did you finally find someone who said no?
”, Guilherme teases, though there’s a hint of curiosity behind it.
“I’m turning this shit off.”
“Cut it out, A.J. I’ve known you since you were a cocky little brat, and I’ve never seen you like this. If you’re not in love, you’re falling — hard.”
“You’re so full of shit, Richard.”
“Hey, I’m not taking sides,” Thomas says, twirling the end of one of his dreads. “But you were staring at that door the whole call. And after seeing Alex? Yeah… I get it.”
“Of course. Alexandra ’s going out alone, I’m responsible for her, you know? I invited her to stay here, and now she’s going out alone, what if something happens?”
“With that dress, looking hot like that, I’m sure a lot of things are gonna happen.
.. but I don’t think you need to worry about them.
” Thomas’s words make me close my eyes to stop myself from cussing him out.
“At least if you’re not in love and all.
..” he mocks, and Guilherme takes a swig from his water bottle just to keep his mouth occupied, and Richard agrees with Thomas.
“I can still turn off and go after her if you guys don’t stop pestering me!
” After a lot of back and forth, we start a game of Among Us before discussing anything.
It’s childish and silly, but it’s something we did back during the reality show days, and our first year as a world-famous band is making us a little nostalgic for the time when everything was just a dream.
Living the reality sometimes scares you, but, if the first time I was alone and lost, it’s good to know that now we’re four friends. Sharing joys, sorrows, and keeping each other’s feet on the ground, but with our hands always pointing to the next step.
The game ends, and we get back to talking.
Thomas talks about how weird it is to be in one place for so long, Richard comments that the calm, monotonous life of his parents seemed like a desperate idea before he got there, but now he realizes it’s everything he needed, and Guilherme spends almost half an hour talking about receiving Beatriz.
Finally, after many meetings and miscommunications and reunions, these two will finally be able to be together. And I’m happy for them.
But when Thomas asks about my Christmas plans, I talk about Alexandra, trying to get teased and bury the questions. This time, however, no one laughs.
All my friends know I’ll be home for Christmas, and that I’d be alone or at Guilherme’s house if Alexandra wasn’t here. Because, even though it hurts to think about it, I don’t have parents anymore.
Sometimes, doing what you want costs a lot.
We end the call in that shitty mood, and I still joke, asking them to talk about my parents at the beginning of the next call, so no one hangs up with a sad face.
***
I leave the room looking for something to eat, but it’s already past eleven, so I make instant noodles, eat them standing under the dim kitchen lights, and head to bed with a cup of tea in hand.