Chapter Forty – A.J.
I wanna love you with the lights on
Keep you up all night long
Darling, I wanna see every inch of you
I get lost in the way you move
Lights On - Shawn Mendes
I open the bedroom door with Alexandra hanging from my waist, but she jumps off my lap before I can close it. Even though I’ve been in her room a few times, we’ve spent most of our time in the living room, and this is the first time my girl is in my space.
“Your room is beautiful,” she says, walking slowly, her eyes roaming over my vinyls, the collectibles on the shelf, the dark floor… I notice when she smiles at the band logo on the wall. It’s weird, intimate, beautiful… seeing her take up space in my world.
“I really like it here,” I comment, stopping next to her, my heart almost jumping out of my chest from the nerves.
“I want to pay attention to every little bit of it tomorrow…” she says, her voice full of anticipation and amusement.
“Exactly,” I touch her arms lightly, pulling them toward me.
Alexandra smiles, and my right hand moves down to her waist. My left hand goes up to her neck, gently stroking the warm, soft skin.
“Tomorrow I’ll show you every detail.” My fingers move slowly, and I think she notices the slight tremor when I touch her face.
I lean over her body, hesitating for a second before she gets on her tiptoes and presses our lips together.
It’s an urgent kiss, but still full of care, as if the urgency isn’t in fulfilling the desire, but in not losing any detail of this moment. Our touches become more precise, and our bodies more aware of each other, and every time our tongues meet, a sigh escapes me.
I knew I needed her , I just didn’t know how much.
My hands wander slowly through her hair, down to her neck, and then along her back, as if I need to memorize every inch of her skin.
I reach for the straps of her slip and gently slide them down her shoulders, watching the fabric glide smoothly down her arms, as if the air itself is helping with the goodbye.
Alexandra bites her lip, maybe as nervous as I am, and the slip slides down to her feet, silent.
“Are you okay?” I ask, my voice a whisper, afraid of breaking the spell but needing to make sure.
Alexandra nods quickly, smiling softly.
“I’m... nervous,” she confesses, laughing quietly. “But there’s no other place I’d rather be right now.”
“Really?” I ask, and she nods, her eyes locked with mine. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel pressured or do this because of our talk, I…” I try to say that I can wait if she changes her mind.
“Please, Anthony.” Her request silences me and I pull her into a kiss and lift her up, feeling her warm skin against mine.
I walk with Alexandra to the bed, carefully laying her down on the mattress.
Nervousness and anxiety linger with us as we sit next to each other, not quite sure what to do next, but we kiss with a deep breath, and my hand slides to her face, where she smiles in the kiss while her fingers touch my neck, sending a shiver down my spine.
I hover above her body, and just like on stage and in the elevator, everything around us disappears. In this room, with the moonlight streaming through the window, there’s no room for haste, fear, or doubt.
It’s just the two of us.
“Anthony…” Her voice is soft, hoarse, but full of anticipation.
“You, more than anyone, know how much I want you. How much I’ve longed to be under you…
” she says, laughing softly, and I almost lose my composure.
But her eyes, glowing with a mix of nervousness and desire, keep me steady.
“I want you desperately. In a way that consumes me. That takes my breath away.”
“And why do I feel like there’s a ‘but’ coming here…?”
Alexandra closes her eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath. When she looks back at me, the spark in her eyes isn’t just lust.
“Because today… I need it to be different.” Her hand touches my chest, just above my heart, with both affection and firmness. “I don’t want to just... be roughed up like dough,” she says nervously, making me laugh. “I want us to do something I’ve never done.”
I brace myself for some ridiculous request. Because, honestly, Alexandra ’s never been the type of woman to hesitate.
She knows what she wants, what she likes, and she’s never been afraid to go after it.
And if I have the chance to fulfill any wish from this woman, here, now, on my bed. .. there’s no way I’m saying no.
“Anything,” I say, my voice calmer than I expected. “We’ll do whatever you want.”
She looks at me with such tenderness, it melts me inside.
“I want you to make love to me ,” Alexandra asks, her voice soft but firm, and her eyes leave no room for doubt.
She needs exactly what I’ve been wanting to give her.
The world goes silent. For a moment, my heart forgets how to beat.
Not having sex with Alexandra at Disney was exactly about wanting her to see me for more than just the hot guy who could give her a night of pleasure. But having her look into my eyes and say it with those words makes me blink twice, trying to make sure I heard it right.
I feel a lump in my throat, the good kind. The rare kind. And everything inside me falls into place. Because for my girl, it’s not just about sex.
It’s about giving. Trust. Love.
I lie beside her, knowing Alexandra already has everything from me: my past, my pain, my body, my heart. As I pull her up onto me this time, I surrender to her complete control over how we do this—and my soul along with it.
***
I wake up to a warm sigh against my chest and a pair of soft fingers tangled in mine.
My free hand runs through Alexandra ’s hair, gently stroking it, but also searching for the reassurance that this is real.
The sun lazily spills into the room, filtered through the half-open curtain, and everything has this golden hue, like something out of a good dream — or last night.
I take a deep breath with Alexandra curled up against me, as if this is our normal.
Messy hair, warm skin, slow breathing… and a relaxed expression.
For a few seconds, I wonder how it would have been if it were always like this, but the thought fades the moment she opens her eyes and smiles at me, because there’s nothing better than having, in the woman you love, a friend you trust completely.
“Good morning, meu amor …” she murmurs in Portuguese, her voice still rough from sleep. And the nickname she’s never used almost makes me ask if I heard right.
But I know I heard it.
“Say it again,” I ask, staring at her.
“What?” she asks, stretching, her mouth still pressed against my chest.
“ My love . Say it again.”
She laughs, crawling up my chest, her hair spilling over me.
“Meu amor,” she says slowly, a mischievous smile tugging at her lips.
“Oh, well. There’s no turning back now.”
I gently stroke her bare back, but her chin drops, and Alexandra narrows her eyes at me.
“Are you trying to tell me there was a way back before this, Anthony?”
The anger in her voice makes me pull her into my arms and laugh, spinning us around so I can press her back against the mattress.
“Of course there wasn’t,” I assure her, hovering above her, and her face softens. “I’m gonna keep you here forever. And, God, I love it when you say my name.”
“Really?” Alexandra struggles to hold back a smile, eyes locked on mine. “I love your name, I’m happy I can say it.”
“But there’s a problem,” I murmur, arching an eyebrow as I lie beside her, my right hand slowly tracing her side. “I call you Miss Petulant—but you’re honestly the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted, so I don’t think that’s fair anymore.” I brush my lips along her neck. “So…”
“Oh, no…” She grabs my hair as I start to trail kisses down her body. “Don’t start, I haven’t even recovered from yesterday.”
“I think it’s my need to hear you say my name while you unravel underneath me. But I’ll behave.”
“For someone who said they’d wait, you’re pretty cheeky, Anthony,” she says, sitting up as if she’s trying to make sure she won’t give in.
“But I’m still serious. I need a new nickname to match,” I say, gently running my hand through her hair. “One that suits the woman who just called me ‘my love.’”
She looks flustered but smiles, turning her face away.
“I like ‘babe’; at the end of the day, classics never go out of style.” she says quietly, looking back at me.
“I’m gonna make you happy every day, babe,” I promise, my voice firmer than I expected.
Alexandra holds my face with one hand, lifting my chin to her.
“Even when it doesn’t seem like it, I’ll always be fighting for that too,” she says without blinking. “Because we’re worth it, and we deserve all the good things that are coming our way.”
“You say all these beautiful, mysterious things and expect me to let you leave the bed?”
I pull her legs and lay her back down on the mattress, making her laugh loudly, filling the room. But before I can lean in to kiss her again, she places her hand on my chest.
“Later, Mr. Anthony Fortin.” Alexandra pushes me away, jumping out of bed. “We need to buy the clothes and Christmas presents, remember?”
“I don’t remember. The outside world doesn’t exist in this room,” I protest, pulling her lightly. “Stay here with me, Babe.”
“Real life is sometimes a pain, but now it comes with you…” she answers, smiling before giving me a light kiss. “So it’s not so bad.”
As Alexandra crosses the room, still naked, distractedly picking up clothes from the floor, I remember the night in Guilherme’s basement.
When she told me, looking into my eyes, that kissing me and forgetting would be easy, because her life here wasn’t real.
That by the end of the tour, she’d go back home, and all of this would just be a dream.
And that, even though she thought I was incredible and wanted me to be part of her life forever, love, to her, was a solo career.
I get up and follow my girl across the room, bringing her into my embrace and kissing her forehead silently, realizing that this isn’t true anymore. We are each other’s best reality, and love, for us, is a duet now.
All of this just reinforces what I already know: my tour gave me Alexandra as a gift, and I want to give her the same thing she makes me feel, the fullness of happiness in love and career.
I want Alexandra to feel as fulfilled, secure, and loved out there as she does here with me.
And I can’t believe this moment is finally here.