Chapter Four #2
“Another drink will help,” Chloe says, glancing at me.
“Now you’re going to listen to me. I understand your fear.
Remember how Beck and I met? Dumped bride, remember?
But sometimes the scariest things turn out to be the best things that ever happen to you.
We can agree that it’ll be good for Leah to have her dad in her life, right? ”
“Yes? But what do we know about Nick? The man is basically a transient. Realistically, how can he be in her life in a way she can count on? And he’s a chick magnet.
” A hot, sexy man I want to climb like a tree.
But that won’t happen because Nick and I need to co-parent and I have a plan for my life that does not include a man.
I need stability and can now provide it for my daughter and myself. I am an independent woman and don’t need anyone coming in and out of our lives at a whim. I know I have an unhealthy fear of abandonment, but eighteen years of anxiety can’t be undone overnight .
“Sounds to me like you’re making excuses. Get to know him better, and then decide if you want him in your life as anything more than Leah’s father. And for heaven’s sake, clean out the cobwebs!”
“ Eew !” I cry out, then lower my voice. “ Eew . My battery-operated boyfriend works just fine,” I say quietly. “And he stays in his drawer where he belongs and does not come with a list of demands. He’s very reliable.”
Chloe raises her eyebrow. “He doesn’t hold you at night, either. I’m just saying, try to be more openminded. And eat. Your burger is getting cold.”
“Fine.” I pick up my food and take a bite, slowly chewing, savoring the taste.
I think about Chloe and the point she’s trying to make.
Yes, I miss the feeling of having a man’s arms around me, the scent of masculine cologne—Nick’s in particular.
I also like the appraising way he looks at me, those gorgeous eyes darkening when he thinks I’m not paying attention.
I feel the same quickening when I glance at him.
But it was one thing to have sex with a man I can blow off the next day, and another to get involved with the father of my child. What if things between us don’t work out? Leah will be the one to suffer. And I can’t let that happen.
I have to admit that I am looking out for myself, too. I was hurt enough as a child. Neglected, unwanted, ignored and thrown out on the street as soon as I came of age. If I let him in, Nick will be in my life forever. But I can’t deny him access to his child.
I take a deep breath, decision made. I’ll go out with him and tell him all about his daughter, and anything else he wants to know.
But I’ll be sure to keep my distance.
That way, nobody will get hurt.
***
Aurora
After dropping Leah off at school on Monday, my next stop is the boutique baby store in town. After all, I can’t walk into Dash and Cassidy’s place empty-handed. I am sure baby Freddie won’t want for anything, so I pick out a few of my favorite items, things I often used when Leah was born.
By that point, my fortunes had changed. I lived with Melly, and the woman overwhelmed me with the amount of baby things she bought.
Six weeks before, I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to afford diapers and baby clothes.
But that all changed when Linc found me.
Melly put a nursery together in her home, giving me my own wing with Leah.
My eyes fill at the wonderful memories and the gratitude that is always with me.
I will never forget where I come from, nor will I ever take the life I have now for granted.
I drive the hour and a half to East Hampton and pull into the driveaway of Dash’s house. Leaving all the gift bags in the car, I stride up the front walk.
No sooner do I ring the bell than Dash flings open the door. “I’m a father!”
I laugh at his greeting. “Yes, you are. More importantly, how’s the new mom and baby?” I ask, stepping past him and walking inside.
“They’re both perfect,” he says in a soft voice I rarely hear from my rock star brother.
“Congratulations,” I murmur and pull him into a hug.
He steps back, a huge grin still on his face. I am so glad he’s gotten a second chance with Cassidy.
“Cass is in the nursery, rocking the baby. You can go on in,” he says.
“I came bearing gifts, so you can unload the car.” I pat him on the cheek, hand him my keys, and rush to the nursery. I already saw the room. I was there as they worked on getting it ready.
I step into the doorway. The new mom sits in a gliding rocking chair, humming as she holds her baby in her arms and pats him on the back.
I tap lightly to let Cassidy know I’m there. “There’s nothing better in the world, is there?”
Cassidy glances up and gives me a tired smile. “I didn’t know I had so much love in me.”
Nodding in total understanding, I walk into the room decorated in soft, neutral pastels.
“Want to hold him?” Cassidy asks.
“You know I do. Let me wash up.” I step into the attached bathroom, soap up my hands, rinse and dry off. Then I return and gently scoop the tiny baby from his mom’s arms.
I move the blanket that bundles Freddie so I can get a better look at his tiny face. “Oh, he’s so sweet.” Leaning down, I kiss his forehead, inhaling his baby scent.
Cassidy rises to her feet, wincing as she moves.
I remember the pain well, too. “If you want to go shower, take a nap, hang with Dash, or just eat something, I can stay for a couple of hours. I don’t mind giving you a break.”
Cassidy sighs. “I’d love a shower. Dash was going to take over for me, but knowing you’re here…”
“I get it. There’s a steep learning curve and no manual.” I glance at Freddie and smile. “I’ll just sit in the chair and enjoy him.”
“You can put him in the bassinet in our bedroom if you get tired. Thank you,” Cassidy says. She walks to the door and turns. “I may be overwhelmed with all things baby, but I heard you have news—Nick Dare was the one who had you running away at the premiere?”
“I didn’t run…not exactly. I was in shock. I’m sure Chloe filled you in, right?” I ask.
Cassidy nods. “The major points.”
“Nick is Leah’s father?” Dash asks, joining us. “Do I need to kick some Dare ass?”
I straighten my shoulders. “No!” Obviously, Chloe hasn’t told them everything. “I didn’t know his last name when we… It wasn’t his fault. I had no way of finding him once I realized I was pregnant.” I draw a deep breath. “And now you know everything.”
“Except whether or not he’s going to step up.” Dash reaches for his son.
I hand the infant over and smile at my big, bad, rock star brother holding the tiny baby. Then I meet his gaze and turn serious. “Nick and I are handling things. There’s no need for you to get involved.”
“If you need back up, you call me,” Dash orders.
As much as I want to argue with his tone, I know it comes from a good place—one of caring. “I can handle him. But thank you anyway.” I kiss his cheek. “Now give me back that baby so I can cuddle him. You go spend some time with your wife.”
Dash nods. “Let me change him and he’s all yours. ”
And that tells me all I need to know about how hands-on this daddy rock star will be.
***
Aurora
The rest of the week isn’t as much fun as the baby visit was.
I wonder if I’ll survive long enough to host Leah’s party.
My daughter is so excited, it’s hard for me to get anything done.
Every night, Leah bounces around as if she’s eaten a plateful of pure sugar and putting her to bed each night isn’t easy.
Thanks to kindergarten and it being Mark’s day for pick up, I am able to go to the office.
My charity, Future Fast Track, FFT for short, provides housing for kids like myself who have nowhere to go.
Even now, Linc is looking into finding a building, and I am trying to figure out how we can manage it.
But my charity provides a lot more than just a place to stay. It also offers skills training, education and support, with the goal of helping these kids become self-sufficient adults. The charity also aids them in making connections, to help them in avenues of employment or education.
Since I can’t help every foster child in the country, I started in Nassau County where I live.
The main requirement to qualify was that the young person has to remain in the foster care system until his/her eighteenth birthday.
Then, along with my partners—Sasha, Cassidy and the assistant I hired, Billie Coale, once a foster child herself—I work to get them help.
Today has been a good day, and I arrive home, planning to grab a snack before I pick up Leah from Mark’s.
But instead of being able to grab a few minutes of peace and something to eat, I come home to chaos.
An unfamiliar landscape truck is parked out front, and I walk around back to see what is going on.
Three men are constructing a white wooden playhouse with a pink door—an impressive looking full-size playhouse that has to have cost a fortune.
I shake my head and glance around, immediately catching sight of Nick. Wearing a pair of jeans, a gray t-shirt with muscles bulging from the sleeves, his face covered with scruff, and sunglasses over his eyes, he looks scrumptious and very, very kissable.
He also has an overly satisfied expression on his face that wipes out my desire and replaces the feeling with fury.
“She’s going to love it, right?” He gestures to the house in progress. “It has a fake kitchen with a sink, stovetop, and utensils. There’s a doorbell that rings. And the sign with her name on it will be ready by the time of her party.”
The sound of hammers echoes throughout the yard. My neighbors probably want to throttle me. Oh God. Has Leah seen this from next door? “Are you kidding me?” I ask him, now riled up enough to let him have it. Did he even hear what I told him?