Chapter Five #2
Aurora nods. “Linc hired a private investigator, who tracked her down.” She shifts in her seat and draws a deep breath. “My whole life, I thought she was dead.” She looks me straight in the face. “Why else wouldn’t she have come for me after my grandmother died?”
My chest squeezes tight. The pain in her voice, and her expression, guts me. I’m furious at myself for asking her about this when I can’t comfort her in person. I need to hold her in my arms and soothe her pain, not have a screen and the entire country between us.
“I’m sorry, baby.”
She closes her eyes and damned if a tear doesn’t leak from one eye. She grabs a tissue from the side of her desk and dabs at it, her cheeks flushed with what I sense is embarrassment. Dammit.
“Do you want to stop talking about this?” I ask in a gruff voice. “I never should have pushed you.”
She shakes her head. “I’d rather get it over with.”
I nod, but my jaw is clenched so hard, I think for sure I’ll crack my teeth. “I’m here.”
I force out the words, feeling inadequate. But I’ve started this conversation, and her pain is worse than mine.
She sniffs and twirls her braid around her hand. “I guess it’s obvious at this point. My mother accepted monthly child support checks, cashed them, and used them to live her best life.”
I run a hand over my face. “She admitted this?”
Aurora nods. “She didn’t want to be saddled with a child. Apparently, Kenneth wanted her to get an abortion. But she refused because she knew he’d pay her to keep silent. He didn’t want his wife finding out about me.”
I blow out a harsh breath. “What about after your grandmother died? I’m sure the state tried to contact one of them?”
Her eyes fill again and she dabs at the corners with the already damp tissue.
“My mother didn’t want me. She refused to take me and signed off on all parental rights.
And I guess part of the financial agreement between Kenneth and my mother was that he not be named on the birth certificate.
So, to all appearances, since I had no parents, I went into foster care. ”
“Fuck.”
“The story gets uglier, so buckle up,” she mutters.
“I’m listening,” I say in as comforting a voice as possible.
Aurora draws a deep breath before speaking.
“A year or so before he died, Kenneth paid my mother a visit, informing her he wouldn’t pay her another dime after I turned eighteen.
God knows why he even cared at this point.
I mean he’d already been shelling out money for so long and he could afford to do it forever. ”
I wait for her to gather her thoughts and continue.
Eventually, she shrugs her shoulders. “When Kenneth found my mother, he discovered she hadn’t been raising me at all. So I’m sure that made him feel even more justified in cutting off her funds immediately. After all, why wait for my birthday?”
My jaw hurts from how hard I’ve been clenching it. “I assume your mother didn’t take that well?”
“No.” Aurora picks up a pen and begins rolling it between her palms, as if to calm herself down.
Once again, my need to touch and comfort her is almost overwhelming, but there is nothing I can do.
“According to Linc, Kenneth had been suffering from early dementia and had begun making erratic, secret deals, things Linc couldn’t understand when he discovered them after Kenneth’s death.
So maybe deciding to visit my mother had just been one of those impulses.
Or maybe he just wanted to exert some control over her.
But he failed. My mother threatened to tell his wife about me. ”
My stomach churns even more. “Something tells me your mother wasn’t his only mistress. Tiffany would be opening a huge can of worms for your father if she told his wife.”
Aurora nods, curling her hands around that pen. I know something bad is coming. “I was seventeen when Kenneth went to see her,” she says softly.
I close my eyes as the threads of the story come together. “You were still in the system.” Anger like I’ve never felt before fill my veins. That mother fucking son of a bitch had left his daughter in foster care.
I don’t care if it was just one year more. Anyone with a shred of humanity would have rescued their child and given her a home.
“Neither of my parents wanted me.” Her soft voice carves a hole in my chest. “Do you have any idea what it would have meant to me if he’d taken me home when he found out my mother wasn’t raising me?
I’d still have been angry he hadn’t wanted me all those years before, but at least I’d have known someone cared enough to pull me out of that awful foster care system. ”
I want to throw my iPad across the room, do something that would make me feel less impotent. But this isn’t about me.
“Aurora?”
She refocuses her wet gaze on mine.
“Thank you for telling me.”
She nods. “I wanted you to know why I’m so adamant about Leah being raised by parents who not only love her, but who she can count on.”
A smile pulls at my mouth. Leave it to her to make this about our daughter.
But I also understand why. Shifting the focus allows Aurora to think about something other than the pain of being unwanted and unloved.
It also lets her keep those walls high. She can’t bring herself to trust me because she fears I’ll hurt or abandon her the way the two people who were supposed to protect her did.
And I still don’t know what foster care was actually like for her.
Something tells me I won’t enjoy that story any better than I liked this one.
She clears her throat. “So that’s how Linc found me,” she says, as if she can end the story and move on, emotional barriers in place.
I know better. Armed with knowledge, I know what I’m up against. “Baby, I need you to hear me.”
She meets my gaze. Though she looks more vulnerable than I’ve ever seen her, she is even more beautiful to me.
“You’re strong and brave and you’ve had to rely on yourself for far too long.” Linc may have swooped in and made her life better, but inside, she is still that unwanted little girl. “It’s going to take a while for you to realize it, but I’m in your life for good.”
A genuine smile lights her face. “I know you’re going to be a good father and I believe you when you say Leah can count on you. I know you’ll do your best.”
Once again, she is making it all about Leah.
And I get it. She figures I’ll do my best, which in her mind isn’t good enough, because she is talking to me through a tablet screen.
I’m not there, in New York, with the woman and child I want to make my family.
Sure, there are parents who travel for work, but those people have been in their child’s life from the beginning.
Aurora’s life experience has skewed her view of just about every aspect of life.
I need to wrap things up in California or pull in someone else to handle the hiring.
I want to be home with my girls.
***
Aurora
My talk with Nick leaves me shaken and feeling as though I’ve opened a vein and bled out in front of him. But I don’t have time to dwell on it. I have to focus on Leah. And before I know it, Saturday has arrived, and Nick is at my door, showing up an hour before Leah’s party.
I welcome him, and he brushes a kiss on my cheek, his touch leaving me tingling. Then I lead him to the cluttered kitchen, where party favors sit in a basket on the counter, and bowls of food fill the table.
After catching my breath, I turn to face him.
In his jeans and collared Polo shirt, he looks mouth-wateringly sexy.
He is still clean shaven, and I can’t decide if I prefer this look or a little less tidy, with the scruff I imagine scraping my skin as he kisses his way down my stomach…
my sex pulses, and I shiver, realizing just where my thoughts have gone.
Shit! How could I let my mind wander like that? Obviously shredding my soul hasn’t stopped me from wanting him.
“Are you okay? You’re flushed.” Nick reaches out and brushes his hand over my warm cheek.
“Fine.” I mentally shake myself. My goal is to co-parent, not ogle him. “I’m fine.”
He eyes me warily then nods. “Good. Okay then, why don’t you put me to work?”
“There’s really not much to do. You can help me bring out the chips and M&M’s bowls, and put them on the tables outside, to start with.” I point to the purple and turquoise snack bowls—their colors matching the Ariel-themed party.
“Where’s Leah?” Nick asks.
“I left her watching The Little Mermaid . I’m trying to stall putting on her dress until right before the party.
She’s been begging to use her playhouse for the last two weeks but I wanted to save it for today.
I’m lucky she’s mesmerized by the movie or I wouldn’t have been able to get ready this morning. ”
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have Nick in mind when picking out the tight olive green, glossy leggings I wear, with a matching sleeveless tank that flares at the waist with cutouts on one shoulder. The casual outfit is perfect for an outdoor party, and if I get cold, I have a matching jacket.
But Nick’s arrival has caught me by surprise, and I’m dressed only in the tank top and leggings. He looks so hot, my body reacts and I feel my nipples harden with need. I turn away and get busy sorting the food, hoping he won’t notice.
He strides up behind me, and I feel his warmth at my back. “What are you serving from the food truck out front?” he asks, his breath warm in my ear.
I shiver at his nearness. “Pizza and pasta for the kids. A couple of other choices for the adults. The kids are pretty young, so most of the parents will be staying.”
He brushes my hair off my neck, and his lips linger on my skin. My body, already prickling with awareness, lights up even more, and despite my best efforts, a low moan of pleasure escapes my throat.