Chapter Seven #3
Once back at the house, I give up. I let Nick’s offer of pizza happen and put the chicken I took out earlier to defrost back in the refrigerator for another night. I bathe our daughter, and while Nick reads her a bedtime story, I walk into the kitchen and pour myself a glass of wine.
I don’t drink often but tonight, I need to take the edge off. Everything about Nick being around today messed with my head. My routines are off, and as a single mom, I live and die by my routines. Not only do they make life easier, but they give Leah the security that I, myself, had never had.
Depending on the foster home I was in at the time, I didn’t know what I would be coming home to after school.
Sometimes, I might find my foster mom, a day drinker who managed to hide it well from social services, passed out on the couch.
In another home, I was never sure if there would be dinner on the table.
If I was lucky, sometimes I found enough food to make a sandwich myself. But that often wasn’t the case.
There were no bedtime stories for me. No safe baths. I make sure my daughter has it all.
One day with Nick upended the security I’ve given Leah. I take a sip of the dry wine and shake my head, knowing I’m lying to myself. Being with Nick is good for my daughter.
What Nick upends is my own sense of security. And I’m not sure what I am going to do about that.
** *
Nick
When I join Aurora in the kitchen, she’s staring at her wine glass, swirling the golden liquid.
I had the best couple of days and didn’t think anything could bring me down.
I had a night with Aurora that was spectacular.
Being with her again reminds me why no other woman has managed to capture my interest. I spent the late afternoon and tonight with my daughter, learning about her likes, dislikes, looking through her baby book with her before she fell asleep.
I’ve been riding a high until I walk into this room and see Aurora’s pensive expression. Even after a long day, she’s so damned pretty. But she doesn’t look as happy as I’ve been feeling. My heart squeezes in my chest, but I refuse to open the conversation on a negative note.
“Today was perfect.” I step into the kitchen, and she jerks in her seat, just realizing I’m here.
“Want some wine?” she asks, gesturing to the bottle with an empty glass beside it.
I shake my head. “No, thanks.”
“Is Leah asleep?”
I can’t stop my grin. “Yeah. Conked out while telling me she couldn’t wait for her first visit from the tooth fairy so you could tape her tooth into the baby book.”
Aurora smiles and shudders at the same time. “I don’t think I’ll do well with a dangling tooth. I’ve heard horror stories from some of Leah’s friends’ moms.”
I grin. “I can handle that.”
“Right. And you’ll leave a hundred-dollar bill under her pillow, no doubt.” I catch the bite in her tone.
I walk into the room and sit down beside her. “What’s wrong?” I ask.
She turns to face me. “I am so glad you spent today with us. I’m even happier Leah had such a great time.”
“But?” Because I sense a big one.
She rubs her palms along the stem of her glass.
“For so long, it was just me and Leah. Yes, I had family, and when I lived with Melly, I was so lucky to have had help. But two years ago, I decided to move out. And Leah and I…we’re a team.
She knows what to expect every day and that’s something I never had. ”
I don’t pacify her with platitudes like, I’m here now , or you’re not alone anymore . I listen. Really listen and try to understand what she’s getting at. “Are you saying I’m intruding?” The thought makes me physically ill.
“No.” She shakes her head. “God, no.” Reaching out, she grasps my hand and electricity darts through me, reminding me of being buried deep inside her and knowing we are meant to be. “But I am saying that today was an anomaly, and not just because you wreaked havoc with my routine.”
A smile plays around those luscious lips and the twisting in my gut eases a little. “I took over and made things big again?”
“That’s part of it. There’s nothing wrong with surprise ice cream after school. Or the playground. Or pizza for dinner. But maybe not all on the same day. Parents need to agree before offering up those things. Or one day, she’s going to do an end run around me because she knows Daddy will say yes.”
She pulls back her hand and reluctantly, I let her go. Her words hit home, and I understand. “I should have discussed it with you first.”
She nods. “That’s part of it. Being a parent…it doesn’t come with a rule book. You’ll learn.”
“What else?”
She draws a deep breath. “You’re not always going to be here. That’s the nature of your job, your life.”
I open my mouth to speak but she holds up a hand. “It’s okay. We both know what the reality is. But I don’t want her to resent me for being strict, because when you come around, it’s all fun and games.”
I nod, taking in her words and understanding. She isn’t wrong. This is my life, at least for now. “I get it. I’m glad I had today but I’ll learn.”
She nods as she takes a sip of her wine.
Watching her, I drum my fingers against the granite counter. I know her better than she thinks, and there is more. She wasn’t staring into her wine glass about today’s adventures alone. “That’s not all that’s bothering you.”
She sighs and places the glass on the counter.
“You’re right.” Her light blue eyes stare into mine.
“This is hard to explain. Hard to say.” She hesitates, and I give her time to gather her thoughts.
“I’ve been on my own for a long time and I’ve been in survival mode even longer, first for myself and then for myself and Leah.
All I ever wanted was to give Leah the stability I never had. ”
“And you think I threaten that somehow.” I lean an elbow on the hard granite.
“I think you threaten me and the life I’ve built for us.
But not for the reason you might think. It’s not because Leah suddenly has her father in her life that I feel this way—I want that for her.
And I want you to be a part of Leah’s future.
But instability makes me anxious. The coming and going at the whim of a phone call? That’s hard for me.”
I know how difficult that is for her to admit, and I put my hand over hers this time and brush my thumb over her soft skin.
I’m not sure what to say or promise in order to reassure her.
She’s right. I have a job that keeps me on the move, and I don’t see that changing any time soon.
But that doesn’t mean I can’t be a permanent fixture in Aurora and Leah’s lives.
“I’m going to do my best to get up to speed as a parent,” I promise her.
Her lips twitch, but her smile is genuine. “I know you will and I’m sure you’ll be a fast study.”
“I appreciate that.” I want to say more, but it would only be rehashing what she’s already said.
I know her fears, and I need to think about what I can do to make things work between us. Early on, I was overly optimistic that sheer determination would win her over and get me what I want. Us as a family…on my terms. I realize my mistake now.
“Look, it’s been a long day and I’m sure you’re exhausted.”
“And you need to get ready for your trip,” she says.
I nod. “I do.” I rise from my seat and hold out my hand. “Walk me to the door?”
She slides her palm against mine and follows me through the main area of the house, to the front entrance.
Although I feel like we’re at an impasse, we still made progress over the last couple of days. I’m not going to let her minimize our connection.
So I slide my hand around her waist and yank her against me .
She lets a surprised gasp but doesn’t pull away. Instead, she wraps her arms around me, too, her hands settling on my hips.
“Be good while I’m gone,” I say in a gruff voice, knowing I’ll miss her, no matter how long or short a time I’m gone.
“Be good while you’re away.”
“Always,” I say, and capture her mouth, sliding my tongue inside her parted lips.
She moans and tightens her grip on my waist, letting me back her against the nearest wall as my mouth plunders hers.
I need a thorough taste to hold me over until my return.
I taste a hint of wine and everything Aurora and my cock throbs, urging me to take her upstairs to her room.
But that can’t happen—not now. She has a lot to think about, and I’ve pushed her far enough tonight.
Not to mention, our daughter is home, and I have no idea how to handle that with care.
I break the kiss but keep her backed to the wall, held there by my body.
“Good night.”
“Night, Nick.” She licks at her now swollen lips.
I step away from her and let myself out into the dark night, feeling optimistic.
Yeah, I’ve given her plenty of memories in the last couple of days. Hopefully, it will be enough to compete with her fears.