Chapter 23
The Cotswolds
‘I love you.’ Leon reached for Fen’s hand. ‘More than you’ll ever know. And I know I’m not much of a catch, but you’d make me the happiest man in the world if you’d marry me.’
Had she misheard? Fen blinked. Or was it a joke? She waited for the punchline, then realised Leon was serious. He meant it.
‘Really?’
‘I know I’m supposed to get down on one knee, but if I tried it, you’d only have to lift me up again.
And yes, really. It would mean a lot to me.
OK, it’d mean everything.’ He dipped his free hand into the pocket of his blue linen shirt and took out something that glinted in the sunlight.
‘But you can say no if you want to. It’s allowed. ’
‘How romantic,’ Fen said with a faint smile.
‘I know, sorry, I’ve messed up and got it in the wrong order. This has to be the worst proposal you’ve ever had. Fenna Marmite Madden, will you marry me?’
‘I love you too, more than you’ll ever know. And yes, of course I’ll marry you. But I have a confession.’ Fen watched as he slipped the ring onto her finger. ‘My middle name isn’t Marmite. It’s Marieke.’
‘Disappointing.’ For a moment Leon moved the ring back up to her knuckle, then slid it down once more. ‘But I suppose I can get over it. I do love Marmite, though.’
There it was again, the ability to joke and make each other smile under the most difficult of circumstances.
She’d learned that it was possible to be simultaneously happy and grieving for what they would soon lose.
Like now. Taking Leon’s face between her hands, Fen kissed him and kissed him for as long as she dared, because at any moment another coughing fit could begin.
‘I love you. I can’t believe you just did that. I had no idea.’
‘And I can’t believe you haven’t even looked at the ring yet.’
‘It couldn’t be more beautiful if it tried.’ She gazed, mesmerised, at the glittering solitaire diamond on a narrow platinum band, simple and elegant and absolutely the style she would have chosen for herself. ‘And it fits. How did you manage that?’
He tapped the silver band she wore on the matching finger of her right hand.
‘I tried this on last week when you took it off to make pastry. It exactly fitted my little finger.’ He waggled the finger at her.
‘Which obviously meant I had to cross off all the other names on my list, because the only person I could ask to marry me was you.’
They looked at each other without speaking.
Fen imagined how she’d feel if he wasn’t ill and they could expect to spend the next fifty or so years together.
On the evening of their third day in Venice, he had gazed into her eyes and said, ‘Hang on, have I found you? Are you my future wife?’ And of course it had been a joke, but she clearly remembered thinking, God, I hope so.
A sharp knock at the door made her jump. In a low voice she said, ‘What do your mum and dad think about it?’
‘Leon,’ his mother called with a trace of impatience. ‘Time’s up. We’re coming in now.’
‘No idea,’ Leon murmured in Fen’s ear. ‘But I guess we’re about to find out.’
The news went down as well as Fen had inwardly predicted. When everyone – Leon’s parents, plus Jamie – had trooped into his room and he’d made his announcement, his mother had said baldly, ‘But . . . why?’
‘Because I love her,’ Leon replied. ‘And she loves me. And I want everyone to know that.’
Fen held her breath; could this be their cue to hug her? Perhaps even say something congratulatory?
Oh. Apparently not.
‘Where did you get the ring?’ Greville was looking confused.
‘I bought it, Dad. Yesterday.’
‘Well, that’s nice.’ Hilary managed a smile. ‘Being engaged is fine. But there’s no need to rush into anything.’
‘Really?’ Sitting up in bed, Leon raised his eyebrows. ‘Under the circumstances, I’d have said there was every need.’
‘Darling—’ Hilary began, but Leon hadn’t finished.
‘Not much point in arranging to have a wedding next summer, is there?’ He paused to cough, and flinched as the effort set off a spasm of pain in his left side. ‘Or even this autumn.’
‘But it takes time to organise these things.’
‘A normal ceremony, maybe. Not the kind we need. I’ve already spoken to the registrar in Stroud. There are special arrangements that can be made in situations like ours, in fact—’
‘Leon, this isn’t a decision to be taken lightly,’ Greville interjected.
‘I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life.’
‘There are aspects that need to be taken into consideration.’
‘Are there?’ Leon looked faux-surprised.
‘You know what I’m talking about.’
‘Fenna.’ His mother turned to address Fen. ‘I wonder if we could speak privately to our son. Maybe you and Jamie could take a walk around the garden, give us some time alone with Leon.’
Once outside, following a winding gravel path around the side of Hetherton Hall, Jamie said, ‘I’m sorry they’re putting you through this.’
Fenna shrugged. ‘I guess it’s to do with money.’
‘Oh, I’m sure of it. There’s a fair amount involved.’
‘And they think that’s why I want to marry him?’ Even the thought of it made her feel sick. ‘I’m not interested in any of that.’
‘I know.’ Jamie nodded.
‘Except you don’t know, do you? Not really. I could be desperate to get my hands on it, could have been planning this whole thing from day one.’
‘Nobody could have planned for all this to happen.’ His tone was bleak.
‘I hate that they don’t trust me, though.’
‘They’ve always been like that. When I first started coming here, they were the same with me. Careful.’ He put out his arm and yanked her sharply to the left as they approached a lily pond.
‘What?’ She almost lost her balance, stumbling against him before spotting the tiny khaki frog she’d so nearly stepped on.
Squashing a frog was all she needed. She shuddered and moved away, breaking the contact of Jamie’s hand on her arm.
‘Thanks. Don’t need to add murder to my list of crimes.
It’d probably turn out to be Hilary’s favourite frog.
’ She looked sideways at him. ‘What should I do? Can I just sign a document or something, saying I don’t want anything at all? Would that help, d’you think?’
‘I can’t see Leon letting that happen. We talked about this last night. He guessed his parents would pressure him to get a prenup, but he doesn’t want one.’
‘It’s not going to make things easy for me.’
The frog was following them now, hopping along the path like something out of a Disney film. Fen bent down and gently touched it with a small stick, pointing it at the pond then nudging it again until it got the hint and landed with a plop in the water.
Her phone went ting and a message from Leon flashed up on the screen.
You can come back now. Xx
A few seconds later, a message arrived on Jamie’s phone too, and with a wry smile he said, ‘Snap.’ But when he took the phone out of his pocket, they both saw the words on the screen saying: Hiya!
Fancy meeting up for a drink tonight at the Prince?
I’m celebrating a promotion at work and the Moet’s on me! !! See you at 7! Love, Zena xxx
He put the phone away without replying, but it served as a brutal reminder to Fen that while she and Leon were going through hell, the rest of the world was carrying on as usual, as if nothing were amiss.
Jamie was being discreet about it, but he was still socialising and meeting up with friends.
Because life went on. It always had, always would.
When Leon was no longer here, Jamie would obviously be devastated at first, but eventually one of his other friends would be promoted to best-friend status and would take Leon’s place.
The realisation hit Fen like a prop forward crashing into her chest.
‘What?’ He saw the look on her face.
‘Nothing. Have fun.’
‘Is this about Zena?’ He frowned. ‘I’m not going to meet up with her.’
Which should have been good news, but it was too late now; she was picturing flirtation and laughter during a carefree get-together, and feeling like a tightly coiled spring about to explode.
‘Why not?’ She could hear the edge in her voice, knew she was probably being unfair.
‘You may as well go out and have some fun. I mean, what’s stopping you?
Zena’s looking forward to celebrating with you, so you shouldn’t let her down.
Anyway, Leon wants to see me. I expect his parents have been telling him to take the ring back and see if he can get a refund.
What a great day this is turning out to be. ’
She spun round and headed in the direction of the house, her throat clenching with unresolved anger and her eyes burning with unshed tears because this was the pits, the absolute pits, and after not having cried for weeks, the last straw had evidently just been broken along with her resolve, and how, how had it come to this?
Her breath was catching in her throat, her shoulders were shaking.
Leon was dying and the unfairness of it all was unbearable.
‘Wait,’ Jamie commanded, catching up and pulling her back round to face him. ‘It’s OK, don’t cry.’
‘It isn’t OK. There’s nothing OK about this.
And I’m not crying . . .’ But the last word came out as a strangled sob and the tears were already streaming down her face.
Jamie shook his head slightly, and for a split second his grief mirrored her own.
Then his arms came around her, drawing her against him, and the misplaced anger dissipated.
Fen allowed herself to dissolve and be supported by him.
All the emotions she’d been holding in for so long had finally been given the green light to escape, and she let it happen, racking sobs soaking the front of his navy polo shirt as she clung to him and felt the comfort of his hand rhythmically stroking her back.
It was like being small again, sobbing over a grazed knee and being consoled by Disa.
‘There you are,’ Hilary announced behind them. ‘What on earth’s going on here?’
Oh, come on, did she seriously imagine . . .?
Fen swung round so Leon’s mother could see the state of her; from past experience, she knew her face would be blotchy, her eyes bloodshot. Some people might be able to cry prettily, but it wasn’t one of her particular talents.
‘Not what you’re thinking,’ she said, her voice breaking with emotion.
‘I love Leon with all my heart, he’s just asked me to marry him, and you think all I’m interested in is his money.
Which I’m not, except I can’t prove it, although if you want me to sign a prenup, I will.
’ She took a shuddery gulp of air. ‘I’ll sign anything you want, but all I want is for him to be well again, and I can’t make that happen. ’
‘Come back inside.’ The strain was evident in Hilary’s lined face. ‘Leon has given us a talking-to. He wants us all to get along together, and I’ve promised him we will. Are you happy to do that?’
It probably wasn’t what Hilary wanted, but a truce would make life so much easier. From now on, their shared goal was to make sure Leon had the happiest possible final weeks. Fen wiped her cheeks with her hands and nodded with relief. ‘Yes, of course. Absolutely.’
‘Good. And he wants to book the wedding at the register office. He’s called them, and they need you both to go over there this afternoon to set the wheels in motion. Twenty-eight days is the minimum length of notice by law.’
Twenty-eight days. Numbly, Fen nodded. Did they even have that long left together?
‘He says it will give him something to look forward to,’ Hilary continued, her tone bracing.
‘Anyway, come along, we need to hurry up. He’s getting dressed and Greville’s loading the wheelchair into the car.
’ She surveyed Fen, her head tilted to one side.
‘And I hope you’ve stopped crying now, because you really need to do something about your face. It’s a mess.’