Chapter 29
Amsterdam
It had been the right thing to do, as Fen’s oldest friend was only too happy to remind her.
Two days after that phone call, she had landed at Schiphol airport and been greeted by Tonia, Hendrik, two-year-old Sebastian and howling baby Sonja, who had melted her heart and magically stopped howling upon being plonked by her mother into Fen’s arms.
That had been six weeks ago; it was now the first week of November, and to her own amazement she was still here, occupying the guest room on the top floor of their multi-level apartment in one of the prized seventeenth-century canalside houses on Herengracht, close to the heart of the city.
She hadn’t expected to stay more than a few days, but Amsterdam’s friendly inhabitants and serene beauty had given her the sense of escape she hadn’t known she needed.
Being here alone wouldn’t have worked, but to be surrounded by the chaos of a happy family was a welcome distraction.
She adored them all, and spent her time cuddling Sonja and playing endless silly games with Sebastian, shopping and reminiscing with Tonia, and taking the children in their double buggy for long walks around the city and to the Vondelpark.
When a sticky-fingered toddler was shrieking with laughter and clinging to you like a koala, it turned out it was impossible to be too sad.
It was also close to impossible to get scrambled egg out of your hair. But hey, sometimes it was worth it. And slowly, gradually, she was beginning to feel better.
Having lain in bed for several minutes after waking, she now swung her legs over the side.
Time to get up. She drew back the curtains and gazed out of the window at the hotel almost directly opposite on the other side of the canal.
The leaves on the elm trees lining the narrow streets, turning shades of yellow, orange and raw umber, were beginning to drop into the water now, but were still bright in the misty morning sunshine.
People were heading to work on foot or by bike, or walking their dogs, and a group of tourists outside the Ambassade were excitedly taking photos of themselves and each other, blocking the way of someone at the main entrance waiting to leave the hotel.
Moments later, a taxi drew up and the gaggle of tourists shifted to the left, allowing the person access to the vehicle. A thud of disbelief almost knocked the breath out of Fen’s chest, because although he’d only been visible for a split second, she could have sworn the man was Jamie.
Unless her subconscious was playing tricks on her, making her think it was him. Because really, how likely was it that he was here in Amsterdam, just a few metres away on the other side of the canal?
The taxi moved off and Fen pressed her face to the window to watch it cross the bridge up ahead before disappearing from view. Her fingers were tingling and she felt light-headed with the unexpectedness of the sight of him. If it even was him, which it probably wasn’t.
Reaching for her phone, she typed his name into Instagram on the hunt for clues, but the last photo had been posted three weeks ago and was of one of his rugby friends scoring an evidently winning try.
Next she checked Sadie Ingalls’ recent posts, but they were all photos of Sadie wearing an assortment of stylish outfits during her attendance at various parties and social events.
The door swung open and Sebastian came racing into her bedroom, arms outstretched. Fen picked him up and was thoroughly kissed by someone with apricot jam all around his mouth.
‘Fen! We go park?’
She loved that he was growing up bilingual but somehow always knew to speak to her in English.
‘Yes, we’ll go to the park.’
After an energetic morning chasing squirrels and trying to catch falling leaves in the Vondelpark – without success – Sebastian had fallen asleep next to Sonja in the double buggy.
It was now midday. Perching on a bench next to them, Fen took out her phone and called Disa.
It was always good to hear her voice and to catch up with all the gossip from home.
Then it was her turn to update Disa with stories about Seb and Sonja and the new sights of Amsterdam she was still discovering.
‘Oh,’ she said finally, ‘and the weirdest thing this morning. I thought I saw Jamie getting into a taxi outside the Ambassade.’
After a split second’s hesitation, Disa said casually, ‘Did you?’
Suddenly suspicious, Fen frowned. ‘But that’d be crazy. It couldn’t have been him.’
‘Couldn’t it?’
‘What does that mean?’
‘OK. It was Jamie. He came to see me the other evening.’
‘He did?’ In the buggy, Seb stirred, and Fen hastily lowered her voice. ‘What for?’
‘He wondered how you were doing. And I wondered why he wasn’t asking you himself. Then he told me you’d blocked his number and weren’t replying to his emails. Which of course I hadn’t known about, so then I wondered why you’d done that.’
There was now far too much adrenalin swishing round Fen’s body and she hadn’t had time to prepare a reply.
‘I don’t know. I blocked quite a few numbers. It just got too much, people asking me how I was all the time, having to say the same stuff.’
‘Oh, sweetheart. He was worried about you, that’s all.’
‘He was being polite. Anyway, so what’s he doing here?’
‘It’s a quick visit. He was booked to fly over to do a TV show and knew you were there. So he thought it might be nice for the two of you to get together for a quick coffee.’
‘You gave him my address?’
‘No.’ Disa sounded pleased with herself. ‘I told him the name of my favourite hotel in Amsterdam.’
Fen exhaled; it was Disa’s favourite place to stay whenever she visited the city to catch up with old friends. When Tonia and Hendrik had been searching for a new home, it was Disa who’d alerted them to the fact that this apartment had just gone on the market.
‘He was booked into a different hotel, off Dam Square, but when I recommended the Ambassade, he decided to stay there instead. Which’ll be handy if you do decide you’d like to meet up.’
A quiver ran down Fen’s spine. ‘Is he expecting to? But how?’
‘He’s busy recording the show now, but free this evening. Then he’ll be flying home tomorrow. I said if he waited in the hotel bar from five until five thirty, I’d let you know and you could decide whether you wanted to see him.’
‘From five to five thirty.’
‘I thought earlier was better. Then if you don’t turn up, he hasn’t wasted the whole evening.’ Disa was ever practical. ‘He can go out and explore the city. Can you believe he’s never even visited the red-light district?’
Fen shook her head; Disa was incorrigible. ‘What if I’m busy from five till five thirty?’
‘Are you?’
‘No, but I might have been.’
‘Does that mean you’ll see him?’
‘I don’t know. I’ll have to think about it.’
‘Well, he’d very much like to see you,’ Disa said gently. ‘So I hope you do.’
Above the children’s buggy, an amber leaf was drifting down from the horse chestnut tree overhead. As if in a cartoon, it twirled and landed on Sonja’s face, causing her to wake and let out a high-pitched squawk of surprise.
‘That’s the baby,’ said Fen. ‘I’d better go.’
‘He misses Leon as much as you do,’ Disa reminded her.
‘Waaaahhh.’ Sonja gave a wail of outrage.
Fen nodded. ‘I know.’