Chapter 35 #2
‘My cousin’s going out with one of Jamie’s rugby friends, so that’s how I got to hear about it and bagged myself an invite,’ Amanda explained.
‘I told them I’d messaged Jamie on Instagram after Leon died, because I knew how devastated he must have been.
Awful for him, losing his best friend like that.
Where did you get your dress from? You’ve lost weight, by the look of you, lucky thing! ’
Fen reminded herself that Amanda was only a friend-of-a-friend with a talent for blurting things out before thinking them through. She said, ‘I’m starting to put it back on now.’
‘That’s a shame.’ Amanda tilted her head sympathetically, then leaned in closer. ‘So anyway, what’s all this I’ve been hearing about you and Jamie?’
Startled, Fen said, ‘What?’
‘You know how word gets around. Jamie let slip that he’d met up with you in Amsterdam, and we all thought, ey up, is there something going on that we don’t know about?
Then tonight we couldn’t believe it when the two of you walked in together!
So is this some secret affair we weren’t supposed to find out about and you’re the reason he and Sadie Ingalls broke up? Because that would be wild and—’
‘It isn’t wild,’ Fen finally managed to blurt out, because Amanda was a full-on gossip machine and once she got going there was no stopping her. ‘It’s not wild because there’s nothing going on. At all,’ she added firmly, and saw Amanda’s expression change when she realised it was true.
‘Really? Thank goodness for that! I was saying to my friends, it all seemed a bit unlikely. I mean, when your boyfriend only died a few months ago, you wouldn’t want anyone else!
You’d still be in pieces, wouldn’t you?’ Amanda shook her head sympathetically.
‘What kind of woman would act as if nothing had even happened and just throw herself at the first guy to pay her a bit of attention? I suppose some might, but you definitely aren’t the type to do that!
It’s not like losing an umbrella and just going out and buying yourself another one, is it? ’
Amanda had gone back to her own group of friends, no doubt to reassure them there was no need to panic after all, Jamie Hamilton was still on the market.
Jamie himself was being kept busy greeting everyone who’d turned up tonight to celebrate his birthday.
Fen, putting on a show Meryl Streep would have been proud of, smiled and chatted with those people she knew, and even danced with two members of the rugby crowd as well as one of the pilots from the flying club, who was hopefully more skilled at flying helicopters.
Jamie was waiting for her when the pilot walked her off the dance floor. ‘My turn next. Not with him,’ he amended, grinning at Fen. ‘With you.’
But Fen shook her head; there was only so much Oscar-worthy acting she could manage in one night. Apart from anything else, camera flashes were going off like fireworks as more and more people took photos and videos on their phones.
‘Sorry, I’m going to have to bail.’ She pressed her temple with the heel of her hand. ‘Had my first migraine in years last week, and I think another one might be building up. My head’s starting to pound and I’m feeling a bit sick.’
‘Oh no.’ Concerned, Jamie said, ‘Look, I’ll take you home.’
‘No, you won’t. This is your party and you can’t leave.
’ She managed a reassuring smile. ‘Honestly, I’m going to sneak away so I don’t have to do the whole goodbye thing.
I’ll call a cab and be home in no time. But it’s been so nice to see everyone.
And good to know your friends weren’t too busy to see you after all. ’
‘I feel bad abandoning you.’ He raked his hair back from his forehead. ‘But if you’re sure. And I’ll call you tomorrow.’
He was about to hug her, maybe even give her a goodnight kiss; she could sense it was on the verge of happening. Ducking out of the way in the nick of time, she said hastily, ‘Right, I’m off while no one’s looking. Bye!’
It was a restless night’s sleep. At around three, Fen awoke with a start from a hideous dream in which she’d been standing in front of an audience of hundreds of people booing her because she was heartless and disgusting, and if Leon were watching her now he’d be appalled and wish he had never met her.
The next morning, she spent a long time composing the right message:
Hi, so glad you had a great birthday. My migraine has passed and my head is fine this morning, but I’ve had a good think about everything and have decided it’s best if we cool our friendship.
Nothing personal, it’s just that seeing you makes me miss Leon more, which is hard to bear.
Not your fault at all, and nothing either of us can do about it, so please don’t try to change my mind.
Thanks for everything, and for understanding. Fen
Her breath caught in her throat as she pressed send, then again twenty minutes later when Jamie’s reply popped up on the screen:
OK.
Followed several minutes after that by:
Whatever’s best for you. I understand. If you ever change your mind, let me know.
Fen’s eyes grew hot and an aching sense of loneliness expanded inside her ribcage.
If only he knew how she really felt. He’d probably be appalled too.