Chapter 16
Hattie
The proposal seemed genuine. Then it took an awkward turn. He reminded me it was all part of an act, so that we could announce our official engagement to his family.
But then he'd come home, obviously wanting me. I couldn't say no. I wanted him just as much, and that was what scared me. Each time we got physical, I felt closer to him emotionally.
If I thought I could keep feelings out of this, I was mistaken. There was something about washing him in the shower that made me feel so many things, tenderness, and maybe even love. I wasn't supposed to fall in love with Rowan.
I was supposed to be smart and keep my distance from him. I broke all my rules, or maybe I never stood a chance against his charm.
I'd climbed into bed and waited for Rowan to come out of the shower. I'd tell him that I couldn't be with him. That it was too confusing. That I was blurring lines all over the place. I was going to have a broken heart when it came to an end.
I must have drifted off, because the next thing I knew, Rowan was climbing into bed and putting an arm around me. He pressed against me, and everything was warm. I felt safe and secure.
I could tell him how I was feeling tomorrow. There was no rush, and I wanted him to hold me. If this was the only time I'd get with him, I should enjoy it.
At some point in the middle of the night, Rowan reached for me, his hands gliding over my breasts and between my legs. Then he lifted my upper leg and entered me from behind. It was slow and lazy, and so much more convenient not to worry about condoms.
"Touch yourself," he insisted.
I couldn't resist him, so I tweaked my nipple before moving lower and teasing my clit. I was slick, and my fingers brushed his cock as it slid inside me.
He touched my nipples, and I went over, lights flashing behind my eyelids, and my muscles spasming from the aftershocks. He continued to move through my orgasm, which only heightened the sensations. He dropped his head to my shoulder when he went over.
When he pulled out, it was messy. "I'll grab a washcloth."
I waited for him to run the water and come back with a warm washcloth. He cleaned me and the sheets and then climbed into bed with me. He kissed my hair, and my heart squeezed.
I easily drifted off to sleep again, knowing that he'd still be here when I woke.
The next morning, I woke to the smell of eggs and bacon. I stretched, realizing that I'd used muscles I hadn't in a long time last night. Then I hurriedly got dressed so I could eat. My stomach was already rumbling.
Downstairs, he was plating the eggs, and he smiled when he saw me. "Morning, beautiful."
Did my heart just grow larger? "Morning."
He gestured for me to join him. When I was close, he wrapped his arm over my shoulder and kissed me. When he pulled away, he asked, "Hungry?"
"Starved."
He waggled his brows. "I think I know why."
"You kept me up all last night. And I was so tired when I left the party."
He broke off a piece of bacon and popped it into his mouth. "I thought you'd be asleep by the time I got home."
I sighed, taking the plate he offered me, and sat on the stool. "I couldn't shut my brain off."
"Are you worried about the apartment?"
Her eyes widened slightly. "I haven't even thought about it. Is it awful I'm not looking forward to going back there?"
"You can stay here."
"Only until our engagement is over." I put air quotes around our engagement.
He blew out a breath. "I don't like that place. It's not safe. Anyone can go up to your door."
"You have another option?" I asked him.
"There has to be an option where you can park your truck and aren't sacrificing your safety."
I laughed, pushing the scrambled eggs around my plate. "Let me know when you find one."
"I'll think about it," he said.
"Won't people wonder why you're trying to find a place for your fiancée to stay?" I asked.
He sighed heavily. "You're right."
"It was nice of you to offer. But I'll figure something out.
" It would be hard to leave the cabin and move back into my tiny apartment.
But it was possible. I could do anything for a year or two.
I'd already survived so much. "Speaking of which, I need to check on my mother soon. I haven't been there in a while."
"You want me to come with you?"
I didn't want him to see the way my mother lived, always in the dark with the TV droning in the background. It was like she had nothing to live for. I'd never been a reason for either of my parents to change what they were doing. "You're busy with the brewery."
"If you need me, I'll be there."
"Thanks, Rowan." He was truly the nicest guy. "You're going to make the best real fiancé to someone someday."
He waggled his brows. "Just not to you?"
I laughed at his teasing, but it felt hollow. "This was always supposed to be temporary. We're friends."
He leaned against the counter, holding a strip of bacon. "You don't think the sex is phenomenal for being just friends?"
He was bare chested, and all that skin was distracting. "It is good."
He raised a brow. "Just good? Do I need to take you on this countertop for you to use a better word?"
I shook my head, laughing. "I have to eat. You wore me out last night."
"I feel like you've issued a challenge though. I have to make it even better for you."
"That's not true. I think it's great." I've never had anyone want me to rate their sexual chemistry with me.
His shoulders lowered in disappointment. "Great? That felt underwhelming."
I laughed. "Why do I feel like you just want a reason to have sex with me?"
"I don't need a reason. I want to all the time," he said earnestly.
This thing between us felt really good. I enjoyed spending time with him, whether it was watching a movie, sharing a meal, or showering together.
I loved that we supported each other in our respective businesses.
I was going to miss him when I moved back to my life.
"I guess you'll be busy the next couple of weeks, getting everything ready to open? "
"I have a meeting with Beck this morning to talk about last night.
We have some things to fix. Rowan was passionate about opening the brewery.
This was his dream, and I wouldn't weigh him down with concerns about my feelings.
Especially when I wasn't supposed to be having any.
This was just sex and a little pretending when we were in public.
But it was starting to feel less like acting and very real.
I couldn't stop thinking about the rooftop proposal and how genuine Rowan seemed. Right up until he reminded me of the fake nature of our relationship.
The whole evening would have been magical if I could just forget about the plan. "You'll be even busier when the brewery opens." I wasn't sure if I was reminding myself or him.
"Malcolm loves to remind me of that. Dad said he's getting a nanny so he can work more nights at the restaurant."
I frowned. "Does he need to do that?"
"He says he does. But Dad doesn't like that he'll be spending less time with McCoy."
"You think he should spend time with McCoy the weeks he has custody?" I asked him.
His brow furrowed. "I'm not a dad, but I would think he'd want to do that. At some point, can't he hire a trusted manager to do the nights he can't?"
"Sometimes you can't afford that kind of help." It was a good thing that I was starting my business before I had a family to worry about. I'd seen firsthand how time-consuming family could be.
He lifted the plate and practically shoveled the scrambled eggs into his mouth.
When he was done, he wiped his mouth and sipped his OJ.
It was adorable that he drank juice and not coffee in the morning.
"I can understand that. I haven't seen the numbers for the restaurant.
I would think that he would be close to being able to hire more people.
But I don't know for sure. Malcolm tends to think that he has to be the one who's managing the restaurant.
It's like he can't give up the control."
"Ah. The other women were talking about that last night. It was encouraging to hear that everyone struggles with this stuff."
"The problem is that Malcolm is pressuring me to always be present. To focus solely on the brewery. As if I can't be trusted to handle it on my own. It's irritating." He carried his dish to the sink and rinsed it.
"Can you set a boundary with him?" I'd spent a lot of time talking about boundaries with a therapist after my father died.
It was the main reason why I only saw Mom every few months.
I didn't want to get sucked back into that situation.
If she asked for help, that was different.
But I couldn't help her unless she decided she wanted it.
"Every family member gets a say in the businesses. But this feels like more. No one else is questioning my focus or drive."
"Tell him that you appreciate his concern but that you've got it. If you need his advice, you'll ask for it."
Rowan braced his hands on the counter. "I don't think he'd take that very well."
I huffed out a laugh. "I don't believe he would."
He scrubbed his hand down his face. "Honestly? I'm afraid to say that to him."
I raised a brow. "You're afraid of your brother?"
"Not like how you're thinking. It's just that Malcolm has always been the brother in charge. He's used to throwing his weight around. I don't think he'd like it if I told him to butt out."
I rolled my eyes. "I didn't say it like that. You can be nicer about it. Setting boundaries is all about being firm. Trust me; it will feel better when you do it. Right now, he's invading your space, and you need him to back off a little."
"You have experience with setting boundaries?"
"Mom was so needy after my dad died, and I understood that.
But it was interfering with my ability to function, to finally start the business I'd always wanted to open.
I couldn't focus on my life when I was so wrapped up in hers.
I didn't realize how much her mood affected mine until I got some space and clarity. "
"You make it sound easy."
"Well, I talked to a therapist." I couldn't believe I'd just admitted that to Rowan. It went against my vow to not let anyone in. I was opening myself up to him more every day, and I should have been scared. But I felt safe sharing more of myself with him.
His face softened. "I'm glad you talked to someone."
My throat tightened. "I needed that at the time. Someone who would listen to me. So much of what I went through was about my father or how my mother was feeling. But what about what I was dealing with?"
Rowan moved around the counter, pulling me off the stool and into his arms. I was pressed against his bare chest, my arms around his waist. He smelled good and felt even better. But it wasn't sexual. It was pure comfort, and my head was spinning.
"You're the strongest person I know."
I pulled back so I could see his face.
He placed a finger on my lips. "Don't even try to argue with me. That's how I see you, and that's all that matters."
My chest constricted.
He tugged me against his chest again, and we stood like that for a minute or so. I was reluctant to pull away because it was so nice.
"Thanks for sharing that with me. I know it's hard to talk about what happened.
But I like getting to know you." There was something about his words that sent tingles through my chest. This man was getting to me in the best way.
I wanted to sink into him and ask that he never let me go. But that was never our deal.
"I should get ready for work. What are you going to do today?"
I pulled away, feeling the sting of unshed tears. "I'll open the truck in my usual spot."
He turned and went upstairs before I could formulate a response. It was nice to talk to someone besides a therapist about my family. I'd kept quiet about it for so long. It felt like a release to talk to someone I trusted.
That made me pause. I trusted Rowan with my body and my feelings. Despite my best intentions, I was falling in love with this man.
It was probably the most reckless thing I'd ever done. But I couldn't pull back now. I was in too deep.