Chapter 22
Hattie
Christmas night was magical. After we had sex in the hot tub, Rowan had held me while we gazed at the stars. Eventually, he'd got out a new brew he'd been working on, and we sampled that.
It was nice to not worry about work and just spend time together.
The next morning, the magic disappeared, and he was back at the brewery meeting with Beck about something.
I wanted Rowan to take a step back and enjoy this moment. View it as a celebration of everything he'd built. But he was too caught up in the idea that one mistake could cost him the business.
A desperate need to be perfect was driving him, and I was fairly sure that was going to backfire.
The week between Christmas and New Year's was busy for my hot-chocolate truck. People wanted to get in all the holiday things before the season was officially over. The light trail was open all week, so I moved my truck from the town square to the entrance to the trail.
Most visitors stopped for a drink before they entered the trail. It was great for business and kept me busy.
When there was a lull in customers, Jovie asked, "What's going on with you and Rowan?"
I thought about the bath we'd shared the other night, and my heart fluttered at the memory. "It's good."
She poured herself a hot chocolate. "I have to say that whenever he stops by, your relationship feels very real."
"I mean, I guess it is to an extent. We spend time together.
We exchanged gifts for Christmas. But it's purely physical.
We're forced to be together because of the engagement and our living arrangements.
But after the opening, we'll officially break up, and I'll move home.
" There. I said it and made it sound easy.
Her forehead wrinkled. "Is the work on your apartment done?"
"I just got the notice today." Tomorrow was the brewery's grand opening, so I figured I'd move home right after that. "The publicity from the brewery will be over, and I can get back to my life."
Jovie considered me. "Is that what you want?"
I scoffed. "I was just living temporarily with Rowan, and it wasn't part of our original deal."
Her nose scrunched. "You hate that apartment."
The thought of moving back there made me feel slightly ill. It wasn't particularly nice, and it bothered me that Rowan thought it was unsafe. The fact that he'd seen where I lived made it seem even worse than it had before. "It's a place to live while I build my business."
"Just keep telling yourself that."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked her.
Jovie sighed. "I think you're kidding yourself right now. You're telling yourself that this thing with you and Rowan is nothing, but I've seen you together. There's something there, and it's not just physical chemistry. It looks like a real relationship. I think he feels something for you."
"It's definitely physical." That night in the bath was all sex. Sure, we'd exchanged presents, but that was something friends would do at Christmas. Besides, Rowan hadn't said how he felt. "If he felt anything for me, he had plenty of time to say something."
"Have you told him how you feel? Do you even know how you feel?"
"I feel sad that our relationship is coming to an end. But I prepared myself for this. This was the inevitable conclusion."
Jovie let her head fall back. "You're impossible."
I frowned. "Why do you say that?"
"You could be in love with Rowan, and you'd never even know it, much less acknowledge it."
"That's crazy." I felt like I was falling for him, but was that love? I'd never let myself fall completely in love with a guy. The risk was too great. They could walk away or worse. There were no guarantees, and I didn't do risky anymore.
"Just keep telling yourself that."
The line formed again, and we were busy for a while. When the trail closed, we started to clean up, breaking everything down for the night.
I paused. "Are you coming to the grand opening?"
She nodded. "The whole town is planning to be there."
I resumed washing the counters. "Rowan will be happy."
Jovie just gave me a look. "Will he?"
"This is his dream. And it's the night he gets to celebrate that with his family and friends."
"You'll be at his side too."
"It's the last thing I have to do as part of our arrangement."
She rolled her eyes. "You and this arrangement. Do you ever think you call it that so you can create space between the two of you? So you can remind yourself that it's not real?"
I frowned. "But it's not real."
"Sex wasn't part of the original agreement, right?"
"Jov—" This felt too personal to discuss with her.
"I have a feeling you're going to regret this. You've been so closed off for years. Maybe you're happy going it alone. Not having anyone to share your life with." Jovie was slamming things as she finished the cleanup protocol. "I'm going to get going."
"Thanks for helping out tonight," I said, wishing she wasn't upset with me.
She waved her hand. "The season's over. Call me if you need me."
Normally, I'd tell myself I didn't need anyone. I certainly couldn't afford an employee, but I enjoyed her company. She was a good friend, even if I didn't always let myself see it. "Thanks, Jovie."
She nodded, then grabbed her bag and stepped outside.
Was she right? Was I being an idiot? Was I refusing to see what was right in front of me? I wasn't sure about anything right now. If Rowan told me that he loved me, then I'd consider the possibility. But so far, he hadn't said anything.
I didn't want to get hurt by putting myself out there first. Especially when developing feelings was outside of our agreement.
I hated that Jovie was mad at me. This was why I didn't get too close to people. I didn't have to worry about what they thought of me or how they felt about anything. I just went home to my empty apartment and pretended it was fine.
But now I knew how it was to live with Rowan in his cozy cabin. How amazing and tight-knit his family was. How great it was to have friends. And I didn't want to go back. The thought of leaving the Harts was painful.
If Rowan gave me any indication that he felt anything for me, I'd reconsider my plans. But until then, I had to protect myself in this situation. I couldn't assume anything. No matter what Jovie thought.
She only saw us together occasionally. She was making assumptions based on a few interactions. It didn't mean she was right.
I finished closing up and drove to Rowan's. As usual, his truck was in the driveway, but the lights were off in the cabin.
I turned on the porch light and ate the leftovers in the fridge. Then I went to bed, hoping he'd come home when I was reading.
This was for the best. He was going to be busier when the brewery opened. He wouldn't need or want a girlfriend. He wouldn't have any time to spend with me anyway.
I'd give him space to focus on the brewery. I wouldn't distract him from his goal. This was his dream, and I wouldn't do anything to ruin it.
Today was the grand opening. Rowan had been leaving early for work and working late, coming home long after I was already in bed.
I'd packed my things with the goal of moving to the apartment tomorrow. Rowan wouldn't even notice I was gone. I'd barely spent any time with him since Christmas. If this was a precursor to how life with Rowan would be if I stayed, it was a good thing I was getting out now.
I drove the truck to Christmas Town and worked for a few hours. Tonight was also New Year's Eve, and people had plans. So the foot traffic was light now.
After today, things would slow down considerably, and I'd have to come up with fresh ideas for how to keep customers coming. Should I sell cookies, or create a hot-cocoa kit to take home?
I'd have plenty of free time to brainstorm ideas. There wouldn't be any distractions in my apartment. No one to cook for or talk to about our days. Not that we were doing much of that anyway right now.
It was midafternoon, and I was starting to think about when I should pack up so that I could get ready for the grand-opening ceremony.
Jovie rapped on the window.
I opened it. "Hey."
"I wanted to apologize for the other night. I was out of line commenting on your life. If you want to break up with Rowan, then that's your decision."
I swallowed over the lump in my throat. "It was good to hear your perspective."
She raised a brow. "Are you heading over to the opening with Rowan, or would you like some company?"
"I'd love some company." I was worried about going alone. I remembered what it was like during the soft opening; I knew people there, but Rowan didn't have much, if any, time for me.
"I'll text you once I've parked. You can meet me in the lot, and we can walk in together."
I poured her a hot chocolate and handed it through the window to her. "Why don't you want to go in alone?"
She sighed. "Malcolm sent me one of those letters, and I'm a little worried he'll demand that I leave."
"Does he even know who you are?" Jovie hadn't grown up here and only moved onto her grandparent's property when she was an adult.
She rolled her eyes. "I'm sure it's not hard to figure out if you google my name."
I frowned, concerned for her. "You really think Malcolm would confront you?"
Her eyes widened, and she nodded. "They were very strongly worded letters."
My lips tipped up at her tone. "I'll protect you from the big bad Malcolm."
She let out a breath. "Thank you."
Now that I'd spent more time with the Harts, I found all of them to be nice. Even Malcolm.
She took another sip and said, "See you soon."
"Bye." I closed the window and got to work closing down the truck.
When everything was cleaned, I stepped down from the truck.
The reporter I saw at the Illuminary was waiting for me.
I sighed, not wanting to talk to anyone. "I just closed for the day. Everyone's headed over to the brewery for the grand opening."
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about."
"You're the reporter from the Illuminary," I said flatly as I locked the door.
She nodded. "Jane Larson. You know I was surprised by Rowan's announcement that you were engaged, especially since no one had ever seen you together."
"Do you need something? If not, I need to get to the brewery." I made a move for the front of the truck.
"I heard something about you and Rowan. I think you'll want to hear it."
I opened the door, wanting to be rid of her. She was the reason that we were in the mess to begin with. "What is it?"
"Your mother said that you're not actually engaged, that it was all for publicity for the brewery."
My heart rate increased. "You talked to my mom?"
"She invited me in and offered me tea. She was happy to speak to me."
Mom was probably happy to have a visitor. "You asked her about my father, didn't you?"
"She mentioned him."
"You're chasing gossip and taking advantage of a grieving woman."
"I work for a local paper, and a brewery opening is big news."
I snorted as I got into the driver's side seat. I wished I hadn't engaged her at all. I didn't want to hear any of this. Then I paused. "Is my mother upset? Do I need to stop by there first?"
She shrugged. "She seemed to enjoy my company."
"That's because she didn't understand who you were," I countered.
Jane continued, not even phased by my disgust. "What should I tell people about your fake engagement?"
"I'm not talking to you." I wasn't even sure how to handle this. But I should talk to Rowan first.
"I'll be at the brewery tonight. People will want to know if their golden couple is real or not." Her tone was sharp.
I didn't want to do anything to mar his grand opening. "So you'd ruin the grand opening for the town. Or are you just in this to make a name for yourself?"
"This is news. People will want to hear about this. You never know; the controversy might bring more people to the brewery. I suspect that people will be curious about a couple who would lie about being engaged."
"It wasn't like that. You're just twisting everything.
" She was fairly close to the truth, and I didn't want to make this any worse than it was.
I needed to warn Rowan about the news. He'd be upset.
He was so scared about one bad experience ruining customers' opinions about his brewery, and now I was the one who'd destroyed everything.
If I hadn't told my mom the truth, this reporter wouldn't have been able to find it out.
Jane just smirked, her phone poised as if she had it on speaker.
I closed my door without engaging with her again. I pulled away from the curb. My face was hot, and my heart was thumping wildly.
This was all my fault. I told my mother, and Jane found a vulnerable woman who could be manipulated with a kind face. When in reality, she didn't care about what she did to my mother, me, or Rowan's business. She only cared about getting a story and spreading gossip.
We started this whole thing to avoid this kind of publicity, and it was blowing up in our faces. When I parked at Rowan's, I pulled out my phone and texted him.
Hattie: We need to talk. That reporter talked to my mom. She told her about our relationship.
I hoped that Rowan would see the message before he saw the reporter or the story hit social media. When Rowan was busy, he didn't bother looking at his text messages.
I rushed inside and got dressed. I wore a sweater dress with tights and wedge boots, wanting to look nice and be comfortable. I blew out my hair so that it was shiny.
I always felt taller in heels and the green color of my dress made my eyes stand out. My phone buzzed, and I grabbed it, hoping it was Rowan.
Jovie: I'm here.
I let out a breath.
Hattie: Be right there.
I carried my things downstairs. I was going to leave them by the front door, but I should probably put them in the truck, just in case it was awkward to come back after I talked to Rowan. It would be easier to have a clean break. To go back to my apartment tonight.
I walked the worn path to the brewery, finding Jovie waiting in her car. When she saw me, she got out. "Hey. You haven't seen Malcolm, have you?"
"No." But then again, I was worried about other things. "That reporter from the Illuminary showed up after you left."
Her eyebrows rose. "Jane? What did she want?"
I lowered my voice. "She went to my mom's house and talked to her."
Her forehead wrinkled. "Why would she talk to your mom?"
I looked around to see if anyone was near us, and then I said, "I'm assuming it was to verify if our engagement story was real."
"Your mom doesn't know anything, does she?"
"I told her the truth the last time I was at her house. She was doing better, but I didn't want her to get her hopes up about Rowan and me."
"Ugh."
"She told Jane that it was fake the entire time. Now she thinks she has a story."
"Well, I guess she does. What are you going to do?"
I sighed. "Talk to Rowan. Warn him, I guess. Hope it doesn't ruin the opening."
"Let's go find him then," Jovie said, hooking her arm through mine.
This was supposed to be Rowan's big day, but I ruined everything with my big mouth.