Chapter 34
34
Kieran
I waited in the doorway as Lila’s hands flew over the keyboard and she toggled between screens. “Well?”
“It’s great,” she said with a smile spreading across her face, looking up from the screen. She’d stopped over to report on our finances—I knew enough to do a cursory review, but Lila knew all the ins and outs, and she extended her palm for a high five. “I think we’re going to make it if this keeps up, plus the money from Sybil,” she said, the reference giving me a sinking feeling. It was the same feeling I’d had when I handed Lila the check to deposit.
“We can tell Granddad when Tom brings him back from the doctor’s appointment. He’s so ready to be back full-time.” She tapped a few things out on her keyboard, and the charts and projections on the screen shifted. “The store’s books will be in good shape for him when he takes back over.”
I leaned against the door frame. “I still worry about him coming back to work full-time.”
She shrugged. “Doctor said he should be fine, and it’s what he wants. We can talk him into hiring a little more help, too.”
I didn’t realize I was pulling my phone from my pocket until I saw Lila’s reaction.
“Sybil?” Lila looked pointedly at my phone, and heat rose on my face as I shoved it back in my pocket, because texting Sybil had been an automatic response. She was invested in this scheme, of course, but it wasn’t even that. She’d be excited we were close to saving the shop, and I found a lot of comfort in her smiles and exuberant celebrations. I wanted to tell her the good news. The night at the concert had been fun—the bands were decent, and Sybil was in her element with all the people and dancing. I’d even had a few drinks with her, but my head had been in that hotel bathroom all night. She’d smelled so good, and I couldn’t forget how we’d laughed. And that kiss. I’d wanted to kiss her all night. I’d wanted to kiss her all year, which was why it had been a bad idea.
“Just a notification,” I lied. Lila was still convinced I was going to fall for my fake girlfriend and her infectious laugh and beautiful fingers and the curls she could never quite contain. “Is the semester going well?”
She pushed back from the desk and pulled her own phone from her pocket at the buzz of a notification. “Good. I’ll take the CPA exam after I finish my master’s this semester. I’ll pass.” She crossed her legs and rested her phone on her knee after tapping something out.
“Then you have to decide which of these job offers to accept.” I was proud of her—she’d had three offers months ahead of graduation and had been balancing helping me with her schoolwork all year. Lila laughed at something on her phone and tapped out another reply.
“Sorry.” She flipped her phone over. “Marcus was sending me pictures of a recipe he tried that bombed miserably.” She hurried forward, knowing I’d ask about all the time she’d been spending with him lately. “I’m really leaning toward Chicago,” she said, smiling once more at her phone before tucking it away. “It’s the best offer, but it’s far away.” She looked over my shoulder at the front of the store when the chime sounded. Chad was out front at the counter. “But I haven’t decided—the offer here is fine, too.”
I hated that she was waffling on this out of some idea she needed to stay. She’d pointed out the irony in me worrying about that too many times to count, but I didn’t care. “You should go to Chicago.”
“But then who would give you shit and keep Granddad and Tom out of trouble?”
The familiar voice startled me, and I spun at Sybil’s approach. She looked like she’d just come from working out, a sports bra peeking from under a T-shirt with the neck cut wide so it slipped off her shoulder. I reached to adjust it on instinct. “I think I could handle it.” She flashed me an appreciative glance, but her face lacked its normal brightness.
“Hey, Sybil.” My sister looked at her phone again and rose, pulling her backpack from the floor. “I gotta get to my study session, but tell her the good news, Kier!” Lila flashed a smile to Sybil before ducking out the front, her check-in with Chad barely audible from the office.
“I wasn’t expecting you. What’s up?” I studied her face, noticing the dark circles under her eyes that hadn’t been there when I’d seen her a few days ago. When I’d kissed her at the end of the date, too, making everything even more confusing.
She smiled, but it was a fake one. “Just a weird day,” she said, walking into the office and looking around like she always did, running her hands over everything. I usually enjoyed watching her body language as she took in the now familiar surroundings. Today she seemed edgy, distracted. “Can I hang out here for a while?”
“I’m just about to head upstairs to shower. I told Granddad I’d take him to the library,” I said, taking a few steps toward her. “You can stay here, though.”
“Oh. Okay.” She turned away from the photo she always admired, the Ferris wheel one. “No big deal.” She ran her hands down the front of her shirt as if it needed smoothing, and something in her posture unsettled me.
“What’s going on, Syb?” I slid my palm down her bare arm, immediately noticing the goose bumps rising on her skin. “Something is wrong.” I stepped closer, taking in the crease between her brows and the way she held her mouth with a tension I’d never seen in her before. I cupped her cheek, sliding a thumb gently along that set jaw.
“I’m probably making too big a deal out of it.” She looked up at me through her thick lashes, her eyes welling with tears.
“What’s wrong?” I was on high alert now, my body tensed, and I let my palm slide along the side of her neck to flatten over her shoulder. “Did someone do something to you?” Anger flared in my chest at the idea of someone hurting her.
She sighed, not moving out of my touch, but a tear slid down her face. “I fucked up.”
“What do you mean?”
“Remember two weeks ago when I wanted to celebrate? I made a donation to charity. A big one,” she said, her voice breaking, and she swiped at her eyes before sucking in a ragged breath. “Is it stupid if I ask you to hold me for a minute?”
“Of course not.” She slumped against me, and I stroked my fingers along her spine, the other hand keeping her close, unsure what I was protecting her from but knowing it wasn’t an option not to. “Can you tell me what happened, Syb? Are you hurt?”
She pulled her face from my shoulder, wiping her eyes. “It’s a nonprofit that works with shelters across the city. I thought, why help just one when there’s a group that helps a lot?”
She shuddered, and I tightened my grip on her waist.
“That sounds like a good thing.” I stroked her back again, hauling her closer to me, the feel and sound of her crying gutting me. “Baby, what’s wrong?”
“I gave them half a million dollars,” she added, lowering her voice and unsuccessfully holding in a sob. “I posted about it this morning. You know, maybe it would make other people want to join in and give, too.” She wrapped her arms around my waist, and I tightened my hold.
I ducked my chin to meet her eyes. “Syb, that’s amazing. I don’t understand why you’re crying.”
“It’s not a real charity,” she said. “They seemed so legit and…” She ducked her face to my shoulder. “That news station called me, and the newspaper reached out, and everyone can see how I messed it up.”
I saw red, felt my throat close with fear and rage, and I pulled her to me again, holding the back of her neck. She’d been trying so hard to impress everyone, and I knew from the way she clung to me, she thought she’d failed.
“I look stupid,” she said, sniffling. “I am stupid. And I could have given it to a place that needed it…And I know it’s dumb to be so upset.”
“It’s not.” I stroked her back between her shoulder blades as she tucked her chin into the crook of my shoulder. “Of course you’re upset.” I kissed her forehead, wanting to shelter her from it all.
“I should have been more careful with researching that it was a legitimate charity, and I shouldn’t have posted anything about the donation online, but I never thought…” She sniffled. “They’ll see I’m the same irresponsible, worthless Sybil who can’t get things right. Everyone will see.”
“No,” I said. I dipped my chin lower and cradled her head against my chest. The motion left my lips near her ear, and I kept stroking up her back and along her nape. “You were trying to do something good that would help people,” I said, letting her cry against my shoulder. I’d never felt a sense of duty stronger than knowing I needed to comfort her and remind her what she was thinking was wrong. “The only thing you can’t get right is obeying the speed limit,” I said, feeling the smile I’d hoped for against my chest.
She chuckled and spoke with a teary voice. “They’re guidelines.”
“They’re not,” I said near her ear, tightening my hold at her waist. “That’s why you get speeding tickets.”
She laughed against me, the sound choked but a little more like the Sybil I knew. “You’re supposed to be being nice to me.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, stroking her hair. “I’ll be nice.”
“You are,” she said, resting her cheek against my chest, her voice clearer. “I was spinning and panicking and I ignored all the calls. I just drove and then I was here.” She rested her palm over my stomach, stretching her fingers across my obliques. “Looking for you.”
I flattened my hand against her spine and leaned back slightly to see her face. “Stay with me.” She’d stopped crying, but I still slid my thumb over her cheek, tracing along her skin. “Or we can go somewhere.”
Her eyes roamed my face, and I hated seeing worry on her features, the way it dimmed her light. “You can’t just leave the store, and you have plans with your granddad.”
“He won’t mind. I can leave.” I tucked a curl behind her ear. “For you I will.”
“You don’t have to worry about me, I’ll just—”
I pressed my finger to her lips, interrupting her protest. They were as soft as I remembered. “Maybe this isn’t real, but you’re real. You’re real to me. And if I can do something to help, I’m going to do it.”
“Okay.” She looked at me again, her lashes still wet and her eyes wide. “Can I stay with you?”
“Yeah.” I pulled her in for another hug, wrapping both arms around her again. I still felt red with anger, but fear was working its way into my bloodstream—fear someone would cheat her, would make her lose belief in herself. And there was something else, too, something just as hard to ignore. She felt right in my arms—she felt perfect in my arms, actually, and I didn’t want to let her go. “There’s nowhere else I want you to be,” I added, certain these emotions were going to lead to another moment in my life where the bottom fell out.
“Thank you,” she said against my chest.
And I didn’t care anymore about the guaranteed disaster the end of this was going to be.