Chapter 18
18
Essie
I was getting married today. What the actual fuck.
September was my favorite month in Colorado. The air was crisp, the sky blue, and the mountains got their first dusting of snow. The best part was the aspens, their golden leaves even more vibrant against the deep green pines. If I could choose any month for my wedding day, it would be September.
Ironic, really.
I huddled on the cabin porch in my sweats, wool socks, and shearling slippers, a steaming mug of hot coffee keeping my hands warm. It was mid-morning and still chilly. The bright Colorado sunshine would warm it up some by mid-afternoon, when Brax and I would be declared husband and wife.
James, Chloe, Hannah, and Janie were still sound asleep on their air mattresses. I would be too, if it weren’t for this infernal hum of anticipation putting me on edge. Which was so stupid, because this wasn’t even a real marriage.
But somehow it felt real. Brax was real. I was real. Living under the same roof was real. Our friends and family celebrating our union was real.
And the wedding was absolutely real.
Lodestar Ranch was the natural location. For one, because it was free. But also, it was beautiful. Where else could I be surrounded by the horses, mountains, and people I loved the most? It was perfect.
It also could accommodate the guest list, which included nearly every person in Aspen Springs. Such was the way of things here, and we didn’t want to arouse suspicion by going against tradition. We had an uneven ratio of groomsmen to bridesmaids, but the good thing about this being a fake marriage was that we cared less about the minutiae of wedding details that might drive another bride crazy.
I almost wished we had told Jack our plans. He would have found a way to show up for me, even knowing the truth, but that wouldn’t have been fair to him. I didn’t really like the idea of anyone else walking me down the aisle, but I had the feeling if I went it alone, there was a high possibility I’d turn tail and run. So, Mom would walk with me .
A local magistrate would do the honors. Mom was in favor of a minister, but that was a no for me. I could lie to a judge all day without a qualm, but I drew a line at lying to God. I wasn’t even sure I believed in a higher being, but better safe than sorry.
“Hey.” James stumbled onto the porch with a wide yawn. “How’s the most beautiful bride in the world?”
“I’m not beautiful yet,” I laughed, pointing to the hot rollers in my hair. “You’re going to help me fix that, right?”
“You’re gorgeous just as you are, no makeup or fancy hairdo required.” James booped me on the nose. “But I will absolutely help you get ready. That’s what we’re here for.” She flicked a hand over her shoulder toward the door. “The others are getting breakfast going.”
We took our time with cinnamon rolls, bacon, and orange juice. There was no need to rush. I wanted to look nice, of course, since all eyes would be on me, but I had no interest in a big poofy dress. That wasn’t me at all. I had opted for a white sundress of eyelet lace that hit at my knee, and I was pairing that with cowboy boots. I was doing my own makeup, too.
It didn’t take long to get ready once we cleaned up from breakfast. I took extra care with my makeup. I filled in my eyebrows and added false eyelashes, which wasn’t my usual look for a day at the ranch, but other than that, I looked exactly like myself, only prettier. The last step was the deep red lipstick I had been loyal to since high school, but I was waiting until the last minute for that.
I stared at myself in the mirror as my friends gushed about my hair, my eyes, my dress. All I could think was, would Brax like it?
Why did I even care? Asking my ex-best friend to like anything about me was a good way to hurt my own feelings. How the hell was I going to marry someone who thought I was a walking catastrophe when my feelings for him were…complicated. So fucking complicated.
My face felt hot. My hands were shaking.
I needed to get out of here.
Abruptly, I turned from the mirror and grabbed my jacket. “I need a minute.”
“Are you alright?” Chloe asked. “It’s okay if you’re not. My car is right outside.”
I laughed. “I appreciate the offer, but I’m fine. Really. I just need some air. I’m going to check on Pirate.”
James nodded like this made perfect sense. To her, it probably did. Horses were a refuge for both of us. “All right.” She checked her phone. “You have thirty minutes until it’s go time.”
Guests were already milling about when I quietly sneaked past the main house and up to the barn. Pirate greeted me with a head bob. He let me rest my cheek against his white face for approximately two seconds before he started snuffling my jacket pockets for treats.
“Yeah, yeah,” I grumbled. “I didn’t come empty handed. I’ll trade you a carrot for a little affection. Seems fair.”
“Is that all it takes?” an amused voice asked behind me.
I spun around, my hand on my heart. “Jesus, Brax. You scared me. What are you doing here?”
“Marrying you, supposedly,” he said on an extended drawl. “Hopefully I didn’t get the date wrong.”
I tried to give him an exasperated look, but it was hard to summon the requisite emotion when he looked so ridiculously good in that suit. His blue eyes rivaled the cloudless sky for brightness, his shoulders were broader than ever, and his chiseled jaw and cheekbones looked like he’d had the bones sharpened even further just for today.
I suddenly felt a little awkward about myself. A little self-conscious. Like maybe I wasn’t fancy enough for Suit Brax. I should have made more of an effort, done the big white dress and all that.
“Fuck, you’re pretty,” he whispered.
I grinned, feeling much better about the whole thing. “Thank you. But you’re not supposed to see me before the wedding. What are you doing here?” I asked again.
“Looking for you. ”
“Well, you found me.”
“Yeah, I did.”
I stared at him, waiting. His gaze dipped from mine, and he rubbed the back of his neck. Was Brax…nervous? That couldn’t be right. Brax was never nervous. He was always so sure . Sure of himself, of his surroundings, of how things should be. Sometimes he was wrong, but even then, he was sure of how to fix it.
“Here’s the thing, Essie. In twenty minutes, the magistrate is going to say you may now kiss the bride , and I don’t think that’s something we should do for the first time in front of an audience.”
“Oh.” I blinked. Somehow that had not occurred to me. “I guess we could tell him to skip that part?”
His head snapped up on a low growl. “No, we are not going to skip that part.”
“Braxton Hale, are you saying you want to kiss me?” I put my hands to my hips and studied him through narrowed eyes. “What happened to too much, and not enough ? Hmm?”
He glared right back. “Get your ass over here, hellion.”
I took a step, but apparently it wasn’t fast enough for his liking, because he hooked an arm around my waist and brought me flush against his chest. Now I was the nervous one, breathless from the heat and strength of his body.
This close, it was hard to get my bearings. I looked at him and saw my past, present, and future swirled together. The best friend I had adored, the jackass who irritated the life out of me, the man who in approximately twenty minutes would be my husband—he was all of it. He was everything.
He rubbed his thumb over my bottom lip. “You’re not wearing lipstick.”
“Not yet. I didn’t want to risk smearing it.” My words came out soft and breathless.
“Good.” His face came so close all I could see was the blue of his eye. “Because this might get messy.”
The words ghosted against my lips and I shivered.
And then his mouth was firmly on mine and all I felt was heat.
For a moment, we simply stood there, mouth against mouth, chest against chest. And then he made a low sort of noise and he moved. I found myself shifted against the wall, his strong arm around my back tethering me to his body, and he licked his way into my mouth.
I had feelings about that, strong feelings, but I couldn’t seem to anchor myself to a single one. They all rioted inside me like a summer storm. Hunger and rage, joy and sadness, need and longing.
His fingers tangled in my hair, digging into my scalp. He tasted like honey and strawberry jam from the biscuits he’d had for breakfast. I let it all consume me, the feel of him, the taste of him, the familiar scent of him that made my eyes sting with tears .
It was too much.
I couldn’t get enough.
Damn him.
I nipped his lip. Maybe to punish him, maybe because it felt good.
He chuckled quietly against my mouth. “Behave, hellion, or we’re not going to make it to our own wedding.”
“I don’t care.” I clung to him, rocking my body against him, feeling the evidence of what I did to him wedged hard against my belly.
“Fuck!” He tore his mouth away on a rough, ravaged groan.
We stared at each other. He looked stunned…shattered. His hands flexed against my back, my scalp, like he was considering going in for more.
But then he released me and stepped back. And I hated that. Hated that he always let go first. Hated that I was always the one who wanted more.
“Let’s go get married,” he said.
And all I could do was nod.
When the magistrate truly said “You may now kiss the bride,” I looked at Brax and straight-up panicked.
Because now I knew what it was like to have Braxton Hale’s mouth on mine and hell, no, that couldn’t happen again. I wouldn’t survive it.
Maybe something of this was on my face, because the glint in his eyes turned downright mischievous. Before I could do something smart—like run—he wrapped one arm around my waist and cupped the back of my head with his other hand.
“I’ve got you,” he whispered so quietly that only I could hear.
And then he dipped me low and kissed me while the crowd whooped and hollered their approval. Despite his dramatics, the kiss itself was almost chaste. Sweet and light, and solicitous of my cherry red lipstick.
When he brought me right side up again, we linked hands and raised our arms overhead in victory, like we had accomplished something to be proud of, when all we had done was trick everyone here into believing they were witnessing true love.
Maybe I should feel bad about that, but I didn’t. Look how happy it made them, to believe love conquered all. I had lost count of the number of folks who had approached me the last two weeks just to tell me they had always known it would be me and Brax in the end, that we were meant to be. I didn’t want to take that away from them too soon. There would be time enough for that later.
“I now present, Mr. and Mrs. Braxton Hale!” the magistrate announced .
Brax and I looked at each other. I wrinkled my nose and gave an almost imperceptible shake of my head. I had no intention of changing my name. He smirked a little and nodded.
And then it was done.
We were married.