Chapter 26
26
Essie
B rax was already home from work by the time I pulled my SUV into the garage. I glared at his truck parked on the curb, as though it were the source of all my rage, when really it was its owner. Normally I got home a couple hours before him, but he had taken to coming home early on Friday nights, in addition to working from home on Wednesdays.
I found him inside, sprawled on the couch, reading the book Hannah had lent me. I had feelings about that, but I would deal with that later. He was still in jeans, but barefoot, and he had traded his button-down and tie for a gray henley. Perfectly relaxed.
I put a stop to that immediately.
“What did you promise my brother, Brax?” I demanded, hands on hips.
He shot up like the couch was on fire, the book tumbling from his hands. “Essie, now, wait a minute, okay? Before you go off half-cocked, let me explain.”
“That’s exactly what I’m telling you to do.” I narrowed my eyes as he took a step closer. He froze. “Go on, then. Explain.”
He stared at me, his eyes pleading. “I don’t…I don’t know how.”
“You…don’t…know… how ?” I repeated incredulously. “Gee, Brax, it’s almost like you didn’t have fifteen fucking years to contemplate that question.” He winced at the venom in my voice. “Tell me what you promised my brother.”
He looked away, his jaw ticking. “Essie…fuck.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head, like he was trying to focus his thoughts. “Do you know what the statistics are for Aspen Springs?”
My forehead wrinkled. “What statistics?”
“The statistics for getting out. Towns like Aspen Springs, with maybe two thousand people, in the middle of nowhere? People don’t leave here, Essie. And when they do, they don’t go far. They go to Fort Collins and Aurora because they can’t afford Denver or Boulder on a fast food salary.”
“Okay, so? Who wants to leave?”
“ You do.” He threw up his hands, exasperated. “You did. Don’t you remember what it was like back then? How badly you wanted to see the world? You wanted to be a rodeo star. The next Charmayne James. Remember?”
“Of course I remember. I was still living that dream until a year ago. I am a rodeo star. Girls still ask me to sign their boots when they see me out. I got everything I wanted, but, Brax…” I couldn’t believe I had to explain this to him. I thought he understood. “I never wanted to leave Aspen Springs. It’s my home. I love it. I was running toward my dreams, not away from home.”
“I know you love it here. That was the problem. To make those dreams come true, you had to leave some things behind. Like me.”
The way he said that, so soft, so aching. Like it broke his heart.
“No.” I sucked in a sharp breath. “No. You left me . That’s what happened. We were friends, and then one day, we suddenly weren’t. And you never told me why. You…” I shook my head. “You didn’t leave Aspen Springs. You didn’t even leave Jack. You just left me . Why?”
He reached for me but I stepped back, evading his touch. “Please, honey. Try to understand. That day changed everything.”
I knew which day he meant. I had always known. But I still didn’t know why. “I apologized, Brax. I apologized so many fucking times.” My voice cracked, but I forged ahead. “I know it was my fault. I convinced you to skip school. I convinced you to go hiking even though the trail was slick. We shouldn’t have been there, and it was my fault we were. It was my fault you almost died—” My eyes squeezed shut, like I could block out the memory.
“Fuck, Essie—” His rough hands cupped my face so gently. “Look at me, honey. It wasn’t your fault. I wanted to be there with you. I never blamed you for what happened that day. But I wasn’t the one who almost died. You went over that cliff, not me.”
“Oh.” I blinked at him. “Right. I know. I remember. But I wasn’t even very hurt. A little bruised, that’s all.”
His laugh came out strangled. “You saved my life. That’s how you fell off that fucking cliff. Do you remember that ?”
“What was I supposed to do? Stand there and watch you die?” I demanded. I blinked rapidly against the stinging wetness in my eyes.
Because I did remember.
I remembered the split second when he flailed between safety and danger, how he reached for a tree but not for me, like he would rather die than risk taking me with him, how all I could think was no . No, I was not going to live in a world without Braxton Hale. There had been no option but to save him.
“Here’s what I remember,” he said quietly. His thumbs gently traced my cheekbones. “I remember the look on your face when you pulled me back from the edge. I remember you put everything you had into hauling me back. You didn’t save anything for yourself. I knew…fuck, Essie. I had always been in love with you, but that day, I realized you loved me, too.”
“Then why…” My brows pushed together as I worked through what he was trying to tell me. “You pushed me away. You stopped talking to me. Why would you do that if you loved me?”
He dropped his hands from my face. Stepped back. “It had to be that way, Essie. Don’t you get it? Us being together was the worst thing that could have happened to you.”
“Says who?” I stared at him, an awful feeling twisting in my gut. “Answer me. What promise did you make to my brother that was so important we couldn’t be friends anymore?”
He looked at me and shook his head.
“Brax,” I said. “Fucking answer me .”
A muscle popped in his jaw as he turned away, rubbing his chest. “I promised him I wouldn’t give you a reason to stay.”
My brow furrowed. “I don’t understand. Why would he—why would you?—”
But Brax didn’t stick around to explain. He opened the door and walked through it, shutting it firmly in my face.
I couldn’t believe he did that. He just…walked away. In the middle of a conversation.
My stomach twisted and my heart ached. Holy fuck, I was so tired of the men in my life walking away from me. Like how I felt about it didn’t matter to them at all, not even a little bit. I was so damn tired of it.
Tired…and mad .
My phone buzzed with a voice message from Chloe. “Hey, babe. I’m at the Painted Cat. Janie is working tonight. Say hi, Janie. Come hang out with us!”
I wasn’t in the mood to go out. I was in the mood to chase Brax down and force him to have an honest, open conversation with me. But I wasn’t going to do that. I wasn’t going to chase a man down and beg him to care about me. I would shave my head clean bald before I did that.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I had changed into a sparkly top that showed plenty of cleavage, the jeans that made my ass look phenomenal, and my favorite pair of going-out boots. The next thing I knew, I was down at the Painted Cat, and Janie was serving me my first shot of tequila.
Maybe if I occupied myself with enough bad choices tonight, I wouldn’t make the worst one of all. I wouldn’t pick up the phone and beg Brax to talk to me.
“Miss Essie Price, as I live and breathe,” a deep voice drawled out.
I looked up into the grinning face of Bobby Waters . “Bobby? What are you doing in Aspen Springs?” Rodeo season was long over, and his home base was Oklahoma.
“Just passing through, darlin’. I forgot this town was yours, or I would have let you know I was here.” His gaze travelled down my body, taking the scenic route. “But I sure am glad I found you.”
Couldn’t say I felt the same. I had never left this man’s bed feeling anything but kind of regretful.
I held up my left hand like a shield and wiggled my ring finger. “I’m married,” I blurted out.
He grinned, but the edges were sharper this time. “Well, congratulations. Is the lucky man here now?”
I shook my head, feeling irritated at Brax all over again.
“Well, then, there’s no reason two old friends can’t catch up, is there? What are you having?”
I rolled my lips together, weighing my options. I didn’t particularly want to reminisce about old times with Bobby Waters. But a small, petty part of me remembered Brax’s reaction when I said his name.
“A beer. Whatever’s on tap. Thanks.”
Then I sent Brax a pin with my location, and a text.
Come get your wife before someone else does.