Chapter 21
21
They walked back to the car via the promenade again. The chairs and tables were mostly empty, the drinkers having gone inside now the sun had set. The smell of fish and chips wafted on the breeze and Anya pressed her free hand to her middle. ‘I ate so much tonight that I can’t believe I’m even tempted, but I haven’t had fish and chips for years.’
‘I’ll treat you another time,’ Rick offered as they moved towards the centre of the prom to avoid a couple resting against the railings as they shovelled hot chips into their mouths with tiny wooden forks. Seagulls squabbled at their feet and the man tossed another chip towards them, sending the birds into a frenzy. With a gentle tug, Rick guided Anya in a wider arc around the people eating, and just as well he did because the next moment one of them shouted in alarm as a greedy gull flapped into the air to snatch a chip out of his fingers.
Anya reared back into Rick, a look of horror on her face. ‘I think I’ll pass on the fish and chips,’ she murmured.
‘There’s a reason we always eat ours at home,’ Rick told her with a grin. ‘When I treat you, I can bring supper round to the summer house.’
He expected her to smile, but when she looked up at him there was a furrow etched between her brows. ‘Maybe not there.’
He could’ve kicked himself for being so stupid. Hadn’t he promised her he would keep his distance if that was what she needed? ‘Sorry, I wasn’t thinking.’
Anya’s hand pressed closer against his chest. ‘I don’t want you to think that I am ashamed of you, or that I want to keep you a secret.’
‘It’s fine, Anya. I get it.’ He wrinkled his brow as he racked his brain. ‘You’re always welcome at mine. Although that doesn’t help with the Freya situation and I doubt the idea of hanging out at my parents’ place holds much appeal either.’ Past Rick had thought he was being smart by not moving out and putting most of his money into his business rather than a mortgage. Past Rick was a dickhead.
Anya pulled a face. ‘I don’t really fancy bumping into your dad on the landing.’
He cupped her face and kissed her. ‘No, I can see why that wouldn’t appeal. Don’t worry, I’ll figure something out, and in the meantime there’s always the back seat of my car!’
He’d meant it as a joke, but there was a hint of mischief in Anya’s eyes as her hand slid down his chest and around to his back. ‘How far do the seats go back?’
Rick shifted his feet so they were either side of hers and their bodies were touching from chest to hip. ‘They fold completely flat and the rear windows have a pretty dark tint on them.’ Laughing, he placed his arm around her. ‘I can’t believe we’re talking about having sex in my car.’
‘Do you have any better suggestions? ’
He racked his brain again. He could book a hotel room, but they could spend ages trying to find somewhere and Anya wouldn’t want to stay away from Freya for too long. With them both working full time and her childcare commitments, evenings like this might be few and far between. But still, this was their first date and he didn’t want her to think he was only after one thing. ‘There’s no rush, we can take our time, make sure you’re ready.’
She pressed her body into his. ‘I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready, I don’t even know if I can be with anyone else, but I want to try. I could spend months hovering on the edge of this, dipping a toe in now and then, but the only way I’ll know is if I dive right in.’
Though her words were bold and brave, he could hear the tremor in her voice. He wanted to drag her against him, lose himself in the promised heat in her eyes, the soft tempting curves of her body, but he had to be sure this was the right thing. ‘And what if you find out the water’s too deep?’
She raised a hand to caress his cheek. ‘Then I trust you to pull me back into the shallows.’
Rick turned his head to press a kiss to the tips of her fingers. ‘You can always trust me.’ He would do right by her if it killed him, and if the tightness of his trousers was anything to go by, it might just. But tonight wasn’t about him, it was about them, it was about Anya and respecting her need to do this. ‘I know somewhere we can go.’
They didn’t speak much for the rest of their walk back. Inside, Rick was at war with himself. Anya deserved the best that he could give her – a soft bed, champagne, romance – but her fingers played up and down over the back of his hand, teasing and tempting with how good they would feel on other parts of his body. By the time they reached the car it was hard to think straight. He unlocked it, but didn’t immediately open the passenger door. ‘Anya…’
She reached up and pressed a finger to his lips. ‘There are a hundred reasons not to do this, I know, but those all belong to the woman who is scared to care about someone again, who is worried about her child, who doesn’t have any idea how she’s going to turn her life around. I don’t want to be her, not right now. I want to be the woman I see when you look at me. Beautiful, confident, desired and desiring.’
Unable to stop himself, Rick reached out and cupped her neck, the hot silk of her hair gliding over his fingers like a caress. ‘You are beautiful, Anya.’ As he drew her towards him, he bent his head to press a kiss to the pulse point on her neck. ‘The most beautiful woman in the world.’ He breathed the words against her skin, felt her shiver against him, and his doubts about whether it was too soon were no match for the need thundering in his blood. ‘You are all I’ve wanted, all I’ve dreamed about. It was always you. Only you.’ He traced his lips up her throat, capturing her mouth when she turned her head to meet his. Her hands raised to clutch at his shoulders as they kissed, his own pulling her closer still. The contrast of the hard metal of the car at his back and the soft curves of her body fitting against the front of him was intoxicating.
Laughter burst in the distance, shocking them both apart. Rick scanned the car park, but there was no one in sight. He looked down at Anya, her hair rumpled from his fingers, her lower lip plump from the pressure of his mouth, and it was all he could do to yank open the door instead of grabbing hold of her again. ‘Get in.’
While Anya settled herself, Rick opened his window and fiddled with the radio until he could find something soothing and mellow. He turned the sound down low, enough to fill the silence without being overwhelming. When he glanced over, Anya had her head back against the seat, her eyes closed. He looked down at where her hands rested in her lap, saw the way she was gripping them together, and he knew what he had to do. Take her home . Not saying a word, Rick put the car into gear and began to drive.
The roads were quiet and it didn’t take long before they were back in Halfmoon Quay. It was only as he turned into the top of the road where his aunt and uncle lived that Anya stirred beside him. ‘I thought…’
Rick pulled into an empty space half in the glow of a street lamp and stopped. He turned off the engine and released his seat belt so he could turn to face her properly. ‘I meant everything I said to you earlier, and you don’t know how hard it was for me to bring you straight back here.’
In the amber glow of the light he could see the confusion on her face, the hurt and disappointment. ‘Then why?’
‘Because I promised that you could trust me. Because I know you have doubts about this, and I never ever want to make you regret anything when it comes to us.’
She reached a beseeching hand towards him and he took it. ‘But I want to be with you.’
He nodded. ‘I know, and I want to be with you too. So much I could punch myself in the face right now.’ Her pretty laugh did much to break the tension between them. ‘But not in a snatched moment because that’s what our circumstances dictate right now.’ He didn’t mention the things she’d said about being scared, being worried for Freya and confused about her life, but they weighed heavy on him. ‘My body might feel like that of a stupid, horny teenager right now, but my head says no. My heart says not yet.’
She heaved a sigh that sounded like it had been dragged up from her toes. ‘You are the most lovely, most infuriatingly thoughtful man I know.’
He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it. ‘Can I take you for lunch one day next week? We can park up at one of the lookout points.’
‘Will lunch involve some kisses at least?’
‘Lots and lots, I promise.’ Leaning forward, he traced her jaw with his thumb, relishing the way she automatically arched towards him. As their lips touched, a sense of certainty settled deep within his core. When the time was right, when her doubts and worries had faded and he’d proved to her she truly could trust him, then he knew they’d be magnificent together. For now, he’d settle for this.
And lots and lots of cold showers.