11. Hope
11
HOPE
I spotted Parker almost immediately when I strolled into the student union. He was the hottest guy in the room, so he wasn’t that hard to find, but he was also centrally located at a table for two and looked studiously involved in whatever he was typing on his computer.
Needing to stall for a minute because my heart was racing, I got into line to buy myself a meal before going to him. I loaded my tray with a salad and some fruit, then snagged a drink and paid at the checkout station.
My stomach knotted with nerves as I finally started his way. But I was determined to do this, so I kept on until I reached his table.
Parker didn’t even look up as I sat across from him, but he knew it was me.
“Whatever your question is,” he spoke up dryly. “The answer is no. There you go. Now, get lost.”
Unrolling my plasticware from its napkin, I sighed. “Oh, Grumpy, you’re just so humorous. Truly.”
“I’m serious. I’m not helping you with shit.”
“But you haven’t even heard what I want yet.”
He glanced up from the screen of his laptop and frowned across the table. “I don’t need to.”
I merely shrugged and began to eat my salad as soon as my fork was free.
He huffed irritably and returned his attention to whatever he was doing, intent on ignoring me.
But I was way more annoying than he gave me credit for. I swear, aggravating people was my superpower.
And when I said nothing, just took a bite of lettuce after meticulously dunking it into my cup of salad dressing, he glanced up at me with furrowed brows, clearly upset that I was still present.
I smiled, knowing exactly how much I was already getting to him.
His jaw hardened, and I could tell he was biting the back of his teeth in an effort not to say something rude, which I’m not sure why he abstained. He’d never held his tongue around me before. But for some reason, he went back to work without a word.
Or tried to.
I didn’t say a single thing, but he kept glancing up to check on me, growling every time he found me there.
Humming pleasantly to myself, I picked up my cup of lemonade and took a long drink. But as soon as I set it down again, Parker snapped, his patience gone.
“Oh my God, what ?” he exploded, slapping the lid of his computer closed to give me his full attention with an ominous glare. “What the fuck do you want?”
I lifted my eyebrows over his little tantrum, and his nostrils flared as he shook his head warningly at me.
And that’s when I finally dropped the bomb.
“Have you ever given a woman a genuine orgasm before?” I asked, pushing the tray out of my way so I could rest my clasped hands there. “Like, during sex?”
He blinked at me before dropping his gaze to my fingers. “ Excuse me?”
“Honestly,” I insisted. “I’d like to know; can you make a girl come or not?”
“What the fuck, Langston? I’m trying to work here.” Still scowling, he reopened his laptop and shook his head to clear it before returning his gaze to the screen.
“Okay,” I said, drawing in a deep breath. “Let’s try a new track, then. Can I tell you something, and you not tell it to Alec?”
“No.” Keeping his gaze glued to his laptop, he muttered, “I thought we clarified this; I’m not your damn secret keeper. I’m not hiding anything from your brother. He’s my best friend, not you. So I couldn’t give a shit less about whatever private thing you want to tell me. Go gab it to one of your girl friends.”
God, this man was so freaking stubborn. “I don’t have any girl friends,” I told him plainly.
He scoffed. “Shocking.”
“My liver’s failing,” I went on, ignoring the jab and causing him to lift his gaze in surprise. “Again,” I added with a what’re-you-gonna-do shrug. “The piece that Alec gave me stopped working too. I need a re-transplant.”
Shock flashed over his features, but he masked it quickly as he kept staring at me. Then he sniffed bitterly and rolled his eyes. “So that’s why you’re back in town. The truth finally comes out. You want to take more from him?”
“What? No !” I screeched, pulling back in utter offense. “That’s why I don’t want you to tell him. Because he probably would try to give me more of his liver. But I’m not taking anything else from Alec, and he can’t donate to me twice, anyway. So the only thing telling him would do is upset him. And I’m not going to do anything to hurt my little brother. I’m here because he’s my favorite person, and I just—I wanted to spend what remaining time I have left with him.”
For a long, frozen moment, his hard stare bore a hole through me as he absorbed what I’d just revealed.
“So… What? You’re dying ?” he finally asked.
When I nodded, he sniffed, not buying it.
“I’m on a waiting list with UNOS for another liver, of course,” I explained. “So it’s entirely possible I’ll get another transplant opportunity, but the chances of something actually coming in on time aren’t looking that great, so…”
Parker gazed at me unmoving for the longest moment, his expression completely unreadable, before he shook his head. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Right.” Remembering my plan, I slapped a piece of paper down on the table between us. It had been folded enough times to make the sheet soft and pliable. “So I started a bucket list.”
One eyebrow arched. “A bucket list?”
“Yeah. You know, things I want to do before kicking the bucket.”
Parker shook his head slowly. “You don’t look like you’re dying.”
“Aww.” I tipped my head as if he’d just complimented me before I straightened and shot back, “And you don’t look like a rich, conceited jerk, but here we are.”
He narrowed his eyes darkly.
I cleared my throat. “No matter how I look, the fact remains that I need a liver because they don’t think I have another five years left in me. Which is why I’d like to get as much done on my list as I can. Meaning?—”
“I’m pretty sure I don’t want to hear any more of this,” Parker warned, pulling back in his chair as if he already knew what I was going to ask of him.
But I ignored him, unable to stop now. There were no brakes on this ride.
Spreading my hands over my list to smooth it out flat on the table between us, I cleared my throat to read one specific line, “Number four. I want to have an orgasm.”
Parker’s jaw went taut. He glanced down at the list, then back up at me.
“I’ll buy you a vibrator,” he intoned dryly.
I shook my head. “No. Not a self-inflicted one. I have those all the time. I want one during sex. With a guy. But no one’s ever been able to give me one before. And I just—I would like one single night of complete sexual abandonment. Like they talk about in books and movies and songs. I want to come so hard on someone’s dick that my entire world flips on its fucking axis. Do you know what I mean?”
“Langston,” he warned from between gritted teeth before he shook his head and repeated, “I don’t want to hear any more of this.” His voice was laced with a hard, threatening edge.
But I needed to say my piece. I had it all planned out in my head; he wasn’t going to ruin this for me before I could even say everything I wanted to say.
So I plowed ahead more quickly now. “I only want one time. Nothing else.” I swiped out a hand to make that point a hard limit. “But it can’t be with someone I actually like. God, that would be a complete disaster. Can you imagine me finally finding someone who rocks my world and is amazing, only for me to go and die on them? Ugh. No, thank you. So no emotional ties. But I want someone I know I can trust. It can’t just be some random stranger off the street; I’d never be able to relax enough to actually enjoy it. And as much of a grump as you can be, I can at least rely on the fact that you’re loyal to Alec , so I could trust that you wouldn’t do anything traumatic to me. Plus, the rest of you boys are all girlfriend-ing up too fast for me to keep track of. It’s like I’m stuck on a deserted island here, and you’re the last man left. There’s pretty much no one else I can even consider. Just you and Keene. So?—”
“Then go to Keene,” he cut in harshly.
I made a face. “But Keene’s so close to Alec.”
“ I’m close to Alec,” Parker thundered.
I rolled my eyes. “Not like Keene is, and besides, I just remember Keene as the immature and annoying boy he was back when we were kids. He freaking sneezed on me. Which makes you the last man standing here.”
“The first time I ever met you, I yelled at you,” he reminded me.
I shrugged. “Still better than being annoying.”
“Except you annoy me ,” he countered.
I only smiled. “Which really isn’t an issue for me since I’m not the one who’s annoyed.”
When he said nothing, just stared at me, I blew out a long breath, pretty proud of myself for saying my piece without my voice cracking or wavering once.
“Come on,” I coaxed with a mysterious smile and bouncing of my eyebrows. “You have indiscriminate one-night stands all the time with a slew of women you don’t even know. How could this be any different aside from the fact that you’d be granting a terminal girl her dying wish?”
“Maybe because of the fact that I do know you. You’re one of my best friend’s sisters.”
“Then we’ll turn off the lights, and you can pretend I’m a stranger who doesn’t get on your last nerve.”
“Why don’t you turn off a fucking light with a stranger and pretend it’s me?”
I blinked at him, and then went bold, admitting something I never thought I ever would. “I already tried that.” When his jaw fell slack, I smirked. “It was with a boyfriend, and we kept the lights on, but I closed my eyes and pictured you.” With a shrug, I finished with, “Still didn’t work.”
The shock on his face was priceless. If nothing else came from this, I was selfishly pleased by how much I’d managed to stupefy him.
“So what do you say?” I asked in a quiet, intimate tone. “Will you help me check number four off my list?”
He said nothing. He merely closed his laptop and stood up before slipping the computer into his messenger bag, hooking the strap over his shoulder, and walking off.
“That means you’ll think about it, right?” I called after him.
He didn’t even glance back.
“Alright, then. Good talk.” I fell back in my seat, defeated. “Crap.”
Number four wasn’t looking as if it was going to get crossed off the list any time soon.
It was what I’d been expecting, but still.
That had stung.
Oh well. Glancing at all the people milling around the cafeteria and sitting at tables, eating together, I blinked twice before slowly sliding my salad back in front of me. Then I picked up my fork and finished eating my lunch to console myself.