25. Hope
25
HOPE
E arly on Sunday morning, I hooked my purse strap over my shoulder, hugged the single sack full of stuff I planned on taking home with me, and then I paused at the end of the bed to watch Parker sleep.
He had passed out before me the night before and then slept clear-through until daylight. I didn’t want to say that my presence had cured his insomnia, but I kind of wondered if maybe it had.
He was a side sleeper, facing away from me. One hand was tucked under his face, the other splayed across the bare mattress in front of him as if he were reaching for someone. The sheets were rumpled down to his waist, showing off his amazing back muscles, and his hair was so messy and inviting that I fisted my hands around my purse strap to keep from reaching for him.
The boy was just so unbelievably beautiful. It hurt to look at him. It hurt to know our weekend was over.
Which was why I had to get out of here. Now. If he woke up while I was still around, I was sure he’d convince me to stretch out our Just-This-Once deal even longer. And knowing me, I’d cave and agree to anything he wanted.
But it had to stop.
So I was stopping it.
Swallowing hard, I lifted my chin and turned away.
Out in the reception area, Bridget was still standing at the counter, keeping guard of all things VIP. She was wearing the same Chateau Cove uniform that she had the first night, making me think forty-eight minutes could’ve passed instead of forty-eight hours.
Kind of made me wonder if I’d stepped from some time warp, where only seconds had moved on in the real world, while Parker and I had packed a whole lifetime into the inside of that suite.
Lifting her face, Bridget smiled warmly. “Miss Langston! Good morning. Did you need something?”
Glancing at all the shit I had gathered in my arms and clutched to my chest, I briefly wondered which part did not look like I was doing the walk of shame to her.
But I cleared my throat and managed a smile. “No, thank you. I was just…checking out.”
“Oh!” She reached for a phone. “I’ll have a valet bring your car around.”
“No, no,” I rushed to say. When she paused, blinking at me in confusion, I flushed. “I just mean, I didn’t check it in with them, is all.” Managing to jostle things around to dig my hand into my purse, I pulled the fob for Parker’s Lucid Air free so I could wave it at her.
“Oh. Okay.” Poor Bridget seemed flustered by that, not sure what to do next. But then she sent me a bright smile. “Well, I hope you enjoyed your stay and will visit again soon.”
“Yeah, I definitely enjoyed it,” I assured, smirking when I saw her speculative gaze return to the door. She would’ve been here to see Parker go in as well; she had to know what we’d been doing for the past two nights without once coming up for air.
To prove her curious gaze correct, I leaned close and whispered, “He was amazing.”
She laughed outright, and I held my head high as I pranced toward the elevator. After pressing the button, I waited for the doors to open. A new elevator operator was working today, which reassured me that some time must’ve passed since I’d last entered this hotel.
We rode down to the lobby in silence. My brain was too wired to come up with idle chitchat, so I merely sent him a vague smile of thanks when he opened the door for me on the ground floor.
Out at the car, I climbed into the driver’s seat, let my crap tumble into the passenger side, and then wrapped shaking hands around the steering wheel as I gazed up at the hotel. Everything inside me wanted to pop right back out of the car and race up there to his room again. Maybe he’d still be asleep, and I could curl back around him in bed so he’d never know I’d tried to ditch out on him without saying goodbye.
But that would be epically stupid. This had never been meant to last. And it had gone on longer than it should have already.
Exhaling steadily, I put the car into drive and returned to my apartment complex. But the place was in chaos when I arrived. One crew of people was installing security cameras at the main entry points, while another was laying fresh asphalt in the parking lot, patching up all the potholes.
The super was outside with a clipboard, directing a pair of guys carrying a roll of carpet toward the front entrance before pointing to the north end for some other fellows who were waiting to ask him a question.
Parker had definitely poked his nose into my home life.
Shaking my head, I found a place to park down the street and started to trudge home.
But the super spotted me before I made it to the front door.
“Oh! Langston,” he called, waving me down as he jogged over to catch me.
“Yeah?” I asked uneasily.
Consulting his clipboard, he announced, “I got you down for getting a new electronic keypad lock to be put on your front entrance tomorrow and new carpeting on Wednesday.” Glancing up, he asked, “You going to be around to let people in?”
“Uh, sure. I should be.”
“Great. And I have explicit instructions that only you’ll know your number code. So don’t forget it whatever you choose for it to be because I won’t be able to get you in if you lock yourself out.”
“Okay,” I answered as I swallowed thickly, not sure what to make of Parker protecting my privacy, even from himself.
A knot swelled in my throat. Glancing around at all the changes he was making—for me—I suddenly wanted to cry.
Damn him. What the hell was he doing to me? I wasn’t a fan of this sensation he’d planted in my chest.
That’s it. I had to get out of here.
Needing my brother, I drove to Archer House and parked at the curb behind Damien’s black truck.
Letting myself in the back door, I found Oaklynn and Keene awake.
Keene sat on the kitchen counter, eating cereal from a bowl, and letting his legs swing. He looked to be dressed and ready for the day.
Oaklynn was barefoot and still in sleep shorts and a lacy-edged cami as she ran a harassed hand through her tousled hair and paced the floor while holding a phone to her ear.
Before they noticed my quiet entrance, Oaklynn paused. “Hello? Foster? Yeah, I’m going to need you to come take this new roommate of ours right back off our hands, okay? Why ? Because she’s broken, that’s why. She just?—”
Lifting her hand as if attempting to verbally paint a clearer picture for him, she said, “She’s been watching the same goddamn movie on repeat, all day long, for the past four days. All she does is cry. No one can go near her. I doubt she’s been going to her classes, either. And I mean this in the nicest way possible, but the girl needs to take a shower.”
“And I still can’t get her to sleep with me,” Keene spoke up from a full mouth as he took another bite of his Frosted Flakes. “Tell him to fix that too.”
Oaklynn held up a hand to block him, only to hiss, “What do you mean, what do I expect you to do about it? She’s your cousin. You brought her here. Just—take care of it.”
As she continued to argue with him, I finally stepped forward, making the other two aware of my presence.
Keene paused in alarm, straightening his back and stopping the merry swinging of his legs. And Oaklynn pushed the speaker of the phone away from her mouth.
I pointed, whispering, “Just going to see Alec.”
When she waved me on, I smiled vaguely and hurried from the kitchen.
In the living room, The Princess Bride was playing at moderate levels, and I could make out the back of a messy blond head and hear a nose blow.
I paused for a moment to watch Xander toss one tissue aside and pick up another to wipe at her eyes.
Wondering if I should say anything, I cringed before just blurting, “You should try Hope Floats .”
Xander whirled around to look at me in surprise. Her eyes were bloodshot, nose red, hair a total disaster. But geesh, the lucky bitch was still utterly beautiful despite all that.
“What?” she asked before sniffling and wiping at her nose yet again.
“The movie, Hope Floats ,” I said. With a roll of my eyes, I motioned toward the television. “My brother watched Hope Floats with me after my first dumping. It helped a lot.”
“Oh.” She seemed to mull that over before gifting me with a sad smile. “Thanks.” Then she fluttered a hand toward the stairs. “I think your boyfriend’s still in his room, if you’re looking for him.”
I paused and tipped my head. “My…boyfriend?”
“Yeah.” She squinted in confusion before guessing, “Alex?”
My eyebrows shot up. “Oh! You mean Alec.”
She shrugged. “Whatever.”
“Yeah, no,” I explained. “Alec is my brother. Brother .”
“Oh.” She blinked, not really fazed. “Sorry.”
“ Hope Floats ,” I reminded her. “Give it a try.”
“Yeah, maybe,” she answered listlessly before returning her attention to The Princess Bride .
I shook my head and then jogged down the steps, bypassing the door to Keene’s room before coming to Alec’s. A sign hung from the wood, saying The queen is not accepting an audience today .
Keene had given it to him as a gag gift, but he displayed it proudly.
He’d left the door cracked open, so I pushed on it and poked my head in.
Still in bed, Alec was a stomach sleeper, and he liked to keep the blankets pulled up high, nearly over him completely. All I could see of him was his brown curls buried in a pillow.
Affection roaring to life, I climbed onto the mattress with him and lay facing him on top of all the covers.
He mumbled something indistinct before his face poked from the blankets and he blinked tired blue eyes at me.
“Good morning,” I greeted with a fond smile, tucking my hands under my face to watch him wake completely.
“Morning,” he mumbled, stretching under the covers before rolling to face me as well. “Is it Sunday?”
“Yep.” I reached out to flick a rowdy curl out of his eyes. “Can today be an Alec-Hope day?”
“Of course.” Then he let out a massive yawn and asked, “Have you eaten breakfast yet?”
“Nope.” I grinned, knowing exactly how ravenous he was first thing after he woke. “We can go wherever you like.”
“I vote for Marty’s Cafe. Though I’d take anywhere that’s not the kitchen.” With a wince, he admitted, “It’s been kind of weird and strained around here lately.”
“I heard.” Snorting, I shook my head. “Oaklynn was on the phone with Foster, trying to give Xander back to him when I came in.”
Alec winced. “Yeah. I can tell Vargas has been losing her patience with her.”
“Wow. You actually sound like you don’t want the new roommate to go anymore,” I noted curiously. “You were the last person who wanted her here.”
Shrugging, he sighed. “I don’t know. I just feel bad for her.” Glancing at me, he added, “I seriously can’t imagine loving someone so much that losing them would wreck me like that.”
Parker’s face suddenly wavered through my head, but I shoved it out as soon as it appeared.
“But she’s just—she’s really sad,” Alec said sympathetically.
“Yeah, I could tell.” Nodding along with him, I added, “I suggested she try Hope Floats when I passed through the living room just now.”
Alec’s eyes widened in horror. “You did what ?”
“What?” I asked, not understanding his concern. “That one helped me a lot when you watched it with me after Colby Sanger dumped me.”
“But this girl is not you ,” Alec started. “I mean, The Princess Bride makes her cry. The Princess -freaking- Bride . No one cries at that movie. Hope Floats might just kill her.”
“I—I’m sorry,” I started, feeling as if I might cry a little myself. The last thing I ever wanted to do was upset Alec, and he looked really upset. Everything inside me trembled uncontrollably, and my mind whirled with the memory of leaving that hotel room.
When freaking tears welled, I started to jump off the bed and rush upstairs to tell Xander to stay away from Hope Floats for the rest of her natural life, but Alec reached out and caught my arm.
“Whoa, hey,” he soothed. “It’s fine. It’s okay. It’s not that big of a deal. Wow. You look completely rattled. I seriously didn’t mean to stress you like that.”
I blew out a long, steadying breath and brushed at my cheek, glad no tears had actually fallen, before trickling out a small laugh. “Sorry. I—yeah.” I ran a hand through my hair to get myself back under control. “I knew that. No worries.”
“But did you?” he pressed.
I blinked, not understanding. “What?”
Alec squinted suspiciously before throwing back his covers. “Alright,” he announced, pulling himself upright to sit facing me with his legs crossed. Then patting the bed in front of him, he invited me to do the same. “Something is going on with you. Will you please just tell me why you’re really here already?”
“Ugh,” I muttered, dragging myself upright to sit facing him as well. “I hate that you know me so well.”
“Whatever. You love it,” he countered with a big grin as he jostled my knee. “Now talk.”
“Fine,” I grumbled before looking into his eyes. I was still trying to figure out what to honestly tell him without actually telling him anything, when I suddenly just blurted, “I think—I think I fell in love.”
Alec blinked before his mouth fell open. “Seriously?”
I bit my lip and nodded.
“Wow,” he breathed in stunned shock. “With Paul?”
“Huh?” I gaped at him in confusion before remembering the whole Paul thing. Swiping that idea aside, I shook my head. “No. No. Not Paulie.”
“Then…who?”
I exhaled an impatient breath. “His name doesn’t matter.”
“Why would his name not—” Alec’s brows lowered ominously. “Son of a bitch. Did he hurt you? You tell me this asshole’s name right now.”
When he started looking around for his phone as if to look up the guy’s details right then and there, I laughed and grabbed his hand. “No. He didn’t hurt me. Not at all. He just—he made me feel. He made me feel everything. And that—that’s never happened to me before. So I—it?—”
“Ah... That’s why you came to Texas,” he realized with an assured nod. “Falling scared you.”
I swallowed thickly, thinking he had been asking why I’d come over this morning , not why I’d come back to town at all.
Oh well.
“You can tell me his name, you know,” he said more practically now. “I’m not going to kill him, I swear.”
Yeah, he claimed that now .
I couldn’t lie to him, though. Not today. So I simply avoided the question by saying, “I’ve known him for a while, and I was always fascinated by him and just—just curious, you know. So I decided why not have a little taste? What could one time hurt? It was just supposed to be that one time, too, to appease my?—”
Stopping abruptly, I cringed at Alec who was watching me with wide eyes and lifted eyebrows. “Is this too much information to tell a brother?”
He shrugged. “Probably. But we’re not normal siblings. We didn’t grow up together. And besides, now I’m invested. You can’t stop there.”
I smiled and rolled my eyes. It was just like Alec to see everything as a story. He was probably picturing it in movie format, playing it through a reel in his head right now.
“Okay,” I said with a nod. “So it was just supposed to be that once,” I repeated. “But one time morphed into two and then three. And then… I lost count.”
“Naturally,” Alec answered with an amused grin.
Laughing uneasily, I admitted, “Then he did this one small thing that was just so unbelievably amazing. I didn’t even think he had it in him. He’s so closed off from emotional stuff. But he showed me a glimpse, and—” I shook my head still flabbergasted by it all, still hearing his voice in my ear as he sang along to the Benson Boone song.
Alec hadn’t been lying when he’d told me he was invested, though.
“And then what?” he demanded.
I looked at him and swallowed. “It happened in an instant.” I snapped my fingers. “I fell. It was the scariest, most amazing, thrilling thing to ever happen to me. Just like that, he became everything. I would’ve done anything for him.” Flushing at the memory, I ducked my head and admitted, “And I kind of did .”
Alec furrowed his brow suspiciously. “You’re not pregnant, are you?”
I laughed. “What? No . Nothing like that. I just—everything is so different now. I don’t know how I’m supposed to face him again and act normal. He absolutely owns me, and I’m not exactly comfortable with that.”
“Yeah,” Alec agreed with a slow nod, looking pensive. “I could see how that could make a person—” When words failed him, he winced.
I snorted. “You have no idea what I’m talking about right now, do you?”
“Not even a little,” he confessed, only to shrug with a bashful smile. “But I’ve never fallen in love, so?—”
“It’s weird,” I admitted. “I feel all vulnerable and exposed, which makes me dread the next time I have to see him. And yet I’m craving that hit of explosive endorphins that only he can give me. So I can’t wait to see him again, too.”
“Huh,” Alec murmured with a nod. “Interesting.”
“So what do I do?” I asked.
His eyes widened, obviously not expecting to be asked to give any kind of advice.
“Well, have you told him how you feel?”
“Good God, no ,” I blurted. “I can’t tell him that. He absolutely cannot know. Ever.”
My brother laughed. “Why not?”
“It was never supposed to be serious. Or permanent.”
“But if that changed for you, maybe it changed for him too.” He nudged my arm with encouragement. “The only way to find out is to have that conversation.”
“But he can’t feel that way about me,” I insisted. “He just…can’t. No matter what.”
His eyebrows scrunched together in question. “Why not?”
Out of everyone in Alec’s seven group who’d lost someone close to them, it was common knowledge that Parker had struggled through the grieving process the hardest. No way could he start any kind of relationship with a terminal girl. Her death would eviscerate him.
“Is he already taken?” Alec guessed.
I sighed in frustration. “No.”
“Then what the heck is keeping you guys from being together?”
I shook my head. “Let’s just say there is a time limit on our relationship. It can’t last.”
“What?” Alec sniffed out an amused laugh. “Is he dying or something?”
“Maybe,” I hedged uneasily and then I bit my lip. “It’s something to that effect, anyway.”
Alec’s mouth dropped open. “Oh shit,” he breathed, then he reached for my hand. “God, Hope. I’m so sorry.”
I squeezed on his fingers and then leaned into him, and he wrapped an arm around my shoulders. I rested my head on his arm and closed my eyes, sinking against him gratefully, glad I’d come to him.
Alec always made everything better.
“So what should I do?” I asked.
He was quiet a moment before he shrugged. “I say carpe diem the fuck out of him.”
With a shocked laugh, I pulled back. “What?”
“I’m serious,” he insisted. “Make the best of what time you two have left together. Tell him how you feel. Scream it. Don’t squander a single minute. I guarantee that you won’t regret it.”
Yeah, except then I’d have to confess to my brother that I’d slept with one of his closest friends on the planet behind his back.
Alec was my person. I didn’t think I could upset him like that.
Biting my lip, I nodded for his benefit. “Yeah, maybe,” I murmured, while secretly I decided to do the very opposite.
I had to make sure Parker stayed away at all costs so my death would have no bearing on him whatsoever.