33. Parker
33
PARKER
I returned to our table a couple of minutes after a flushed and flustered Hope left me in the bathroom.
She was posted at the other end, surrounded by the girlfriends and her brother, laughing and talking about who knew what. Keene was thankfully nowhere in sight.
As I slumped back into my chair next to Hudson, Hope lifted her eyes briefly but as soon as our gazes met, she went back to responding to something Raina had just said.
I reached for my glass of bourbon I’d yet to finish, only for Hudson to lean toward me and wrinkle his nose as if I smelled funny.
“Did you just have sex?” he asked with lifted eyebrows.
I glanced at him in surprise, wondering how the hell he knew that.
“With the chick who slipped her number into your pocket?”
Well, I guess using her as a diversion had definitely worked on him . After the complete stranger had come up to me, murmuring, “ In case you want this ,” and tucked her number into my pocket, I’d gone upstairs to get a reaction out of Hope , trying to make her chase after me and keep me from hooking up with someone else.
But when I’d gone up the stairs and thrown the other girl’s number away, Hope never appeared. I’d had to fucking text her to get her ass up there.
Which meant I was whipped, and she had all the power.
I didn’t like that. This had to be the first time I’d ever been with someone I didn’t want to lose. It was a very unpleasant sensation.
“Man,” Hudson complained, slugging my arm. “First Archer and now you. That’s it. Stalker ,” he called, grabbing Faith’s arm and dragging her from her conversation with the girls. “We need to go have sex. Right now.”
Blinking at him as if he’d lost his mind, she opened her mouth, only to lift her brows and follow him from her chair. “Okay.”
And off they went. After I watched them disappear up the steps, I glanced over at Archer. “He’s such a wannabe.”
Damien chuckled, and the two of us started a conversation about some money he wanted to invest.
At the other end of the table, Alec and the girls were loud and boisterous. Whenever some guy approached, asking one of them to dance, they merely rebuffed him and kept talking until some karaoke participant decided to sing “Girls Just Want to Have Fun,” and then they all dragged poor Alec out onto the floor with them.
Eventually, Faith and Hudson returned, and Faith hurried to join the girls as Hudson collapsed into the chair next to me with a satisfied hiss.
“Much better,” he announced as he took a drink and watched his lady start grinding against Damien’s woman on the dance floor.
I kept an eye on Hope the entire time without outright watching her.
And I knew the moment she started to feel sick. She and the girls were still out there, doing Beyoncé’s country line dance together when she laughed at something Oaklynn had said. Half a second later, her smile slipped, and she grabbed her side, bending slightly and looking as if she might tip toward the floor.
Everything inside me tightened with concern. I was on the verge of springing to my feet and dashing to her, but then she shook her head to clear it and straightened again, picking up with the rest of the dance and smiling. Except the curve in her lips looked strained now. She wasn’t as free and loose with her moves anymore. And the line of sweat trailing down the side of her face no longer looked as if it came from fun exertions but from pain.
I picked up my drink and sipped from the glass, finishing it as I watched her conspicuously from over the rim, pretending to listen to Hudson as he droned on about the restaurant and shot me ideas for improvement.
When the song changed over to “Hypnotize” by The Notorious B.I.G., the girls wanted to keep dancing. Hope was the only one to slink off to the side after saying something to Faith that made Faith nod and wave her away. Her hand went back to her side as she weaved through the crowd, avoiding our table.
She hit the staircase seconds later and gripped the banister as if she needed it to keep her upright as she staggered up the steps.
I glanced back at the girls who were focused on hitting the right moves. They didn’t notice Hope’s distress at all.
So my gaze slid to Alec, who’d returned to the table and was deep in some conversation with Damien, making big, sweeping arm movements as he talked. He didn’t notice Hope’s exit either.
Setting my glass down, I glanced at my watch as if I’d just received a message, and I interrupted Hudson, saying, “I gotta go.”
“Uh.” He blinked in confusion but waved me on. “Okay. Later, man.”
I headed to the stairs without preamble and jogged up, looking both ways when I reached the top. She wasn’t anywhere to be seen, so I turned in the direction of the bathrooms. Darting down the hall, I knocked on the first door, only to be told it was occupied. So I moved on to the next.
I didn’t even have to knock before I heard retching inside. Hissing a curse, I tried the door handle and pushed it open to find her on her knees, back to me as she gripped the sides of the toilet and heaved.
“Hope.” I lurched forward to crouch behind her so I could catch a few stray curls that had escaped her braid and rein them in out of her face. Then I looked anywhere but at what she was doing as I rubbed her back until she was done.
Once drained, she fell back, collapsing against me and shaking uncontrollably. Tears streamed down her cheeks, making her mascara smear.
I looped one arm around her waist, tethering her to me as I reached for toilet paper to wipe her face and mouth.
“Did you take your pills yet tonight?” I asked, keeping my voice level while everything else inside me freaked the fuck out.
“Not yet,” she admitted in a trembling voice, her teeth chattering as if she were cold.
“Fucking hell,” I muttered, even as I rubbed her arms to warm her. “You know you can’t miss those.”
“Sorry,” she slurred, turning onto her side so she could press her cheek into my chest and cuddle closer. “Forgot.”
The way she softened against me, letting me hold and support her, made me melt. “It’s okay,” I assured, kissing the top of her head and closing my eyes. “I got you.”
I was pretty sure her purse had been down at the table, hanging from the back of a chair. That’s where I’d find her medications. I wasn’t sure how I was going to snag it without anyone noticing or asking questions, but I’d worry about that when I got down there.
“Stay here. I’ll be right back.”
She nodded and mumbled, “Okay.”
I propped her against the wall, then hurried to the door, yanking it open, only to lurch back unexpectedly when I saw someone I knew standing there, waiting on us.
“Waverly?”
She wasn’t wearing her usual drab, library colors but a white Cowpoke’s Bar and Grill on the Bay T-shirt and jean shorts, while her dark hair was pulled up into a high ponytail, and a half-apron was wrapped around her slip of a waist. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“My dad just bought the place,” she explained. “I’ve been helping out every couple of weekends.” Peering past me to try to see into the bathroom, she asked, “Is she okay?”
Dammit. If Waverly had seen Hope hurry off, looking sickly and frail, then who else had?
Behind me, I heard Hope start vomiting again.
Closing my eyes briefly, I muttered, “Shit,” and then I sent Waverly a grimace. “Can you do me a huge favor?”
She nodded immediately. “Of course.”
I swallowed, hating to use her but out of options.
“Did you happen to see where we were sitting?” When she nodded again, I exhaled, a little relieved. “Good. Do you think you could go down to our table and find her purse without any of my friends noticing? It’s a two-toned beige and gray piece with a long cross-body strap and two fringy things hanging from the front. It should be on the back of one of the chairs.”
Waverly nodded and started away immediately. “Got it. I’ll be right back.”
I watched her hurry away, then turned back to Hope. She’d finished the second round already and propped herself against the wall. I grabbed some paper towels this time before going to her and kneeling in front of her to wipe her face.
“Just hang in there another minute,” I assured. “And we’ll get you out of here. Okay?”
Her eyes were closed, and she was grimacing in pain, but she nodded to let me know she’d heard.
I stroked her hair. “I’ll get you to the hospital and then?—”
“Hospital?” She opened her eyes with a frown and rolled her head along the wall to shake it. “No. I’ll be okay.”
“Dammit, Hope. Something is wrong. So yeah, we’re going to the fucking hospital.”
“No.” Her face was red and covered with perspiration while tears drizzled down her cheeks. “They’ll try to keep me. I can’t go now. Not yet.”
“ What ?”
What the hell was she talking about; not yet ?
“They won’t let me leave,” she slurred, sounding delirious. “They’ll make me stay for the rest of my life, and I’m not ready.”
“Hope,” I assured gently, petting her hair and testing her brow for a fever. “You’re not making any sense. They won’t keep you. We’re just going to get you checked out and then?—”
“Just give it a few hours,” she pleaded, breaking in as she took a handful of my shirt and peered into my eyes with a begging expression. “I’ll take my pills, they’ll kick in, and I’ll be fine again. Just…wait. Please. Parker .” Burrowing against me, she curled close and nestled her head on my shoulder. “Not yet.”
I ground my teeth, wanting to argue with her. She looked awful. But I couldn’t tell her no. Not while she was looking at me like that and fucking begging.
Before I could answer, a knock came at the door, and Waverly slipped inside, shutting it again behind her.
“I brought some water too,” she told me, holding up a cool, sweating bottle as she handed over Hope’s purse.
“Great,” I told her, taking both. “Did anyone see you?”
“No.” She shook her head. “No one ever sees me.”
I sent her a quick glance but my worries lay with Hope, so my attention veered back to her. Her eyes were shut, and she looked for all the world as if she were taking a nap as she sat there against the wall of the bathroom floor.
Her face was pale.
“Same pills as the other night?” I asked, pulling various pill bottles from her purse.
She shifted her head up and down. “And some Tylenol too, please.”
“You got it.” I lined up the bottles and then unscrewed the cap on the water before giving Hope a sip. When she filled her mouth and winced, my stomach tightened, not a fan of watching her suffer. “Ready for the first pill?” I asked.
She nodded and opened her mouth. I fed it to her and then gave her another drink. We went through the whole process again and again until everything had been taken. With a relieved sigh, she sank back against the wall and closed her eyes once more.
As I put the prescriptions away, my gaze sought Waverly who’d silently watched the whole show.
She lifted one eyebrow. “I assume you don’t want the guys to know about this either.”
I sent her a look, apologizing for dragging her into my mess while Hope slurred, “Who’s that?”
“Just a friend,” I told her, smoothing my hand over her hair before standing and picking her up off the floor. “Now, come on, Trouble. Let’s get you out of here.”
“I’ll check to make sure no one’s around,” Waverly rushed to tell me as she opened the door and poked her head out.
In my arms, Hope turned her face toward my chest and reached up to drift her fingers over my cheek. “But I came with the girls,” she slurred.
Waverly waved me out, and I followed her from the bathroom. “I’ll use your phone and text them, letting them know you got an alternate ride home,” I promised. “Okay?”
She made an amused sound and tried to smile as her hand fell limply from my face. “They’ll think I went home with the orgasm king.”
I shrugged. “Well, you are, so at least it won’t be a lie.”
She huffed out a sleepy laugh. “The truth will be a strange twist for once. All I seem to do lately is lie. To Alec. To you. To everyone. Lies, lies, and more lies,” she mumbled sleepily, closing her eyes. “I’m going to start losing track of them soon.”
I squinted down at her face. “What did you lie to me about?”
“Hmm?”
“This way,” Waverly told me, jerking my attention from Hope. “Watch your step.”
We’d reached the stairs that led down to the sand and away from the bar. In front of me, Waverly kept going after she hit the bottom step, and she turned on her phone light to guide the way to the parking lot.
When she reached my truck, I moved close enough for my key to automatically unlock it, and then Waverly pulled open the passenger side door for me.
“You got it from here?”
“Yeah.” I nodded and sent her a grateful glance. “Thanks. I owe you one.”
But she shook her head with emotion. “No. You don’t. Not ever.”
My stomach twisted, reminding me of everything I’d helped her out with in the past, and I insisted, “Yes. Yes, I do.”
She shrugged to let me know she didn’t care what I said, and she turned away to jog back toward Cowpoke’s.
My gaze fell back to Hope. The rate of her breathing told me she’d fallen asleep. Of course.
I settled her into the seat and then securely belted her in before hurrying around to the driver’s seat, where I paused to watch her as I started the engine.
I was tempted to disregard her wishes and take her to the hospital anyway, but all she’d done was vomit. She didn’t feel as if she had a fever. She wasn’t bleeding anywhere. And the puking had stopped, so maybe she was right; the medicine would kick in soon, and she’d get better.
So I drove home. I didn’t even consider taking her to her place. There was no way I was leaving her alone tonight, so half an hour later, when I paused at the gate to punch in my passcode, Hope finally stirred enough to straighten in her seat and blink out the front windshield.
“Where are we?”
“My place.” I glanced over with a smirk. “Told you, you were coming home with me tonight.”
“Oh God.” Groaning, she clutched her stomach. “If you expect sex from me right now, you’re going to be sadly disappointed.”
I chuckled before playing along. “Hey, I can wait a couple of hours for your medications to kick in.” When she whimpered, I laughed again. “Joking. I do not expect sex from you. Jesus, Trouble, really?”
She sighed in relief and asked for some mints as I parked in the circle drive and killed the engine. I shook my head in amusement and found her some soft peppermint candies in my center console. After she took two, she thanked me, then crunched them down as she curled back into a ball and closed her eyes.
She didn’t wake when I came around to her side to pull her into my arms. Nor when I carried her to the pool house and laid her in my bed. She didn’t even stir when I stripped her down to nothing but her panties or when I covered her with blankets. It wasn’t until I sat on the edge beside her and stroked a wet cloth over her face to clean away her ruined makeup that her eyelashes fluttered.
“’Sup?” she asked blearily as she tried to open her eyes but failed.
I set the washcloth aside and kissed her brow. “There’s a glass of water for you here to your right on the nightstand,” I told her. “And a puke bucket on the floor below that. I texted Oaklynn from your phone and told her you found an alternate way home. So you’re set for the rest of the night, okay?”
“’Kay, thanks.” Smiling, she smoothed her hand along the fabric of the blanket until she reached my hip. Then she patted the leg of my sleep pants I’d changed into. “Is this your bed?” When I nodded, she smiled drowsily. “It smells like you.”
“Yeah. Strange how that works.”
“Smart-ass,” she snickered, only to sigh and ball her fingers around the cloth of my pants as if she wanted to keep me exactly where I was.
“Always,” I assured her as I lifted the ghost amulet near her face. “Where are you ranked on this list for a re-transplant, anyway?”
“Um, I don’t remember the number, but it’s probably a few years away.”
“Fuck.”
Her eyes fluttered open, and she frowned at the vial. “What’s that? Hey, cool. It’s clouding up and turning colors.” She lifted a limp hand from my thigh and tapped the glass.
I pulled it a few inches away so I could see the color better as I muttered, “Yeah.” It just wasn’t the dark green I wanted it to be.
“So what is it?” Hope asked, seeming to wake up a bit more.
“It’s a ghost detector,” I answered, keeping it near her in the hopes that it would darken after a few moments. “It clouds white when one is near.”
“Okay…” Hope said slowly, frowning up at me. “So why are you holding it up to me ?”
I sighed impatiently. “Oaklynn thought she saw an orb around you the night we moved Union’s cousin into Archer House.”
When Hope merely blinked, I tried to explain. “Orbs show up when?—”
“Yeah, yeah,” she cut in. “Alec explained all that to me. Orbs show up around ghosts. But why would a ghost be hanging around me?”
“At first, we thought you were possessed. Like Hudson had been. But when I tested this thing around you?—”
“Wait. When did you test it on me?”
“When I held the door open for you as you were carrying a box inside,” I explained. “Remember?”
“Really?” Her mouth fell open. “I knew you were acting strange then.”
“Yeah, that’s why I was acting strange,” I muttered with a roll of my eyes. “Had nothing to do with the fact that one of my best friend’s sisters had just asked me to have sex with her in order to fulfill her dying bucket-list wish.”
Ignoring that, Hope nudged the vial with her finger. “This cloud isn’t white, anyway. It’s green.” Glancing up at me, she asked, “What does green mean?”
“That’s the thing. I didn’t think it meant anything. I was sure it was malfunctioning. So I took it back to Jezebel’s Nest the next day to ask the owner.”
“And?”
I sent her a hard glance before saying, “Green means dying. And the paler and closer it gets to turning white, the closer you get to?—”
“Death,” Hope answered quietly. Her gaze slid back to the vial. “So I’m turning into a ghost, huh? How much time does it say I have left?”
I shrugged and closed my hand around the amulet before setting it on the nightstand. “No clue. I’m just making sure it wasn’t lighter than it was the last time I checked.”
Her gaze lifted to mine. “Is it?”
I didn’t want to answer, but she was looking at me with those blue, blue eyes, and I couldn’t fucking lie to her. “A little,” I admitted. “Yeah. Not too much, though.”
She blew out a relieved breath. “Well, that’s good.”
I didn’t answer, just stood from the bed so I could make my way around to the other side and crawl under the covers with her.
Once I had the lamp turned off and the room was shrouded in darkness, I curled up behind her. She gripped my arm and tugged it flush across her chest.
Kissing the back of her shoulder, I said, “I want to get tested.”
“For what? Do you think you have an STD?”
I huffed out an amused breath. “No. I want to test my liver. See if I’m capable of donating some of mine to you.”
Her fingers tightened on my arm. “You don’t have to do that.”
“I know I don’t have to. I want to.”
She was quiet for a moment, and I thought she was going to be stubborn and argue with me but then she sniffled to clear her nose and rasped, “Okay,” letting me know she’d started to cry. “I’ll call Dr. Kepler on Monday.” After another moment, she whispered, “Thank you.”
I tucked her closer to me. “How’re you feeling now? Better than earlier?”
“Yeah. Lots.”
“You sure?” My hand went to her brow. Still no fever. “Do you need anything else?”
She murmured a sound of pleasure before wiggling her ass against my lap. “You’re sexy as hell when you worry about me. Do you know that?”
“Jesus, Langston,” I muttered, gripping her hip to keep her from getting me hard. “Cut it out, or I really will start demanding another round from you tonight.”
She laughed, assuring me that her drugs had definitely started to kick in, thank God.
Then she let out a sigh and mumbled, “You can go back to the bar to hang out with the others now, if you want.”
“Right,” I snorted. “Like I’m just going to leave you here alone at my place.” Nudging her hip, I teased, “You might steal my favorite bourbons.”
“Yeah,” she scoffed. “Because bourbon is what I’m all about.” Shaking her head, she asked, “Isn’t it ironic that you’re the one who drinks like a fish, but I’m the one dying of liver failure? I’ve never even been drunk once in my life. Ooh, hey.” She slugged my arm. “We should add that to my bucket list.”
“I think not,” I told her in no uncertain terms. We weren’t doing shit to harm her liver further.
“Yeah,” she agreed sadly. “Probably not a good idea. I bet I’d drop dead on the spot if I got drunk.”
“Dammit,” I rasped roughly, feeling loaded down by the weight of that sentiment. “I’m sorry, Trouble. I’m so fucking sorry you have to go through this.”
“Oh, it’s okay,” she assured me easily. “I deserve it.”
My eyebrows lifted over the blasé way she spoke. “You think so, huh? Why’s that?”
She shrugged, then said, “Because I killed my dad.”
I gave a harsh laugh and shook my head. “Bull fucking shit.”
“I yelled at him,” Hope insisted in an emotionless, it-is-what-it-is kind of way. “I screamed that I hated him, and he had a heart attack and died , Parker. I killed him.”
“Yeah, well. I did the same,” I argued. “I yelled at my parents and told them I hated them the last time I saw them alive, too.”
“What?” She sounded surprised. “Did you really? I never knew that.”
“Yep. And it was all because they wouldn’t entertain the idea of us getting a dog. I mean, how petty was that? I killed them over a fucking selfish want I had. At least you had a good reason to yell at your dad. He cheated on your mom and hid a whole brother from you for your entire life.”
“You didn’t kill your parents, Parker.”
“Well, then you didn’t kill your dad,” I countered softly.
She was quiet for a moment, digesting that. When the starch went out of her shoulders, she released a breath. “You know what gets at me the most?” she asked softly. “It’s not the survivor’s guilt, or the missing him, or even the big lonely, gaping hole he left behind with his death, even though all that sucks enough as it is. It’s not being able to see him one single last time to say?—”
“Sorry,” I finished for her.
She sighed. “Exactly. I didn’t get to apologize. And I just can’t—I can never make it right again.”
Staring over her shoulder and across the room toward a glowing clock, I said, “I get that. Why do you think I’m still trying to reach out to my parents? Because the need to apologize still eats at me. Daily. It makes me want to lash out and break shit and just drink the ache out of my system.”
Hope twisted in my arms so she could face me. When her palm slipped over my cheek in comfort, I turned my mouth in to kiss her wrist.
“Any luck reaching them yet?” she asked.
“No.” I shook my head. “I haven’t even tried again since the night you landed in Westport.”
Her brow furrowed. “Why not?”
I shrugged before closing my eyes. “I think the closer I get to reaching them, the more scared I get. What if they don’t want to see me? I was a pretty big ass to them. What if they blame me as much as I blame myself? What if they don’t forgive me?”
“Not possible,” she assured. Her breath washed across my face as she moved closer. “They love you. They want to see you.”
When she started to sink her fingers into my hair, I groaned and let my head fall forward so my brow could rest against hers. “What makes you so sure?”
“Easy,” she told me with a smile in her voice. “Because you’re a pretty big ass to me most of the time, but I forgive you for that. And I still want to see you. Always.”
“Hope,” I choked out before finding her mouth in the dark.
She met my lips readily, and a slew of long, wet kisses followed, kisses that were more concerned with giving pleasure than gaining it, kisses that expressed more emotion than desire, kisses unlike any kiss I’d ever experienced before. I kissed Hope , not just someone I wanted to get an orgasm from. And it consumed me completely.
When our lips broke apart, I found her hand and threaded our fingers together. After studying the connection, I brought her knuckles to my nose so I could close my eyes and draw in the scent of us.
No one could stir me up and piss me off as much as this woman could. Yet no one could calm me down and make the scared, lonely anger in my head go quiet like she could either. She was the spark that fueled everything vibrant inside me. And I needed her in order to keep feeling this alive.
Kissing the side of her thumb, I opened my lashes and met her gaze to say, “Stay.”
Nodding once, she whispered, “Okay.”
And my soul sighed in relief.