39. Hope
39
HOPE
W aking up felt as if I were trying to walk through water, or a murky, dense bog.
My head hurt, and my thoughts were sluggish and drowsy. I started to turn onto my side, only for a tugging on the back of my hand to stop me short.
Recognizing the sensation of an IV stuck in me, I inhaled the familiar scent of hospital and took in the sound of a heart monitor before I let my eyes flutter open.
Yep. Looked like a typical recovery room.
Not remembering how I’d gotten here, I started to glance around, until I heard a familiar voice to my right. “Here she comes.”
I shifted my gaze over to send Alec’s mom a sleepy smile. “Nina.” When I lifted my hand toward her, she smiled big and took my fingers to kiss the back of them before squeezing warmly.
“Hey, kiddo,” she greeted. “How’re you feeling?”
“Weird,” I admitted honestly, my speech sounding slower to my ears than I intended for it to be. “What?—”
“You got some fluid on the brain,” Alec’s voice explained from my other side as he stroked my arm in reassurance. “But they drilled a hole in you and drained it, so we got that part fixed.”
I turned my head his way and murmured, “Dopey,” with a drugged smile.
He chuckled and took hold of my other hand. “And don’t worry about the liver. We found a donor for you. A perfect tested match. Your transplant is scheduled for the morning.”
With a wince, I slurred, “You know about my liver?”
“Oh, yeah,” he answered with sternly lifted eyebrows. “I know. So prepare to get lectured—a lot—during your recovery for keeping it from me.”
Shaking my head in worry, I guessed, “You?”
But he wrinkled his nose distastefully. “Nah. They wouldn’t let me donate. But we’re getting one even better for you.”
I squinted in confusion. “Who?”
A throat cleared from the end of my bed, so I glanced down to find a gorgeous blonde standing there, who gifted me with a bright smile and eager wave. “Hi,” she said. “That would be me.”
“Xander,” I croaked. “You?—?”
She nodded. “Yep. Me.”
“Thank you,” I rasped, feeling my eyes water. “Thank you.”
Glancing past her, I found Foster and Raina flanking her on either side. Then, there were the Bashfuls and the Sleepys near Keene and Thane.
“Wow,” I murmured, dazed by everyone who was present to see little ol’ me. They’d shown up for Hope the Terror.
More tears gushed from my eyes. I knew I didn’t deserve so much love, but I was grateful for it anyway.
“You’re all here.”
“Of course,” Alec assured me. “We’ve been here all night, and Foster showed up about an hour ago.”
“Back from Florida,” I realized, recalling the last things I remembered. “Did you win?” I asked as I glanced around again for the last member of the seven.
Chuckling, Foster shook his head at the question but then answered, “Yes, ma’am. We did.”
“Good,” I murmured. “I’m a little too tired to kick someone’s ass for blaming your girl if you’d lost.”
As the room rumbled with laughter over my joke, my smile fell. I tried not to be disappointed that I didn’t spot Parker among the rest, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted him.
Alec must’ve known what I was thinking, though. Smoothing down my hair, he said, “He’s here. But this hit him pretty hard, so he’s—well, he’s a complete wreck. He can’t visit you for very long before he loses it again and has to take another walk to calm down.”
I winced. “You know about that too, huh?”
“What? That you’ve been sneaking around with one of my best friends behind my back? Oh yeah.” Still smiling, he patted my shoulder in comfort, even as he said, “And I plan to lecture you about that later too, don’t worry.”
“I’ll go tell him you’re awake,” Thane spoke up, waving at me with a sympathetic smile before squeezing one of my feet through the blankets and taking off.
As I watched him go, Alec snickered and shook his head. “I swear, Hope, only you could break someone as hard as Parker Ohrley.”
My chin wobbled. “I—I didn’t mean to,” I said. Looking up at my brother, I begged forgiveness with my eyes. “I swear, I never meant to hurt him. Or you.”
He sent me a soft smile. “Then you probably shouldn’t have lied to either of us.”
“I didn’t think he’d help me with my list if I told him the whole truth of how much time I really had left.”
Alec frowned. “What list?”
I blinked. “So he didn’t tell you everything?”
Making a face, he lifted his hands. “Trust me. I’m pretty sure I don’t want to know everything .”
As the rest of the room snickered, I rolled my eyes at my brother, only to feel Parker’s presence like a prickle on my skin.
My gaze shifted to the entrance, and there he was, still in the board shorts that he’d spilled bourbon on in the boat, along with flip-flops and a button-up beach shirt.
“Well, we’re going to give you a little privacy,” Hudson spoke up first, leaning out to wave at me. “But we’ll still be around, rooting for you, darlin’. You’ve got this.”
I waved back. “Thanks, Sleepy. Faith.” When Damien, Oaklynn, and Keene moved to follow them, wishing me luck, I flicked my hand in acknowledgment at them as well.
Next out was Foster and Raina.
I whispered, “Thanks again,” to Xander as she went with them.
Nina squeezed my arm before she leaned over to kiss my cheek. “Just so you know, I called your mother.”
I glanced at her and nodded when I saw the sympathy and apology in her gaze. “It’s okay,” I assured. “I knew she wouldn’t come. She told me she wouldn’t if I left Ohio.”
Nina’s face filled with pity anyway. “I’m so sorry, dear.”
“We can make her come if you want her here,” Alec swore.
But I shook my head. “No. I already have everyone here that I want.”
He smiled and leaned over to kiss my forehead as he stood. Then he whispered, “I’ll be back later. Good luck.”
He followed his mom toward the hall, and when he passed by Parker who was still stalled in the doorway, the two bumped fists, clearly still on good terms.
And then there was only Parker.
I swallowed thickly, watching him as he slipped his hands into the pockets of his board shorts and stepped into the room.
Focusing on the foot of my bed, he didn’t lift his gaze to me until he reached my side. But his eyes filled as soon as he did.
Sniffing out a bitter laugh, he glanced away to wipe at the tears.
“You lied to me,” he accused.
I cringed. “Yeah. Sorry about that.”
With a scoff, he shook his head. “I’m so fucking mad at you right now. If you’d just told me it was this urgent, I could’ve found you a donor sooner—before something like this happened.” He motioned around the room wildly before pinning me with a glare. “Hell, I could’ve stopped drinking so I could clean out my own liver because—guess what?—I’m a fucking O negative, too. I had everything compatible to save you, but they wouldn’t let me because of how much I drink. But I would’ve stopped. For you, I would’ve—Jesus. If you’d just fucking told me.”
“But then we wouldn’t have gotten all that time together,” I murmured. “You would’ve consumed yourself with trying to save me, and I wouldn’t have crossed anything off my bucket list. I wouldn’t have gotten to live. And I gotta tell you, Grumpy. These last few weeks with you—living—they were the very best weeks of my life. I liked getting to be with you.”
His face broke, and more tears tumbled down his cheeks. “Dammit, Hope.” Falling to his knees at my bedside, he gripped my hands and kissed them. “You put everything in jeopardy by not telling me. What if you code tonight before the surgery is scheduled to start? What if you’re so far gone already that the new liver doesn’t take? What if you die ? We could’ve taken care of this already if you weren’t so damn difficult.”
“But I’m not difficult, remember?” I teased with a soft smile as I ran a hand over his hair. “I’m just always right. And it was right to spend time with you instead of worrying about the inevitable.”
“Yeah,” he muttered, clearly not agreeing. “Except you made me care, and now, if I lose you in the next twenty-four hours, I’m going to—I can’t fucking lose you, Trouble. Jesus.” Wiping at his soaked cheeks, he scowled. “How could you do this to me?”
“I’m sorry,” was all I could think to say. “But I warned you. This is why it was only supposed to be one time. You were never supposed to care. It was never supposed to go this far.”
Parker simply shook his head and sent me a lost look, so I repeated, “I’m sorry.”
Hissing out a defeated breath, he finally answered, “I’m not. You’re right. These were the best days of my life too. I just need more.” Surging up so he could press his face to mine, he cupped my hair in his hands and said, “I need you to survive this, okay? I need you to come back to me so we can finish the list and live happily ever after together. Stay with me. Alright ?”
“Parker,” I breathed, closing my eyes and inhaling his scent. It’d been worth it, I decided. The heartbreak. The lies. The secrets. I’d gotten to live as I never had before. No matter what happened next, this had been worth it.
“What color is the cloud in your ghost amulet now?” I asked.
He shook his head, swallowing loudly. “I can’t look at it.”
I nudged his arm. “Aren’t you curious?”
“I’m terrified,” he ground out, sending me a hard look.
“Come on,” I encouraged. “I want to see.”
Parker hissed out an irritated breath and rolled his eyes to the side before shoving his hand into a pocket and pulling up his keychain.
He glanced away, refusing to look at the results as he held up the tiny vial near me so I could watch the cloud inside swirl to life.
“Wow,” I murmured, shaking my head in awe. “That’s so weird how that works. The green really does fade to white the closer you get to death.”
Parker turned his head to look, only to curse under his breath when he saw the pale, pea-green tinge.
“Too close,” he grumbled, pocketing the amulet and shoving it out of sight. “That is way too fucking pale.”
“So,” I wondered, tipping my head at him. “If I don’t pull through, do you want me to stick around and become a ghost, or do you want me to move on?”
He narrowed his eyes. “How about you just pull through?”
“And if I don’t have a choice?” I took his hand. “I’m being serious here. Do you want me to stay? Because I would stay. For you.”
Parker’s expression crumbled, and he bowed his head briefly, only to blow out a hard breath and glance up again, squeezing my fingers. “No. Don’t become a ghost for me. If there’s somewhere you need to go after this, then I want you to go.”
“So you’ll be okay?” I pressed.
He laughed harshly through a new flood of tears. “Not even a little. But you don’t need to suffer for it.” Lifting my hand to his mouth, he kissed my knuckles. “Don’t become a ghost for me. I’ll be okay. Eventually.”
I nodded, only to say, “I need to tell you…”
“Yeah?” he murmured, listening.
“Remember how I said you were basically the last guy in the group to choose from to help me with number four on my list?”
His brow furrowed. “Yeah.”
“That wasn’t true. Not at all. It didn’t matter that all your friends already had girlfriends. Every single one of them could’ve been as single and available as you were. I still would’ve wanted just you. You were always the only one I was going to go to.” Emotion clouded his eyes as I spoke, so I reached out and drifted my fingers over his cheek. “You’re the only one I ever wanted.”
He shuddered and shook his head. “Why?” he rasped. “Why me? I’m the lemon of the group, the biggest, fucked-up mess out of all of them.”
“Because I am you,” I explained. “I get your pain. I understand your anger. And I wish for it all to go away while doing everything wrong to get rid of it. Besides, I like lemons. They’re good for the liver.”
“Hope,” he choked out before kissing me gently. Resting his forehead against mine, he whispered, “I love you, too.”