Chapter 6 – Lumen
Chapter Six
Lumen
Benji—Liminal’s manager—probably hates my guts, but he doesn’t take it out on me. That might be because there are so many people around, including Leon.
That poor guy got his ass handed to him. According to Benji, Leon should have been out in the audience with me, not watching from behind the fence. I have no idea how that would have worked, because there were no open seats next to me, but I guess he could have lingered near the wall.
They make me stay in Liminal’s greenroom long enough for the tour medic to come by and check me out.
No amount of assuring them I’m fine gets me out of it, and it feels like it takes forever before they finally release me.
I’m frustrated and annoyed by the time I make it back to Tangled Desires’ greenroom.
Theo hasn’t answered any of my texts.
He’s busy with interviews and the meet and greet, but it doesn’t make me feel any less shitty. The piece of me that knew touring was a bad idea is out in full force, and the voice is loud.
I settle on the couch with my brain going a mile a minute. Not only did I cause a delay with Liminal’s show, people also got pictures of Malcolm and Kincaid pulling me over the railing.
That’s going to be a mess, and I’m sure it’ll reflect poorly on Theo and Tangled Desires in general.
“Dammit,” I groan, pulling my hands to my face.
I wait in the greenroom until I’m about to crawl out of my skin. I can’t take it anymore, and I just really want to talk to my boyfriend.
Is he going to be mad at me?
It feels like it’s a real possibility.
Every time I replay the look on Malcolm’s face as he ran his fingers over my cheek, asking if someone hit me…
Oh, God.
Those pictures are going to look so bad.
All I can do is explain the situation and apologize.
I sit up, intending to go searching for Theo, but my fear gets the better of me. I do an internet search for Liminal, and it only takes a few clicks to find that pictures have already been uploaded.
Not one or two.
So many images of me, Malcolm, and Kincaid.
And it doesn’t stop there.
The internet is buzzing as everyone tries to find out who the woman is that Liminal stopped a show to save.
Holy shit.
I have to find my boyfriend right now.
Shoving off the couch, I exit the greenroom.
Leon is nowhere to be seen, but I’m not shocked. In fact, the entire backstage area is sparse. There are normally a shit ton of fans waiting for Liminal to get offstage, and there were when Benji first brought me back here.
Maybe they’re already offstage and in their interviews?
That doesn’t make sense since I can still hear their music reverberating through the walls and floor.
I can’t even think about that right now.
I’m fairly sure I know where the meet and greet is, so I take off in that direction. It doesn’t take more than three minutes of walking, but every security guard I see stresses me out.
It’s irrational.
I still feel like they’re going to stop me and tell me I don’t belong back here—even with the backstage pass.
The door is open, and it’s loud when I peek inside. No one notices me, but there are women everywhere.
A fair number of men too.
The one thing I don’t see?
My boyfriend.
“Have you checked the bus?” Jesse asks, shoving his hands into the front pockets of his jeans as we stand in the hallway just outside the meet and greet. “Maybe he ran out there to check on you.” He shrugs, bouncing on his toes.
My stomach tightens, and my head tilts.
He’s always a little sketchy when he’s coked up, but I’ve never seen him unable to maintain eye contact.
I’ve known Jesse for as long as I’ve known Theo. We’ve partied together more times than I can count. Hell, he lived on our couch for a month when he broke up with his girlfriend.
“You know what probably happened?” Jesse nods exaggeratedly. “He must have gone over to the greenroom to check on you. You just missed him in the hallway. Check there. Sorry, Lu. I gotta get back in there.” He jerks his head toward the open door, taking off as I blink repeatedly.
I’ve got a bad feeling, and I don’t like it.
Backtracking through the halls, I’m so out of it that I don’t even stress about the security guys. It gets louder as I come around the corner, making the left to head to the greenrooms.
By the sounds of it, Liminal is just coming off stage.
God, I don’t even know what I’ll say to them if I have to see them again.
Sorry I ruined your set by getting myself stuck in the beginnings of a mosh pit? A more ridiculous sentence could never be spoken.
Actually, I could think of a few.
I’d just keep them to myself.
The door on the right opens with a loud squeak that signals the hinge needs to be oiled.
My head whips to the side at the sound of a woman’s laughter. It’s not just a laugh, it’s a high-pitched giggle that seems out of place.
My jaw falls as Theo saunters out of the men’s bathroom with a groupie pawing all over him.
“Hang on,” he says, chuckling. “I need to get my pants zipped.”
The door screeches again as the hinge attempts to close, and my world tilts. The hallway fills with noise as Liminal makes their way toward their greenroom, or that’s what I assume is happening.
My shoulder falls against the wall as she stretches up, wraps her hand around his jaw, tilts his face toward hers, and shoves her tongue into my boyfriend’s mouth.
My hands clench at my sides as I wait for him to shove her off.
He doesn’t.
My stomach churns.
I want to hate her.
Maybe I do.
Ultimately, this is on him.
He’s the one who promised a thousand times that he wouldn’t disappoint me. The one who assured me it was me and him against the world.
I knew better than to believe him, but I wanted it to work so badly that I deluded myself into thinking I was wrong.
I can’t see what happens next since my eyes fall closed, but a low growl rattles out of his chest.
My teeth dig into my cheek, and my system screams to make a scene.
It feels like someone jabbed a hot poker into my chest, and I want him to hurt as badly as I do.
No.
I’m not doing this.
We can hash things out in private.
I’ve already caused a spectacle once tonight. Opening my eyes, I push off the wall. The greenroom is my destination. I need to make some calls and see if I can stay with any of my friends back home.
Only, Theo pulls back from their kiss, and his face twists into a mask of horror as he spots me.
“Jesus Christ,” he whispers. “Lumen, wait. It’s not what it looks like.”
“Fuck all the way off,” I toss over my shoulder, striding away with purpose.
Riser and Kincaid stand, talking and leaning against the wall about twenty feet down the hallway.
Both their heads whip in my direction.
Yeah.
That figures.
It wouldn’t be the second worst moment of my life if there wasn’t an audience around to witness it.
“Lumen, goddammit. Wait,” Theo says, his hand wrapping around my wrist.
He tugs me back toward him.
His hold is firm, but not aggressive.
I still don’t care.
“Don’t touch me!” I hiss, violently trying to rip my arm out of his hold. “I swear to God, Theo. Don’t touch me right now.”
I want to say so much more, but my head shakes, and I don’t even know why. It’s almost like my brain thinks it can physically shake away the images replaying in my mind.
It doesn’t work, and my stomach rolls.
“What is happening?” the woman asks in a shrill tone that makes me want to deck her.
“Let me go,” I snap, whacking his arm with my free hand. “I’m not doing this here. We’re done. Actually, we were over the second you stuck your dick in someone else.”
“What are you even talking about?” Theo says, getting even closer. “I love you.”
All I can smell is that woman’s perfume, and it feels like the top of my head might actually explode. My eyes ache, but I’m not breaking down in front of an audience.
“Let go of me,” I snap, twisting my arm almost painfully.
I don’t care if I sound like a broken record.
He’s eventually going to get the hint, or I’ll kick him in the balls and make the scene he’s asking for.
“You heard what she said,” a low, gravelly voice says from behind me. “Take your hands off her before I break your fucking face.” Kincaid looms over both of us as he comes to a stop. His long blond hair is sweaty from the show, and he shoves it back.
“This has nothing to do with you,” Theo growls.
“Okay, I’m going back to the party,” the woman says, tossing her hands up into the air.
A bitter laugh escapes my lips as my head falls back, shaking as I stare at the ceiling.
How can it hurt so badly when I tried so hard to mentally prepare myself for this exact situation?
“The two of us need to talk,” Theo says, ignoring Kincaid.
“You still smell like groupie pussy,” Kincaid says. “I’d call this one a loss for tonight. Take your hands off her. Now!” The last part comes out as an alpha bark, which is meant to force compliance.
Theo jolts, but his fingers dig into my wrist even deeper as he fights the command.
“You need some backup, K?” Malcolm asks from behind me.
“Nah, I’ve got this.” Kincaid shoves Theo, reaching between us and prying his hand off my arm.
Once I’m free, I don’t hesitate.
Spinning around, I take off with no real plan of where I’m going.
“Lumen!” Theo yells after me. “Don’t do this. Talk to me! I love you!”
My entire body shivers with revulsion.
I was sitting around in the greenroom, waiting for him, and he was screwing someone else. If I had gone over to the meet and greet, would it have been too late?
No.
Dammit.
I’m not doing this to myself.
If he wanted to fuck other people, he could have broken up with me or had a conversation about not being exclusive.
There’s arguing behind me, but I can’t make out exactly what’s being said.
My head swims, and my vision gets fuzzy as I stare at my Converse.
I felt really cute tonight too.
I wore my favorite skater skirt and a black cutoff tank top to show off a few inches of my stomach. I’m not the thinnest woman out there, but I like my curves.
Don’t do this.
No matter what you wore or what you did, it wouldn’t have changed his actions.
“Shit, Lulu. Are you okay?” Malcolm asks, coming to a stop in front of me.
I wasn’t paying attention, and I rock on my heels to keep from barreling over him.
I nod, but my body refuses the lie, and my head shakes. “Can you help me find someone who can get me onto the bus? I need to get my bags and my purse.”
“Uh, yeah, definitely.” Malcolm nods, his brown hair falling around his face as he studies me carefully. “Let me find Benji. He can make that happen.”