Chapter 8 – Lumen
Chapter Eight
Lumen
My hands shake as Riser leads us into Liminal’s after-party. With their music blasting through the speakers, and the room stuffed to capacity with fans, it’s loud.
I’m overwhelmed and mentally exhausted, but I’ll be fine.
I always am.
Going back to Florida is going to suck. My best friend will let me stay with her for a while, but she just had a baby. I’m not sure bringing my chaos into her home is the right call.
I’d also have to endure listening to her say I told you so an unimaginably large number of times, but it would be worth it to have a place to stay.
I’m not sure what I’ll do long term. I’ll need to pay off the balance I owe to my old apartment complex, but I can probably live with a roommate until that’s taken care of.
Riser’s hand is warm against the skin of my lower back as we stop just inside the doorway. He leans down, getting close to my ear, and asks, “Can I get you a drink?”
I nod. “I’d kill for a bottle of water or a Dr Pepper.”
“You got it.” His hand leaves my back, and he swaggers deeper into the room. There’s a small table in the back corner with an attendant behind it.
Before tonight, I hadn’t been close to Liminal’s drummer, but I like him. He’s way more down to earth than I would expect from a member of a world-famous rock band.
I always thought he would be stuck up in that edgy, emo way some guys are.
Riser has dark olive skin and wavy brownish-black hair that’s long on top and shaved all the way around.
Dual snake-bite piercings frame his lower lip while tattoos line his skin from his fingers up to his neck.
They even spill onto the underside of his jaw and around his jawline and up to his temples.
Face tattoos are something I could never pull off, but they fit his style. He’s calm and centering in a way that’s both at odds with his appearance and hard to explain.
I was about three seconds away from an ugly breakdown when he pulled me in for a hug, and his chamomile scent soothed my frayed edges enough that I was able to keep it together.
“Lumen,” Malcolm calls from the couch on the far wall as he pulls his arm off the back, waving me over.
They usually wear their masks at the after-parties, at least on the nights when they wore them during the performance, but I guess they aren’t going that route tonight.
A man sits in a chair next to Malcolm. It’s obvious that he pulled it over from somewhere else and that, combined with the small microphone and notebook, indicates he’s probably the reporter Riser mentioned.
The couch around Malcolm is filled with women, and more stand near the arm on the side he’s perched on.
I don’t see the woman from earlier, and that’s a small miracle, but I’m guessing she stayed with Tangled Desires.
I’m a little raw at the moment.
It’s probably best if I just linger around until this thing is done.
Offering an awkward wave, I step to the wall next to the doorway, leaning against it. My phone was dead, so I left it charging on Liminal’s bus, but I’m regretting that. If I had it, I could at least pretend to have something to do.
Malcolm shoves off the couch, coming over.
My face heats.
Why has he made it his personal mission to look out for me?
It makes no sense, but I’m grateful.
It’ll give me a few extra days to figure stuff out. Maybe he’s just one of those friendly, outgoing people who looks out for others.
“I was freaking the fuck out, thinking you might try to leave.” Malcolm grabs my hand, running his thumb over the side of my palm. “I would have kicked Riser’s ass if he let you out of his sight.”
An unexpected bark of laughter escapes my lips. “He said the same thing.”
The more confusing part is why.
“He knows me well.” Mal smirks, and sexy little dimples appear faintly in his cheeks.
How have I not noticed those before?
My nostrils flare, catching a whiff of something.
It’s shocking and stormy.
Chaotic.
Goose bumps rise on my arms.
What the hell is that smell?
It’s electric, almost like the weather right before a lightning storm.
Is that what Malcolm smells like?
It has to be him.
No one else is close enough for their scent to be that strong.
I’m not sure how I missed it earlier, when he pulled me away from Theo.
It makes sense that I couldn’t smell him at the show.
There were so many bodies and scents, and I was so frazzled that I had tunnel vision on getting out of view of the audience.
“I’m almost done with this interview. Then we’ll be free to talk.” Malcolm’s head bobs up and down as he smiles, making his brown waves bounce.
I wonder how many women have had their panties magically combust when he smiled at them like that.
The answer is a lot.
The hoops in his nose, and that surface piercing on his chest, really do fit him perfectly.
I’m almost tempted to ask what the compass on his throat is for.
Did he just pick something he liked?
Is it meaningful?
“Come sit with me,” he says, tugging me across the room.
I would protest, but it’s too late.
We make it to the couch, and there are women everywhere.
Where exactly am I supposed to sit?
Another woman joined the few that were here earlier, and there’s barely enough space for Malcolm. He doesn’t let that stop him. He sits down, turning me with his hold on my wrist and pulling me to sit in his lap.
It’s wild.
I’m sitting on him, but his torso is so much longer than mine that he still towers over me. I have to lean back and tilt my head to see his profile.
I’m not light.
I’m actually pretty sturdy for a woman, and I can’t even lean against the arm of the couch because another fan perches on it, stretching over to run her fingers through his hair.
“Before you start answering questions, can I get your autograph?” she asks.
“Of course.” He chuckles, making his chest vibrate behind my back. He leans up, reaching to pull something out of his back pocket. He rearranges me in his hold and twists to the right. “Sorry, Lulu. I’m a lefty. All right, whatcha want signed?”
I end up leaning against his right shoulder with his left arm wrapped around me as he turns to address the fan.
“Could you just sign right here?” She doesn’t hesitate to pull the entire front of her shirt down until her breasts pop out.
All I can do is blink.
I kept myself away from the majority of the meet and greets. Is this what was going down while I was waiting on the bus or in the greenroom?
“You got it,” Malcolm says, not missing a beat. He starts on the top of one breast and mostly signs her chest.
She could have accomplished the same signature without flashing everyone her nipples, but she has really nice boobs. If mine were that perky, I’d probably want to show them off too.
She leans over, completely ignoring me, and I try to peek up to see what’s happening.
“Sorry, babe,” Mal says, tilting his face away. “You don’t kiss anyone without permission, even rock stars.”
The other women snicker as the first pulls up her shirt, heading off toward Tennyson and Parish.
I grimace.
That was awkward.
She should have known better, but I guess you miss all the balls you don’t swing at.
“Malcolm, is that the woman you and Kincaid stopped the show to pull from the pit?” the man asks, making me jolt.
My heart seizes in my chest.
Me sitting with him is only going to make things worse. I can’t even assure anyone that I didn’t cheat on Theo because I signed a freaking NDA regarding Liminal.
This is a nightmare.
Everyone will assume I’m a cheater.
They’ll think I broke his heart to hook up with a more well-known band.
My chest tightens, and my vision goes hazy.
I’m not a cheater.
I would never do that to someone.
It won’t matter.
People will believe what they want to, and I won’t even be able to attempt to defend myself because of that NDA.
“I’m not answering questions about that out of respect for her privacy,” Malcolm says, patting my stomach.
“Understood,” the man says, looking down at his notebook. “Can you tell me about your mask? Who made it? What do you do if it gets broken? Why did you pick the only mask with a moving feature?”
“You’re beautiful,” the lady sitting next to Malcolm says, leaning over until her face is only an inch from mine. “I think the three of us should get out of here.”
“We’re going to pass on that, but you can try your luck with Ten or Parish,” Malcolm says before I can form words.
It seems rude to interrupt Mal’s interview, but I’m more focused on how big of a deal it’s going to be that they helped me during their show.
The optics are so bad.
Theo will think the worst.
I don’t know if he saw the clips before cheating on me, but even if he did, he should have had enough respect for our relationship to hear my side of things.
My chest gets so tight it’s painful to breathe.
My vision goes hazy as my heartbeat speeds up. It pounds out of control, then skips beats like it’s trying to catch up. It’s a battle not to gasp for air since it feels like there’s none left in the room.
“I’m sorry.” I pry Malcolm’s hand off my middle and force myself to stand. “I need the bathroom.”
My knees wobble like they might give out, but I weave through the people, aiming for the door.
I make it out into the hallway and stumble to the corner near the exit sign.
It’s tempting to go outside.
Maybe then I’d be able to breathe.
The only thing that stops me is that I have no idea if the door would be locked when I tried to get back in.
That’s the last thing I need.
My chest heaves as I lean against the wall, desperately trying to catch my breath. My hands shake as I bring them to my face. There are no tears, but I almost think it would be cathartic to cry.
Everything fell apart in one night.
I should have planned for this possibility, but I didn’t.
I have no backup plan.
No idea what to do next.
I’m losing it.
“Whoa.” Malcolm comes out into the hallway, his head tilting. “What’s wrong?”
“She’s having a fucking panic attack, you dumbass,” Kincaid says, following him out. “Just get back in there and finish your shit. I’ve got this.”