Chapter 10 – Lumen
Chapter Ten
Lumen
The bus takes off some time later. There’s talking, laughing, and noise outside the bedroom door, but I think they do their best to stay quiet. Well, as quiet as anyone can be on a tiny tour bus. They’re half as obnoxious as Theo and his bandmates would be after a show, and I appreciate it.
The bedroom on their bus is nice. When you first walk in, closed shelves line either side of the door. Straight ahead is a wall of cabinets built around the head of the bed. There’s a foot or two of space around the queen-size mattress, but it’s still a bus, so it’s a tight fit.
The trim around the ceiling has a strip of LED lights along the bottom, and there are more under the edge of the bed. I couldn’t figure out how to shut them off, but they’re a dim enough glow that I doubt they’ll keep me up.
The fact I can’t stop spiraling is doing a steady job of ensuring I don’t experience any rest, no matter how exhausted I am.
It’s a loop of blaming myself for being stupid enough to hope that we could make it through this tour with our relationship intact to being so mad my entire body shakes.
Theo tried to tell me it wasn’t what it looked like, but I saw that woman kiss him.
He was also zipping his pants.
I’d have to be willfully naive to ignore the signs.
After a year of being together, you don’t think he deserves the chance to explain?
What if it really wasn’t what it looked like?
I’m so confused, and I hate how indecisive I feel.
One minute, I’m sure he’s guilty, and the next, my conscience says it’s not fair to jump to conclusions.
I’ve never been cheated on before, so I have no idea if this never-ending spiral is normal or if I’m losing my shit.
It’s gotta be both.
The door to the room I’m sleeping in slides open some time later. I’m on my side, curled up with a pillow cuddled to my chest.
I’ve shed a few tears, but I managed to keep myself from ugly crying. Mainly because I didn’t want them to have to hear me. Tour buses are cramped, even ones as spacious as this. They don’t have great soundproofing.
“Hey, baby doll,” Malcolm says, keeping his voice low. “Can I come in?”
I push up, using my arm as leverage. “Yeah.”
He reaches behind him, sliding the door closed.
It’s not pitch black in the room, thanks to the strip of LED lights.
My head tilts as I take him in. He’s in low-slung sweats that show off his hip bones, chest, and lithe stomach. He’s not bulky at all, but he’s not afraid to put his slender physique on display.
I’ve seen glimpses of his tattoos when he was in ripped tank tops or cutoff shirts.
He slides around the end of the bed, coming to the edge of the mattress, and I have a perfect view of the tattoos on his chest and stomach.
He has sharp hip bones that most women would kill for.
Okay, me.
I’m one of those women.
His hips and lower stomach are framed in a double set of wings.
The top set goes over his hip bones, curving around to his back, while the lower falls just under his hips.
They extend across his pelvis, and in the middle is an intricate cross with the bottom beam extending down into the waistband of his sweats.
It looks a little like an arrow pointing directly at his cock.
His chest and abs are covered in geometric shapes and patterns outlined in bare skin, and the effect is amazing.
Grabbing the pillow I’ve been hugging, I tuck it under my head and scoot back. “There’s plenty of room.”
“I know.” He chuckles. “I just didn’t want to hop into your bed without an invitation.”
He already had permission to come into the bedroom, but I can appreciate him wanting consent on every level.
Malcolm stretches out on his side on top of the plush black comforter.
Whoever designed the room has great taste. The blanket matches the accents on the shelving, and the dark plum-colored sheets fit the vibe perfectly.
“I’m sorry about what went down at the meet and greet,” he says, studying my face. “I wanted to cheer you up and to make sure you weren’t miserable standing around alone, but I know the fans can get overwhelming. I should have thought that through better.”
Is he really apologizing to me right now?
If anyone had a reason to apologize, it would be my boyfriend.
Ex-boyfriend.
I flinch.
Wow.
That’s unreal.
Although I didn’t forget what happened, my brain hasn’t had time to get accustomed to the change. We’ve lived together for a year, which is crazy, but he moved in with me like a month after we started dating. It felt natural, not forced, and he was so easy to be around.
“Damn, what did I say now?” Malcolm asks. “I was trying to fix my mistake, and it looks like I only made you more upset.”
My eyes pop open. I don’t even know when I closed them.
I stretch my hand over and rest it on Malcolm’s.
“You didn’t do anything wrong. You have nothing to apologize for.” I smile, but it’s plastic. “You’ve gone out of your way to look out for me, and I can’t thank you enough. You’re a great guy, Malcolm.”
“Yeah.” He laughs derisively. “So great that I didn’t even consider how it would affect you to be around groupies right after everything that happened.”
“I’ve been watching women hang all over Theo and his bandmates for over a month,” I say, running my thumb along the side of his hand. “It’s nothing new. I didn’t panic because of them.”
“Was it the reporter’s question?” He moves to hold his head up with his palm as he watches me carefully. “I shut him down right away. I purposely avoided saying your name when I responded because I didn’t know if you’d be comfortable with it being out there.”
“I appreciate it,” I tell him. “I’m hoping that story doesn’t take off. I had a bunch of missed calls and texts tonight from everyone from my family to friends to people I haven’t talked to in years. I still don’t understand how they’re sure it was me.”
“Sometimes the press gets behind-the-gate access,” Malcolm says. “There were a few reporters back there tonight. I don’t know who it was, but at least one got up-close-and-personal pictures of us. I’m so fucking sorry, Lumen. If it helps, they were killer photos. We both look really hot.”
“Oh, God.” I bark a laugh that ends up coming out sounding hysterical. “So it’s not just the grainy cell phone footage that I saw?”
He grimaces.
“But it will die down eventually, right?” I ask as my mind spins.
“It always does,” he says, his tone almost cautious.
Does he think I’m about to freak out on him?
Maybe I’ve hit my limit for tonight, but I don’t have the energy to melt down on anyone.
“Thank you for coming to my rescue,” I say, patting his hand before pulling mine away. “I don’t even know if I said that, but you showed up twice tonight when I really needed a friendly face, and it means a lot.”
“I spotted you when I was on stage…” His lips blow together. “I panicked. You looked scared, and I couldn’t figure out why you were down there to begin with. Benji bitched me out, but it was worth it.” He grins. “I never get to play the knight in shining armor.”
I laugh. “That’s surprising. You did an amazing job.”
His crystal blue eyes darken, and my heart beats funny.
I wasn’t just trying to boost his confidence. He truly has come to rescue me at two clutch moments. If he needs a little verbal reassurance, I can give him a bunch of sincere compliments.
“By the way,” he says, a dangerous smirk tipping his lips.
“We’re in Charleston tomorrow. I’m ninety percent sure I remember the venue from our last tour.
You’re going to love the practice setup.
It’s in this room they use for theater shows, so it’s smaller than the main performance hall, but the acoustics are fucking insane. ”
“I’ll probably hide on the bus all day,” I say, swallowing thickly. “I mean, if it’s okay, and it won’t be a problem for anyone. I need to make some calls and see who I can beg to take me in.”
It’ll also decrease the chances I’ll run into Theo.
Malcolm’s face falls, and my stomach twists.
“I guess I could come and watch you guys practice,” I blurt out to stop the uncomfortable ache in my gut.
“I’m gonna be real here.” His eyes drill into mine, and he licks his lips. “I was kinda hoping you’d sneak in early with me to practice, just the two of us.” He rolls his lower lip through his teeth. “Between us?”
My head bobbles up and down.
Outside of the whole NDA thing, I’m not the type to gossip about someone’s business.
“We haven’t written anything since Drew left the band.
He was the one who wrote the lyrics for our biggest hits.
” He frowns. “Shit, that’s embarrassing.
I’m not saying Liminal is done without him.
The label will stick us in the studio with songwriters and composers if we don’t have the next album lined up before the tour is over… ”
I freeze.
Somehow he knows I wrote for Tangled Desires, and now he wants to use me to write music for Liminal. If I wasn’t so screwed up over what went down with Theo, it would be a dream come true, but my body riots at the thought of ending up here all over again.
“I guess I just wanted to show you what I’ve been working on,” he says as I continue spiraling.
“To get a second opinion before I bring it to the guys. It doesn’t sound like Drew’s style, but I think it’s good.
” He sighs. “I don’t know. I’m the fuckup.
You know? If it’s shit, I don’t want to embarrass myself. ”
I melt.
How someone as sexy and talented as Malcolm can be self-conscious about sharing his music with the band he’s worked with for years is confusing, but it’s also not.
We all have damage.
I’ve only seen bits and pieces of how he interacts with Kincaid and Riser.
Friends pick on each other sometimes.
They say things when they’re angry or just don’t realize they’ll have such an impact on the other person.
I know what it feels like to worry you’re not good enough.
Who knows why he cares what I think. I’m just a random woman who was dating the lead singer from the opening act, but if he needs a cheerleader, it’s the least I can do.
Right?
Yes.
I can manage a single practice session to help him make his creations the best they can be.
“I would love to hear what you’ve got,” I tell him. “I’m sure it’s a lot better than you’re giving yourself credit for.”
“Perfect,” he purrs. “I’ll see you in the morning, Lulu.” Leaning close, he kisses my forehead, cradling my skull in his massive tattooed hand.
His stormy scent hits my nose, but he’s gone before I can enjoy it.
Malcolm rolls off the bed, making his way to the door while I blink like an idiot.
His back is covered in a massive lion. The un-inked skin acts like the break between images, and he has a lot of unique designs that somehow come together to form one cohesive piece.
His lower back has the skull of a man passionately kissing a beautiful woman with long hair, thick lips, and long eyelashes. It’s stunning. The same bare skin outline frames the edges, and the tips of the wings from his pelvis wrap around from the front, ending next to their heads.
Mal hooks a finger in the door, twisting until I can see his face. “I’m in the middle bunk on the left when you’re coming out of this room. If you need anything, come get me.” He winks, opens the door, and disappears through it.
I fall back against my pillows.
Today was the longest day ever, and I’m not sure tomorrow will be any better.