Epilogue
Riser
The second leg of the tour goes smoothly. It’s a long two months, but at least we have another four weeks before Lumen’s next heat is set to hit. We’ve already notified the label that, moving forward, all tours will need to be coordinated with her heat schedule.
It’s a blessing that Ruined Records’ owner is an alpha.
He was either completely supportive of said change, or Benji softened the blow by only telling us the positives.
It could go either way, but I’d like to think Rook Jacobs is a decent guy.
He seemed like it in all the face-to-face meetings we’ve had over the years, and I’m usually a pretty good judge of character.
Our new opening act is easy to get along with, and Lumen loves that they’re an all-female ensemble. Honestly, I think she’s been daydreaming about ditching writing music for us so she can swap over to working with Midnight Skies.
They’re an incredible mix of grunge and alternative that Lumen is obsessed with, and I’m only fifty percent joking when I say she would wave at us in her rearview mirror if she got the opportunity to work with them.
Luckily, she loves us enough to come home to us, even if she branches out with her songwriting abilities. I have no malice when I say I think they would make chart-toppers if they worked together.
We haven’t had any backlash from taking first dibs at her songs, but we probably have Benji and Kincaid’s lawyer to thank for that.
Mostly I’m just ready to head back to Florida.
We get to move Lumen into our condo, and I can’t wait to see what she thinks of it. With our crazy tour schedule, we haven’t had the chance to meet her dad in person, but we did video calls before and after he went to rehab.
While he’s only been out for a little over a week, things seem to be going well. After our experience with Randy, the label-appointed babysitter, it gave us the idea to get Lumen’s dad some backup in the form of a sober support companion.
Tony is the guy’s name, and he’s a hard-ass but also fair, according to what Lumen’s dad said during our last video call.
Our sweet little omega is hopeful while also being realistic that it might not stick.
Right after her dad was admitted, we had a come-to-Jesus pack meeting about cutting back on our drug use. I’m not sure if it’ll last once the exhaustion kicks in when we’re back on the road for the next tour, but we are doing our best not to be raging hypocrites.
I’m so fucking excited to be heading home tomorrow. One thing keeps popping up in the back of my mind, though.
Or, rather, one person.
Andrew still won’t answer my calls, and I’m not sure how to go about fixing that or if it’s time to let any hope of rekindling our friendship fade.
The label is having the majority of our shit sent back to Florida, but Kincaid magically negotiated us being able to fly back to Orlando. Although it’s not the normal way we end a tour, I’m not complaining.
My packmates are being weird as fuck, and every time I try to ask what’s happening, Lumen shoves her tongue into my mouth.
Not that I’m complaining.
I love kissing her, but I think I need to speak up.
“You guys,” I say, trying one more time to get them to listen to me. “We’re headed to the wrong terminal. This one doesn’t have any flights going to Florida.”
I would normally let it ride, but we’re already behind from fans stopping to ask us for pictures and autographs.
“It’s this way, I promise,” Kincaid calls over his shoulder without stopping.
“Come on, dude,” Malcolm says, waving me on. “Daddy has everything handled. Just get your ass in gear and follow along.”
Lumen spins and comes back to my side. She stretches up on her tiptoes and says, “They wanted to surprise you, but feeling how anxious you are, I’m going to go ahead and ruin it. We’re taking a quick detour to Ohio.”
My jaw falls.
The only person I know in Ohio is Andrew. I’m from Michigan, but I stayed with Drew in Akron when I got the spot in his band.
“Are we going to find Drew?” I ask, my heartbeat picking up to what has to be an unhealthy speed.
She nods. “Yeah, but I need you to not get your hopes up. At least, not yet. This might not go well. K and Mal hired a private investigator. The guy found Andrew, but when the PI approached him, Drew told him to fuck off.”
My lips blow together with the force of my exhale. “I get it.”
And I really do.
Goddammit.
That sounds exactly like something Andrew would do.
“I just want to talk to him face-to-face and give it one last chance to click,” I say as she spins, interlocks our fingers, and drags me after the guys. “If it doesn’t work, that’s okay, but I need to try.”
“I know,” she says, squeezing my hand. “And I really hope it goes well. If it doesn’t, I’ll be right beside you to support you through it.”
I bring her hand to my mouth, kissing her fingers as we weave through the busy airport. “I know, beautiful, and I love you for it.”
It’s been a long time since I’ve been to this area, but the private investigator gave us the address of the hotel Andrew has been staying at.
It’s a rundown little shithole. We stayed in some questionable places when we used to travel for shows back in the old days, but even at our brokest, we would have stayed away from this place.
Kincaid pulls the SUV into a parking spot, frowning up at the building through the windshield.
“Are you sure you don’t want us to come with you?” Mal asks. He’s in the back seat with Lumen, but he leans between the seats until I can see the concern written all over his face. “Seriously, we should come with you. Hell, we might want to have the security team follow us up.”
Sometimes it’s obvious how different our lives were growing up.
His family was very middle class, while I grew up poor.
Our neighborhood wasn’t quite this bad, but my mom didn’t let us leave the house after dark.
While the street I grew up on was more working-class poor, a few blocks over, it transitioned into a pretty rough area.
“Nah.” I shake my head. “He’d close the door right in our faces.”
“He still might, but we’ll be watching. If you need anything, hold up two fingers.” Kincaid shoves Malcolm into the back seat with a hand on Mal’s chest and pops the middle console, pulling out the paperwork we brought with us.
It has three different options that Benji tracked down, as well as a card for the service we used for a sober companion for Lumen’s dad.
I take it, exhaling heavily.
I’m so grateful that they set this up, but I’m pretty sure that I have to do this alone.
Lumen’s fingers brush the back of my neck, and she sends comfort and her love through the bond. “No matter what he says, you’ll feel better knowing you gave it one more shot.”
“Yeah,” I agree, grabbing the door handle.
I probably should have followed his ass when he first left Florida, but better late than never.
Andrew looks exactly the same and simultaneously nothing like I remember. He’s lost weight since I saw him last, and the dark circles under his eyes seem more hollow than I remember.
He’s in a zip-up hoodie and jeans, and he leans against the door, acting like it hasn’t been almost ten months since we’ve seen each other.
We talk about everything and nothing for a solid ten minutes before he says, “I heard you got yourself locked down.” He takes a drag of his cigarette, blowing the smoke out of his nose. “Mal and K too, if the press is right.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “We were all shocked when Malcolm was the first one to fall in love. Her name is Lumen. She’s a songwriter.” I don’t let myself feel guilty for mentioning it. He made his choices, and we’ve all been living in the aftermath of them. “We met on tour.”
Kincaid, Malcolm, and I had a pretty intense talk about not letting Lumen anywhere close to Andrew, at least for the time being. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t concerned about what could happen if she smelled him.
She scent matched to the three of us, and if Andrew had been around, I can’t help but wonder if she would have been drawn to his scent too.
It’s complicated.
I know he wouldn’t hurt her, at least not physically. Emotionally is a completely different story, and when we brought that concern to her, she agreed it was better not to tempt fate.
He’s too deep in the trenches of addiction to do anything but break her heart. While I’ve forgiven him for a lot over the years, that’s one thing I’m not sure we could come back from.
I love Drew like my goddamn brother, but Lumen will always be my first priority.
This is so awkward.
“Do you want me to act shocked that you guys found someone else to write your songs?” Drew laughs bitterly. “Because I’m not. It didn’t take the label long to give my spot away. Only, they needed twice as many guys to fill my shoes.”
“None of us wanted things to play out the way they did.” I shake my head. “You know that.”
“Yeah, sure.” He blows cigarette smoke in my face, and my eyes narrow. “Look, why don’t you get to the point? I thought you were crawling back to beg me to write some music for you guys. If that’s not the case, I’ve got shit to do.”
“You told me to fuck off when I begged you to get help. It took a while, but I realized I can’t force you to want to get better. That’s something that has to click inside you.” I grab the folded-up paperwork from my back pocket. “You’re not invincible. Living the way you—”
“Self-righteous Riser, back to try to guilt me into living the way you want me to. I think I’m doing just fine on my own, but thanks. At least I’ve never slit my wrists in the bathtub—”
“Fuck you,” I growl, slamming the papers into his chest. “Three facilities. Each has a different program and requirements. If you call and give them your name, they’ll get you in as soon as they have a bed.
There’s also a card for an addiction support service.
They’ll coordinate your plane ticket and assign someone to help keep you on track for the first six months following rehab.
It’s all paid for. Use it or don’t.” I release the paperwork and take off toward the stairs.
“If you OD, I won’t be at your funeral. If you take the deal, give me a call once your head is clear. ”
I hit the stairs, taking two at a time.
“Hey, Ry?”
“Yeah?”
“Go fuck yourself.”
I sigh, shaking my head.
I tried.
At the end of the day, I have to accept that I did what I could.
I listened in when Lumen did the intake with the addiction support agency. They repeatedly told her that rehab doesn’t stick unless the person in question makes the choice to change.
They have to be fed up enough with the cycle of highs and lows that they’re willing to be uncomfortable for a while with the understanding that things will be better on the other side.
That, or they have to hit rock bottom and have nothing left to lose.
Andrew isn’t there yet, and I have to accept that he might never be.
We’re flying out tomorrow, but we’re sticking around in Ohio for one more night.
Kincaid drops us off at the hotel, and I’m too tired to question where he’s going.
Lumen stays glued to my side, taking a shower with me and curling up next to me on the bed once we’re done. She doesn’t try to talk, but she does lean her head against my shoulder as she interlinks our fingers.
“I’m okay.” I smile, tilting my face to hers. “But I won’t ever turn down cuddling with you.”
“How about me?” Mal says, climbing onto the bed on my other side. “Can I get in on this snuggle action?” He doesn’t wait for a response as he tosses his arm around me, resting his hand on Lumen’s shoulder. “Cuddle with me, fucker.”
I roll my eyes but lean against Mal’s chest. “I’m fine, you guys.”
“Obviously,” Mal says. “However, I’m feeling very emotionally needy. Love me. Cuddle me. Tell me I’m pretty.”
Lumen snorts, and I laugh.
“All right,” Mal says, picking up the remote. “Let’s find something to binge. I’m so fucking ready to catch up on all the movies and shows that we’ve missed out on during the last few months.”
Kincaid comes in a few minutes later with his arms loaded down with bags of takeout. He smirks and heads over to the table. “I got your favorite.”
I nod as my chest gets tight.
Today wasn’t easy, but life isn’t always sunshine and roses. There was a time when I thought I didn’t want to do this whole living thing anymore. If only I’d known then what I know now. Each and every pain is temporary, but you don’t get to see that if you give up along the way.
I’m especially blessed because I have three people I love to keep me company on those days when I would normally push the world away.