3
It’s actually come as quite a shock to learn just how many people don’t like me.—Phil Collins
Instead of an all-over color, the stylist at Mel’s salon suggested highlights.
That way Rhett would get her blonde back, but her roots wouldn’t show as much as her hair grew.
That sounded great, as did the layers the stylist urged her to have cut in her shoulder-length hair.
The end result delighted her. Bangs swept across her forehead and made her eyes appear larger and brighter.
The face-framing layers accentuated her high cheekbones and called attention to her defined jaw.
And the color? She hadn't been that blonde since Lilith was born.
Yes, it cost the earth, but, oh, it was worth every penny.
Thrilled with her new look, Rhett decided to show it off to her friend Elaine before she even made it home.
Elaine and her husband Jack had been close to Todd and Rhett all the way back to high school, but Rhett hadn’t seen much of them since Todd died.
The accident that took his life left Jack a paraplegic, and Elaine gave up socializing to stay home and take care of him.
But Rhett still considered Elaine her closest friend, her only friend, and couldn’t wait to see her reaction to the new look.
“Well.” Elaine looked sideways at Rhett. “If you like it, that’s what counts.”
Stung, Rhett put a hand to her hair. “You don’t like it?”
“Oh, it’s pretty. It’s just a little ...” Elaine flapped her hands as she sought for the right word. “Young."
Rhett stared at her friend’s back as she poured coffee into two cups. Elaine’s pronouncement hurt, and she couldn’t stop the surge of defensiveness that rose to the surface.
“Sorry. I wasn’t aware there were age restrictions on hairstyles.”
The look of mingled exasperation and pity on Elaine’s face as she put the coffee mugs on the glass-topped kitchen table did nothing to soothe wounded feelings.
“Now, Rhett. You know what I mean.” Elaine sat down and cradled a mug between her hands. “I just don’t want you going middle-age crazy or anything.”
“Good grief. It’s not like I bought a sports car. I got my hair highlighted.”
“Now, hun, don’t get mad.” Elaine reached across the table. “It’s just a little bright for someone your age.”
Rhett ignored the proffered hand and crossed her arms over her chest. “So, what then? Because I’m in my forties I’m supposed to fade into the background?”
The pity faded, leaving only exasperation behind. “Look, I’ve kind of been expecting this since Todd died. I’ve seen too many widows go off the deep end, and I don’t want you making a fool of yourself like they do.”
“And coloring my hair is making a fool of myself?” Rhett realized her voice was louder than it needed to be, but she didn’t care.
Elaine’s voice also rose a few decibels.
“Face facts, Rhett. You’re a middle-aged widow, and that hair color is too close to what you had in high school.
If you keep on like this, next thing I know you’ll be dressed in head-to-toe leopard print and wearing a sign that says, ‘Desperate Cougar Seeking Prey.’ I know you don’t want to hear it, but you need to accept that your glory days are over. ”
Through the hurt and anger, the beginning of doubt crept into Rhett’s mind.
Maybe she was a fool to even think of embracing the excitement and joy of her past. While she was tired of looking downtrodden, she sure didn’t want to come off as desperate.
She thought she wanted to be more like Mel, but maybe she was too close to Mel to see what she really looked like.
What Rhett saw as a strong woman, confident and proud, others might see as the cougar Elaine referenced.
“Don’t listen to her, Rhett.”
At the unexpected voice, both women started and jerked their heads towards the doorway to the living room.
Jack had approached, the wheels of his chair silenced by the carpet, and took them both by surprise.
Though his words were directed to Rhett, it was his wife he stared at, his face set into tight lines of anger and his eyes filled with disgust.
“Don’t listen to her,” he repeated, glaring at Elaine.
“Jack.” Elaine recovered from her surprise and put a hand on her chest as if to still her heart. “I thought you were napping.”
When Jack transferred his gaze to Rhett, the disgust was absent, even though his face remained tight.
“You don’t look like a fool, and you don’t look like someone whose glory days are over.
You’ve always been a looker, Rhett, and you still are.
I like your hairdo. It suits you. So don’t pay any attention to the bitching of a woman who’s jealous of you and always has been. ”
Two hectic patches appeared on Elaine’s cheeks. “What’s wrong with you? Have you overdosed on your pain meds or something?”
“Give me a break, Elaine,” Jack snapped.
“You’ve had a stick up your ass about Rhett since high school.
I’ve sat by and listened to you run her down behind her back for years.
Every good thing she ever got, you tried to make it bad.
And it’s time she knew the truth. You’ve been sniping about her since she beat you out for homecoming queen. ”
“You give me a break,” Elaine snapped back. “Everyone knew the only reason she got that was because she was dating Todd.”
Rhett’s eyebrows shot up under her new, fashionable bangs.
So much for facing facts about glory days being over.
That kind of catty high school drama didn’t exactly go well with the circumspect middle-age behavior Elaine had just espoused.
Rhett pushed her coffee cup aside and waited for an opening to excuse herself.
It made her uncomfortable enough to be present while her friends argued, but the fact that they were arguing about her sent things right into mortification territory.
“Just killed you when Rhett landed Todd, didn’t it?” Jack’s upper lip lifted in a sneer. “I’ll bet she doesn’t know how hard you tried to break them up before you found out she was pregnant with Lilith. And I’ll also bet she doesn’t know you were sleeping with him for two years before he died.”
At first, Rhett thought she’d not heard him right.
Then she thought he must be making up some cruel joke.
But when all the color drained from Elaine’s face, it was a clear indicator that Jack spoke the truth.
Rhett's mind went blank as it struggled to process this new information, and all she could do was sit there like a lump and watch Elaine’s bloodless lips try to form words that had no sound.
Jack answered the questions his wife couldn’t seem to voice.
“Oh, yeah, I knew. I’ve known since that day you went with Kelly and the grandkids to Six Flags and left your cell phone at home.
The damn thing kept beeping, so I went to turn it off.
That’s when I saw it was Todd texting you.
And that didn’t make any sense. I thought he must have tried to text me but hit the wrong number on accident.
So I read ‘em. All of them. You should’ve deleted all those old ones. Should’ve deleted your emails, too.”
“You read my emails?” Elaine gasped, like that was worse than her sleeping with her best friend’s husband.
“Damn tootin’ I did. Printed them, too, along with the screen shots I took of those text messages.” Jack sighed and sagged a little. “I was going to throw them in Todd’s face before I kicked his ass, but he died before I could bring it up.”
When he looked back at her, Rhett steeled herself. She didn’t want to hear any more revelations just then, not when she hadn’t had time to wrap her mind around his first shocking statement.
“Rhett, I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. But Todd was dead, and it just didn’t seem to matter anymore. I wouldn’t have said anything now, except I heard her running you down again and I’d just had enough of it.”
Rhett swallowed and rose in slow motion from her chair. “You could’ve stopped her without bringing that up. You’re right, Todd is dead, and it didn’t matter. I could’ve gone the rest of my life without knowing that, but you just had to blurt it out. It can’t hurt Todd anymore, but it does hurt me.”
On stiff legs, she walked across the kitchen where she and Todd had spent so much time, playing cards with their friends, sharing meals, or just talking over coffee.
Now that once cheery and welcoming room was a house of horrors, gray and cold and frightening.
With trembling hands she gathered up her purse and keys from the tile counter.
Though she felt the coolness of the keys against her fingers and the strap of the purse across her arm, those sensations were distant and removed, as though she were experiencing them in a dream.
No, a nightmare, and she couldn’t wake up.
She turned again to face the two people she thought were her friends and straightened to her full five-foot-eleven inches.
“Congratulations to the both of you. You’ve gotten your revenge on your cheating wife, Jack, and managed to destroy my memories of Todd at the same time.
I hope it feels just great. And Elaine? I hope you got off screwing my husband behind my back, but just in case you didn’t, here’s one for the road: Fuck you, bitch. ”
She had no memory of driving home. She had no memory of walking through the house. And she didn’t remember going into the bathroom that adjoined her bedroom. Awareness of where she was only came when she found herself staring into her own shell-shocked eyes in the mirror.
If she thought she looked bad before, now she was a freak show.
Somehow large dark circles had appeared under her eyes in the short time it took her to drive from Jack and Elaine’s to her own house.
It turned her into a caricature of one of those cheap paintings sold at carnivals of waifs with huge, sad eyes.
Instead of sad, though, her expression was more like haunted.
It all made sense now. Todd hadn’t made love to her for three years before he died, and she had feared he was dealing with some medical condition.
And God forbid a good ol’ Texas boy admit to needing a blue pill to get it up.
If she had even suggested he see a doctor, he would have gone through the roof.
But it appeared he was not only getting it up but also getting it on with Elaine.
Had there been someone else in the year before he took up with that back-stabbing hussy?
Probably. If there was, though, Rhett didn’t want to know.
For the first time she was glad there had been no physical intimacy between them for those three years. A shudder passed through her at the thought of Todd throwing it to another woman and then coming home to do the same to her.
Todd. With another woman.
The fire of betrayal kindled in her belly and spread its heat until she burned with rage. How dare he take his action somewhere else? How dare he?
Like every other marriage, theirs had its ups and downs, especially in the early years when they were two disillusioned teenagers raising a baby.
They worked through the difficulties, the differences in personality, the disapproval of both their families, and the financial hardships.
Their life hadn’t been easy, but it had been good.
But apparently it hadn’t been good enough for Todd.
Rhett had to admit that the physical side of things had only been okay.
Fireworks and euphemistic waves crashing on shore weren’t part of their repertoire.
There were times when she was tempted to try things she heard or read about.
But in the end, she was too shy to initiate anything, and she was afraid Todd would be insulted if he knew that his wife was often left wanting in the sex department.
And if Todd had ideas about how to spice things up in the bedroom, well...
He’d taken them to other bedrooms.
A low growl escaped Rhett’s lips, and the urge to destroy roared through her. She would have swept the Formica counter clean with her arm, but the jars and bottles of lotions and makeup that usually resided there were still packed and in the trunk of her car.
She marched out of the bathroom and vented her rage on the sagging bed she'd shared with Todd. Instead of making her feel better, her anger rose higher with each piece of bedding she tore loose and flung on the floor. Even stomping on what used to be Todd’s pillow didn’t extinguish her fury, or her hurt.
When the bed was stripped, she stood among the mangled sheets and blankets, panting.
No way in hell could she ever sleep in that bed again.
Just the thought of touching something on which Todd’s sculpted body had rested made her stomach roil.
She kicked her way free of the sheets, and made a circuit of the whole house, rejecting almost every object she saw.
Since they never had the money to buy new things, all the contents of their home had been there forever and were indelibly stamped with Todd’s presence.
Even the needed-to-be-replaced carpet she stood on had borne the brunt of his filthy work shoes.
One of the proudest days of Rhett’s life was the day they bought the house.
It wasn’t much, just a three-bedroom, two bath ranch that bore a striking resemblance to all the houses in the neighborhood, and there had been months they struggled to meet the mortgage payment.
But it had been theirs. Now it had to go.
No matter how long she lived, Rhett would never be able to forget what Todd did.
Every memory of her husband would now be tinged with the information Jack just had to impart, no matter how much it hurt her.
Since Todd wasn’t around to vent her anger on, the only way she’d be able to move past it was to put it behind her as best she could.
That could never happen where his presence still lingered with such strength.
That fresh start she’d been looking for just moved up to the top of her list.