Chapter Seven
Justice
D arkness blankets my hotel room, matching the shade in my heart as I stare up at the ceiling.
The fiery tip of my cigarette offers a soft glow as I lie here, a violent storm of emotions still suffocating me since my encounter with Ryanne.
All of them battle against one another, trying to claw their way out but one overshadows all the others.
Regret.
It spreads through my chest like wildfire, searing me from the inside out as I think about my daughter, tears staining her young face while she pretty much told me she hated me, all because I couldn’t control my temper. Not even the deadly smoke I inhale soothes the guilt.
She shouldn’t have been affected by this. For that, I not only blame myself but also Ryanne. None of this would have happened if she had been upfront from the beginning.
Digging my cell from my pocket, I call Brax. He has left a dozen messages, along with my father, but there’s no way in hell I’m talking to him right now.
“It’s about damn time,” Brax answers heatedly.
“I’ve been a little fucking busy.”
A brief moment of silence fills the line.
“Dad told me everything. No wonder you tore out of here the way you did. What did Ryanne have to say?”
“What can she say?”
Nothing will justify what she has done. Nothing will give me back the six years I’ve lost. Time that wasn’t only hers to have.
“And the kid?” he asks carefully. “Did you see her?”
Jaw ticking, I swallow back the remorse in my throat. “Yeah, I saw her.”
“What’s she like?”
“Perfect,” I answer. “She also hates my guts since she saw me completely lose it.”
That spark of fire in her eyes, the protectiveness she felt over Ryanne is something I know all too well.
“Dad showed me a picture of her,” he tells me. “She’s cute. Who knew you could produce something with a sweet face like hers.” His attempt to lighten the moment falls flat. There’s nothing funny about any of this. “He feels really bad, Justice.”
Not bad enough or he would have never kept it from me for so long.
“I get that you’re pissed off and I don’t blame you. Knox and I are mad on your behalf, too. So be angry for a while but eventually you have to forgive him. This is our father. The man who gave us everything when we had nothing.”
I know who he is. That’s why his betrayal hurts so fucking bad. “I don’t want to talk about him anymore.”
“Fair enough. So what are you gonna do?”
The question rolls around in my head, my thoughts and emotions nothing but chaos. “I don’t know, but I’m not going anywhere. Not until I sort this out. I’m not leaving my daughter, Brax.”
Whether she wants me or not, she’s not getting rid of me and neither is Ryanne. If she thinks for one second I’m going to walk away with only a few visitation rights she has a battle coming her way.
“I figured you would be staying for a while but hopefully not too long. I want to meet her, too.”
“You will,” I promise. “How’s Knox?”
His hesitation doesn’t go unnoticed. “He’s been quiet, other than when he laid into Thatcher. You can tell he’s scared though, he knows what this means for us all.”
I knew he would be. It changes things. Back in the day Ryanne threatened to change those things too but this is different. My daughter isn’t a threat, she’s the game changer and we all know it.
“Be there for him,” I say. “Tell him not to worry. We’ll work it out.”
“Already been doing that but you know how he is.”
My brother is broken, irreparable. The only thing that keeps his demons away is the bond we have. To think of having to turn my back on that leaves me guilt-stricken.
“Look, I better go. I have a few more calls to make but I’ll keep in touch,” I tell him.
“Sounds good. Talk soon.”
The line goes dead with his departure and I’m left with my thoughts once again. One way or another, I will make this work. Family means everything to me and I will fight until my dying breath for the people who are important to me, my daughter now being my number one.