Chapter 19
Justice woke up with the mother-of-all headaches, his stomach rolling wildly, and his entire body feeling like it had spent the night in a sauna.
He blinked his eyes open and found himself eye-to-eye with Megan.
Her head lay on the pillow next to his and her eyes were, as always, burning with love and sweet adoration.
She blinked slowly and smiled at him.
He offered a weak grin and turned his head in the other direction, totally worried about how bitter his breath probably smelled, but was shocked to find his head was resting on Malachi’s chest.
The man he’d screamed at in front of everybody last night…
the man he’d told to not touch him again, was holding him in a loving embrace and looking down at him like he was worried to death about his physical and mental health.
“I think I’m going to be sick,” Justice muttered and shot from the bed, stumbling over his feet but thankfully making it to the toilet before he puked…
and puked…
and puked.
He threw up so much his throat felt raw and his insides felt like they were hanging on for dear life to keep from being purged from his body and flushed down the toilet.
His head was still pounding and he had to pee so fucking bad he suspected the tears creeping out of his eyes were probably urine.
It would have been physically impossible to feel any worse than he did at the moment.
Why the hell did people willingly do this to themselves over and over again?
This was the most magnificently worse feeling in the fucking world.
When Megan tried to come in to help him, he sent her running for safety with an angry glare…
and he had to admit the smell in the room probably didn’t do much in the arena of persuading her to stay.
God, he was disgusting.
After another few minutes, Malachi came into the room and all the angry glares in the world didn’t seem to faze the man.
He patiently ignored all the hate being sent his way, turned on the shower to get it nice and warm, and laid out a toothbrush and toothpaste.
“Brush first and then get in the shower. Megan went to get something for your headache.” He put the toothpaste on the brush and handed it to Justice.
Justice took it and started brushing because he was seriously afraid Malachi might start brushing his teeth for him if he didn’t act fast enough to suit the man.
After rinsing his mouth, he gulped down a full glass of ice-cold water and started to refill it for another when Malachi grasped his hand and shook his head.
“Not a good idea, pet. Let’s get you in the shower before the second wave hits, okay?”
Malachi slipped into the shower with him but made absolutely no move to touch him in a sexual way.
In an almost clinical way, his hands gently scrubbed every crevice as he hummed softly.
Justice found it rather creepy.
This was not his Malachi.
Had he done this to the man?
His last love victim had just gotten a restraining order, Malachi had undergone some type of personality switch.
“I’m okay. I’ve got this,” he muttered.
“I’m sorry about last night. I…I was tired and sore, talking when I should have shut the fuck up. It’s one of my many weaknesses, isn’t it?” Endless chatter, number fourteen on the symptom list.
“You’re important to me, pet. I can learn to be whatever you need me to be, just tell me how to act. I promise I’ll listen and I won’t disappoint you again.”
Justice looked at the man he loved.
Malachi was saying all the wrong things but he was saying them so fucking earnestly that Justice just let it go.
Maybe he was wanting too much?
Maybe he was asking something of Malachi that the other man could never give?
Maybe he needed to not be such a greedy son of a bitch that thought he deserved to have it all?
“You guys look really hot,” Megan said with a saucy smile as she joined them in the bathroom, discreetly lighting a candle while they finished their shower.
When they both stepped out, Megan immediately wrapped Jasper in a warm towel and started drying him, top to bottom.
With a wink in Malachi’s direction, she said, “Saddle up, baby. Dante wants you in the war room right away. Operation Hunt-Down-and-Destroy Nicholas is in full swing.”
“Give me a second and I’ll be ready,” Justice muttered, wondering why his stomach was rolling the way it was.
There couldn’t be a fucking thing left in him after his pukefest earlier.
“No, sir,” Megan snatched him back, pulling him against her.
“You’re staying here with me, soldier. You need to rest before you join the militia.”
“Hell, no. I’m going.”
“Staying.”
Malachi shrugged and walked away.
Fucking traitorous coward.
For the second time in less than twenty-four hours, Megan started tenderly drying his body with a warm, fluffy towel.
She babied every delicious inch of his body, teasing certain spots until he moaned with pleasure.
Well, it still worked, at least.
His heart might be broken, but his cock still responded like there wasn’t a fucking concern in the world.
“I’m going to cut your hair,” she exclaimed, clapping her hands together with glee and excitement.
“Sit down at the vanity and let me grab my stuff!”
Justice knew he looked fucking terrified because he was fucking terrified.
No way was she cutting his hair.
“You are not cutting my hair,” Justice countered but, quickly remembering his role, hoping it was still intact, he changed it to, “Please don’t cut my hair, Mistress.”
She giggled, enjoying his discomfort and cuter-than-cute little boy pout.
Malachi had never had a fucking chance going head to head with this kid.
“Don’t be such a baby, pet. You’ll look absolutely adorable with a sexy little shag.”
His gulp caused her to laugh hysterically.
“You should see your face! Priceless! I’m just going to give you a trim, pet.” She grabbed her comb and scissors and quickly cornered him on the vanity stool before he could make a runaway exit.
“Nu uh, pet. I’ve been dying to get my fingers on this blonde silk ever since I found your photo that Malachi left behind.” Her fingers shuffled through the locks, massaging his scalp until his eyes rolled back in his head.
“Okay. You can do whatever you want,” he mumbled lazily.
“That feels so good.”
She kissed the back of his neck, loving him so much it took her breath away.
Her ability to love both men, so beautifully opposite in every way but both so damned lovable, still amazed her.
Their relationship, viewed strange or unnatural by some, was so perfectly perfect to her…
worth fighting for.
Both her men were stubborn and emotionally damaged by forces beyond their control.
Watching them fumble and stumble around each other, trying to weave through testosterone and the ‘baggage’ of their childhoods was exhausting.
Clearly, she was going to have to take charge and gently nudge them in the right direction…
or smash their heads together until they cried uncle.
“Malachi loves this hair, I wouldn’t dare do more than a trim.” She let it tease her fingertips.
“He might try spanking my ass instead of yours!”
Even with his eyes closed, she knew he was giving her one of his infamous eye rolls that drove Malachi to distraction.
“We need to talk about some things, baby, just you and me.”
His eyes popped open, insecurity dancing and swirling.
“What’s wrong? What did I do? Was last night too much?”
“Settle!” She ordered softly.
Wrapping her arms around his neck, she looked at him through the mirror.
“Baby, you can’t do anything that would make me or Malachi not want you. Okay?”
Desperately, he wanted to believe her but old fears haunted him, whispering warnings in his mind.
His wrists burned from the need to trace the letters, threatening his chance at happiness.
“I hope so,” he finally said.
“I don’t understand how he puts up with me, though. I know what my fucking triggers are…what they are capable of doing to me, but I still blamed him.” He dropped his head to the vanity and added, “In front of everybody.”
Could they be more blind and stubborn?
Megan thought in exasperation.
Gripping the soft hair she had toyed with earlier, she yanked his head back up and forced him to meet her gaze in the mirror.
“Listen to me, babe. I wanted you two stubborn idiots to accidentally stumble on the truth by yourselves but apparently you are Dumb and Dumber, totally helpless without me!”
“Gee, Mistress, don’t hold back on my fragile account. I think if you studied up on my disorder, you’d know that talk like that could probably make me wet the bed.” He tried joking – it was one of his go-to methods of coping.
“Yes, you have RAD and yes you have triggers. We can work with that.” She frowned at him.
“But you should have been honest and forthcoming with both of us. That can’t happen again. Any relationship, especially a Dom/sub relationship relies on honesty.”
“Yes, Mistress.”
“You do realize you’ll be punished for that smartass disorder comment, right?”
He was good with punishment.
“I’m looking forward to it, Mistress.”
She reached down and pinched the tip of his cock until he hissed out a whimper.
“But what happened that night, baby…the night you ran from us? I don’t think it was just a trigger or you being overly sensitive or desiring too much from a relationship. I’d noticed that he hadn’t kissed you and that it was hurting you. I should have stepped in…said something, but I wanted you guys to work through it. That was my mistake and I’m so sorry for it. Knowing you were not safe and that you might not know how Malachi and I feel about you…that damned near killed me.”
She had his undivided attention now.
Shock left his mouth gaping wide open.
His brow crinkled in disbelief and hope.
“What do you mean?”
“He’s been turning away from your attempts to kiss him, he doesn’t even fucking realize he’s doing it, but he’s turned away.”
“Because he doesn’t…care for me that way,” Justice argued.
“I overstepped my role.” The words burned his tongue and heart.
“You are so wrong, baby, so very wrong. I know Malachi loves me. I don’t know how he allowed himself to love me so easily, but he did. I slid in under his radar, I guess,” she added with a small smile.
“But you need to know this, babe. He loves you too. I see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice when he talks to you and about you. He was fucking destroyed when we couldn’t find you.”
“You’re mistaken…”
“Nope. I know exactly what I’m talking about.”
If she lived to be a hundred years old, she would never understand how someone this beautiful could not be so aware of his allure, physical and emotional.
His innocence sucked you in and never let you go once you were entangled in his warmth.
His little-boy enthusiasm made your blood hum with excitement.
She dipped her head around and kissed his bow-shaped lips in a gesture so tender it made his heart hurt.
“The things about you that you mistakenly believe he doesn’t like…those are the very features that made him fall in love with you.” She kissed a shoulder.
“It should have been your desire to submit to him that drove him mad with the need to own you, make you his, but that was only an added bonus. It was the cherry on the Justice sundae.”
He blushed, his lashes sweeping his face as he tried to hide.
“That might sound kind of stupid, Mistress.”
A giggle tumbled form her lips.
“Maybe,” she conceded, “but just the sundae comment.”
“You have no idea how you started jerking with his heart the first moment he laid eyes on you.” She continued talking while messing with his hair.
“Your nonstop talking and continuous movements, it drove him crazy…in a real good way. Most people don’t talk to Malachi. He shuts them down with a glare but you ignored his crazy evil eye and plowed right over his discomfort, pushing him.” She laughed.
“You should have heard him complaining about it on our calls. You were all he talked about.”
Playfully, she raised her T-shirt and palmed her boobs, giving them a firm bounce.
“Look at these, babe! He should have been talking about getting his hands on these , but instead he rattled on and on about his disobedient ward and all his wasted energy because he moved all the time, wasn’t really doing anything, just moving.” Her shirt dropped back into place and his pouty lips revealed his displeasure.
“It was…troubling at first,” she admitted.
“I can be a jealous bitch if provoked and to be completely honest, I found his continuous talk of you to be…provoking.”
“There would never be a reason for you to be jealous. He fucking loves you more than he loves living.”
“Yea, I know. It still smarted, though. Anyway, I couldn’t stay mad at him because this new Malachi was too entertaining. And then, it happened. I listened…and I wanted. I wanted you both, days before Malachi even considered it.”
“Wow.” Justice smiled at her through the mirror.
“I mean…really, wow.”
She returned his smile.
“Yea, wow. We are the luckiest fuckers in the world to have found each other.” She kissed a trail down his naked back, loving how he quivered from the gesture, loving that he was hers.
“So, now let’s talk about RAD.”
Back went ramrod stiff.
“I don’t want to.”
“I know, babe, but we have to. We are a team, you and me. We’re going to help Malachi help himself. He needs us. Nicholas has had control too damned long. We are taking him back,” she vowed.
“I’m all for that,” he said.
“I’m just not into talking about RAD. It…it bothers me, makes me feel weak.” He fingers reached for his right wrist.
“Stop it!” She ordered.
“Just stop it. I’m fucking fine with focus. I get it. I understand that you need a reminder to not be bothered by your triggers, but I’m going to get that fucking Let Go removed. Do you understand me? You will not let go!” She hugged him until he started to squirm.
“We are all three going to hold on for dear life baby…not let go.”
“But I’m supposed to…”
“We are not letting go,” she repeated.
“This isn’t something you’ve conjured up in your head, Justice. This is the real thing, this is love. When you find it, you don’t let go of it.”
Was it real?
Could he trust himself?
No, not really…
but he could trust Megan.
“Okay.”
“Good boy. So, I’ve been studying up on RAD. I need to know everything there is to know so that I’ll be prepared. I want to help and I can’t help unless I have the necessary knowledge, so I’ve been studying up…like a good little Mistress.”
“Ha. Ha. I seriously don’t like talking about it.”
“Too bad, babe. It’s kind of like lube, you’ve got to have it or everything is more painful.” She grinned from ear to ear.
“You are such a dorky nerd.” He smiled back.
“Okay, Mistress, let’s do this. I’ll try not to get too upset and piss myself.”
“Very funny, smartass,” she slapped the tip of his cock since she couldn’t get to his ass.
“Okay, first of all, let’s discuss the symptoms. A person suffering from RAD avoids intimacy, shows compulsive self-reliance, fears closeness in relationships, finds that relationships can be a threat to his control and often believes it isn’t worth the effort, doesn’t idealize a romantic relationship, must adhere to a strict regimen, lacks basic social skills such as talking and…”
Justice was shaking his head, a frown marring his face.
“Nah, that isn’t right. That’s inhibited RAD, I have dis-inhibited RAD. Basically, I’m the total opposite of the shit list you just…” He paused, his mind racing wildly.
“Oh, shit.” He started shaking his head from side to side.
“No. You’re messing with me, aren’t you?”
“I’m not messing with you, Justice. I’ve simply listed the top symptoms for inhibited RAD. Apparently your mind went straight to where my mind went when I started reading up on Reactive Attachment Disorder.”
“Not Malachi, he’s too strong…too perfect,” Justice argued.
“We are going down the wrong path and we need to turn around and head back. Now.”
“Of course, babe. I mean, why on earth would I ever think that Malachi might suffer from Reactive Attachment Disorder? It isn’t like he was mistreated, unloved, or deprived of a child’s basic need for comfort, caring, and love, what a child needs in order to develop stable attachments with others. No, Nicholas would have never done that. Or, it isn’t like he has almost every single symptom on the inhibited list. Why the fuck ever would I think Malachi might suffer from Reactive Attachment Disorder?”
“There’s no need to be nasty about it,” he said, the frown still firmly in place.
“Still think it makes a person weak? Unlovable? Unworthy?” She kissed his lips.
“Or does it just make you love him even more…want to protect him from more pain?”