Chapter 10 #2
“Good. I’m going to go into the stall two away from the accessible one,” Kaden said softly.
“I’ll lock the door, leave your backpack in there, open so you can get things quickly, but then I’ll crawl through into the accessible stall and lock that door too.
” He swallowed. “It might seem stupid to leave an empty toilet between us, but if they find me injured, seeing the door open on an empty cubicle next to me might stop them checking the others.”
Joe stayed quiet.
“Pull the alarm cord if I can’t. Once you’re out of me, slide under to get to the backpack,” Kaden went on, his voice breaking now.
“Even if you can’t walk straight away, you should be able to crawl.
Drag the towel with you if…if you leave a mess.
” His breath hitched. “Get dressed. Retrieve those papers. Go to the police. Ask for asylum. Okay?”
I think you should keep the accessible toilet unlocked.
“No. They can open it from the outside.”
Moments later, Kaden had slid under the gap to the accessible stall.
“There’s the alarm.” He pointed to the red cord hanging almost to the floor. His hand was trembling, and this time, Joe didn’t try to stop it happening. “I’ll stay on the floor.” He winced. “At least it’s clean. Once you start, you’ll have to be quick, in case someone comes in.”
Kaden’s whole body was shaking now. Joe had to step in, try to steady him, to at least ease the frantic rhythm of his breathing. Tears slipped down Kaden’s cheeks, catching on his jaw and falling to his hoodie. Joe hated seeing him scared.
You know I don’t like it when you leak.
He’d wanted to make Kaden smile and at least his lips curved for a moment.
“I know. Wait until you do it.”
Joe gave him the best hug he could. The last hug until…
“If it doesn’t work,” Kaden whispered, his voice unravelling, “you have to know I’m not sorry. About any of it. I don’t regret taking you from that tank. I don’t regret you being inside me.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “If I die, then I die. Just…do good, Joe. Be kind. Help the world.”
A sob escaped and Joe carefully began to coalesce inside him. There would be pain, but not yet. He’d do as much as he could before that came.
“You’re more advanced than we are. You can do so much for this planet.”
I don’t want the planet. I want you.
Kaden opened his eyes. “I can’t wait to see you.” Then he smiled and Joe felt Kaden’s heart calm a little.
“This has been the best time of my life. Please don’t let me forget you. Don’t leave me until I remember.”
My first. My best. My true friend. I will never forget you.
Kaden took a couple of shallow breaths, then switched to long, deep inhalations.
They’d talked about this, Kaden getting oxygen into his body.
Joe hoped he’d sounded confident, but he wasn’t.
He didn’t even know if this was possible, but they’d both needed to believe it.
Joe was using a combination of his alien DNA, sharing Kaden’s human DNA and taking advantage of his ability to transform to protect his other and it should work.
It had to.
Inside Kaden, Joe surged. He pulled inward from everywhere at once, from cells, nerves, muscle fibres, tearing himself loose in microscopic threads.
He had to be ready, had to begin shaping himself before he was even fully separate.
The human body was complex. Timing mattered.
Structure mattered. He began pulling himself out of the spaces he knew so well.
Kaden’s body had become familiar in a way nothing else ever had. Joe’s safe place.
Part of him didn’t want to let go, but there was no choice now.
It had begun. It was a slow tearing, unexpected resistance in every place he tried to leave, as if Kaden’s body didn’t understand the difference between holding and losing.
Kaden’s heart stuttered. Joe felt it, felt both of them faltering, and forced himself to work faster.
He peeled himself out of living tissue, out of the tight weave of a human body that didn’t want to let him go.
Pain flared. His and Kaden’s discomfort was now indistinguishable.
Their hearts stumbled out of rhythm together.
Joe had one heart now. Part of the other, he left in Kaden.
I’m right here. I’ve got you.
Maybe Joe’s last words inside Kaden’s head because he was already slipping away from Kaden’s mind.
Kaden choked. A wet, tearing sound ripping from his throat as Joe forced his way upward, spilling into the narrow passage of Kaden’s airway.
The sound was wet, desperate and terrified and Joe had to fight to ignore it.
Kaden’s body convulsed, hands flying to his throat as his breathing collapsed into nothing and panic flooded in.
Joe felt it and it hit him too, but he couldn’t stop.
He couldn’t soothe Kaden anymore. Nor could he go back.
If he hesitated now, they’d both die. All he could do was keep going.
Kaden gagged, his fingers curling weakly against his neck, his body fighting Joe, now rejecting him, even as it had once sheltered him.
But it made it easier for Joe. Every instinct in him screamed to ease the pressure, to make it gentler but there was no gentle way to leave someone you loved.
Kaden’s lungs spasmed as Joe, both liquid and solid, kept forcing his way up and out, bursting from Kaden’s mouth in a rush until it was done and he was out, lying on the floor.
Still not whole. Still not finished. Kaden not breathing.
Joe spread himself over him, pressing his weight onto Kaden’s chest, willing the part of his heart he’d left behind to keep Kaden alive.
When he heard Kaden suck in a ragged breath, Joe lunged for the alarm cord.
Missed it. Tried again. His fingers barely worked, still only half-formed, slipping before finally catching.
He wrapped what strength he had around it and pulled.
The alarm shrieked to life, loud and piercing, impossible to ignore.
I can’t do more. I don’t have the strength.
Kaden lay still but his heart was beating, his chest still rising and falling.
Joe moved, followed the plan. Still semi-formless, he slid under the wall into the next cubicle, then the next, dragging the towel behind him.
There was a mess. Blood. Clear fluid. The smell was sharp and metallic.
Not pleasant. Breathe! He sucked in air, then coughed at the sensation of his lungs filling.
The next breath came more easily, the one following was automatic.
He wiped away what he could as he went, but his hands were clumsy, his movements imprecise.
Acute anxiety was making his heart ache so much, he wanted to tear it from his chest. Not a good idea.
If he could have helped Kaden, he would have. But the best help now would come from doctors. Even as Joe struggled to find and hold his human form, he heard the bathroom door open.
“Are you okay in there? Do you need help?”
A bang. A pause.
“Oh Christ!”
Joe forced himself to focus inward. Kaden had help.
Now Joe had to help himself. His body was smeared with blood and other substances.
His limbs didn’t bend or respond the way Kaden’s had, but at least he had a single heart, a head, arms, legs and genitals.
Outside, voices rose and anxiety stopped him breathing for a moment.
But they took Kaden away, the sounds fading down the corridor and Joe sagged with relief, breathing again.
There was nothing more he could do for Kaden—except hope. That part of one of his former hearts that he’d left inside Kaden would help. If doctors got oxygen to him quickly enough, he would be fine. He would. He had to be.
Though Joe desperately wanted to be sure. How, he had no idea when he could barely move.
Someone came into the bathroom and he froze again.
“What’s all this on the floor?” someone said. “Gooey stuff. Blood.”
“Looks like he threw up. Probably swallowed something he shouldn’t have. Some drug or other. At least he managed to pull the cord. We need a cleaner in here. Grab his backpack. Let’s find out who he is.”
A door opened. Closed. Silence settled once more.
Joe tried to clean himself, and as he dragged the towel over his body, he marvelled at what he’d become.
Fingers that didn’t quite obey, not yet.
But there were ten of them and ten toes.
He was too thin. No hair on his body but he could feel hair on his head.
He ran his fingers over his face. Eyelashes, eyebrows, nose, ears.
The fact that he’d managed this at all felt unreal.
His skin looked translucent, but it was gradually changing to hide the blood vessels under the surface.
His bones would be hardening, his muscles strengthening. He had to wait until he felt ready.
It took him a long time to get dressed. His hands shook.
His fingers slipped. He got stuck in the T-shirt, the sweatpants clung to his damp legs.
During it all, he was acutely aware of a cleaner coming in, mopping the floor, humming faintly, then leaving while Joe stayed absolutely motionless.
His heart thundered, but no one knocked on his stall door.
Tying the trainers was impossible. Difficult enough to get his feet in them.
He tucked the laces in instead. Finally, he pulled on the hoodie, then the backpack and struggled to his feet.
The only way he could stay upright was by leaning heavily against the wall.
He doubted he could walk. But he had to try.
The thought of opening the door terrified him, but he couldn’t stay in there forever. After he’d checked on Kaden, he’d follow the plan.
When he was sure the bathroom was empty, he opened the door, lifted his foot—and fell headlong.
Even though he’d half-expected to collapse, he didn’t manage to save himself.
Pain tore through him as he hit the floor.
Fuck! They didn’t have words like that on his planet.
He liked that word. It said everything. Exasperation, annoyance and sometimes bliss.
Gasping and shaking, he dragged himself upright again by clinging to the sinks.
He didn’t look in the mirror. He couldn’t.
Not yet. His fingers told him he had a face, but what if he was a monster?
I’m already a monster for what I’ve done.
The thought sobered him, but he still didn’t look.
Keeping one hand on the cold porcelain, he used the other to turn on the tap.
The joy of finally being able to do this for himself was lost in the awareness of him having hurt Kaden.
Please let him be okay. He splashed water over his face and over his hair, scrubbing blindly, rinsing away the slick remnants of what he’d been before and what he’d brought out of Kaden’s body.
When the water ran clean, only then did he dare lift his head.
Success or failure? Will Kaden like me?
Joe gulped when he saw Kaden’s dark hair and green eyes staring back at him.
But they were the only things that were similar and even the eyes weren’t the same shade of green.
Kaden’s were darker, Joe’s brighter. He’d managed to make his skin light brown.
Bigger eyes, a wider mouth, narrower chin, sharper cheekbones.
He was different enough. No one would mistake them.
No one would think they were brothers. He ran his fingers over his teeth.
Far less than he used to have. He’d not let Kaden see his razor-sharp teeth when he’d shown him an image.
He wouldn’t have liked them. These teeth felt strange, not sharp, more even than Kaden’s.
Can I smile? He wanted to smile at Kaden. He wasn’t going to even think that he might not be all right. As long as he was alive, Joe would find a way to help him. He looked in the mirror and tried to smile. Oh. That’s creepy. Too many teeth on display. He tried again. Better.
He bent to retrieve the plastic envelope, but then thought again.
Maybe it would be better left until he was sure Kaden was all right.
It was safe there. Joe pulled up his hood and used the sinks for support as he tried to make his way out of the bathroom.
Two steps taken while he was still holding tight were enough to tell him he wasn’t going anywhere without help.
He had muscles but they weren’t doing what they were supposed to.
Maybe the signals from his brain weren’t transmitting properly.
He forced himself to practise moving while there was no one around.
But even taking one step without support led to another fall.
He sat on the floor and tried to speak, wincing at the sound that came out of his mouth.
That wasn’t right. No one would understand him. Fuck!
How could he check on Kaden if he couldn’t walk or speak?
Find a way. That had been his mantra for most of his life.
Find a way out of trouble.
Find a way to cope with his other.
Find a way out of the tank.
Find a way to survive.
Find a way to be human.
He crawled out of the bathroom, relieved to see no one in the corridor.
He needed to get away from the toilets so he wasn’t linked to Kaden.
It had been the right thing to do to leave those papers for the time being.
He managed to get to his feet but even shuffling with his back against the wall didn’t feel safe.
He knew to avoid the cameras but it wasn’t easy.
His breathing grew ragged. Making any effort was draining the small amount of energy he had.
He hadn’t dared take too much from Kaden.
Joe’s heart hammered painfully in his chest. The world was pressing in on him.
He’d not foreseen the state he’d be in. He fell against the first door he reached and it opened, sending him sprawling and he banged his head.
Ouch. He didn’t have the strength to push himself up, so he just lay there.
People came. Leaning over him. Crowding him. His heart raced faster.
“Are you okay?”
“Where are you hurt?”
At least he could understand. Joe tried to speak, but nothing came out.
“What’s your name?” a man asked.
Joe pointed at his throat and shook his head.
“You can’t speak?”
He nodded.
Alone, surrounded by people. Like them, but not like them at all. The noise. The colours. The faces. It was too much. His systems crashed. And everything went black.