Chapter 14
Joe felt as if the meal with Kaden’s dad—call me Charlie—was a test. Not because the questions were difficult, but because Joe cared too much about the result. Even if Kaden remembered, he’d never be able to tell his dad the truth.
He hoped the lie about Afghanistan would be enough. He hoped Charlie didn’t directly ask if it was him who’d hurt Kaden. If he said he had, he thought Charlie would make him leave.
Charlie’s gaze kept flicking between Joe and Kaden, as if measuring the space between them.
Joe wished he knew what Charlie was thinking.
Joe was polite and open, but not too open.
He answered Charlie’s questions the same way he’d answered Kaden’s, in a steady factual way, though his chest tightened every time Kaden spoke, every time his voice carried that familiar warmth.
Mate. He felt it even though it wasn’t something he could explain.
When Kaden mentioned Afghanistan, Joe allowed himself to talk more freely. It was easier when the words had the weight of his research behind them and maybe it would trigger Kaden’s memory because he knew much of what Joe knew, though not all.
“There used to be two pigs in Kabul,” Joe said. “Gifted by China. They lived in the zoo and lots of people went to see them. Eating pork is haram, but the pigs became a curiosity. Then they had piglets.”
“Then a keeper left a door open and a brown bear got in,” Kaden said. “It killed the piglets and mortally injured the sow. The male was on his own for years. There are no pigs there now.”
Kaden looked shocked at what he’d said. He met Joe’s gaze and didn’t look away. Didn’t even flinch. That alone made Joe’s throat thicken.
“Are you a strict Muslim?” Charlie asked.
Joe shook his head. “No. I’m gay. Being true to myself matters more to me.” And I like crisp smoky bacon. He bit his lip to stop himself smiling.
The meal continued. Conversation moved between cricket and buzkashi.
Joe told careful truths edged with omissions.
He tried not to say much about the journey from Afghanistan to the UK.
The fewer details, the less he could be tripped up on.
He hated lying, but he knew the truth could end his future.
He spent the evening watching Kaden. The way he leaned forward when he was interested in something.
The crease between his brows when he didn’t understand or was trying to remember.
The way he laughed, short and surprised, as if joy still caught him off guard.
Joe liked making him smile, loved making him laugh.
He wanted to reach for him constantly, needing to be reassured.
He desperately wanted to stay part of Kaden’s life, but first, Kaden had to remember.
When Kaden said, “I’ll show you where you’re sleeping,” relief and disappointment hit at the same time.
But this was his dad’s house. Kaden wouldn’t sleep with him here. It wasn’t that Joe wanted anything to happen… He just wanted to be held.
Joe pushed to his feet. “Thank you very much for the meal, Charlie. Thank you for letting me stay.”
Charlie nodded. “How do you speak English so perfectly?”
“I do?” Joe remembered Kaden telling him that he shouldn’t make his English too precise. Ah. Too late. “I studied at night school for many years and listened to English speakers online. English used to be on the curriculum but not since the Taliban took control.”
“Your hard work paid off,” Charlie said.
“Thank you.”
Joe followed Kaden up the stairs.
At the top, Kaden paused. “Considering you said you weren’t from Afghanistan; you know a lot about it.”
“I’m not from there,” Joe said quietly. “But better that I claim to be as far as anyone else is concerned.”
Kaden frowned, as if he was circling a truth he couldn’t quite see, then he brushed the thought away and opened the door. “This is the guest room. Bathroom’s there. Toothbrush under the sink. You need something to sleep in?”
“I’m fine.” Joe’s voice sounded steadier than he felt.
Kaden smiled. “You impressed my dad. You were very polite.”
“I like him and I wanted him to like me,” Joe said before he could stop himself.
Something shifted in Kaden’s expression—surprise, maybe.
Or understanding. For a moment, neither of them moved.
Joe lifted his hand, not consciously. Just an instinctive response to their closeness.
His fingers hovered near Kaden’s sleeve, close enough to feel warmth through the fabric.
If I touch him, I won’t be able to stop wanting more.
Kaden inhaled sharply. His gaze dropped to Joe’s hand. Neither of them closed the distance. Joe let his hand fall. This was not his move to make.
“Night,” Kaden said, quietly.
“Goodnight,” Joe replied.
The door closed between them with a soft click. Joe stood there for a long moment, his chest aching with everything he hadn’t dared say and everything he already felt.
He washed, cleaned his teeth and got into bed naked.
Joe felt adrift. He’d got what he wanted, a human body.
He’d known it would be difficult to integrate but at times he felt overwhelmed by it all.
He missed the intimacy of being inside Kaden.
He missed sharing thoughts, emotions, sheer existence.
It was hard on his own, even when he was with Kaden, but the thought of him not being in his life was terrifying.
On so many occasions he’d wanted to reach out and touch him. Rub his back, squeeze his hand, lay his fingers on his skin, but he’d resisted because guilt kept surging. He wasn’t sure he should stay if Kaden continued to not remember. How long should he wait?
If Kaden never remembers, would he still choose me?
That was the most important question of all.
The next morning, Joe heard someone going downstairs and emerged from his room to follow, though he knew it wasn’t Kaden.
“Good morning, Charlie.”
Charlie didn’t turn. “Morning. Coffee?”
“Yes, please.” Joe followed him down.
“I thought Afghanistan was mainly a tea-drinking country.”
“It is, but coffee’s increasingly popular, especially with younger people. I’m not fond of the cardamon-infused blend, though.”
He suspected Kaden’s dad had been reading up about Afghanistan, maybe trying to catch him out. Joe knew more than Charlie ever would.
“Did you ask your Year Sixes Kaden’s question about aliens?”
“He told you about that?”
“Yes.”
“The homework is due today so I’ll see what they say. I asked them to draw an alien next to themselves as well. That should be interesting.”
Kaden came bounding down into the kitchen, his hair sticking up. “Morning!”
Joe shot him a shy smile.
“If I drive you to work, can I borrow the car?” Kaden asked.
“Where do you want to go?”
“Walton-on-the-Naze.”
His dad laughed. “Every single time. Fine. Take me in. I need to leave in thirty minutes.”
“We’ll make dinner tonight.”
After they’d dropped off Charlie, Joe moved into the front next to Kaden and fastened his seat belt.
“How far away is it?” Joe asked.
“Around an hour. Music?”
Joe would have preferred conversation but he nodded. He listened hard while Kaden occasionally sang along. The words sometimes baffled him, but he liked the rhythm and found himself tapping his foot.
The themes to the songs were similar. Almost all were based around love.
Love won or lost, wanting love, missing love, pretending not to need it.
It was clearly something important to almost everyone on the planet and yet it was also a source of pain.
Relationships had to give more pleasure than pain otherwise people wouldn’t want them, would they?
Joe had read about love, though he wasn’t sure he understood it.
Had Kaden once loved Harris? Had Harris loved Kaden?
Joe stayed quiet and instead of analysing, which only worried him, he listened and learned.
They parked at the cliff top beside a tower.
“That’s an 18th century Georgian lighthouse,” Kaden said. “Naze Tower. It’s now a museum and a view point.”
It thrilled Joe how old things and places were revered and preserved for people to visit and look at. Not something done on his planet. They had history but were all about the now and the future, not the past.
The wind hit them hard as they got out of the car. Joe hurriedly zipped up the jacket he’d borrowed. He wasn’t used to feeling cold. Before, his body… Stop. He didn’t want to remember that life.
“We need boots not trainers,” Kaden told him and opened the back of the car. “There are lots of rockpools.”
They went down a series of concrete steps to the base of the cliff and the beach.
“The tide’s going out and it was rough last night,” Kaden said. “Best time to come here is when the beach has been churned up, which exposes new material.”
“What material?”
“Fossils.” Kaden’s eyes shone.
Joe searched through the mass of information he’d collected since he’d been with Kaden. Then he was excited too.
“We’ll go left.” Kaden stepped onto the beach. “Want to know about this area?”
“Yes, please.” Though he likely knew it anyway through Kaden’s memories.
“What you can see, those dark areas at the base of the cliff and on the beach, that’s London Clay laid down around fifty-four million years ago.
Clay that’s now turned into rock. The red layer above it is two and a half million years old.
This was once all under the sea so you can find pyritised wood and fruits, bivalves, gastropods, sharks’ teeth, various bone fragments. All sorts of stuff.”
This was a completely new concept for Joe.
If any of this had happened on his home planet, he’d not known about it.
Evolution was not a concept they had, though he could see they must have developed from something.
He really didn’t know what he was looking for now, but he stayed close to Kaden, watching his hands as he shifted stones.
It felt intimate, the way he moved, so focused and careful.