7. Beckett
7
BECKETT
M ara is fully taking advantage of my kindness. She knows I don’t want her spending time with Embry, yet she’s wiggling her way into our lives.
I should have put my foot down when Embry invited the woman to the park, but I’ve never been big on telling my daughter ‘no’––especially since Sandra died. I don’t want her to turn into a spoiled rotten brat, but if she wants something that is within my power to give her, I don’t see a reason to decline.
If I’m being truly honest, there is a teeny, tiny sliver of my heart that enjoys having Mara around. Of course, she will never be able to replace Sandra or her spot in our lives, but having a woman with us simply feels better.
It’s been just me and Embry for a long time. Although I’ve tried my best to fill the massive gap Sandra’s absence creates, I simply can’t. Mara can’t either, but Embry smiles more when the woman is with us, and that is priceless.
After Embry beats us both at several games of Old Maid, we spend the walk to the park telling silly knock-knock jokes. I am surprised to find that Mara knows a few of them.
She has Embry in stitches when she does the one where she keeps saying ‘banana’ is there, then starting the joke again with “Knock-knock?” When she finally says ‘orange’ is there, Embry is confused until the punchline of “Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?”
Embry laughs and laughs at that, then proceeds to tell it to anyone at the park who will listen. She makes several new friends in the process, while Mara and I sit on a bench gazing at her like two proud parents.
But we aren’t her parents. Well, technically, we are. But also, not really. This situation is confusing, and I don’t like how it makes my brain war with my heart.
It only gets worse when a well-meaning old lady walks by with her poodle on a leash and stops to say, “Your daughter is as cute as a button.”
We both reply, “Thank you,” then turn to look at each other.
And therein lies the problem. We both love her and think of her as ours, but she can’t belong to both of us. I don’t want to only see my daughter part of the time. I want her with me always, and I’m sure Mara feels the same way.
Just as I’m wondering if this is going to be a long, drawn-out court battle, Mara proves she’s on a similar wavelength by saying, “There’s only one way this can work out for the best for everyone.”
Curious about her thoughts on the matter, I ask, “How is that?”
It’s a good thing I wasn’t eating or drinking anything because I definitely would have choked on it from surprise when she says, “We have to move in together.”