15. Beckett
15
BECKETT
I stare at the closed front door that Mara just walked out of. Dammit! I couldn’t have screwed this up more royally, if I was trying to make a mess.
Of all the rotten things to do to a person, saying another woman’s name during sexy times has to be one of the worst. Granted, Sandra is my wife, and I will always love her, but I still shouldn’t have done that to Mara. It wasn’t right to put her in that position.
I can’t blame her one bit for scurrying out of here. It is clear that I hurt her feelings, and I doubt if she’ll ever be able to forgive me. In fact, I’m not sure if she should forgive me.
It was such a dopey thing to do––especially in that moment when things were going so phenomenally well between us.
The only thing that brings me a modicum of comfort is picturing how Embry would call me a ‘rudie-patootie’ if she finds out that Mara isn’t here because of something I said.
That child is truly the light of my life. I can’t imagine what I would do without her, and I’m sure that now that Mara has met her, she feels exactly the same way.
Based on the way both Mara and Embry’s eyes light up when they are around each other, I can’t imagine doing anything that would keep the two of them apart. They both deserve to have each other in their lives.
As I poke at the last glowing embers in the fireplace, I decide that there is no way I’m going to stand in the way of the two of them having a relationship. They need each other.
Even though Mara undoubtedly thinks I’m a total jerk, I refuse to be the reason either of them has any less love in their lives. Plenty of divorced couples that hate each other make custody arrangements work, so this shouldn’t be any more difficult than that––especially since I don’t hate Mara, at all.
The warm, fuzzy feelings I have towards Mara are completely confusing. I have never once considered that I might find love again after Sandra. It simply doesn’t seem in the realm of possibility to get that lucky twice in one lifetime.
Chances are high that my romantic interest in Mara is just a fleeting crush that will go away as soon as I get to know her better. Desperate loneliness can make being with anyone seem like an attractive proposition––especially if that someone already loves your daughter.
With it settled in my mind that I’ll tamp down my feelings toward Mara, but offer to let her spend some time with Embry, sleep beckons me for the first time in longer than I can remember.
I turn toward the couch, but the lumpy cushions aren’t what I need right now. Deciding that it’s truly silly to lie awake on an uncomfortable sofa while there is a big, comfy bed in my room, I head down the hallway.
It’s strange to be in this space that I shared for so long with Sandra. I turn to smell her pillow, but her delectable floral scent has evaporated.
Trying not to think about that, I roll over so my back is to her side of the bed.
Knowing I won’t get any sleep, I force myself to shut my eyes anyway.
--
I’m stunned when I open my eyes and see sunlight streaking across the cream-colored carpet.
Bolting upright, I turn to gape at the empty space beside me on the bed. I run my palm along the cool sheets, fully expecting them to still be warm.
There is only one person I want to talk to about the miracle that happened last night. I need to get in touch with Mara.