Chapter 26
Ash
It’d been raining for the last three days. It felt as if the sky was releasing all my tears for me. I felt lost and confused by all the things that had transpired over the past few weeks.
My parents made up their minds that I was moving to North Carolina, and I had no say in it. I felt mad at them both, but more so my dad. I felt hurt that he was choosing to stay with Rian instead of coming with me. A feeling of bitterness built in my gut as that reality settled in.
I wondered if that was how Karla had felt with her dad being a walking zombie through life after their tragedy. I wondered if Mr. East even knew how much his lack of showing up was affecting his daughter.
Later that evening, I took a bike ride through the rain.
“Ash, what are you doing here?” Mr. East asked as I stood on his front porch, soaked.
I should’ve been getting ready for bed, but I couldn’t bring myself to sleep.
My mind had been spinning ever since I found out what happened to Karla, and that I was leaving the state.
I hadn’t been able to stop my eyes from tearing up every time I thought about her in that cemetery, wanting to end it all.
I couldn’t stop feeling as if my heart was going to explode from the idea of her not being OK.
And now, my parents were making me move to North Carolina.
I was heading to a place so far away from Karla, far away from Rian, and I had no way to make sure they were both OK.
So I needed Mr. East to do better.
I needed him to be there for Karla now more than ever before. I needed him to—
“Wake up!” I shouted as tears burned at the backs of my eyes. His blue eyes locked with mine as my voice cracked. “Wake up!”
Mr. East narrowed his eyes, completely confused. “What do you—”
“She needs you to be better!” I hollered.
I was angry at him. I was so mad because he was still here, just like my dad.
He still had a beating heart and blood pumping through his veins.
He could still turn everything around and be the person that Karla needed him to be.
His wife was dead, but he wasn’t. He needed to wake up.
He needed to be there for her. He needed to come back to life sooner rather than later, otherwise tragedy would keep stealing every ounce of joy from every area of their lives.
I couldn’t leave Illinois knowing that Karla and her father were both still drowning.
I couldn’t leave the state without knowing that I did everything in my power to make sure Karla stayed alive.
I needed Mr. East to find his way to the shore, because I needed Karla to stay.
I needed her to stay, because I knew that the world needed more people like her. People who were a little broken but still good. People who struggled but still tried. People who deserved better tomorrows after shitty yesterdays. Karla deserved that more than most people—better tomorrows.
I needed him to wake up and be a dad. I knew my dad couldn’t do it for me, but I didn’t care about me.
I needed Mr. East to take care of Karla.
“She needs you to be her dad again,” I said with tears stinging my eyes.
“Just . . . Please? Please? And I’m sorry for yelling at you, Mr. East,” I said as I looked away from him.
It was hard staring into his eyes, because I felt ashamed.
How could I look into the eyes that matched hers and not have my heart shatter into a million pieces?
I cleared my throat as I kept speaking. “I’m sorry that I didn’t notice that she was that sad.
I’m sorry I didn’t come to you sooner to tell you that I was worried or tell you that she was planning on going to that party.
I’m sorry that I tried to help fix her when she needed bigger help. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m—”
“Ashish,” Mr. East said, cutting me off. “Stop.”
I shook my head. “No. I need you to know that I’m sorry. I need you to know that I’ll never forgive myself if anything bad happens to her, which is why I need you to take care of her and be here for her, OK? I need you to know that I—”
“Love her,” he stated. When I built up enough courage to look up at Mr. East, I saw tears in his eyes. He was on the verge of falling apart, too. He placed a hand against my shoulder and squeezed it gently. “You love her, Ash.”
I loved her?
Yes.
I nodded.
I did.
She was my friend.
She was my one and only friend, and I’d almost lost her.
That thought alone made me want to drown in the rain.
Karla East was hardheaded, mean, grumpy, and harsh. She was also gentle, funny, kind, and loving. And I loved her. I loved her good and bad, because both sides made her whole. I’d almost lost all of her, too. That fact was enough to make me want to lose myself.
Tears began to stream down Mr. East’s face as he gave into his emotions.
“And you saved her, Ash.” He sniffled and the tears began to fall faster as he pushed out a tight-lipped smile.
“You saved my daughter’s life by running to find me after you saw that she wasn’t OK.
You saved her life by befriending a girl who felt as if she didn’t deserve anyone.
You saved her by being you. And you’re right. I need to wake up. I will wake up.”
My throat burned. “Promise?”
“Yes,” he choked out. “I promise.”
I choked on my next words, too. “Thank you.”
He pulled me into a hug. “Thank you, Ash. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you,” he said with tears falling down his face.
I hugged him back. I hugged him so tight, and he held me tighter.
I was shocked either of us was still able to breathe based on how tightly we were holding on to one another.
Maybe we were each other’s anchors in that moment.
Maybe that hug was the only thing keeping us both from shattering into a million pieces.
It felt as if, for the first time in days, I could actually release the breath that had been caught in my throat for so long.
I started crying, too.
I cried because Karla was currently OK.
I cried because Mr. East didn’t blame me.
I cried because I missed my parents.
I cried because I missed my brother.
I cried because I hadn’t allowed myself to feel everything all at once before, and it was overwhelmingly hard and real and painful.
“Mr. East—”
“Greyson,” he corrected.
“Greyson . . . do you think I could see her? I just . . . I don’t want to leave without saying goodbye.”
“I think we can make that happen.”